Wear camouflage condoms

Never let em see you coming

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket.

You can hide but you can’t run.

I went out to buy a camouflage t-shirt yesterday,

But I couldn't find any.

English is the Devil’s language

Why is it spelled: camouflage

And not:

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My wife claims that men in camouflage look really sexy.

I just don’t see it.

Some people love camouflage clothing

But I don’t see the appeal

I was going to start a camouflage plane company

But I just can’t see it taking off

Why did I not see you at the camouflage meeting this morning coporal Ryan?

Thank you sir!

A mother Chameleon was so overcome with joy when her eggs hatched that her camouflage dropped.

Looking down excitedly, she exclaimed, "I've become apparent!"


- Yes, Sir?
- I didn’t see you at camouflage training today!
- Thank you, Sir!

How does a dog camouflage itself in the forest?

It barks.

My 4 yo made this up.

A sergeant told a cadet that he didn’t see him during camouflage training

The cadet then thanked the man

Typical! No one has turned up at Camouflage Club


Can someone help me? I tried to google what camouflage looked like

I can't find it

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How does an elephant camouflage? & What's the loudest thing in the forest?

He paints his balls in red and climbs on a cherry tree & A giraffe eating a cherry.

If a tree falls.....

A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.

Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"

Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"

Why do people wear camouflage?

I don't know I've never seen one.

What do you call a girl wearing camouflage?


I bought a package of camouflage condoms last night

She never saw me coming

A man walks into a hunting store and asks if they have the best camouflage clothing.

The store owner goes looking for it for several minutes but finally comes back to the man and says :
"Sorry, but I just couldn't find them"
The man then leaves the store satisfied.

A soldier, airman, marine, and a sailor walk into a bar...

The soldier boasts, "Our camouflage is so good, we put 50 men in the desert and only 20 were found."

The airman retorts, "That's nothing. Our camouflage is so effective, we put 50 jets in the sky, and only 15 were found!"

The marine says, with a big grin, "Amateurs, our camouflage is s...

I threw a camouflage themed party last week.

No one showed up.

I was going to apply for a job in the army,

But I just couldn’t see myself in camouflage.

September 15th is national camouflage day.

I hope I don't see anyone celebrating.

I convinced my friend to not purchase a camouflage jacket.

It's something I couldn't see him wearing.

I went shopping for a camouflage jacket

I searched through the entire shop but couldn't find it

Camouflage clothing is so ugly...

It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.

My friend promised me he was going to the camouflage convention

But I never saw him there!

I went to the hunting store to buy some camouflage clothing...

But I didn't see anything that I liked.


What do you call a pig who's good at hiding among pine trees ?

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

A few other excellent puns:

He wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then he changed his mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? - Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.

A ...

If I owned a condom shop, it would be called Camouflage Condoms

Because, “you’d never see us coming”

Why do hardcore kids wear camouflage?

Because they don't want to be scene.

If you were in high school in the mid 2000s, you get it.

What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?

A croaking device.

Purple is the best color for camouflage

Have you ever seen a soldier in violet ?

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today

but I couldn't find it.

There's this new camouflage being developped that apparently makes soldiers invisible!

You have to not see it to believe it.

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The General was reviewing the troops during camouflage training when suddenly a tree trunk starts jumping around.

"Soldier, what are you doing?" screamed the General.

"When the bird shit on my arm, I didn't move a muscle," said the private. "And when the dog pissed on my leg, I kept ...

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his booty.

My camouflage is only 70% functional


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Today I saw a girl wearing camouflage pants.

They didn't show her ass very well.

I wanted to make a camouflage joke

But I couldn't seem to find any

What do you call John Cena in camouflage?


What do you call an alligator in a camouflage vest?

A private investigator.

This is the anniversary of my great great great grandfather inventing camouflage.

Not that anyone noticed.

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A guy from the city decides to go hunting

He spends a bunch of money getting all the right equipment and gear and camouflage outfit, etc. then heads out to hunt some geese. He finds his local hunting grounds and heads out with his rifle. He spends all day not seeing a single animal, and just before he decides to give up, he sees a flock o...

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My favorite underwear is camouflage...

Because no one can see me cumming.

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The power of booze.

Chapayev was a famous Red Army commander during the Russian Civil War.
He often travelled with a young aid named Peter.
One day they were holding a farm until reinforcements would arrive.

- Commander, I got from the radio that the enemy is five miles away!
- Let's drink to it.

A multi part joke my dad used to tell.

Why did the turtle cross the road ?
To get to the Shell station.

Why did the turtle go to the Shell station?
He needed Turtle Wax.

Why did the turtle need Turtle Wax?
He wanted to camouflage his shell.

Why did the turtle want to camouflage his shell?
He wanted to hi...

Camouflage can be seen as a form of lying

Except it can't.

A visit to the Doctors

We both put on our combat boots, camouflage jackets, balaclavas and masks, strode up to the counter and loudly proclaimed "Nobody move! We have an appointment".

Why shouldn’t you go into the jungle at 4pm?

Because that‘s when the elephants jump down from the plum trees.

Why do elephants have small blue eyes?
So that they can hide in plum trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a plum tree?
See, that proves how well the camouflage works.

Why are crocodiles so flat?

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Joke: Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?
Punch: Because they are already "in the skies".

Thank you, I'll see myself out.

I got hit by a truck with a camouflage paint job.

It came out of nowhere.

A guy wearing full camo sneaks into a bar

He tip-toes his way through the few customers idling about and tries to sneak behind the counter, but an invisible force violently pushes him back.

Realizing he's somehow been detected, he tries to escape from the bar only to be thwarted by another stern shove blocking his exit.

The ba...

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