This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two irishmen, lost at sea...

Two irishmen are floating on a boat, lost at sea. They ran out of food a couple of days ago, and ran out of water just today, so naturally they're pretty desperate.

Out on the water, one of them spies a genie's lamp, and they both frantically paddle towards it.

One of them pull out the...

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

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The Pacific ocean has a rating of 3.5 stars on Google maps.

Who the fuck is downvoting the ocean?

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?

About half way.

Dating is a lot like fishing...

Sure there's lots of fish in the ocean, but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck

How do you cut the ocean in half?

By using a seesaw.

Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water

How does the ocean say ”hello“?

It waves.

I went to an ocean themed party

It was a whale of a time.

The ocean and beach meets

Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved!

I had a dream last night where I was drowning in an ocean made from orange soda...

It took me a while to figure out that it was a Fanta sea.

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill... (an original joke)

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

According to Wikipedia, whales play a crucial role in the fragile ocean ecosystem

[cetacean needed]

What do you call a PC that falls in the ocean?

A Dell rolling in the deep

Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...

do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?

If there is a plastic island the size of Australia in the middle of the ocean,

Then we have nothing to worry about because Australia doesn’t exist

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A father whale and a son whale are swimming in the ocean.

Son looks at dad and asks,

“Dad? Where do I come from?”

Father replies, “My penis, son.”

“Oh. OK. Thanks.”

“You’re Whalecum, son.”

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A religious man falls overboard in the middle of the ocean and no one notices and the boat drives away...

...So he’s floating in the middle of the ocean and a cruise ship finds him.

“Need help?” One of the passengers says

“No thank you, god will save me.” The man says

The ship drives off and an hour later another one comes. The same scenario happens again the man keeps saying that g...

A pilot encounters engine trouble during a storm over the Pacific Ocean

In a desperate attempt, he crash-lands on an uncharted island and loses consciousness.

A day or so later, he awakens to find himself bound and being dragged by some native savages to their camp.
The natives are going wild at the spectacle, as he is left in the center of the camp next to a...

How big is the specific ocean?

Sorry, could you be a little more pacific.

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. ...

What's big and blue and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

The Pacific Ocean

Why is the ocean always blue?

Because the shore never waves back.

I don't trust the ocean

It looks fishy

What do you get when you cross the ocean with sand?

Honestly, I'm not that *shore* myself.

A group of old friends discussed where they should meet for lunch for their reunion.

They were all aged about 40.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the waitresses there were pretty.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at ...

Three in floating in the Ocean.

Three men floating in the ocean in a life raft when a smoke-filled bottle bumps the raft. One guy picks it up and opens it. Out comes the Genie. I will grant you each one wish but it can’t be changed…..The first guy shouts-out, turn the ocean to beer. The other two look at him then shake their heads...

What do you call 2 sodium atoms in the ocean?

tuNa

Ocean full of beer

Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much though...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of the door?

Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a volcano?

Anakin Skywalker

I used to dream about swimming in an ocean of orangade...

But I realised it was just a dumb Fanta sea.

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A plane went down over the ocean, and three of the survivors end up stranded on a remote tropical island.

They don't get very far before a tribe of cannibals capture them and bring them back to their village as prisoners. One of the men says "Please don't eat us! We'll do anything!". The cannibal's chief decides to have a bit of fun with them and says "Oh? Well then, go into the forest and come back wit...

My girlfriend's new thigh tattoo

My girlfriend got a new tattoo on her inner thigh. It is a seashell.

When I put my ear to it, I can smell the ocean!

What do you call a fish that lives in the greatest depths of the ocean?

Mega-low-don.

What do you get when you throw a billion lawyers in the ocean?

A Sue-Nami!

Where does the ocean store its stuff?

On the Continental shelf.

What does a Reditor and the Ocean have in common?

Both are salty.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
...

If you're going to cut the ocean in half, how would you do it?

Get a sea saw.

What do you call an ocean full of dogs and(or) cats?

The Pawcific

Why does the ocean wave back?

Because it has decent sea.

My 5yo told me this one tonight: “What did the person say when they went too far out into the ocean.”

Help me, I’m dying.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man goes fishing in the ocean on a sunny day...

