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Ocean Jokes

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

Two crabs are eating a billionaire on the bottom of the ocean.

One looks at the other and asks, "this taste a little rich to you?"

What do you call a dog with no legs in the ocean?

A good buoy.

How does the ocean say hi?

It waves!

Two ships crash into each other on a densely foggy day on the ocean.

The two captains (a man and a woman) wind up in the same hospital and they fall in love. They give up their sailing careers to raise a family.

When the wife was almost ready to give birth, they decided it would be really sweet if their child chose a career that would be helpful in preventing...

What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his GoPro into the ocean?

There Goes My Hero!

Why are clams so hard to see on the bottom of the ocean?

They’re clamouflaged.

I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.

Or

Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?

Or

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

What else ...

I heard a loud cry in the ocean

Must've been a wail

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2 whale friends are swimming in the ocean

After a while, they spot a boat and one of the whales goes 'hey! That's the boat that harpooned my father!'

'We have to avenge him!' said the other whale.

So they decided to swim under the boat and blow out of their blowholes at the same time, so the boat would capsize and the men wo...

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Chuck Norris Once Jizzed in the Ocean

That's why we have sperm whales.

I dream of one day swimming in an ocean of orange carbonated water

It's my Fanta sea.

What do you get when you cross the ocean with the Titanic?

Halfway.

My father believed that men learn by just doing things and figuring it out so when I was 3 my dad threw me into the ocean.

To teach himself CPR.

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

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Three supermodels are on a plane that’s going down over the Atlantic Ocean

While they’re putting on their life preservers, they start talking about what they’re going to wear.

The white woman says “I’m going to wear my hot pink bikini, because when they rescue us they’ll easily be able to see it and hot pink really accentuates my features.”

The Hispanic woman...

what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean

Heavy rock

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

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The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean.

Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.

An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives?

The flambuoyants.

The OceanGate tragedy is not funny.

Sub humans.

If a sailor calls a woman in the ocean a Mermaid, what does he call a woman on land?

Land Hoe!

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Q: What do you call 500 neo-Nazis at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start.

Q: What do you call 500 triathletes at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A bad start.

A ship is ambushed in the open ocean.

After a couple hours of combat, the crew is overwhelmed and pirates come aboard. They proceed to line up the captured men and one by one ask who they think the best sailor is on their vessel. The majority of men say that the lookout Seamus has the most experience under his belt. Hearing this the pir...

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Two whales are swimming in the ocean.

A Father and a Son.

The Son turns to his father and ask "Dad where did I come from?"

Dad replies "My penis Son"

Son says "Oh.. Thanks Dad"

Dad says "You're whale cum"

Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans...

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

Did you hear about the OceanGate company that lost the Titan sub?

Apparently their business is going under.

What does the ocean use for laundry?

Tide!

Why are Navy galas always held near the ocean?

Because Seals LOVE beach balls!

They just discovered the cause of the implosion

OceanGate was purchasing materials for the vessel and misunderstood the term "substandard".

What do you call a Punjabi guy who gets stuck in the middle of the ocean?

Amandeep Trouble

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Grieving is like masturbating in the ocean.

Comes in waves.

Did you know there’s more planes in the ocean …

Then submarines in the sky

(i hope they all rest in peace however)

I was going to short the stock of OceanGate .

Too late now, it couldn’t get any lower.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?

Bob.

What kind of cheese did OceanGate serve on its sub?

The Brie

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Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.


Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was th...

How do we really know the ocean is friendly?

It waves.

After retiring, Mr. Johnson moved into a condo near the ocean. Every morning, while he ate his breakfast, he would look out the window at the ocean.

Almost every morning, Mr. Johnson saw a young man sitting on the dock, fishing. It didn't matter if the weather was good, so-so, or downright terrible. The fisherman seemed to go to the dock every morning.

After he had lived in his condo for a few months, Mr. Johnson noticed something. Some m...

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Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the surface fill our lungs full of air and go right underneath the boat and blow as h...

Yo mama so fat she took a bath in the ocean

and ran out of water.

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner....

Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean...

The teacher asked little Johnny if he could write a song using the words “analyze” and “anatomy”

This was Johnny’s response:

My analyze over the ocean
My analyze over the sea
My analyze over the ocean
Oh bring back my anatomy!

