Sergeant: “Smith! I didn’t see you at camouflage practice today!”

Private Smith: “Thank you, Sir!”

I was going to start a camouflage plane company

But I just can’t see it taking off

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket…

You can hide but you can’t run

I threw a camouflage themed party last week.

No one showed up.

Camouflage clothing is so ugly...

It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.

To the man in a wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run. (Hopefuly you haven't seen this reposted, I just thought of it)

If I owned a condom shop, it would be called Camouflage Condoms

Because, “you’d never see us coming”

I went to the hunting store to buy some camouflage clothing...

But I didn't see anything that I liked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔


The General was reviewing the troops during camouflage training when suddenly a tree trunk starts jumping around.

"Soldier, what are you doing?" screamed the General.

"When the bird shit on my arm, I didn't move a muscle," said the private. "And when the dog pissed on my leg, I kept ...

Today I repaired my laptop with camouflage duct tape.

Now all of my browsing will be incognito

I convinced my friend to not purchase a camouflage jacket.

It's something I couldn't see him wearing.

What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?

A croaking device.

General: soldier I did not see you in camouflage class today!

Soldier: Thanks, Sir....

Yes this is me ... I fixed the original post....

Purple is the best color for camouflage

Have you ever seen a soldier in violet ?

The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning."

"Thank you very much sir"

What do you call an alligator in a camouflage vest?

A private investigator.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today

but I couldn't find it.

This is the anniversary of my great great great grandfather inventing camouflage.

Not that anyone noticed.

I wanted to make a camouflage joke

But I couldn't seem to find any

Camouflage can be seen as a form of lying

Except it can't.

My favorite underwear is camouflage...

Because no one can see me cumming.

There's this new camouflage being developped that apparently makes soldiers invisible!

You have to not see it to believe it.

so i went to the clothes shop to buy camouflaged pants...

...and i didn't find any.

What do you say to a soldier who doesn't turn up for Camouflage training?

Well done.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I saw a girl wearing camouflage pants.

They didn't show her ass very well.

My son went to camouflage camp last summer.

We never saw him again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me she thinks men in camouflage look sexy...

I just can't see it.

What do you call John Cena in camouflage?


Did you hear about the new camouflage turban?

It helps you hide and Sikh.

I got hit by a truck with a camouflage paint job.

It came out of nowhere.

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his booty.

Why shouldn’t you go into the jungle at 4pm?

Because that‘s when the elephants jump down from the plum trees.

Why do elephants have small blue eyes?
So that they can hide in plum trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a plum tree?
See, that proves how well the camouflage works.

Why are crocodiles so flat?

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a...

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Joke: Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?
Punch: Because they are already "in the skies".

Thank you, I'll see myself out.

No motivation. Why bother if people don't notice my creative work?

It just seems that lately nobody really notices all the work I do. It seems like no matter how much effort i put into my works, no matter how much I invest in improving my skills via education, books, conferences, no matter how much i try to 'get in the spotlight' and display my art, people seem to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the point of any of this?

So I am at my new job working my ass off but nobody seems to notice it. My boss doesn't seem to care, coworkers don't even talk to me.
I am starting to feel depressed.
Maybe I should quit working in the camouflage tailor shop.

"So how did you end up getting pregnant ?"

" well those camouflage condoms my boyfriend used didn't work ".

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

My favorite French Army Jokes

**Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?**

To see the battle

**Why do French tanks have 6 gears?**

5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades

**Why do French boats have glass bottoms?**

So they can see the rest of their boats

**Why don't cr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God and the Animal Crisis

One day God hears some ruckus coming from Earth and asks St Peter what it's all about.

St Peter, "The animals are all complaining and unhappy with how you have created them"

God "Alright, line them up. I will deal with this myself"

So first in line is the elephant.

God as...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.

He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.

Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.

In a gruff voice, he yells "PRIVATE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAG...

Some friends of mine recently lost their baby.

They swore to never dress him in camouflage again if he turns up.

Blind Man

I just passed a blind man in home depot. He was dressed head to toe in camouflage. I assume he was trying to even the playing field. Well done sir. (True Story)

A guy goes into a military surplus store...

..and asks the owner if he has any camouflage jackets. He says, "I've got hundreds, but I can't find any of them!"

50 of the LEAST offensive jokes I know

1. What's a pirate's favorite letter? "**Arrrr!**" "No. Ya'd think so, but me first love be the C"
1. Why wasn't 6 excited that 7, her boyfriend, won her a prize at the fair? Because 711492.
1. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
1. Why d...

Here's a mind bender my 8 year old son came up with: Why are trees green?

For camouflage.

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