STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question?

TEACHER: Yes!
STUDENT: How do you put an
elephant inside a fridge?
TEACHER: I don't know.
STUDENT: It's easy, you just open
the fridge and put it in. I have
another question!
TEACHER: Ok, ask.
STUDENT: How to put a donkey
inside the fridge?
TEACHER: ...

Why can’t Crocodiles ever admit that they’re wrong?

Cause they live in Da Nile

What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest

An investigator

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One you see later and the other after a while

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.

He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Austr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is walking his prized pitbull down the street.

He comes across another man, walking a chihuahua in his direction. He tells the man:

“Hey sir, you should probably cross the street. My pitbull was trained to fight and will rip your tiny dog to shreds!”

To which the man with the chihuahua replies:

“Oh no, sir, it is you who sh...

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a crocodile

The Bartender says,
"Hey, you can't have a crocodile in my bar, get him out"!
The man says,
"No, he is tame, I can prove it."
The man lifts the crocodile up as the bartender says,
"I don't care, get him out of here"!
The man sets the crocodile up onto the bar and unzips his pant...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I said to my friend," Goodbye crocodile."

"See you later masturbator",was his reply

Some crocodiles decided to get together and sing parody songs.

It's a pun-croc band.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you call the condition when a crocodile is unable to get an erect penis?

Ereptile dysfunction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionai...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a crocodile

The bartender says "Hey, you can't have that dangerous animal in my bar".

So the man says "If I manage to prove you that the animal is safe, will you allow it?"

The bartender agrees to this and the man then proceeds to pull down his pants and puts his penis between the open mouth of ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An 18 year old asks his 91 year old grandpa to go fishing.

Grandpa: Let's go skydiving instead.

Grandson: Aren't you afraid that something could go wrong and we could die?

Grandpa: As old as I am dying is only my third biggest fear.

Grandson: What's your second?

Grandpa: Not making the most out of the time I have left.

Th...

An Alligator sees you later, a Crocodile sees you in awhile. When does a Caiman see you?

This isn't a joke, I want answers. Please. I've never wanted to know anything more.

A blonde really wanted a pair of crocodile shoes

So she ordered a trip to Australia, and went hunting.

After two weeks she said:

-Damn, if the next crocodile i shoot doesnt have any shoes on, i give up!

My wife told me to get out the river because of crocodiles, I told her there aren't any crocodiles.

She said I was in denile.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes...

The first friend says "I wish I could catch a huge marlin"

The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back.
The friend then pulls in a massive marlin.

"Amazing!" Says the second friend "Well you know what? I wish I were rich"

The crocodile then swims underwater and fet...

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another jo...

500 bricks on a plane

Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?
A. 499

Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.

Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A...

What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?

An alley gator!

A man comes to a circus and offers to do a show: a crocodile playing piano and a hippo singing.

The show has a tremendous success and earns a load of money for the circus, so the circus owner asks the man: “Tell me there’s a trick in your show; it can’t be that the crocodile plays piano and the hippo sings for real!”

The man answers: “You’ve got me here, of course it can’t be for real. ...

Why was the female crocodile disappointed in her mate?

He had a reptile dysfunction

It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart

One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.

Did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into a crocodile pit?

He ate 6 crocodiles before the rescuers could get him out.

What do you call a crocodile that will only eat sacrificed lambs?

A Halalligator.

Why did the alligator and crocodile leave the olympics so upset?

They both cayman last.

This weekend we saw a crocodile that had trouble swimming,

Does anyone know where we can find medication for a reptile dysfunction?

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

Science tip: You can differentiate between an alligator and a crocodile...

...by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.

My employees are developing weaponized crocodiles.

I told them to make it snappy.

Some crocodiles can grow 17-20 ft

But most have 4

Why should you never play poker with a crocodile?

You will lose every hand.

There's an easy way to distinguish an alligator from a crocodile.

It's a very simple technique. One you'll see in a while and the other you'll see later!

Crocodiles and people

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The man at the bar with a crocodile.

A man ones walked into a bar with a tamed crocodile under his arm.
He sits at the bar and ofcourse gets all the attention.
He lays the croc down on the table and opens its mouth. The man then unzips his pants and lays his willy in the mouth of the crocodile and stomps the crocodile as hard as ...

A Crocodile Tale

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Australia...the eccentric Boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond...and swim to the shore.

Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with A$3 million...but if killed by the crocs...A$1 million w...

Did You Hear About The Egyptian Crocodile That Heard About His Wife Cheating?

He's in De-Nile

What do you call a crocodile with a map and compass ?

A navigator.

The blonde and the crocodile.

Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. He puts
the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patrons and says: "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitalia inside.
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll ope...

Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet

but most have just four.

If Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter was wearing sunscreen that day he would still be alive

Sunscreen protects against harmful rays

This joke works better told than read. There are 15 boxes in an airplane. One falls out. How many are left?

14.

*****

How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator in 3 steps?

1. open the door
2. put the elephant in
3. close the door

*****

How do you put a giraffe inside a refrigerator in 4 steps?

1. open the door
2. remove the elep...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a man walks into a bar with a crocodile...

... and the bartender tells him that he can't have a crocodile in the bar because it is a safety hazard. The man insisted that the crocodile was tame and said that he could prove it. The man proceeded to whip out his balls and place it in the crocodile's mouth. His let his balls rest in the crocodil...

