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Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite

What's a skeleton's least favourite room in a house?

The living room

Skeleton jokes

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no body to go with.

Which do you call a skeleton's hunger?

Bone-appetite

I’d make a skeleton joke for Halloween

But you wouldn’t find it very humerus.

A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.

When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.

I saw a skeleton being yelled at by his girlfriend. I was surprised to see that he was calm.

When I asked him how he could stay so calm, he said, “Nothing can get under my skin.”

(Little Halloween joke for y’all!)

A skeleton walks into a bar ...

... He says " Gimme a beer -- and a mop ! "

Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because it was boning everybody.

My 6 year old daughter just made this one up.

How do you annoy a skeleton?

You can't! Nothing gets under their skin.

Why is the skeleton so timid?

He doesn’t have the guts to speak up

Why are skeletons always scared?

Because they have no guts!

A skeleton knocks on a doctor's door

It's 2am, and when the doctor opens the door, still in his pajamas, he takes one look at the skeleton and says:

It's a bit too late for that, don't you think?

Why did the skeleton download Tinder?

He wanted to get boned.

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Whats a skeleton’s favorite porn category

Eboney

Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?

Because they’re easily rattled!

What is a comedic skeleton's best asset?

His humerus.

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The grim sweeper

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Why did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

He read the weather forecast you fucking idiot, what do you think?

The skeleton asks the mummy

"What music do you listen to?"

The mummy replies, "wrap".

A skeleton walks into a bar...

The bartender asks the skeleton, "What would you like?"

The skeleton replies, "I would like a beer and a mop please."

What is a skeletons favorite snack?

Ribs.

My son wanted me to post this one too!

Happy Halloween!

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A skeleton is walking into a bar.

He says to the bartender: "Damn you're very hot!"


The bartender replied: "Damn you're are quite a boner!"

There are no skeletons in my closet.

The bodies haven't decomposed yet.

What's a skeleton's favorite dinner?

Ribs

A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?

A TromBONE!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!

Me: DOOT DOOT!!

A skeleton is waiting to see a doctor.

The doctor walks in, spots the skeleton, and says “Ah, Mister Johnson! I haven’t seen you since we misplaced your femur! How are you doing?”

The skeleton sighs and replies “Honestly doctor, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”

I don't know why we put up those Halloween decorations at work.

We already have a skeleton crew.

How much did the skeleton Weigh?

A ton. A Skeleton.

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One spooky night on Halloween...

Chris, an urban adventurer. was looking to have some fun.

He decided that since it was Halloween, it would be the perfect time to explore a spooky house. He asked the locals if they knew of any, and they informed him of this abandoned mansion not to far from where he lived. He was warned cou...

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

Do you guys wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Never mind. I don’t have the guts to tell one.

Why are cavemen afraid of skeletons?

Sticks and stones can't break their bones...

Thanks ladies and gentlemen...my 8 year old will be here all week...

Red Skeleton’s Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I...

How do you keep a skeleton from joking?

Take away his funny bone.

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How do skeletons have sex?

They bone each other.

Visiting Nan's for Halloween

Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.

She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year.

Why did the wither skeleton fail his test?

Because his answers were netherrite.

Original I think from my 7 year old

I need to know if he really came up with this on his own, he promises he did.

What do you call famous skeletons?

Pop skullture!

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What’s a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

If you were thinking a tromBONE you were wrong - they have no lungs! Obviously it’s a xyloBONE!

(Probably a really crappy joke but I came up with it last night and thought to post it here)

A skeleton lost his funny bone.

It was quite humerus.

Why does a skeleton upvote every cake day post?

Cause it was his DOOT-ty

Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's bad for the environment.

Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

Why do skeletons never go trick or treating?

They have no body to go with

Why it's impossible for skeletons to create a Choir

They don't have the organs.

How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage?

They operated with a skeleton crew.

What do skeletons use for the roofs of their houses?

Shin-gles.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-Appetit!

What did the incomplete skeleton say to the restaurant waiter?

"Got any spare ribs?"

Eight Iron

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that i...

Do you want to here a joke about skeletons? No?

Whatever, it's not that humorous.

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What did the person with necrophilia get when he saw a skeleton?

A boner

What did the skeleton say before dinner?

BONE appetit. His whole family found that HUMERUS.

what did the skeleton say to his enemy

I've got a *bone* to pick with you

What do skeletons use to mug people?

A shoulder blade

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they don't have any organs!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?

You might think it's because he has no body to go with, but in reality it's just because he's dead.

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did you know all skeletons are gay?

of course not they're always in the closet

Knock knock. Who’s there? Skeleton.

Skeleton who?

Why’d you ask when there’s nobody there?

What is a skeletons favorite board game?

Tibial Pursuit

What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?

Last year's hide and go seek winner.

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.

Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-...

Why does the skeleton go to church?

It keeps him on the straight and marrow.

Why did the skeleton get in a bar fight?

Because he couldn’t hold his liquor.

How much does a skeleton weigh?

One skeleTON


I may have heard this before. Just call me out on where it’s been and I’ll take this down.

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A key that opens any lock is called a Skeleton Key. What do you call a lock that opens for any key?

A shitty lock.

Where does a necromancer get skeletons?

He works his zombies to the bone.

Total chaos would ensue.

What would happen if the fly on the wall told the elephant in the room about the skeleton in the closet?

Hey, do you like skeletons?

Nope, they don't have enough backbone and they aren't very humerus.

Do you want to see my skeleton collection?

I currently only have 1, and I'm not looking to expand.

Why is a skeleton a bad liar?

You can see right through it.

Why do skeletons hate Halloween party’s?

They have no-body to dance with

I hear skeletons always have something to complain about...

They’re always rattling about something

What do you call a skeleton in a fedora?

Indiana Bones.

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I was gonna tell a joke about 2 skeletons having sex...

...but that would've been the last nail in the coffin.

2 skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle

Suddenly the one on the driver seat gets off again, runs back and rips out its gravestone. The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"
And it answers: "Are you stupid? I can't just drive without my ID!"

How much storage does a skeleton have in his computer?

One terrorbyte

Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?

Because it has a marrow waistline.

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I bought a 3 foot long skeleton arm for my Halloween decoration today.

The store assistant asked me, 'Are you going to put it up yourself?'

'No, you sick fuck, it's going in my living room,' I replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest, a black man, a camel. a skeleton, and a Jew walk into a bar...

The bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

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The fuck is wrong with Napoleon's skeleton?

Sorry. There's a bone apart.

How do the French study the skeleton?

They take your Bonaparte.

What is a skeleton's weapon of choice?

A bone and marrow.

Why did the skeleton go to the supermarket?

To get SPARE RIBS!

Happy Halloween to all the dad joke lovers out there!

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