This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would...

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

Want to know why ocean is so salty ?

Because land never waves back .

Why do scuba divers fall backwards to enter the ocean?

If they fell forward they would just fall into the boat.

What do you call it when a fish makes it to the ocean?

Afishinsea

Last night i had a dream that i was swimming in an ocean of orange soda

When i woke up i realised it was just a fanta-sea

What's the best place to get Italian food in the ocean?

The Marinara trench

Ocean walks in to a bar

Bartender says "why so blue?"

two sailors were out in their boat when a hand appeared in the ocean

‘what’s that?’ asked the first sailor, ‘it looks as if someone’s drowning!’

‘nonsense,’ replied the second, ‘it was just a little wave’.

How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?

None, just some tea

One day the amount of plastic in the ocean will be irreversible,

That will be the last straw

A man is drowning in the ocean

A man is drowning in the ocean. Another man on a boat sails towards him and says:

Boat man: Are you drowning? Do you need help?

Drowning man: Don't worry God will save me.

The man in the boat sails away.

A second boat man sail up and asks the same question:

Boat m...

What keeps the ocean from leaking out?

The seals.

Why are ocean levels so high?

sea weed.

Nsfw. Jesus n Moses are walking down the beach comparing powers. Moses goes to Jesus, "Check this out." He faces the ocean n parts it clear down the middle. Jesus with a smirk, "ok ok, put it back n watch this."..

Jesus begins to walk out on the water and starts to sink. Jesus walks back n says to Moses "I don't get it, I can usually walk on water." Moses, laughing. "Probably because you got them holes in your feet."

A Preacher fell in the ocean...

and he couldn't swim.

When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me."

A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me."

Eve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cruise ship wrecks in the middle of the ocean.

The only three survivors are tourists from different areas of the United States. A man from Georgia, a man from Florida and a man from Hawaii. They float on a raft until they hit an island where they’re met by a tribe of fierce locals who despise outsiders. A member of tribe offers to translate for ...

How do you cut the ocean in half?

A SEA-SAW

Why is it a good thing to study oceanic trade routes?

Because you’ll have a maritime (merry time)!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s it like having an orgasm in the ocean?

Cums in waves.

Two wind turbines sit in the ocean, one turns to the other and says “what music do you listen to? I like pop myself”.

The other turbine says “I’m a massive heavy metal fan”.

What shakes on the ocean floor?

A nervous wreck!

Ha ha, I’m shore that you sea what I did there.

My friend has an unhealthy obsession with ocean life

I told her to sea kelp

I used to think that oceans were made out of soda.

Guess it was just a Fanta Sea.

Why did the fisherman cross the ocean?

For the halibut.

A small plane has an engine failure over the pacific ocean.

Onboard, is the pilot, the world's strongest man, the world's smartest man, and the world's richest man.

There are only 3 parachutes available.

The pilot says to the world's richest man: You're the world's richest man, so the world needs you. Take a parachute and jump.

The pil...

Why did Frosty go and live in the middle of the ocean?

Because snowman is an island.

The Friendly Ocean

Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the surface fill our lungs full of air and go right underneath the boat and blow as h...

Who keeps the oceans clean?

Mermaids.

How much deeper would the ocean be if

sponges didn’t live there?

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

I hate it when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean.

They shouldn’t talk about their country like that.

What do you call a bunch of masochists on an ocean voyage?

A bruise cruise

what did god say when adam told him eve was taking a bath in the ocean

“i’ll never be able to get the smell out of the fish”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I went on our honyemoon to Australia...

Unfortunately, I had to dial the help line.

"G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?"

I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeymoon, and well....y...

A plane is going down over the Atlantic ocean...

As the passengers plummet to their doom, a woman stands up, rips off her shirt, and says, "WHICH ONE OF YOU SO CALLED MEN WILL MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN?!" A man stands up, rips off his shirt, and says, "HERE, IRON THIS."

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.



Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small sperm whale and his dad are swimming through the ocean

He asks his dad where he came from and the dad responds, "my penis, of course!" The son, disgusted, "that's gross! Thanks a lot dad." And the dad says, "you're whale cum!"

My girlfriend couldn't make it to the beach this year so she told me to say "Hi" to the ocean for her.

I told her it waved.

Why does the ocean roar?

You'd make a lot of noise if you had crabs on your bottom too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic, a Protestant and a Jew are stuck on a life raft in the middle of the ocean.

The Catholic and the Protestant pray for help, while the Jew relaxes in the corner of the raft, clipping his fingernails.

After they pray, the Catholic says to the Jew, "How come you're not praying? Don't you want God to help us?"

