Why did the crab cross the road?

Actually, it never did. It used the sidewalk.

What do you call a chinese crab

A crustasian

I bought two hermit crabs

I put them in the same small cage, are they still hermit crabs???

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between a crab with boobs and a dirty bus stop?

One’s a busty crustacean, and one’s a crusty bus station.

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?

How did crabs get around Atlantis?

Pubic transportation

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man visits a prostitute who charges 20$ and ends up with crabs so he goes back and complains.

She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"

The Little Crab

A fisherman was out trying to catch some fish when a tiny little crab scampered up into his boat. It was too small to take back, so he simply threw it overboard.

About ten minutes later, the same crab climbed up into his boat. The fisherman chuckled to himself and threw the crab out again....

A crab fisherman walks into a bar with a crab.

He sets the crab on the bar and it proceeds to walk perfectly straight ahead, instead of scuttling side to side like crabs usually do. The bartender, impressed, offers the fisherman $50 for the amazing crab and takes it home. The next day he takes the crab out of the cage, and it begins scuttling si...

Why did the hermit crab refuse to go in his shell?

Because he was claw-strophobic!

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they’re shellfish

Given the terms “crab”, “tuna”, “lobster”, and “Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders”, which does not fit?

Ans: “tuna”. The other 3 are crushed asians.

What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Miss. Shell

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Horny Crab

Two men are talking:
"I'm a kind of horny crab" the first man gasps.
"what do you mean" asks the other one.
"I can't get out of Michelle".

How do crabs run in Alabama?

They run in family.

A crab walks into a bar...

The Barman says "I can't serve you mate, you're already walking sideways".

Excuse me, does this restaurant serve crabs?

Sit right down sir. We serve everybody.

My mum's starsign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a massive crab

What did the crab name his daughter?

Ma-shell

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.

A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a film director that has crabs?

Alfred Itchcock

In 49 states in America, a crab shack is a restaurant.

In Florida, it's a changing room.

Two crabs wouldn’t share their food

That’s shellfish.

My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...

She was attacked by a giant crab.

Why don't crabs donate to charity?

They're shellfish penny pinchers.

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

Never try to share with a crab.

They're shellfish.

Sometimes i rub sand into my pubes

Just so I can make my crabs feel at home.

Whats worse than crab on your piano?

Cancer on your organs

Whats the name of that old reality show where they go fishing and catch a bunch of crabs?

Oh, right.

Jersey Shore...I miss that show.

A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. "Her star sign was cancer you know" he says. " I guess it's ironic..."

"That she was killed by a giant crab."

Crab lice on holidays

Two crab lice agree to meet on the beach in Florida for Summer holidays. One already being there, the other arrives all shivering.

"Why are you shivering?" asks the first.

The second answers: "I arrived in a motorcyclist moustache... I alsmost froze to death..."

" That's stupid,...

What do you call a crab holding a basket of tampons?

A crustacean menstruation station.

What's the most effective way to get rid of crabs?

Shave half your pubes, light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.

The Kayak Accident

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about
your wife”, said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkens exclaimed.
...

Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along?

They were too shellfish.

Why'd Mr. Crabs send Pearl to BYU?

Cuz he heard they would make her Mormon-ey!

A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong?

The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.

My girlfriend screamed when I told her I had crabs

I mean, they make interesting pets. She should be much more worried about my HIV testing results.

I hate crabs

They’re literally Cancer.

A girl lobster meets a crab boy...

...they quickly hit it off and start dating. Unfortunately, the girl lobsters father is dead set against interspecies relationships and tells his daughter "If you keep seeing that crab boy, I'm cutting you off, no daughter of mine will be with a 'sideways walker', I will not stand for it." Upset, ...

What's the difference between a dirty area where people wait for buses and a crab with breast implants

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a freak of nature able to somehow talk to humans about such matters

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A crab, a lobster, a dolphin...

and a Japanese dude run over by a truck. Which one doesn't match up?

[The dolphin. The other three are all crustaceans/crushed Asians](#s)

What's the difference between an old crab and a Korean in the oven?

Ones a crusty crestacean and the others a crispy crust Asian

I thought I had a case of crabs

But I counted and I only have 23.

Why didn't the bee want crab legs?

He wanted bee-food, not seafood!

A lawyer boarded an airplane

in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell crabs and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haug...

Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures;

they only use pubic transportation.

Something is fishy

do crabs think fish are flying?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Fish Princess and the Commoner Crab

Once upon a time, in the undersea kingdom, there lived a fish princess. This fish princess had fallen in love with a peasant crab.

When her father, the fish king, found out about their affair he forbade her to ever see him again. When she asked him why he replied "No daughter of mine will co...