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Nominated Jokes

What's the difference between Greta Thunberg and Andrew Tate

Greta was nominated for the Nobel Prize, and awarded Tate the No-balls prize.

Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

For real

r/Jokes founder nominated for the Nobel peace prize

Because they’ve created world’s most dedicated recycling community.

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Just heard I've been nominated for choirboy of the year!

I've never been so touched before...

I just heard Kim Jong-Un has been nominated as the most literate person in all of North Korea

He is the Supweme Reader

Why hasn't Liam Neeson been nominated for another Oscar in the last 10 years?

All his roles have been Taken

I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar...

If he was a Polar bear

Did you know Trump nominated a deaf guy to the Presidential cabinet?

Congress confirmed him without a hearing.

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

Once, there were three friends named Ralph Rock, Pete Paper, and Steve Scissors.

All three of them were very interested in politics. In fact, they made a pact that someday, one of them would by the president of the United States.

Ralph Rock worked very hard to build relationships with the community and gain the trust of the people. Pete Paper used the press to attack his ...

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

The Flat Earth society have made a new documentary....

.....which has been nominated for the Golden Globe award.

Headline: Cumberbatch lumber hatch rumble match and humble thatch.

Press Release:

An academy award nominated actor kicked in his neighbor's woodshed door and started a fist fight. Afterward, the actor apologized and assisted in repairs of the shed's damaged grass roof.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope...

Several centuries ago, the Pope ruled that all Jews in must convert or leave Italy. Obviously, there was a huge outcry amongst the Jewish community. The Pope then decided,

"So be it. Send to me your greatest scholar, and we will have a religious debate. If he can beat me, then you all can sta...

I made my first snowman today...

It was so white it's already been nominated to Trump's Cabinet.

What are the five worst words in Washington?

The president has nominated you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small coastal Australian church gets word the Pope is coming for a visit.

The church committee quickly gets together to discuss arrangements and the topic quickly turns to what food they will serve the Pope.

One of the nuns suggests a serve of fish would be appropriate. The committee agrees and one of the priests is nominated to source a fresh fish.

The pr...

A man went into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman.


He said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

OC

LONG

The eu is having a contest for least corrupt country. The praticipating countries are given a bar of gold to put in their capitol buildings. Last one to get stolen wins. First switzerland and sweden are nominated. The italian reprezentative is furrious and demands to be able to praticpat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone's written an album about thermometers...

I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.

If you ever feel like you can't do something, just remember...

Suicide Squad is an Oscar nominated film.

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