Roughly 30 minutes pass when suddenly he sees an obscure man coming out of the ocean, looking completely exhausted. He immediately rushes to the water to carry the man out of the ocean and lays him down on the sand.

​

Man: "Who are you? How did you come out of the ocean like...

You ever heard of the ocean located at 5.694647° S, 136.987557° W?

I like to call it the specific ocean.

How do you save a baby from drowing in the ocean?

Harpoon it.

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

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Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. The father added, "First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."

And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing....

What do you call a hundred politicians at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me."

A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again,...

Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton are stuck in the middle of the ocean on small boat together with no food, who survives?

America.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a Hardcore porno filmed on a boat in the ocean?

Offshore Drilling

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm dating a woman whose fake boobs contain water from the ocean.

She's a sea cup

What do you call the Atlantic Ocean when it's sad?

The Emotion.

The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher.

Thank God for them sponges.

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...

...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

What did one ocean say to the other

Nothing they just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Are you shore that you get it?
Maybe I didn't shell you the joke.
I think you need to clam down.
Woah, stop being such a beach.
Whale then, that's all the puns I have today.

It's not the size of the ship, nor the motion of the ocean...

It's whether or not the captain stays in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.

Do you know why oceans are so salty?

Because the land never waves back

A cargo ship carrying a shipment of mannequins sunk to the ocean floor

It was one thousand legs under the sea.

Why did the American shoot the ocean?

Cause they found out fish swim in schools.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three supermodels are on a plane that’s going down over the Atlantic Ocean

While they’re putting on their life preservers, they start talking about what they’re going to wear.

The white woman says “I’m going to wear my hot pink bikini, because when they rescue us they’ll easily be able to see it and hot pink really accentuates my features.”

The Hispanic woman...

Two amoebae are floating along in a prehistoric ocean.

Amoeba 1: Weird...I think I just took in a breath of air.

Amoeba 2: Nah. You're probably imagining things.

Amoeba 1: Yeah. False aspirations, I guess.

There are more airplanes in the ocean

than submarines in the sky

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex is like the ocean.

And I'm a fresh water fish.

A woman decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean.

A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean from a bridge.

Just before she could throw herself in, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away o...

The Queen tried to have the ocean arrested...

"Sea's him!"

My friend didn't understand my ocean puns

I guess I should have been more pacific.



I'll sea myself out.

John: What did to oceans say to eachother?

Mike: I don't know.
John: Nothing they just waved.
Mike: Your jokes suck ass.
John: God you don't have to be such a beach about it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's the motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat that counts

But it takes a long ass time to get to England in a row boat

Why does the ocean roar?

You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.

Two sea monsters are chillin’ in the ocean.

A ship full of potatoes sails by and the first sea monster gobbles it up. A second ship full of potatoes sails by and the monster gobbles that one up as well. After seeing this happen several more times the second sea monster turns to the first and says “Dude, what’s with you and these ships?”
...

Would you believe there are people that think there's oceans on the moon?

What a load of lunacy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A plane is crossing the ocean

A plane is crossing the ocean when suddenly the Captain comes on the intercom and says “Folks, I’m sorry to report this but we have lost an engine and are loosing altitude. In order to lighten the load we will have to let loose your luggage.” The passengers are fine with this and it is done. The cap...

Scientists need to stop surveying the deepest parts of the ocean with their high-tech equipment

They should send Neymar Jr. instead because he is the greatest diver in the world.

What does a snowman have in common with an ocean?

They're both bodies of water!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman says to her husband after sex-"Oh honey.. Its not the size of the boat, its the motion of the ocean!"

He looks up and yells
"Well it takes a long fucking time to get to England in a canoe!"

I looked at the ocean today, and thought it looked completely orange...

And so then I wondered if it was reality or a Fanta sea.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two blokes stranded in the ocean find a genie in a bottle

The genie explains to them that unlike the genies they've heard of and it will grant them one wish, not three.
The first guy immediately jumps up and excitedly yells:
"I wish we were floating on a sea of beer!!"
And in a flash the genie waves his hand and *flash* the two blokes are awash ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife confronted me about my infidelity, so I told her "For me, sex is like an ocean."

"No man ever steps in the same sea twice."