Octopus Jokes

Ten-tickles.

Of course it only has 8 of those.

So the first two were test-tickles!

Itenticle.

Cat: you're one short pal

Because it would have ten tackles

He says “A hundred bucks says my octopus can play any instrument you give it!”

One man hands him an acoustic guitar. The octopus fiddles with the strings a bit, then strums out a rendition of Wonderwall.

A woman from the back hands the octopus a trumpet. The octopus fiddles with the va... read more

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

Son: “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”

Me: “I don’t know; how many?”

Son: “Ten tickles.”

Me: “Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.”

Son: “Huh?”

Me: “Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tel... read more

Octoplus

He hears a soft chuckle coming from the corner. “You’re one short, my friend,” says the cat as he steps into view.

An amputee.

It was his coat of arms

3 of hearts.

He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces:
"This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

 

None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took ... read more

Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.

(Credit: u/DrOctopusMD)

May I hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand?

Well armed

Bartender says "what's up with the octopus?" Guy says "this octopus can play any musical instrument you put in front of him." There's a band on the stage, so the guitar player walks up and puts down his guitar. Tentacles start flying, and the guitar starts making the most beautiful sounds you ever h... read more

... named Septimus.

It was missing a leg.

gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand. (Courtesy of my 1st grader).

I recently went to a sea food restaurant and I had a look at the menu , I said to the Waiter
“ excuse me can I have the octopus please “

No problem sir “ he replied

But there is an issue “ he said

And what’s that then ??

He said
“ you can have it but it takes 4 ... read more

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony... read more

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.

"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the ... read more

I wanna hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is.

Octopus.

octopus salad. kind of obvious.

And they walked down the aisle hand-in-hand, hand-in-hand, hand-in-hand, hand-in-hand, hand-in-hand, hand-in-hand, hand-in-hand, hand-in-hand

Sick Squid.

Let’s get kraken.

An octo-pi

octopi*r2


Of course it should really be octopods*r2

Octopus: eight tentacles, each its own neural structure that offloads work from the brain

Human Male: one tentacle which controls brain

Octo-pie

The Suction Cup

Last Friday night I took my date out to a seafood restaurant

As we set down We began looking for some thing nice to eat

When the waiter came over after 10 minutes he asked us if we was ready to order

We said “” yes we will both have the octopus if that s ok “”

Octopus “... read more

The bartender, upon seeing the octopus, says "hey hey hey I run a respectable establishment here, no cephalopods allowed!"

The owner of the octopus says "no, wait, this is the most amazing octopus in the world, it can play any musical instrument known to man."

As fate would have it, th... read more

It's a good thing that he was well-armed.

"I'd like to ask for your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand."

Does that make them "i-tentical"

A cuddle fish

Because it’s arm-y.

That’s food for thought.

Squiddich

I guess you can say the little guy really knows how to clear his mind!

Because he was spineless

Two sets of forearms

The one who predicted Spain winning the World Cup some years ago?

Well, a friend of mine told me that if you get hit in the face with the ink of an octopus from there, you can see your future self and predict the future.

I called him out on it at first, but curiosity got the best of me... read more

I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus.


The waiter said: "It takes four hours."


I asked why?


He said: "It keeps turning off the gas!"

A back kraken.

They're heavily armed.

An octobrave.



I'm sorry.

A squid has TEN-TICKLES!
(Proceeds to tickle her and go "EEEEE!")

Sorry if this is a repost

To get to the other tide.

Ha.ha.ha. I'm heading out now.

Bob the sailor walks into a bar carrying a large octopus. He announces to the bar that this octopus can not only talk, but he has a very unique talent which he will share with the crowd for $50 a turn.

Bartender says "There's no way that octopus can talk."

"Sure he can. Ollie, tell the... read more

You need to go on a low-crab diet.

He is armed