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Two whales are chilling in the ocean when a boat floats above them...

Whale 1: Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went under the boat and tipped it over with our blow holes.

Whale 2: Haha yeah, let's do it!

*The two whales proceed to go under the boat, blow their blow holes and tip it over*

Whale 1: Hahaha that was great! You know what woul...

The search for the Pacific Ocean

9 years ago, a teacher asked a kid if he knew where the pacific ocean was. He replied, "No miss! I'm not aware of the location of the pacific ocean." The teacher furious, asked him to get out and not come back to his class till he knew the location of the pacific ocean.

The boy, distraught, y...

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

Apparently it’s no longer OK to urinate in the ocean.

I’m told it’s not pee sea.

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One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean

One day, two whales were swimming in the ocean. They came across a whalers ship and the first whale was immediately angered by this. He tells the second whale,

*“Whalers killed my brother! I want revenge! Let’s use our blowholes as hard as we can to tip the ship underneath and drown them!”*<...

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Two frat guys are stranded in the middle of the ocean

Brad and Chad have been stuck in a lifeboat for weeks. They're out of water and supplies, and they're sure they're doomed.

They notice a sealed bottle bobbing toward their boat and scoop it out of the water. They open it up, and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me!" the genie s...

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."...

Why do Crips like swimming in the ocean?

Because sharks can smell Blood from far away.

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to a...

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One Ukrainian Jew to another: "Would you share this imported bottle of Scotch with me?"

The other: "Of course I would. But we barely have money for food. Where did you get Scotch?"

First: "I traded some Russian caviar for it."

Second: "But how did you get Russian caviar?"

First: "I traded some calamari to them for it."

Second: "But we're hundreds of kilomete...

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.

What's the difference between Ocean and my Programming Code Repository?

They are putting some efforts for cleaning Garbage from the ocean.

I've seen similarities drawn between the founder of OceanGate and John Hammond, but there is one huge difference.

Hammond spared no expense.

Mr.Rogers once was on a cruise ship, and fell overboard into the ocean



He was then carried safely to shore by a family of sharks.

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My wife and I went on our honeymoon to Australia, but unfortunately, I had to dial the help line. "G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?"

I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeymoon, and well....ya know."

The guy on the help line replies, "Ah, bummer mate!"

I say, "I hadn't thought of that! Thanks for the advice. You'v...

What keeps the ocean from leaking out?

The seals.

How do you cut the ocean in half?

A SEA-SAW

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(NSFW) Two whales are swimming in the ocean and discover a little sailing boat...

one whale asks the other:

"Do you want to have some fun? Let's swim under the boat and blow air to make the boat capsize!"

He agrees. So they dive under the boat, blow air and the boat flips.

"This was fun. What do you think about eating the sailors? It would be a shame to let t...

Ocean full of Beer

Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much though...

A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean.

A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean. A lifeguard swims past and asks the priest: "Do you need help?"
Priest replies: "Don't worry. God will save me."
A few minutes go by and another life guard swims past. He says: "Here, grab my hand I can help you get back to shore"
Priest rep...

There are more airplanes in the ocean

than submarines in the sky

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A man survives a plane crash over the ocean...

He is huddled on a piece of debris with nothing but a dog and a pig. After drifting for several days the three land on the shore of a completely uninhabited island. After several weeks, the man feels that he will completely lose his mind if he doesn't have sex soon. After thinking it over he deci...

Which ocean has the most water?

Don’t ask me, I’m not shore which!

Life is like the ocean

In the years before World War II, in a little Polish village, a learned rabbi used to teach his students, “Life is like the ocean.” And they would nod and respond, “Yes, life is like the ocean.” One young student was particularly taken with this philosophy, and he carried it with him through the lon...

Why does the Ocean Roar ?

You'd roar too if you had big crabs digging holes in your bottom.

I knew a girl with a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh

She said if you put your ear up to it, you could smell the ocean.

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.

He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the d...

What swims in the ocean and does math?

A octoplus

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

Your pubes are a lot like the ocean

If you explore enough, you'll find crabs

What did ocean say to another ocean?

w-water you doing step-bro?

