UPJOKE
disguisemaskkhakicamochameleontigercloakoctopuscolourfrench languagehidingcovertfatiguescoveruniforms

I was going to start a camouflage plane company

But I just can’t see it taking off

The camouflage test

\- **Soldier**: Hello commander Robert!

\-**Commander**: Hello! I didn't see you at the camouflage test...

\-**Soldier** :Thanks commander Robert!

My wife ran into the room suddenly and yelled: “Quick! Do you know of anything physical that gives off no smells? Zero. Sort of like an olfactory camouflage that would be utterly invisible to the nose?”

Confused, I thought for a moment, and then replied: “What you are describing makes absolutely no scents”

Sergeant: I didn’t see you at camouflage training.

Private: Thank you, sir!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife claims that men in camouflage look really sexy.

I just don’t see it.

Some people love camouflage clothing

But I don’t see the appeal

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket.

You can hide but you can’t run.

The first annual meeting of the camouflage club was disastrous.

It looked like nobody showed up.

There was this guy on the road

There was this guy on the road who was found painted grey with a white push bike symbol painted on. He said he lays down on roads to camouflage himself waiting for people to ride their bikes over him because he enjoyed the feeling.

This guy was a real cycle path.

Why do people wear camouflage?

I don't know I've never seen one.

The sergeant growled at the young soldier 'I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!'

'Thank you very much, sir' replied the young soldier

Wear camouflage condoms

Never let em see you coming

I went out to buy a camouflage t-shirt yesterday,

But I couldn't find any.

A mother Chameleon was so overcome with joy when her eggs hatched that her camouflage dropped.

Looking down excitedly, she exclaimed, "I've become apparent!"

A man walks into a hunting store and asks if they have the best camouflage clothing.

The store owner goes looking for it for several minutes but finally comes back to the man and says :
"Sorry, but I just couldn't find them"
The man then leaves the store satisfied.

What do you call a girl wearing camouflage?

Heidi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does an elephant camouflage? & What's the loudest thing in the forest?

He paints his balls in red and climbs on a cherry tree & A giraffe eating a cherry.

That's the 3rd time in 3 weeks

That I've been to camouflage club, and no one else was there!

I threw a camouflage themed party last week.

No one showed up.

How does a dog camouflage itself in the forest?

It barks.


My 4 yo made this up.

Typical! No one has turned up at Camouflage Club

Again!

Camouflage clothing is so ugly...

It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.

I convinced my friend to not purchase a camouflage jacket.

It's something I couldn't see him wearing.

I bought a package of camouflage condoms last night

She never saw me coming

September 15th is national camouflage day.

I hope I don't see anyone celebrating.

My friend promised me he was going to the camouflage convention

But I never saw him there!

I went shopping for a camouflage jacket

I searched through the entire shop but couldn't find it

I went to the hunting store to buy some camouflage clothing...

But I didn't see anything that I liked.

If a tree falls.....

A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.

Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"

Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"

Camouflage

What do you call a pig who's good at hiding among pine trees ?
.
.
.
Porkypine

General: soldier I did not see you in camouflage class today!

Soldier: Thanks, Sir....





Yes this is me ... I fixed the original post....

If I owned a condom shop, it would be called Camouflage Condoms

Because, “you’d never see us coming”

There's this new camouflage being developped that apparently makes soldiers invisible!

You have to not see it to believe it.

Why do hardcore kids wear camouflage?

Because they don't want to be scene.



If you were in high school in the mid 2000s, you get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I saw a girl wearing camouflage pants.

They didn't show her ass very well.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today

but I couldn't find it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camouflage

The General was reviewing the troops during camouflage training when suddenly a tree trunk starts jumping around.

"Soldier, what are you doing?" screamed the General.

"When the bird shit on my arm, I didn't move a muscle," said the private. "And when the dog pissed on my leg, I kept ...

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his booty.

What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?

A croaking device.

I wanted to make a camouflage joke

But I couldn't seem to find any

Purple is the best color for camouflage

Have you ever seen a soldier in violet ?

English is the Devil’s language

Why is it spelled: camouflage

And not:

My camouflage is only 70% functional

Ouf

This is the anniversary of my great great great grandfather inventing camouflage.

Not that anyone noticed.

What do you call John Cena in camouflage?

Redundant

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.



A few other excellent puns:

He wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then he changed his mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? - Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.

A ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite underwear is camouflage...

Because no one can see me cumming.

What do you call an alligator in a camouflage vest?

A private investigator.

Did you hear about the new camouflage turban?

It helps you hide and Sikh.

I was going to apply for a job in the army,

But I just couldn’t see myself in camouflage.

Camouflage can be seen as a form of lying

Except it can't.

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Joke: Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?
Punch: Because they are already "in the skies".

Thank you, I'll see myself out.

A soldier, airman, marine, and a sailor walk into a bar...

The soldier boasts, "Our camouflage is so good, we put 50 men in the desert and only 20 were found."

The airman retorts, "That's nothing. Our camouflage is so effective, we put 50 jets in the sky, and only 15 were found!"

The marine says, with a big grin, "Amateurs, our camouflage is s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from the city decides to go hunting

He spends a bunch of money getting all the right equipment and gear and camouflage outfit, etc. then heads out to hunt some geese. He finds his local hunting grounds and heads out with his rifle. He spends all day not seeing a single animal, and just before he decides to give up, he sees a flock o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The power of booze.

Chapayev was a famous Red Army commander during the Russian Civil War.
He often travelled with a young aid named Peter.
One day they were holding a farm until reinforcements would arrive.

- Commander, I got from the radio that the enemy is five miles away!
- Let's drink to it.
Th...

I got hit by a truck with a camouflage paint job.

It came out of nowhere.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.