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Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite

What's a skeleton's least favourite room in a house?

The living room

Skeleton jokes

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road

Because he didn't have the guts

A skeleton walks into a bar...

The bartender asks the skeleton, "What would you like?"

The skeleton replies, "I would like a beer and a mop please."

Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?

Because they’re easily rattled!

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Whats a skeleton’s favorite porn category


What is a comedic skeleton's best asset?

His humerus.

The skeleton asks the mummy

"What music do you listen to?"

The mummy replies, "wrap".

What's a skeleton's favorite dinner?


What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The grim sweeper

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A skeleton is walking into a bar.

He says to the bartender: "Damn you're very hot!"

The bartender replied: "Damn you're are quite a boner!"

A skeleton is waiting to see a doctor.

The doctor walks in, spots the skeleton, and says “Ah, Mister Johnson! I haven’t seen you since we misplaced your femur! How are you doing?”

The skeleton sighs and replies “Honestly doctor, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”

why are skeletons so calm

cause nothing gets under their skin ah ah ah ah ah

Why did the skeleton not go trick-or-treating?

He had no body to go with

What is a skeletons favorite snack?


My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

How much did the skeleton Weigh?

A ton. A Skeleton.

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?

Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!


A skeleton lost his funny bone.

It was quite humerus.

Why are cavemen afraid of skeletons?

Sticks and stones can't break their bones...

Thanks ladies and 8 year old will be here all week...

Red Skeleton’s Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I...

How do you keep a skeleton from joking?

Take away his funny bone.

Why did the wither skeleton fail his test?

Because his answers were netherrite.

There are no skeletons in my closet.

The bodies haven't decomposed yet.

Why does a skeleton upvote every cake day post?

Cause it was his DOOT-ty

Why was the skeleton sad at the holloween party

Because he had no body to dance with

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How do skeletons have sex?

They bone each other.

Why do skeletons never go trick or treating?

They have no body to go with

Why it's impossible for skeletons to create a Choir

They don't have the organs.

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Why did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

He read the weather forecast you fucking idiot, what do you think?

What did the skeleton say before dinner?

BONE appetit. His whole family found that HUMERUS.

what did the skeleton say to his enemy

I've got a *bone* to pick with you

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they don't have any organs!

Do you guys wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Never mind. I don’t have the guts to tell one.

What do skeletons use for the roofs of their houses?


Total chaos would ensue.

What would happen if the fly on the wall told the elephant in the room about the skeleton in the closet?

What did the incomplete skeleton say to the restaurant waiter?

"Got any spare ribs?"

What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?

Last year's hide and go seek winner.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?


While we were in coitus, a skeleton fell from the chandelier (nsfw)

Well that certainly bones the mood

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What did the person with necrophilia get when he saw a skeleton?

A boner

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What’s a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

If you were thinking a tromBONE you were wrong - they have no lungs! Obviously it’s a xyloBONE!

(Probably a really crappy joke but I came up with it last night and thought to post it here)

Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's bad for the environment.

Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

What is a skeletons favorite board game?

Tibial Pursuit

Do you want to here a joke about skeletons? No?

Whatever, it's not that humorous.

What do skeletons use to mug people?

A shoulder blade

Why did the skeleton get in a bar fight?

Because he couldn’t hold his liquor.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?

You might think it's because he has no body to go with, but in reality it's just because he's dead.

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did you know all skeletons are gay?

of course not they're always in the closet

Knock knock. Who’s there? Skeleton.

Skeleton who?

Why’d you ask when there’s nobody there?

Where does a necromancer get skeletons?

He works his zombies to the bone.

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A key that opens any lock is called a Skeleton Key. What do you call a lock that opens for any key?

A shitty lock.

Hey, do you like skeletons?

Nope, they don't have enough backbone and they aren't very humerus.

Do you want to see my skeleton collection?

I currently only have 1, and I'm not looking to expand.

I had a horrible nightmare last night

I dreamed that I was attacked by a ship of undead who were nothing but bones.

Fortunately, there weren't very many of them. It was a skeleton crew, after all.

Why does the skeleton go to church?

It keeps him on the straight and marrow.

I was gonna tell a skeleton joke

But it was too humerus

Why do skeletons hate Halloween party’s?

They have no-body to dance with

Why is a skeleton a bad liar?

You can see right through it.

What do you call a skeleton in a fedora?

Indiana Bones.

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I was gonna tell a joke about 2 skeletons having sex...

...but that would've been the last nail in the coffin.

How much does a skeleton weigh?

One skeleTON

I may have heard this before. Just call me out on where it’s been and I’ll take this down.

2 skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle

Suddenly the one on the driver seat gets off again, runs back and rips out its gravestone. The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"
And it answers: "Are you stupid? I can't just drive without my ID!"

Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?

Because it has a marrow waistline.

How much storage does a skeleton have in his computer?

One terrorbyte

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A priest, a black man, a camel. a skeleton, and a Jew walk into a bar...

The bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

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I bought a 3 foot long skeleton arm for my Halloween decoration today.

The store assistant asked me, 'Are you going to put it up yourself?'

'No, you sick fuck, it's going in my living room,' I replied.

How do the French study the skeleton?

They take your Bonaparte.

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The fuck is wrong with Napoleon's skeleton?

Sorry. There's a bone apart.

Why did the skeleton go to the supermarket?


Happy Halloween to all the dad joke lovers out there!

You go up to a mans house on Halloween to compliment his skeleton decorations

He says thanks those were my kids

What is a skeleton's weapon of choice?

A bone and marrow.

Why do skeletons make good consultants?

They’ve got no skin in the game, no guts and no balls.

What is skeleton nike's motto

Just Doot It

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