If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink

He went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen. He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets. He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward. Eventually he was forcibly removed from the ci...

My grandpa kept telling people that the Titanic was going to sink. They ignored him.

Eventually, they needed to throw him out the cinema.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish pilot and Chinese pilot are flying together for the 1st time.

An hour into the flight, the Jewish pilot says to his Chinese counterpart “I don’t like the Chinese.”

Stunned, the Chinese pilot replies “Why don’t you like the Chinese?”

“Well” says the Jew, “the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor.”

Even more stunned, he replies ”The Chinese didn’t bo...

My grandfather told me that he saw the Titanic

And that from the beginning he warned all the people that the ship would sink, but nobody listened to him.

He was a brave man. He did not give up. He warned them again and again on several occasions.... until they kicked him out of the cinema.

What do the movies The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people

What do you get when you cross the ocean with the Titanic?

Half way.

If you want to stay well connected, just take all your devices aboard the Titanic.

They'll sync really well...

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.

He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.

*Thanks for my first gold kind stranger! But please consider donating to your local food bank or another worthy cause instead of rewarding this stupid joke that was (according to sources) reposted.

I renamed my iPhone “The Titanic”

So when I plug it in my computer it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

I'm getting revenge for the Titanic

One ice-cube in my drink at a time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A+ Book Reports on Titanic and Bill Clinton

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. One student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
...

Onboard the Titanic...

While cruising aboard the Titanic, an engineer boasts to his dinner companions, "This ship is so seaworthy that even God can't sink her!"

Overhearing what the engineer said, God started laughing so hard that he spilled his glass of water and ice cubes went flying everywhere.

Why will Titanic II be better than Titanic I?

Because there are no icebergs to crash into anymore.

Wanna hear a fun fact about the Titanic?

The pool is still full.

Little known fact; Haley Joel Osment had a cameo in the Titanic movie.

His line? “Icy dead people.”

My grandfather warned the people that the Titanic would sink.......

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre.

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and the Titanic?

Only 800 people went down on the Titanic!

What did the iceberg say to the Titanic after if finally got outta the way?

Sank you

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?

The lobsters in the kitchen.

Historians have proved that people from every zodiac sign survived the Sinking of the Titanic

Except Leo

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York...

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiti...

My grandpa told me he got to see the Titanic and that from the very beginning he told them not to get onboard because he knew it was going to sink.

But no one listened and he repeatedly told them until the minute he got kicked out of the movie theater.

The titanic went down in 60 seconds

Let that sink in for a minute

The titanic was a good cruise ship and all...

But it's luxury only scratched the tip of the iceberg

I don't need upvotes I need a thank you

What did the captain if the Titanic do when he found out the ship hit an iceberg?

He let it sink in.

Did you hear about the Cop who arrested an innocent Iceberg because he thought it looked like the one that sunk the Titanic?

He was fired for Glacial Profiling.

[Titanic, 1912]

**Captain:** what kind of lettuce do you want on your sandwich?

**First mate:** ICEBERG!

**Captain:** lol... no need to shout, Dave.

The Titanic

The Titanic was God's way of talking to us.

Pity, it was such a bad ice-breaker.

The Titanic has been resting on the ocean floor for over a hundred years.

Let that sink in for a minute.

TIL the sinking of the Titanic is commemorated in Mexico.

Otherwise known as Sink-o de Mayo.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic

Sanka

I tried to play the Titanic game on my PC

But as soon as I hit the iceberg, it crashed

A magician on a cruise ship

Is doing magic for a particularly rough crowd. There's a man in the audience with a parrot in his shoulder that is giving away all the tricks.

Every time he does a card trick the bird would scream," Its up his sleeve."

Every time he makes something disappear the bird would scream," s...

Can you imagine The Titanic with a lisp?

It’s unthinkable.

My great-grandfather kept screaming, "The Titantic's going to sink! The Titanic's going to sink." And everyone got angry...

... so they kicked him out of the movie theater.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my iPhone “Titanic”

Going to wait till it syncs, then Jack off.

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

One day St. Peter had the day off and St. Patrick was left in charge of the pearly gates of Heaven.

After a short while an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are stopped at the gates by St. Patrick, who says, “Sorry, it’s crowded up here, you each need to answer a question correctly, or else you can’t enter Heaven. St. Patrick looks at the Irishman and asks "What was the name of the famous oce...

i can’t imagine what the people of the titanic were thinking when they struck the iceberg

they probably had a sinking feeling if i had to guess

The Titanic Be Like:

I call everyone on this ship to take part in the ice bucket challenge.

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

My grandpa tried to warn everyone The Titanic was gonna sink.

When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like the Titanic.

Not because it's big or hard, but because it's a bit sad at the end.

What is the difference between the Titanic and California?

When the Titanic sank the lights were still on.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic...

He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater...

How ungrateful people are

My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!

Did you hear about Titanic II gearing up to set sail in 2022?

Good thing we melted all our glaciers in the preparation.

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

My Grandfather witnessed what was about to happen to the Titanic firsthand.

He screamed and yelled trying to alert everyone of what was about to happen.

He yelled three more times until it finally happened.



They kicked him out of the theater.

I like to talk about the Titanic whenever i meet someone new

To break the ice

the world’s best cloud storage service was released today, called Titanic.

It’s always synching

TITANIC

Sorry that was a terrible ice breaker

I'm trying to stream Titanic

But it keeps syncing

Priest, Doctor and Lawyer died

A priest, doctor and lawyer died. They met Saint Peter at the gate, who would only let them into heaven if they could answer one simple question.

Peter asked the priest, "what was the unsinkable ship that struck an iceberg?" The priest replied, "The Titanic". And the gates opened up.
...

Just a Joke

One day, a garbage collector, a professor and a journalist wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the garbage collector and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed in...

The Titanic sank 103 years ago.

Making it the only thing your mom didn't go down on!

What was the biggest lesson learnt from the Titanic tragedy ?

Make icebergs smaller.

You shouldn't make jokes about the Titanic here...

You'll only get downboated.

Where can you find the Titanic?

TL;DR at the bottom

The Titanic disaster happened 106 years ago today...

Just let that sink in

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

My chemistry professor once asked the class if it was a good or bad thing that ice is less dense than water?

I said "It wasn't good for the Titanic."

I just saw a documentary about the sinking of the Titanic

It was Riveting

Have you ever had the privilege of sailing across the North Atlantic Sea?

Neither has the Titanic.

Germans consider the Titanic a joke.

Which is understandable, if you sink about it.

So, how about the Titanic?

Sorry, I'm bad at icebreakers.

A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey.

He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"

TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day.

Oh wait...

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton are all on the Titanic

As the Titanic begins sinking, Jimmy Carter yells “quick, save the women and children.”

Nixon yells back: “screw the women and children!”

Bill Clinton says: “I don’t think we have time for that.”

What did the titanic say before it sank?

I nominate all of my passengers for the ALS Icebucket Challenge.

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