I had a great conversation with a dolphin last night

We just clicked

What did the gang of dolphins say to the orca?

"Whale, whale, whale... Look what the tide brought in..."

TIL dolphins are so smart that if you put them in a library, they would impress a great many people

However, this kills them

What kind of soap does a dolphin use?

All porpoise cleaner!!!!

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

What do you get when cross hitler and a dolphin?

Adolphin.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

Sorry I didn’t do it on porpoise

On an excursion, I decided to go swimming with the Dolphins. Unfortunately, one of them was run over by a boat and killed

I'm really going to miss Dan Marino

What did the motivational speaker dolphin believe?

That everybody in life has a porpoise

How do dolphins and whales pass down and share knowledge through the generations?

Via podcasts, naturally.

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

My sister told me she's decided to pursue a career in training dolphins

I guess she finally found her porpoise in life

I was recently asked why I bought paper with dolphins on them

Because the paper was multi-porpoise.

​

​

Scientists have discovered a way to make dolphins nearly invisible to the human eye.

I don’t really see the porpoise.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say aside from humans, dolphins are the only other mammal that has sex for enjoyment

You have no idea how many things I had to fuck to figure that out.

A dolphin was arrested for weed possession.

Cop: Is this your Marijuana, sir?

Dolphin: No sir, it's for my cousins. Strictly for medical porpoises.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

I met my new girlfriend at a fancy dress party where coincidentally and bizarrely, we were both dressed as dolphins...

We just clicked...

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

Scientists claim that after man dolphins rank 2nd in intelligence..

After that comes apes, then some species of parrots.

I guess that pushes women down to 5th.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

Do dolphins speak Welsh?

Or is it just Wales.

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?

Definitely illegal.

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?

Whale of fortune !

What makes a dolphin happy?

Endor*fins*

Why shouldn't you throw away an old dolphin?

Because they can be re-porpoised!

Why do dolphins always swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man...

Guess that puts women in third.

I hate it when people say Dolphins are fish

Because they're predominantly black guys

What’s the difference between Neymar and a Dolphin?

When a dolphin dives he’s fishing for a carp for food on a reef ...
When Neymar dives he’s fishing for a card from a fool of a ref

My wife has a whale tattooed on her ass...

It used to be a dolphin.

I honestly didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until i discovered dolphin-watching.

You could say I found my porpoise.

What did the dolphin say during its existential crisis?

I feel that my life has no porpoise.

A dolphin graduated from college with a philosophy major.

He thought, "what's my porpoise now?"

Did you hear about the lonely dolphin?

He was looking for a porpoise in wife.

TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around

Talk about ‘puff puff pass’, amirite?

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

According to my fortune cookie I am getting a dolphin!

It said my life will have a purpose.

I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.

But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.

Teacher told her first grade class,"a single dolphin can have two hundred off spring"

A genius little girl gasped, "How about the married dolphin?"

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the “marine corpse”

So, both living in houses and making love with dolphins were just outlawed...

it may be difficult for many, but for all in tents and porpoises, it'll be ok.

What do you call a dolphin that doesn't know what to do with its life?

A porpoise without a purpose.


This is my own material, be kind :)

A mermaid finally got off the couch and hit the gym once she found a dolphin physical trainer.

She moved with a porpoise.

What do you call it when you cut off a dolphins flippers?

De feeting the porpoise

Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?

It's almost like they do it on porpoise.

I'm sorry I made it up

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

If you should ever want to know your Dolphin name,

Just lick your finger then rub a balloon

Why don't dolphins make mistakes?

They do everything on porpoise.

I thought of this myself, but I'm probably late to the punch.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a dolphin do some tricks...

The dolphin notices that the 4 have a very poor view so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, ‘Can you see me now?’ And all 4 respond: ‘Yes.’ ‘Oui.’ ‘Si.’ ‘Ja.’

I tried swimming with dolphins once. I didn't like it.

I found them very cliquey

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

Why did the dolphin go to the Tupperwear store?

It was looking for a tight seal

What do you call a group of dolphins that move according to the moons gravity?

A Tide pod

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

I'm setting up a website for single dolphins

Where true love's just a few clicks away

Why can't you ever accidentally ride a dolphin?

Because it's always on porpoise

A dolphin goes into the bar.

The barman says, 'Well, that was a bloody big tsunami!'

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs...

It would seem evolution defeeted the porpoise.

Dolphins are really clever

In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.

I saw a chap dashing though town with what looked like a dolphin tucked under his arm.

I thought to myself, "now there's a guy with a porpoise".

"IS A DOLPHIN WHAT?!" -

Hitler's wife answering the phone

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive then you should try swimming with sharks.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

Anybody see that movie about the dog who befriends a dolphin?

A Dog's Porpoise

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A crab, a lobster, a dolphin...

and a Japanese dude run over by a truck. Which one doesn't match up?

[The dolphin. The other three are all crustaceans/crushed Asians](#s)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off.

Butt not on porpoise.

Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

A dolphin was on trial for killing a family member...

The judge asked,

"Did you do it on porpoise?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A marine biologist in Virginia fell afoul of the law over his dolphins.

It seems that all he was able to procure were female dolphins. Without males their interest in participating in the experiments waned. Desperate to satisfy his dolphins, he tried to see if any humans could satisfy their needs, but he was limited by morals clauses prohibiting what was in effect bes...

Why did the police officers take the man's dolphin collection?

For investigative Porpoises.

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

The Dolphin Joke

I once knew a man from Quebec. He was a man of great talent. But too often people with great talent go... unfulfilled. I knew this guy, he went by the name Jaques De Gatineau. Jaques was a great man. He was a thinker, a real smart guy, I guess you could say he was our hope. While I was scrambling to...

Did you hear about the man who bought a dolphin?

He didn't want to live life without a porpoise!

My 10 y/o daughter made this joke up on the way to school... What do you get when you cross Hitler with a fish?

A-dolphin!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do army ants have in common with masturbating dolphins?

Both come in waves...

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room?

Sushi

What did the dolphin say to the frog?

Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy.

I just finished writing a book on dolphins.

I should have used paper.

Why couldn't the dolphin turn around in a hallway

Because he was driving a tractor

Did you see the story about the missing dolphin?

I'd tell you more about it but there's really no porpoise...

It's a shame what happened to the Dolphins's parents......

I can't imagine being an Orfin

I hate dolphins...

...for all intents and porpoises.