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile?

The spelling and pronunciation.

An Investigator would also be a good name for a crocodile with tons of venture capital.

FYI, i know the difference between the two but it doesn't sound right with a word echo.

BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond

17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.

What results when you cross a Hippo and a Crocodile?

Pretty sure you die.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One summers day, a group of girls decide to go swimming...

One summers day, a group of girls decide to go swimming rather than class. Instead of the more popular spots, the friends choose a discreet little pond on the far side of the lake. Sure, its privately owned but they're unlikely to be discovered there. When the young ladies get to the pond, they real...

What you call a crocodile covered with tortillas?

A tacodile

The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, was a great man.

He died the way he lived.

With animals in his heart.










[Full credit to u/Hairy_Cheeks](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3nil7q/18ft_crocodile_named_brutus_caught_and_ate_this/cvokdmg)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar with a crocodile...

He says 'Watch this' and gets the crocodile to open its mouth. He then puts his dick in the crocodile's mouth and whacks it on the top of the head.

The crocodile just keeps his mouth open.

The man says 'Anybody else want a go?'

The place is silent. Then on old lady pipes up: 'I'...

(NSFW) It's been just over 10 years since we lost the Crocodile Hunter. He was a man of morals that died the same way that he lived...

With animals in his heart.

A crocodile goes to the doctor..

It turns out the crocodile was suffering from ereptile dysfunction.

A man was eaten when he attempted to tell a joke directly to a crocodile's mouth.

He didn't live to tell the tail.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An artist in a circus shows a crocodile and put his penis in its mouth.

Then he takes a hammer, hammers on the crocodile's head and pulls out his penis. "*Does anybody else want to try this?*", he asks the audience. An old woman raises her hand and says: "*I'd like to try, but don't hit me too hard.*"

**Edit:** Formatting, spelling, and quotation marks.

Who did the crocodiles call when they found one of their own dead?

The investiGATOR

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a crocodile who always lies?

A croc o' shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man see's a sign on a bar window "Win $1,000,000 - Details inside"

Curiosity peaked, he enters the bar and asks the bartender what's required to win the million.

​

"Ah, that?" The bartender casually replied, offering a challenging smirk. "It requires the completion of 3 tasks I believe to be impossible. It brought in a lot of business when ...

A guy finds a crocodile in his backyard...

So he calls up an animal control center and asks, "I found a crocodile in my yard and I managed to get it in my truck...what should I do with it?" So the person from the animal control center says, "Well, your best bet now would be to take it to the zoo." The following day, the animal control center...

Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet

But most of them only have 4!

​

How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them sees you later, the other sees you after a while!

What's the difference between a crocodile and a toothbrush?

You can't brush your teeth with a crocodile.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There’s this psychiatrist who claims to guess the frequency of sex by looking at the smile on the guys face

. A talk show host challenges him and it goes really well with a 100% accuracy till this one guy shows up with a grin that would dislocate a crocodile’s jaw.

“Twice a day,”

“Nope.”

“Daily.”

“Nope.”

“Every other day.”

“Nope.”

“Weekends.”

“Nope.”...

Why shouldn’t you go into the jungle at 4pm?

Because that‘s when the elephants jump down from the plum trees.

Why do elephants have small blue eyes?
So that they can hide in plum trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a plum tree?
See, that proves how well the camouflage works.

Why are crocodiles so flat?
Becau...

A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.

The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"

So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.

The firs...

What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile?

Q: What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile?
A: Crocodile Dunsee

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An american, an australian and a russian walk into a bar...

They sit down and each of them order a beer.

The American picks up his gun, spins it on his finger and shoots off the top of his beer, and says: «My name is Bill, Hillbilly Bill.”

The Australian nods impressed by the american, but then he picks up his boomerang and throws it.

...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is on his first brutal day as a crewman of a pirate ship

A man is on his first brutal day as a crewman of a pirate ship. He is swabbing the decks, heaving ropes, and emptying pisspots. All the horrible jobs delegated the new sailor.

Then out onto the deck steps the meanest, crustiest, saltiest pirate captain you can imagine. He's got a peg leg, a...

Magic Trick

A naked magician steps on the stage and says:

"Now, i will let a crocodile bite my genitals, and i wont take any harm!"

The crocodile comes in, the magician does a slight split, and the crocodile bites him right between the legs.

The magician punches the animal hard on his head...

Cold War Dog Fight

During the Cold War, the Soviets and the Americans decided that nuclear brinkmanship was not sustainable. So they agreed to settle the question of world hegemony once and for all with a good old-fashioned dog fight - the parties had one year to prepare.

The top scientist of both nations worke...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walked into a bar with a small alligator...

...and walked up to the bartender to ask for a drink.

The bartender notices him walking towards him and says, "Whoawhoawhoa, is that a crocodile?"

To which the guy responded, "Well, its an alligator, but yeah."

"That thing cannot be in here."

"Why not?"

"Well, its ...

A monkey is sitting on a tree, smoking weed...

The lizard walks by, gazes at him in amazement, then asks:

“Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?”

“I’m smoking bud. Come up here bro, sharing is caring.”

So the lizard climbs up the tree and the two smoke a few joints. The lizard isn’t really used to the effects, so he gets ...