Skeleton Jokes

Why did the police officer arrest the skeleton?

They could see the joint in his hand.

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I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

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What do you call a skeleton in a closet?

International hide and seek champion 1954

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skeleton walks down the street

He sees a hearse and yells "TAXI!"

A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"

He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."

"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"

"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old....

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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer

And a mop

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

He read the weather forecast you fucking idiot, what do you think?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A medical student was examining a skeleton

“Here once was a penis”, said the student.

The professor replied, “probably more than once, this is a female skeleton”.

Why should you never hire a skeleton army?

They have no skin in the game

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Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two skeletons were talking.

"You know what I find ironic? We can't get a boner."

Dad, where do baby skeletons come from?

Well son, when a girl skeleton and a boy skeleton love each other very much, they bone!

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What is a skeleton’s favorite vegetable?

Corn on the macabre

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Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

Because they don’t have the guts.

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What do skeletons invest in?

Crypt-ocurrency

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What do skeletons use to mug people?

A shoulder blade

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What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The grim sweeper

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What do you call the last skeleton on earth?

The end-o skeleton.

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Why are skeletons such bad liars?

Because you can see right through them.

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A skeleton walked in to the doctor

A skeleton walked in to the doctor. The doctor said “Aren’t you a a little late?”.

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Why did the skeleton burp?

Because it didn't have the guts to fart.

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Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?.....

.... Because they have no body to go with.

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What kind of maracas do skeletons play?

The death rattle.

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"A Bone-Tickling Riddle: Why Skeletons Refuse to Battle?

**Why don't skeletons fight each other?**

**They don't have the guts!**

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How did the skeleton try to build muscle?

By doing dead lifts.

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A skeleton walks into a doctor’s office…..

The Doctor : Now you come ?

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do horny skeletons do to make money?

Start a bonely fans

Why could the skeleton not rob the bank?

He could not find the guts.

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What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton?

I've got a bone to pick with you.

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Skeleton reporters have risen from the dead.

They bring grave news.

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There are no skeletons in my closet.

The bodies haven't decomposed yet.

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How do skeletons fix their drinks?

By sternum.

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What room can't a skeleton enter?

The living room.

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What is a skeletons favorite snack?

Ribs.

My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

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Why couldn’t the skeleton be an undercover cop?

Because he is a dead giveaway

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My wife just said to me, you're an eight on a scale of ten.

I'm confused why did she ask me to Urinate on a Skeleton?

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What do you call a skeletons nose?

Nobody knows!

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Why is the skeleton so timid?

He doesn’t have the guts to speak up

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Which do you call a skeleton's hunger?

Bone-appetite

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Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?

Because they’re easily rattled!

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A skeleton walked into a bar…

The bartender slides him a glass of milk and the skeleton says:

“Really Jerry? I’ve known you for 20 years and you do this?”

The bartender replies:

“Oh sorry, I thought it would be funny. You know being a skeleton and all…”

To which the skeleton respond:

“What no. ...

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A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.

When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.

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An Alien and a Skeleton walk into a bar...

They wave the bartender over and then order each other a drink.

The skeleton takes a sip and says, "Wow, that is out of this world!"

The Alien takes a sip, gags, then says, "Man, I don't know how you keep that down."

*I wrote this while I was a little buzzed, and have t...

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Whats the difference between a skeleton with a bullet hole in its skull and Putin

Time.

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The skeleton asks the mummy

"What music do you listen to?"

The mummy replies, "wrap".

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Why did the skeleton go to the partyy?

He was hoping to get boned

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How did the skeleton greet the other skeleton?

Bone-jour

Happy halloween!!

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Knock knock. Who’s there? Skeleton.

Skeleton who?

Why’d you ask when there’s nobody there?

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I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day

She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"

I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton

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I would make a skeleton joke but..

It wouldn’t be very humerus

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What's a skeleton's favorite dinner?

Ribs

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What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson?

“I’m BONE to be wild!”

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A skeleton is waiting to see a doctor.

The doctor walks in, spots the skeleton, and says “Ah, Mister Johnson! I haven’t seen you since we misplaced your femur! How are you doing?”

The skeleton sighs and replies “Honestly doctor, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”

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How much did the skeleton Weigh?

A ton. A Skeleton.

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Why are cavemen afraid of skeletons?

Sticks and stones can't break their bones...

Thanks ladies and gentlemen...my 8 year old will be here all week...

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Crippling depression.

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How do you keep a skeleton from joking?

Take away his funny bone.

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Why couldn't the skeleton hurt itself?

Because it didn't have the nerves.

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How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

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Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween.

It’s terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skeleton is walking into a bar.

He says to the bartender: "Damn you're very hot!"

The bartender replied: "Damn you're are quite a boner!"

What is a comedic skeleton's best asset?

His humerus.

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Why did the wither skeleton fail his test?

Because his answers were netherrite.

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What's a skeletons favourite sauce?

Grave-y

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Why does the skeleton go to church?

It keeps him on the straight and marrow.

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What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-Appetit!

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What did the skeleton say before dinner?

BONE appetit. His whole family found that HUMERUS.

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How much does a skeleton weigh?

One skeleTON

I may have heard this before. Just call me out on where it’s been and I’ll take this down.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do skeletons have sex?

They bone each other.

Today I learned skeletons are actually barred from joining NASA

Apperantly the job takes guts.

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Red Skeleton’s Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a skeleton’s favorite porn site

Bonely fans

How much storage does a skeleton have in his computer?

One terrorbyte

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Why does a skeleton upvote every cake day post?

Cause it was his DOOT-ty

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What is a skeletons favorite board game?

Tibial Pursuit

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What did the skeleton order for dinner?

The spare ribs.

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Where does a necromancer get skeletons?

He works his zombies to the bone.

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Why it's impossible for skeletons to create a Choir

They don't have the organs.

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What is skeleton nike's motto

Just Doot It

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I saw a skeleton being yelled at by his girlfriend. I was surprised to see that he was calm.

When I asked him how he could stay so calm, he said, “Nothing can get under my skin.”

(Little Halloween joke for y’all!)

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