What's a skeleton's least favourite room in a house?

The living room

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Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite

What is a comedic skeleton's best asset?

His humerus.

How much did the skeleton Weigh?

A ton. A Skeleton.

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The grim sweeper

Skeleton jokes

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?

Last year's hide-and-go-seek champion.

This is an old one. " A skeleton walks into a bar and orders.."

A beer and a mop.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts.

why are skeletons so calm

cause nothing gets under their skin ah ah ah ah ah

Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?

Because they’re easily rattled!

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Whats a skeleton’s favorite porn category


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A skeleton is walking into a bar.

He says to the bartender: "Damn you're very hot!"

The bartender replied: "Damn you're are quite a boner!"

Why did everyone laugh at the skeleton?

Because he was humerus.

Why did the skeleton not go trick-or-treating?

He had no body to go with

What is a skeletons favorite snack?


My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

Why does a skeleton upvote every cake day post?

Cause it was his DOOT-ty

Why are cavemen afraid of skeletons?

Sticks and stones can't break their bones...

Thanks ladies and gentlemen...my 8 year old will be here all week...

Why was the skeleton sad at the holloween party

Because he had no body to dance with

The skeleton memes used to be funny...

But I’ve come to realize they’re dead memes

Red Skeleton’s Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I...

How do you keep a skeleton from joking?

Take away his funny bone.

A skeleton goes into a bar and the bartender asks,"What"ll it be Bones?"

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."


There are no skeletons in my closet.

The bodies haven't decomposed yet.

Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's bad for the environment.

Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

Why did the wither skeleton fail his test?

Because his answers were netherrite.

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How do skeletons have sex?

They bone each other.

Why do skeletons never go trick or treating?

They have no body to go with

What do skeletons use for the roofs of their houses?


I had a horrible nightmare last night

I dreamed that I was attacked by a ship of undead who were nothing but bones.

Fortunately, there weren't very many of them. It was a skeleton crew, after all.

Why it's impossible for skeletons to create a Choir

They don't have the organs.

What did the incomplete skeleton say to the restaurant waiter?

"Got any spare ribs?"

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Why did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

He read the weather forecast you fucking idiot, what do you think?

What did the skeleton say before dinner?

BONE appetit. His whole family found that HUMERUS.

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An archaeologist and a skeleton are best friends.

They go everywhere together, they do everything together, they live in the same house, they eat the same food. However, whenever the archaeologist goes to relieve himself, he asks the skeleton to leave the bathroom. One day, the skeleton asks him, "Why do you always ask me to go outside when you pee...

what did the skeleton say to his enemy

I've got a *bone* to pick with you

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they don't have any organs!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?

You might think it's because he has no body to go with, but in reality it's just because he's dead.

Do you guys wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Never mind. I don’t have the guts to tell one.

What's a skeleton's favorite insturment

a trom**BONE**

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?


While we were in coitus, a skeleton fell from the chandelier (nsfw)

Well that certainly bones the mood

Do you want to here a joke about skeletons? No?

Whatever, it's not that humorous.

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How do you know a skeleton is turned on?

He gets a boner.

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What’s a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

If you were thinking a tromBONE you were wrong - they have no lungs! Obviously it’s a xyloBONE!

(Probably a really crappy joke but I came up with it last night and thought to post it here)

What is a skeletons favorite board game?

Tibial Pursuit

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What did the person with necrophilia get when he saw a skeleton?

A boner

Hey, do you like skeletons?

Nope, they don't have enough backbone and they aren't very humerus.

Why did the skeleton get in a bar fight?

Because he couldn’t hold his liquor.

What do skeletons use to mug people?

A shoulder blade

What do you call a skeleton in a fedora?

Indiana Bones.

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did you know all skeletons are gay?

of course not they're always in the closet

Knock knock. Who’s there? Skeleton.

Skeleton who?

Why’d you ask when there’s nobody there?

A skeleton decided not to go to his school dance

He didn’t go since he had nobody to go with.

Where does a necromancer get skeletons?

He works his zombies to the bone.

Do you want to see my skeleton collection?

I currently only have 1, and I'm not looking to expand.

Why does the skeleton go to church?

It keeps him on the straight and marrow.

I was gonna tell a skeleton joke

But it was too humerus

Why do skeletons hate Halloween party’s?

They have no-body to dance with

I hear skeletons always have something to complain about...

They’re always rattling about something

Why is a skeleton a bad liar?

You can see right through it.

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I was gonna tell a joke about 2 skeletons having sex...

...but that would've been the last nail in the coffin.

How much does a skeleton weigh?

One skeleTON

I may have heard this before. Just call me out on where it’s been and I’ll take this down.

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A key that opens any lock is called a Skeleton Key. What do you call a lock that opens for any key?

A shitty lock.

Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?

Because it has a marrow waistline.

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A priest, a black man, a camel. a skeleton, and a Jew walk into a bar...

The bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

2 skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle

Suddenly the one on the driver seat gets off again, runs back and rips out its gravestone. The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"
And it answers: "Are you stupid? I can't just drive without my ID!"

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

Excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle

I’ve just been reading an excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle linked to a medieval siege. One of the burials was, from the skeletal analysis, a high status individual, but with the strange feature of having a skull embedded in the torso, this being of a lower status person. A careful rea...

How much storage does a skeleton have in his computer?

One terrorbyte

Why did the skeleton go to the supermarket?


Happy Halloween to all the dad joke lovers out there!

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I bought a 3 foot long skeleton arm for my Halloween decoration today.

The store assistant asked me, 'Are you going to put it up yourself?'

'No, you sick fuck, it's going in my living room,' I replied.

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The fuck is wrong with Napoleon's skeleton?

Sorry. There's a bone apart.

What is a skeleton's weapon of choice?

A bone and marrow.

Why do skeletons make good consultants?

They’ve got no skin in the game, no guts and no balls.

How do the French study the skeleton?

They take your Bonaparte.

What is skeleton nike's motto

Just Doot It

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