The Jew says, "20 years ago I opened up a clothing stor...

I had a really weird dream last night. I was floating on an ocean of orange flavoured fizzy drink, then Queen music started to play. I found myself wondering;

Is this the real life? Is this just fanta sea?

Did you hear about the cargo ship carrying wine across the ocean?

It was raided by sommelier pirates!

A man is driving late at night when his car breaks down in front of a remote Buddhist monastery.

He knocks on the door and the monks open it. He tells the monks about his situation, and how he can't call for a mechanic at those hours of the night, so he asks them if he can stay the night in the monastery. The monks happily agree, and give him a room with a bed to sleep on.

In the middle ...

A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

 

 

The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

How do we know the ocean is a woman?

Because she wears sea cups.

Can you call the ocean something else?

Shore

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie.
The Irishman says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I wish all the oceans to be full of fish for all eternity and a fleet of fishing boats to catch them."
So, wit...

What do you get when you put the Titanic with the Atlantic Ocean?

About halfway

Hey Frend, did you here the joke about the ocean?

Nevermind, its too *deep* for you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man Goes to a Wizard for penis enlargement.

He crossed many rivers and oceans and finally reached to said location. There he saw a huge mountain he reached the top and saw the Wizard there..

Man : Hey i suppose you are that famous Wizard that can increase my Dick size?

Wizard : Yes, take these medicines and take them regularly....

My wife called because the car wouldn't start.

She said it has water in the carburetor. Knowing my wife has no knowledge of anything mechanical I said, "and how do you know there's water in the the carburetor?"
She said, "because I drove off the pier and it's in the ocean. "

Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?

It's tide.

What happens when the ocean gets pregnant?

It gets a sea section.

Two whales in an ocean

One says: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The other says: Steve what the hell was that

My wife has a tattoo of a sea shell

on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

An ocean liner is sailing in the North Atlantic and hits an iceberg.

As the ship is sinking, one crewman runs to the ship’s captain and tells him to open the root beer caskets in the ship’s hold.

The captain is confused but has no other options, so he orders all of the ship’s root beer caskets cut open. The root beer floods the hold and the ship slowly stops s...

Disaster strikes as an airplane loses control and falls in the ocean.

Two friends are watching the news on the accident.

Mike:" Dude, that is terrible."

John:"I don't think it is that terrible."

Mike:"How could you say that?"

John:"Compared to the amount of accidents in the world, it is merely a drop in the ocean."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are sitting in a bar on top of a cliff on the Pacific Ocean

They are all watching the birds fly down close to the water, catch the draft and fly all the way back up.

One of the guys then exclaims, “I bet you I can do the same thing as the birds; drop down, catch the draft and have it carry me back up.”

“No you can’t” the second guy explains, “t...

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of an ocean?

A good start.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
...

A priest is stranded in the middle of the ocean with no food, water, or any form of communication.

This priest is praying to God, asking to be saved. Shortly after, a boat comes along and the captain stops to see if he can help the priest.

"Do you need help, sir?" Asked the captain.

"No, God will save me." Replied the priest determined that such was true.

"Alright." Said th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pacific ocean has a rating of 3.5 stars on Google maps.

Who the fuck is downvoting the ocean?

The real reason not to do anything against climate change

Just think how dumb we'd look in front of our children, if twenty years from now we discover climate change was in fact not real. We'd have cleaned the ocean and the cities, preserved the rain forests and millions of species, innovated in multiple industries, made the air breathable again, created a...

Did you hear about the computer that was thrown into the ocean?

It was a Dell rolling in the deep.

I don’t understand why we have to clean the oceans...

...won’t it just wash off?

Two oceans are talking to each other...

Two oceans are talking to each other. The first one says “Hey you know that thing where the thing happens with the starfish, then the dolphins do the thing?”

The second ocean looks confused and replies “you’re gonna have to be more pacific.”

Why is the ocean so unknown?

Because it has many sea crits.

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

It was a boys first day on the pirate ship.

He asked the Pirate Captain.

“Why do you have a wooden leg?”

The Pirate Captain replied.

“Argh. I was swimming in the ocean and a shark bit me leg off so I have this wooden peg to replace what’s gone”.

The boy then asked.

“Why do you have a hook for a hand?”
...

Beach Boys: If everybody had an ocean across the USA, then everybody'd be surfin’ like California.

Climate change scientist: You're missing the point, Boys.

Two prawns are in the ocean discussing their hatred and fear of sharks

One prawn is called George and the other is called Christian. One day while discussing their fear of sharks, a nearby cod overhears them and swims over to talk to them. The cod promises to grant George one wish. George decides he wants to be a shark, so wishes to become a shark. The cod grants Georg...

Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water

Two guys were born on the same day

...so they made a tradition to eat dinner together every year on their birthday. When they turned 21 one of them said, "Why don't we go to the Sunset Grill? It has strong drinks and a beautiful view of the ocean." The other agreed and they had dinner.

When they turned 30, one said, "let's go ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes running on the beach every morning. (Nsfw)

So there's this guy and every morning he goes for a run on the beach.


One day he sees a woman, with no arms and no legs just lying in the sand and crying.


So he walks up to her and asks what's wrong and she says


" well all my life, nobody has ever given me a hug." ...

What type of Ape lives in the ocean?

A Shrimpanzee.

My wife and I went to the ocean recently and she swallowed a bunch of sea water. I was going to make a joke about her being salty....

But Na

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two drunks were lost in the middle of the ocean

The pair had been adrift for six days in a life boat with no water or food, they hadn't seen any ships or aircraft, and worst of all they had completely run out of beer three days before, the two had nearly given up hope when suddenly they came across an ancient looking bottle, they pulled it out of...

What did the ocean say to the sky?

I sea that you are looking blue. Wait, it's because of me, isn't it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two whales are swimming in the ocean and encounter a whale hunting ship.

The first whale is furious, and says to the second, “look over there! Those are the people that killed our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends! We should take revenge!” The second whale is also angry on hearing this, and agrees, saying, “what should we do?” The first whale thinks for a whil...

How do fish get high in the ocean?

Seaweed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s grey, weighs 500 pounds, and drags along the bottom of the ocean?

Moby’s Dick

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill... (an original joke)

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

Shipping out soon!

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you'v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A French, a British and an american naval engineer brag about their submarines.

All three of them are standing in a harbour, arguing.
The french engineer says:

"Ahh, le french submarine can stay submerged for five weeks and and we do not run out of croissants or red wine, they are magnefique!"

The Brit responds:

"Oh my dear chap, that is nothing. Her ...

Tinder is like the ocean

Some times you catch fish some times you catch crabs

The Exorcist

A couple of years ago, my Mother-In-Law began reading "The Exorcist".

She said it was the most evil book she ever read.

So evil, in fact that she couldn't finish it and threw it into the ocean pier.



I went and bought another copy and ran the tap over it. I then left it i...

What does the ocean use to clean its clothes?

Tide

I went to an ocean themed party

It was a whale of a time.

If there is a plastic island the size of Australia in the middle of the ocean,

Then we have nothing to worry about because Australia doesn’t exist

Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...

do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane went down over the ocean, and three of the survivors end up stranded on a remote tropical island.

They don't get very far before a tribe of cannibals capture them and bring them back to their village as prisoners. One of the men says "Please don't eat us! We'll do anything!". The cannibal's chief decides to have a bit of fun with them and says "Oh? Well then, go into the forest and come back wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to the pier today and seen a lady with no arms and no legs propped up on a bench. She was crying her eyes out.

I walk up to her and said “What’s wrong?” She replies “I’ve never been hugged before.” I looked around and gave her a hug. The next day I encounter the same woman, crying again on the pier. I ask her again, “What’s wrong now?”She says” I’ve never been kissed before.” So I kissed her, but she start...

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. ...

A pilot encounters engine trouble during a storm over the Pacific Ocean

In a desperate attempt, he crash-lands on an uncharted island and loses consciousness.

A day or so later, he awakens to find himself bound and being dragged by some native savages to their camp.
The natives are going wild at the spectacle, as he is left in the center of the camp next to a...

My friends are saying that I’m addicted to the song Ocean Man.

They’re trying to Ween me off of it.

What do you call an ocean full of tacos?

Flotilla

Stranded unfortunately...

##

3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive. After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into t...

How big is the specific ocean?

Sorry, could you be a little more pacific.

Why did the physicist throw the stop sign into the ocean?

He was studying sign waves.

What do you call 2 sodium atoms in the ocean?

tuNa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. The father added, "First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."

And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing....

Scientists have recently created a new plan to get rid of the large trash island in the ocean

They call it "Brexit".

So I was at Mexico and I asked a man if what we were looking at was the ocean.

He said: "Si"

Putin, Trump, and Merkel are taking a walk on the beach

Trumps looks out on Ocean and says: "You know, we have Submarines that can sty underwater for 3 Months. "

Putin replies : "Pah, thats nothing! Our subs can stay underwater for half a year."

Merkel wants to say something, but then a Submarine dives up on the Beach. A guy jumps out and y...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.