what did the emo dolphin say?

theres no porpoise in life

Why did the dolphin rider get arrested for hit and run?

Because he did it on porpoise.

( I know dolphins aren't porpoises)

wanna hear a story? once upon a time, a kid had a dolphin doll


Two dolphins are swimming

One bumps into the other and makes him angry.
"Hey, watch where you're going next time."
"Sorry, not like I did it on porpoise"

Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?

He had an appointment.

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

What did the gang of dolphins say to the orca?

"Whale, whale, whale... Look what the tide brought in..."

TIL dolphins are so smart that if you put them in a library, they would impress a great many people

However, this kills them

What kind of soap does a dolphin use?

All porpoise cleaner!!!!

Did you know scientists claim that dolphins are second to man in intelligence?

That means woman just got pushed to 3rd place

Scientists have discovered a way to make dolphins nearly invisible to the human eye.

I don’t really see the porpoise.

What do you get when cross hitler and a dolphin?


I had a great conversation with a dolphin last night

We just clicked

Dolphins are the Ted Bundy of the animal kingdom

Raping murdering psychopaths, but white women love them.

I was recently asked why I bought paper with dolphins on them

Because the paper was multi-porpoise.



On an excursion, I decided to go swimming with the Dolphins. Unfortunately, one of them was run over by a boat and killed

I'm really going to miss Dan Marino

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

What did the motivational speaker dolphin believe?

That everybody in life has a porpoise

How do dolphins and whales pass down and share knowledge through the generations?

Via podcasts, naturally.

My sister told me she's decided to pursue a career in training dolphins

I guess she finally found her porpoise in life

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

Do dolphins speak Welsh?

Or is it just Wales.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

Sorry I didn’t do it on porpoise

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say aside from humans, dolphins are the only other mammal that has sex for enjoyment

You have no idea how many things I had to fuck to figure that out.

I met my new girlfriend at a fancy dress party where coincidentally and bizarrely, we were both dressed as dolphins...

We just clicked...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?

Definitely illegal.

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?

Whale of fortune !

Why shouldn't you throw away an old dolphin?

Because they can be re-porpoised!

I hate it when people say Dolphins are fish

Because they're predominantly black guys

What makes a dolphin happy?


A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man...

Guess that puts women in third.

Why do dolphins always swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

Dolphins give the worst directions

I always have to ask them to be more Pacific

What’s the difference between Neymar and a Dolphin?

When a dolphin dives he’s fishing for a carp for food on a reef ...
When Neymar dives he’s fishing for a card from a fool of a ref

I honestly didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until i discovered dolphin-watching.

You could say I found my porpoise.

Dolphins shouldn't be commercially used for entertainment.

Because it's not their porpoise.

My wife has a whale tattooed on her ass...

It used to be a dolphin.

A dolphin graduated from college with a philosophy major.

He thought, "what's my porpoise now?"

Did you hear about the lonely dolphin?

He was looking for a porpoise in wife.

TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around

Talk about ‘puff puff pass’, amirite?

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.

But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.

According to my fortune cookie I am getting a dolphin!

It said my life will have a purpose.

What do you call a dolphin that doesn't know what to do with its life?

A porpoise without a purpose.

This is my own material, be kind :)

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the “marine corpse”

When I visit the ocean, I can never locate any dolphins.

I guess I've lost my sense of porpoise.

What's the difference between a killer whale and a killer dolphin?

One doesn't have to hide the bodies.

Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?

It's almost like they do it on porpoise.

I'm sorry I made it up

If you should ever want to know your Dolphin name,

Just lick your finger then rub a balloon

Why don't dolphins make mistakes?

They do everything on porpoise.

I thought of this myself, but I'm probably late to the punch.

What do you call a group of dolphins that move according to the moons gravity?

A Tide pod

A mermaid finally got off the couch and hit the gym once she found a dolphin physical trainer.

She moved with a porpoise.

So, both living in houses and making love with dolphins were just outlawed...

it may be difficult for many, but for all in tents and porpoises, it'll be ok.

Never trust a dolphin to do an important task for you.

Because if they mess up, it wasn't an accident, they did it on porpoise.

I tried swimming with dolphins once. I didn't like it.

I found them very cliquey

Why did the dolphin go to the Tupperwear store?

It was looking for a tight seal

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive then you should try swimming with sharks.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

Did you hear about that lady who communicated with and had an intimate relationship with a dolphin?

I guess they just clicked

I'm setting up a website for single dolphins

Where true love's just a few clicks away

A dolphin goes into the bar.

The barman says, 'Well, that was a bloody big tsunami!'

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a dolphin do some tricks...

The dolphin notices that the 4 have a very poor view so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, ‘Can you see me now?’ And all 4 respond: ‘Yes.’ ‘Oui.’ ‘Si.’ ‘Ja.’

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs...

It would seem evolution defeeted the porpoise.

Dolphins are really clever

In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.


Hitler's wife answering the phone

I saw a chap dashing though town with what looked like a dolphin tucked under his arm.

I thought to myself, "now there's a guy with a porpoise".

Why can't you ever accidentally ride a dolphin?

Because it's always on porpoise

Anybody see that movie about the dog who befriends a dolphin?

A Dog's Porpoise

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off.

Butt not on porpoise.

What did the dolphin say to the frog?

Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A crab, a lobster, a dolphin...

and a Japanese dude run over by a truck. Which one doesn't match up?

[The dolphin. The other three are all crustaceans/crushed Asians](#s)

A dolphin was on trial for killing a family member...

The judge asked,

"Did you do it on porpoise?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A marine biologist in Virginia fell afoul of the law over his dolphins.

It seems that all he was able to procure were female dolphins. Without males their interest in participating in the experiments waned. Desperate to satisfy his dolphins, he tried to see if any humans could satisfy their needs, but he was limited by morals clauses prohibiting what was in effect bes...

I just finished writing a book on dolphins.

I should have used paper.

My 10 y/o daughter made this joke up on the way to school... What do you get when you cross Hitler with a fish?


Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do army ants have in common with masturbating dolphins?

Both come in waves...

What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room?


The Dolphin Joke

I once knew a man from Quebec. He was a man of great talent. But too often people with great talent go... unfulfilled. I knew this guy, he went by the name Jaques De Gatineau. Jaques was a great man. He was a thinker, a real smart guy, I guess you could say he was our hope. While I was scrambling to...

Did you hear about the man who bought a dolphin?

He didn't want to live life without a porpoise!

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

I hate dolphins...

...for all intents and porpoises.