If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

Why is it that there are no subtitles for the last 15 minutes of "Titanic"?

A good caption always goes down with the ship.

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink

He went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen. He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets. He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward. Eventually he was forcibly removed from the ci...

Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?

Halfway

If your body was the size of the Atlantic ocean, your red blood cells would be the size of the Titanic

Let that sink in

Cinco de Mayo and the Titanic

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England .

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York ..
...

I named my ipod titanic

Now it's syncing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane.

Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face.

"What was that for?" asks the Chinese man..

"For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man.

"That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says.

"Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference?

Few minutes later,...

What type of burger isn't allowed on the titanic?

An iceburger

What's the difference between my ex and the titanic?

The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.

The ice floe felt really bad about sinking the Titanic...

...it was A Nice Berg.

The swimming pool on Titanic

Is still full

I'm not sure how much you know about the story of the Titanic...

...but what caused it to sink is just the tip of the iceberg.

A company made toy Titanics, but they weren't meant to be used in bathtubs.

They were made for the sink.

Titanic.

Sorry, that was a terrible icebreaker.

Why is Texas like the Titanic

They both thought they were amazing until a tiny bit of frozen water broken them in half

Even though the Titanic was not a marvel of engineering

the pools are. Been up and running without maintenance since the day they were opened.

My Grandfather saw the Titanic. He shouted loudly to all within earshot "that ship is going to sink!". He was ignored. But he kept it up "Mark my words. That ship will sink on her maiden voyage!"

Eventually the ushers threw him out of the theater.

I remembered watching Titanic and bawled my eyes out.

It's because the painting scene with Rose was too short.

I once read a book on how the Titanic was built

It was riveting

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.

He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.

*Thanks for my first gold kind stranger! But please consider donating to your local food bank or another worthy cause instead of rewarding this stupid joke that was (according to sources) reposted.

I watched a documentary on how they built the hull of the Titanic last night....

It was riveting.

My friend with a lisp has a strong opinion on the Titanic II

As he put it, they're doing the unsinkable!

The true reason that the Titanic sank...

The combined weight of all the time travelers that suddenly appeared onboard.

If you want to stay well connected, just take all your devices aboard the Titanic.

They'll sync really well...

Did you hear about the Cop who arrested an innocent Iceberg because he thought it looked like the one that sunk the Titanic?

He was fired for Glacial Profiling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A+ Book Reports on Titanic and Bill Clinton

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. One student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
...

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?

The lobsters in the kitchen.

Onboard the Titanic...

While cruising aboard the Titanic, an engineer boasts to his dinner companions, "This ship is so seaworthy that even God can't sink her!"

Overhearing what the engineer said, God started laughing so hard that he spilled his glass of water and ice cubes went flying everywhere.

Why will Titanic II be better than Titanic I?

Because there are no icebergs to crash into anymore.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?

A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was having a bad day since heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven and each will have to answer a single question.

*To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"*

*The teacher thought for a second, and replied:" That would have been the Titanic, right?". And St. Peter let him through the gate.*

*St. Peter turned to the Garba...

I'm getting revenge for the Titanic

One ice-cube in my drink at a time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Titanic say about the sexy iceberg?

I’d hit that

What did the optimist say to the pessimist on the Titanic?

"I told you it was half full."

What did the iceberg say to the Titanic after if finally got outta the way?

Sank you

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

The titanic went down in 60 seconds

Let that sink in for a minute

Little known fact; Haley Joel Osment had a cameo in the Titanic movie.

His line? “Icy dead people.”

Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo

[Titanic, 1912]

**Captain:** what kind of lettuce do you want on your sandwich?

**First mate:** ICEBERG!

**Captain:** lol... no need to shout, Dave.

The Titanic has been resting on the ocean floor for over a hundred years.

Let that sink in for a minute.

I tried to play the Titanic game on my PC

But as soon as I hit the iceberg, it crashed

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

What did the captain if the Titanic do when he found out the ship hit an iceberg?

He let it sink in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anybody ever heard of those Viagra pills?

I heard they were sinking a crate of the stuff down to the Titanic to try and raise it.

The Titanic

The Titanic was God's way of talking to us.

Pity, it was such a bad ice-breaker.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic

Sanka

My grandpa tried to warn everyone The Titanic was gonna sink.

When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my iPhone “Titanic”

Going to wait till it syncs, then Jack off.

Imagine the Titanic with a Lisp

It's unthinkable

the world’s best cloud storage service was released today, called Titanic.

It’s always synching

I'm trying to stream Titanic

But it keeps syncing

i can’t imagine what the people of the titanic were thinking when they struck the iceberg

they probably had a sinking feeling if i had to guess

Did you hear about Titanic II gearing up to set sail in 2022?

Good thing we melted all our glaciers in the preparation.

The Titanic sank 103 years ago.

Making it the only thing your mom didn't go down on!

My great-grandfather kept screaming, "The Titantic's going to sink! The Titanic's going to sink." And everyone got angry...

... so they kicked him out of the movie theater.

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

What is the difference between the Titanic and California?

When the Titanic sank the lights were still on.

My great-grandfather warned everyone that the Titanic would sink

He screamed that the ship would sink, but nobody would listen.

He was a brave man. He did not give up. He warned them again and again... until he was kicked out of the cinema.

I like to talk about the Titanic whenever i meet someone new

To break the ice

What’s a movie whose title got deeper the longer you watched?

The Titanic.

A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey.

He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"

What was the biggest lesson learnt from the Titanic tragedy ?

Make icebergs smaller.

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

The Titanic Be Like:

I call everyone on this ship to take part in the ice bucket challenge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like the Titanic.

Not because it's big or hard, but because it's a bit sad at the end.

TIL the sinking of the Titanic is commemorated in Mexico.

Otherwise known as Sink-o de Mayo.

TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day.

Oh wait...

Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?

It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.

Obligatory edit: Frontpage on /r/jokes! Wohooo!

My Grandfather witnessed what was about to happen to the Titanic firsthand.

He screamed and yelled trying to alert everyone of what was about to happen.

He yelled three more times until it finally happened.



They kicked him out of the theater.

You shouldn't make jokes about the Titanic here...

You'll only get downboated.

The Titanic disaster happened 106 years ago today...

Just let that sink in

So, how about the Titanic?

Sorry, I'm bad at icebreakers.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.