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Dicaprio Jokes

The movie Titanic turns 25 later this year.

In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.

What do all these Leonardo DiCaprio jokes have in common?

They’re all so childish..

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio laugh at the Oscar joke?

Because he finally got it

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar

im so sorry

Why is Leo DiCaprio soo good at Black Jack?

He always hits on teens and never goes over 21.

What does Leonardo DiCaprio call a 19 year old?

A long term relationship.

What do you call Leonardo DiCaprio and his fiance on their wedding day?

Bride and Groomer

What's the similarity between DiCaprio and this decade?

Both will have dates in 20s.

I bet if Leornardo DiCaprio has a kid...

he names it Oscar so he can finally have one.

So Leonardo Dicaprio wants to quosh rumours that he only dates women under 25...

To demonstrate this, he's now dating Pete Davidson

Why does Leonardo DiCaprio like Covid?

19 and easy to spread

Leonardo DiCaprio has pledged to never watch the Titanic movie again ever..

Why you ask? Beacause it's turning 25 this year..

What's it called when you cut off Leonardo DiCaprio's head

DiCapritation

Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt decide to make a movie together.

Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he’s the one with t...

Google anniversary

Today Google is 25 years old, which means that Leonardo DiCaprio won't use it anymore.

What's the difference between Titanic and The Wolf Of Wall Street?

Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend was potty trained when The Wolf Of Wall Street came out.

Christopher Nolan and Leo Dicaprio walk into a bar

and then they walk into another one

What is the best age a woman can be dated?

26+ Cause then you don't have to worry about Leonardo DiCaprio stealing your girlfriend.

When I'm feeling down.

I just remind myself that I've won just as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio

Quentin Tarantino has said his filmmaking career is over

Because now it's more than thirty years old, Leonardo DiCaprio isn't interested any more.

I want to be like Leonardo DiCaprio from Inception.

He has a dream job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to tell my doctor something very embarrassing.

I took a deep breath and said, "Do you promise not to judge?"

He said, "Of course I won't judge."

"Ok," I hesitated, "So...I had to stop watching Titanic the other night after my butt plug got sucked up into my arse."

He winced and said, "How far in?"

I said, "The bit w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Make your own joke. "My cock is Titanic...."

A few ones to far:

Leonardo Dicaprio went down on it

It's full of dead seamen

Women and children go first

The lucky ones survive

Any more ideas?

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

What's 18 inches long and never gets used?

Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.

What do you call a wheelchair bound Leo?

HanDicaprio. .

I really didn't enjoy my Hollywood Internship...

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon...

What's pretty and expensive but has no use?

Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf.

How was your job interview yesterday?

- Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting on the table.

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside then come back and try to sell him the laptop.
He thought himself some Leonardo DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Stree...

illegal immigration attempt

an extremely black african man is trying to get to europe, he makes a fake passport with leonardo dicaprio's name and photo, at the airport the Airport Agent checks the man's passport and he is confused, he looks at the man's face again and rechecks the passort, still confused he calls his coworker ...

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Black guy arrives at Heavens Gates...

The man is worried that due to his race, they might discriminate and not let him in. So when he walks up to the pearly gates he decides that at the very least, to better his chances to get in, he can change his name to that of a white person.

"Name?" asks St. Peter

The man searches for...

An elite club in New York City hosts its annual banquet...

It is known for upholding a number of very picky rules, notably a strict dress code.

Justin Timberlake walks to the door wearing a sports coat and khakis. The bouncer says, "You didn't meet the dress code. Please leave."

Leonardo Dicaprio walks to the door wearing a collared shirt, for...

Bartender: this scotch is my favorite, it's aged twenty fi----

Leonardo DiCaprio: [spits it out]

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