UPJOKE
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Stars Jokes

Why is Texas called the Lone Star state?

Because you can’t leave a zero stars rating

There are no rock stars.

They are all made of gas.

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

"Daddy, how do stars die?"

"Drugs, normally."

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What are porn stars paid?

Income

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What do politicians and porn stars have most in common?

They’re experts at switching positions in front of camera.

My son (who is into astronomy) asked me “How do stars die?”

Being the intellectual I am I replied “Usually through an overdose”

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Why don't porn stars get convicted of any crimes?

Because they can always get themselves off.

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Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking...

Where the fuck is my roof?

I asked a ninja “Can you show me one of those throwing stars?”

The ninja replied “Shuriken.”

I was laying in bed last night looking up at the stars in the sky when I thought to myself

Where the hell is my ceiling.

My Mom always told me she loved me Ike the moon and stars.

We were never close.

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What’s a porn stars favorite drink?

7up in cider

My belongings are like stars

I never put them in place, but I known where they are.

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Porn stars are poorer than we think.

When is the last time you saw one able to even afford a pizza?

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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What's the difference between 5 Male porn stars and a joke?

Your mother can't take a joke.

How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night!

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I went to a porn stars reunion yesterday...

It was nice to come across old faces again!

When I see stars I think of you...

Because you're only beautiful from a distance.

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After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

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I feel bad for porn stars…

They don’t get AC, only fans

My grandpa always said "Shoot for the stars"...

...too bad he's in jail now for trying to shoot Justin Bieber

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After a long day, I like to lie down on my bed, look up at the stars and think to myself:

Where the fuck has the roof gone?

Why are shooting stars so fast? (x-post from /dadjokes)

They’re traveling light.

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Why do porn stars hate driving?

Because people always pull out infront of them.

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My son (who is into astronomy) asked me “How do stars die?”

I said "well some marry the wrong people, and others slap the shit out of each other."

Some people really like Orion's Belt

But I think it's just a big waist of space.

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Some porn actors are like major Hollywood stars.

They receive backend revenue for their films.

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Can we start using "stars" as a unit of measurement, instead of inches?

It sounds way better to tell the ladies I have a 5 star penis

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Ladies...If a man is willing to give you the Moon and the Stars....

You should be willing to sacrifice Uranus.

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

Boy: your teeth are like stars

GIRL: Aww.. thanks are they that much pretty?


Boy: no, far away from each other

I spent hours looking up at the stars, wondering if the universe was infinite

Fine night

How do two stars communicate?

They make light conversation...

I’ll see myself out...er space.

(If it’s been done before, sorry; I literally just thought of it, lol.)

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How many porn stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but the lightbulb has to be very big.

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What do Jesus Christ and Male Porn-stars have in common?

They both take their sweet time before the second coming.

I gave that movie 3.14 stars!

Cause I pi-rated it.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip

After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do...

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Male porn stars are some of the most reliable employees.

They’re always working hard.

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Where do porn stars buy their cucumbers?

Hole Foods

I entered a raffle to win a galaxy, but I only won a small group of stars.

It was the constellation prize.

Why are movie stars so cool?

They have a lot of fans.

I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have.

He said, "shuriken."

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My next door neighbors are porn stars.

They just don't know it yet.

I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5

It was a pi rated DVD

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