What's the most famous ocean creature?

The Starfish

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It was 1988. A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot...

... One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond n...

Why did the hippie drown in the ocean?

He was too far out.

It's not the size of the ship, nor the motion of the ocean...

It's whether or not the captain stays in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.

How can you tell the ocean was mad?

It was violently waving

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

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A limbless woman crying on the beach.

A limbless woman is sitting on the beach crying as a man approaches her.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“I’ve never been hugged before...” she responds.

The man hugs her and she stops crying for a second. Then the man walks away and the woman continues crying.

A little whil...

Why did the lifeguard fail to rescue the hippie drowning in the ocean?

Because he was too far out, man.

Why is the ocean wet?

Because it doesn’t have a towel.

(Courtesy of my son)

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Three men pass away in a tragic car crash

Their girlfriends are trying to figure out what to do with their ashes. The first woman says "hey, my boyfriend really loved nature. I'm going to spread his ashes throughout the forest so he can be eternally connected with the wilderness."

The second woman says "hey, my boyfriend was really i...

Why is the ocean so powerful?

Because it has lots of mussels.

The oceans are comprised of minimally-carbonated salt water.

Therefore, the Earth is flat.

What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

What do you call a thousand Australian lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

The Great Barrister Reef.

Greta thunberg began screaming,

“I will not fly private!” She said to her manager as they pulled into the parking lot.

“The conference is two days away and across the ocean, would you like to fly coach?” He replied.

“On a commercial airline produced by slave labor? I don’t think so!” She screamed.

Her manag...

Swimming in the Ocean

I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and quivers?

A nervous wreck!!

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Me: Doctor, I have this irrepressible urge to have sex with the ocean.

Doctor: And how often do you get this urge?

Me: It comes in waves.

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A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on a desert island

The only thing on the island besides the three academics is a single can of beans. They are discussing how to get it open.

The physicist suggests that they build a fire and heat up the can until the pressure causes the can to explode.

The chemist says “No, no, the beans will fly eve...

A plane crashes in the pacific ocean. The only survivors are five men and a gorgeous woman

After a few days they end up on a desert island. After several failed attempts to get in contact with the outside world, they give up and come to terms with the fact that they have to spend the rest of their lives on this island.

They quickly acquire the necessary skills to build houses and l...

A passenger airplane is flying over the ocean

When all of a sudden the plane experiences a violent jolt. The captain comes over the speaker and says "We have experienced engine failure, and unfortunately, there is nothing we can do. The plane is going down."

While the passengers are contemplating certain death, a woman stands up, rips o...

My friend has an unhealthy obsession with ocean life

I told her to sea kelp

The other day my son said he’s only happy when he’s near the ocean or up in the mountains.

I said, “you need an ALTITUDE adjustment.”

Why does the ocean look blue?

Because the fishes go blu-blu-blu

This is way funnier when said out loud but it works!

What do you get if you cross an Aussie PM with a casual swim in the ocean?

A public swimming pool and a new Prime Minister.

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3 men are standing on a cliff near the ocean.

Suddenly, a genie appears and says: "I can turn you into anything you want, if you jump off this cliff. Just say what you want to transform into after jumping, and I will work my magic."

The first man jumps, and shouts:

"Seagull!"

He then transforms into a seagull, and flies awa...

What did the ocean say to the other ocean when they saw each other?

Nothing. They didnt even wave. Oceans cant communicate smartass

A long time ago there was a fishing village...

In this fishing village, they worshipped the sea. They did everything on the ocean--they lived in huts on the beach or over the water, they were always fishing, cultivating, and harvesting from the ocean. They also had this custom where they would name their kids based off of how they interacted wit...

Did you guys hear about the shipment of spices that fell into the ocean??

Huge waste of thyme.

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Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

Black people can't swim.

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Two whales were swimming through ocean when... NSFW

They spotted a whaling vessel overhead. The young whale turns to the old whale and says, "Hey, Mom! Thats the boat that killed father. Lets get it!" The mother turns to her daughter, nodding in agreement, and says, "Heres what we will do: I will swim directly under the boat and blow bubbles until th...

What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean?

pollution

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