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Dolphin Jokes

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

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The navy trains dolphins

An elderly man rear ends a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells. “you’re gonna give me $10,000 right now or I’m gonna beat you to a pulp!”

“Oh my” says the old man, I don't have that ...

What do you call a dolphin with no direction in life?

Lacking porpoise.

What do a stressed out politician and a dolphin have in common?

Neither wants to be caught in fishnets.

What’s the best way to clean a dolphin?

Use a multi-porpoise cleaner…..

I’ll see myself out

My cat is constantly being mistaken for a dolphin.

Poor puss.

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

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Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

A sign on a restaurant window says "If you order it and we don't have it, you instantly win one million dollars"

A man walking by notices the sign and walks in the restaurant and sits down at the table with a smirk on his face. The waiter asks what he will be having and the man says "I will have white rhinoceros stew please." The waiter comes out with a boiling hot bowl of exactly what the man ordered. The man...

I’ve spent my whole life searching for an invisible dolphin.

But now I don’t see the porpoise.

My buddy has been really depressed since his pet dolphin died.

His life has no porpoise.

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What did Hitler say as he penetrated a dolphin?

I’m fucking Adolf in!

Not the best but thought of it myself :D

I had a great conversation with a dolphin the other day.

We just... I don't know. We just clicked.

Every day I go down to the harbour and throw fish to a baby dolphin. My friends say it's a waste of time.

But at least I'm serving a youthful porpoise.

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

What do you call a group of singing dolphins?

An orca-stra.

What did the whale say to the dolphin?

When the person says "what?" do you best impression of a whale.

My co workers found it funny but my family did not.

Remember: If you are riding a dolphin...

The everything you do is completely on Porpoise.

I live my life the same as someone riding a dolphin

On porpose

From my 8 yr old: Why did the girl dolphin not forgive the boy dolphin?

Because he did it on porpoise!

An old man owned a dolphin

A few kids went to the old man and asked

"Why do you own a dolphin?"

The old man smiled and said

"When I was younger my dreams were crushed so I bought a dolphin."

He smiled.

"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."

What do you call a dolphin in the woods?

Dead.

My 4yo nephew just made this one up.

What happens when you cross a rhinoceros with a dolphin?

You get horn-ee-ee-ee-ee

I saw a dolphin kissing a raven.

Didn't expect to see that as the highlight of the NFL game.

Admission to our local aquarium only costs 1p if you're camping or you're a dolphin.

So to all in tents and porpoises it's pretty much free.

How does a Dolphin get his lady into missionary position?

Flipper

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Regarding Dolphins...

Hey everyone. I have a fun fact for you. So, in case you don't find this funny, at least we've all learned a little something.

Dolphins can ejaculate with the speed and force of a shotgun.

Interesting, isn't it?

Kinda makes you wonder how Kurt Cobain *really* died.

Did you hear about the dolphin who steals swimtrucks?

He does it on porpoise.

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a German and a Spanish man go to a dolphin show

The dolphin jumps in the air, but the 4 men couldn’t see the dolphin
The Englishman shouts, “We can’t see you!”
The dolphin jumps higher and says “Can you see me now?” And the 4 men reply
“Yes!”
“Oui!”
“Si!”
“Ya!”

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I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off.

Butt not on porpoise.

There was this guy who found an ancient book. In that book he read that dolphins live forever if you feed them the meat of an eagle.

Some time later he came across a very sick eagle and thought: It's gonna die soon anyway, might as well take it to the dolphins at the local zoo to see if what's in the book is actually true. At night he climbed over a wall to get into the zoo – and found himself right in the lion enclosure! He mana...

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

When a dolphin hits his cousin, is it accidental

or on porpoise?

Was painting my boat when a dolphin swam by and got some paint on its fin.

It wasn't on porpoise.

Why shouldn't you throw away an old dolphin?

Because they can be re-porpoised!

What do you call a dolphin with a slow CPU?

A bottleneck dolphin

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

Sorry I didn’t do it on porpoise

What is a dolphin’s favorite book?

The porpoise driven life.

A dolphin goes into the bar.

The barman says, 'Well, that was a bloody big tsunami!'

I honestly didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until i discovered dolphin-watching.

You could say I found my porpoise.

Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?

He had an appointment.

What did the motivational speaker dolphin believe?

That everybody in life has a porpoise

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A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

A kangaroo, a dolphin, and a snake walk into a bar.

That’s all, it’s just kinda funny since none of them actually walk.

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