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Titanic Jokes

Back when I played hockey, they used to call me "the Titanic."

I looked pretty good until I hit the ice.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking...

I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge.

What's the difference between my ex and the titanic?

The titanic only went down on 1,000 people

Why did Titanic leave its date?

He couldn't brake the ice

A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey.

He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"

I renamed my iPod The Titanic

When I plug it in, it says "The Titanic is syncing".

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic have in common?

The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

I'm appalled and really can't believe all the tasteless jokes about the Titanic submarine.

Seriously, how can people sink so low?

What type of salad did they serve on the Titanic?

Iceberg lettuce.

Submarine ride to visit the wreck of the Titanic, $250,000.

Permanently join the wreck of the Titanic, priceless!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?

About halfway.

Titanic.

Sorry, that was a terrible icebreaker.

What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

What’s the difference between the Titanic and your mom?

They know how many men went down on the titanic.

If the Titan is used to explore the wreck of the Titanic, what explores the wreck of the Titan?

The Tit.

The pool on the titanic is still full...

Let that sink in

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A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese.

His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'

'N...

At this rate, by year 2600 next to the wrecks of Titanic and Titan...

...there will be wrecks of Titanis, Titanius, Titanialis, Titanion, Titan-2, Titanik, Titanicque, and Titanium-Z!

Why is it that there are no subtitles for the last 15 minutes of "Titanic"?

A good caption always goes down with the ship.

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?

The lobsters in the kitchen.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic...

He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater...

Leonardo DiCaprio has pledged to never watch the Titanic movie again ever..

Why you ask? Beacause it's turning 25 this year..

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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

Titanic jokes aren't funny anymore. They're so old and outdated.

That ship has sailed a long time ago.

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.

Or

Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?

Or

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

What else ...

What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?

The end has no Jack.

Titanic jokes never get old.

Just like Jack.

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

Why was there money left behind on the deck of Titanic after its fateful collision?

It was the tip of the iceberg.

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

What do you call a dinosaur that is large, immense, huge, collosal, gigantic, vast, enormous, titanic, massive and big?

A thesaurus.

Titanic sank 103 years ago...

...making it the only thing your mom didn't go down on! Hi-YO!

I'm new here and I just have to tell you all: "Titanic!"

--oh, wait that's not a good ice breaker

Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?

It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.

Obligatory edit: Frontpage on /r/jokes! Wohooo!

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.

He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.

*Thanks for my first gold kind stranger! But please consider donating to your local food bank or another worthy cause instead of rewarding this stupid joke that was (according to sources) reposted.

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy are drinking at the bar...

The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says, "Fu*k you and your people, for bombing Pearl Harbor!"

The Chinese guy is like, "WTF?! That wasn't us. That was the Japanese!"

The Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... you're all the same."

After a few minutes and another...

After the iceberg collision, the captain of the Titanic gathers the crew and tells them "I have bad news and good news."

"The bad news is that our ship has began to sink.

The good news is that we shall win eleven Academy Awards."

Imagine the Titanic with a Lisp

It's unthinkable

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"I sexually identify as The RMS Titanic"

"I must lay my Seamen to rest in a dark wet place."

Did you hear about the Cop who arrested an innocent Iceberg because he thought it looked like the one that sunk the Titanic?

He was fired for Glacial Profiling.

Now that the movie Titanic is 25 years old

Leo has completely lost interest in it.

Did you hear about Haley Joel Osment being cast in the Titanic remake?

The most iconic line will be Icy Dead People.

I watched a documentary on how they built the hull of the Titanic last night....

It was riveting.

I just found out that my great grandfather was on the Titanic.

And as far as I know, he still is !!

Why is Texas like the Titanic

They both thought they were amazing until a tiny bit of frozen water broken them in half

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy or sitting in the bar when all of a sudden the Jewish guy walks over and punches the Chinese guy in the face.

"What the hell, man?"
"That was for Pearl harbor, asshole."
"That was the Japanese. I'm Chinese!"
"Japanese, Chinese, same thing."
The Jewish guy shrugged his shoulders and sat back down to his beer.

A few minutes ago by, when the Chinese guy walks over and punches the Jewish guy ...

The titanic went down in 60 seconds

Let that sink in for a minute

The movie Titanic turns 25 later this year.

In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.

My Grandpa saw the Titanic

From the very beginning, he warned everyone that the ship would sink. But nobody listen to him.

He was a brave man, he never gave up. He warn them again and again on many occasions... Until they kick him out from the cinema.

The ice floe felt really bad about sinking the Titanic...

...it was A Nice Berg.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.

It's syncing now.

If you want to stay well connected, just take all your devices aboard the Titanic.

They'll sync really well...

If your body was the size of the Atlantic ocean, your red blood cells would be the size of the Titanic

Let that sink in

Did you know in 1998 Titanic overtook Jurassic Park to become the highest grossing film of all time?

I guess the Titanic can’t survive an iceberg but it can beat a Spielberg.

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink

He went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen. He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets. He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward. Eventually he was forcibly removed from the ci...

The true reason that the Titanic sank...

The combined weight of all the time travelers that suddenly appeared onboard.

My friend with a lisp has a strong opinion on the Titanic II

As he put it, they're doing the unsinkable!

What type of burger isn't allowed on the titanic?

An iceburger

I'm trying to stream Titanic

But it keeps syncing

My Grandfather saw the Titanic. He shouted loudly to all within earshot "that ship is going to sink!". He was ignored. But he kept it up "Mark my words. That ship will sink on her maiden voyage!"

Eventually the ushers threw him out of the theater.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A+ Book Reports on Titanic and Bill Clinton

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. One student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
...

Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic...

Except Leo

My grandpa knew the Titanic was going to sink. He said it loudly countless times...

Then he got kicked out of the theater.

A magician performs magic tricks on the Titanic before it sinks.

In the crowd there is a parrot that somehow always knows whats going on.
He pulls a string of hankerchiefs out of his sleeve: "AWCK, he pulls it from his inner pocket!"
He pulls a rabbit out of a hat: "AWCK, A false bottom!"
He saws a girl in half: "AWCK, there are two girls!"
<...

I remembered watching Titanic and bawled my eyes out.

It's because the painting scene with Rose was too short.

Even though the Titanic was not a marvel of engineering

the pools are. Been up and running without maintenance since the day they were opened.

What do the Titanic and The Toronto Maple Leafs have in common...

They both look great until they hit the ice.

I'm not sure how much you know about the story of the Titanic...

...but what caused it to sink is just the tip of the iceberg.

What do the Hindenberg, the Titanic and Hillary Clinton have in common?

Going down on any of them would be horrifying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That'...

the world’s best cloud storage service was released today, called Titanic.

It’s always synching

TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day.

Oh wait...

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

The Titanic disaster happened 106 years ago today...

Just let that sink in

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