A Sea Lion escaped from the Atlanta Aquarium...

I heard they had to re-seal the tank...

I kept asking the aquarium owner about the walking fish.

He said 'you axolotl questions!'

At the entrance to the aquarium there was a sign that said "No dogs".

I thought, "What sort of aquarium *does* have dogs?"

Went to the pet shop to buy a gold fish the other day... Guy asks if I want a aquarium

Like I care about its star sign!

Why did the Nuclear Power Plant have an aquarium built next to it?

To put all its nuclear fission.

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[wife, watching the news] Some idiot was trying to fight a squid at the aquarium.

[me, covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick.

What do you get if you throw a kid into a pirhana tank at the aquarium?

some red water and a lifetime ban, apparently

Admission to our local aquarium only costs 1p if you're camping or you're a dolphin.

So to all in tents and porpoises it's pretty much free.

Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today...

What do you call an aquarium filled with liquid nitrogen?

Oxygen defishent.

When I was a little kid I had a pet turtle. Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium. When i went to camp, the turtle died. When i got home, my dad lied to me. He said, "your turtle is live and well, it just went to go live with your mother." And i believed that til i was digging in the backyard

...found my mom's body.

Smh worst day of my life,
I loved that turtle

This sushi is terrible!

.....Sir, this is an aquarium.

A man works at an Aquarium

Technically it was a zoo/aquarium, but they got more people coming in for their aquatic animals, so they called it an aquarium.

Most notably among those, were their seals. The seals had been taught to do tricks at another aquarium before they'd been moved over. But at the time the aquarium ha...

A power plant blows up near a aquarium...

and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him

“Sir, the eels have fur all over them and are humanoid too!”

My boss looked so surprised and asked

“Fur-eel man?”

I recently read that it's beneficial to your mental well being to share your bed with your pets...

... but in hindsight, I probably should have left them in the aquarium.

I took my kids to the aquarium.

"If you get really close to the glass maybe the whale will talk to you!" I suggested to my son.

"Grow up," said the woman behind the ticket booth.

Al bragged about his home aquarium to a friend.

“I keep it super clean,” he said. “And my fish are always so darn happy.”



“How the heck can you tell your fish are happy?” his friend asked.



“Because,” Al replied, “they are always wagging their tails.”

Trip to the aquarium joke

The other week I was in the aquarium having a whale of a time (pardon the pun). I saw sea horses, sharks, turtles, the whole shebang. But I couldn't wait to get to my favourite creature. I don't know why but I've always been fascinated by eels. I did a project on them in primary school and since the...

A politician walks into an aquarium...

There he finds a monk looking at a small fish that looks like hipnoticed. The monk is controling its movment with his hand. If he move his hand to the left the fish goes to the left, if he moves his had to the right so the fish does.

Politician: Hey sir, how you do that?

Monk: Strong m...

"Whale whale whale look who it is." My buddy hates when I visit him at the aquarium.

He says I'm not using the word for its intended porpoise.

So if a place to view birds is an Aviary, and a place to view fish is a aquarium, where do you view pigs?

Congress

I got arrested for illegal fishing, even though there weren't any 'no fishing' signs.

Apparently if it's an aquarium in a hotel lobby, you don't need a sign.

The star attraction at my local aquarium has been repossessed.

Turns out it was a loan shark .

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Do you have an aquarium?

A man was walking down a street and suddenly he meets a childhood friend. They have a chat and then the first guy asks his childhood friend: "What do you study?"

The other tells him I'm learning logics. The guy asks him what exactly is that?

"Let me explain, do you have an aquarium at...

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So this guy who works in an aquarium

Get summoned by his boss
Who is looking very worried.

And she says to him,
"I've just walked by the dolphin tank,
And they're feeling very amorous -
They're doing all sort of things to each other.
And the trouble is in less than an hour,
We've got three busloads of second gr...

A man calls an aquarium factory.

He says, "I understand that you manufacture custom fish tanks of all sizes?"

"That's right."

"Perfect. You see, my company manufactures silicon breast implants. We've found that our products last longer when stored in water. If we had some kind of very large glass storage containers, c...

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for indecent exposure at the aquarium?

The sicko likes to cuttlefish.

I clean my kids’ aquariums but they don’t appreciate it...

It’s a case of “tanks but no thanks.”

What is Rick Grimes' favorite exhibit at the aquarium?

Coraaaaaaaal

I caught my first fish today!

Unfortunately, i got kicked out of the aquarium.

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

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Logic 101

Mitch sees Nick, an old friend, and walks up to him: "Where have you been? Haven't seen you for a while at the pub. Wanna join us on the card game tonight?"

"I can't. I have a lecture in an hour."

"A lecture? Aren't you too old to study?"

"You're never too old to study the logic...

jokes go brrrrrrrr

**what do you get when you make a whale and an octopus fight?**

banned from the aquarium

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A woman goes to a pet store to buy a companion.

The assistant in the pet store however guides her to the aquarium and says "these frogs are on special.'
"Why would I want a frog" says the woman.
The shop keeper looks around sheepishly then says "this frog gives the best oral sex in the world, MIND BLOWING!!"
The woman immediately buys ...

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

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A carpenter and a professor run into each other...

Two old friends, a carpenter and a professor, run into each other. They chitchat a bit and they starting to talk about work.

Professor: "So, what are you working with nowadays?".

Carpenter: "I'm a carpenter. And you?"

Professor: "I'm a professor.

Carpenter: "In what fi...

I think i got on the guiness book of world records for most octupus caught in a day

Sadly im not allowed back at the aquarium any more

The Zoo Joke

A man had an uncle who happened to own a zoo. One day, the uncle unfortunately passes away. When the man speaks to his uncle's lawyer, the lawyer offers to give him the zoo. The man willingly agrees. The zoo has an aquarium, a lion cage and a bird cage but it is in horrible condition. The man pays t...

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Santa wants to learn the subject Logic

he goes to his friend Banta, and says, this 'Logic' is really difficult for me to understand. Could you please help teach it to me.

Banta: well its really simple. let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium in your house?

Santa: Yes

Banta: logically there must be fishes ...

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Your mom is so ugly...

she was walking through the Aquarium and a Walrus unlocked her iPhone X.

A man buys a centipede from a pet store

he takes it home and sets it up in its aquarium, and lets it get settled in for a while. After a few hours the guy gets bored and goes up to the centipede and asks, "hey, centipede, you wanna go out and get a drink? check out the ladies? you know, just hang out?" But the centipede doesn't say anythi...

Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"

But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the endangered Mollusk exhibit?

An aquarium employee ran up to the railing and shouted "I'll go get help, don't move a mussel!

A young couple were on their honeymoon . . .

. . . and were staying at a hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and the bride donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon discovered that the bikini was to large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As t...

TIL that a school of piranhas are able to strip all the flesh off of a child in under two minutes.

Sadly, I was also fired from the aquarium.

"I can see the glass ceiling! DOWN WITH THE GLASS CEILING!"

"Megan, we're in an aquarium! NO!"

Do you guys remember Paul the Octopus?

The one who predicted Spain winning the World Cup some years ago?

Well, a friend of mine told me that if you get hit in the face with the ink of an octopus from there, you can see your future self and predict the future.

I called him out on it at first, but curiosity got the best of me...

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Well Trained Frogs

A woman walks into a sex shop looking for a dildo. In the back of the shop, she sees an aquarium filled with giant frogs. She asks the owner of the shop about the frogs.


“These are very special frogs. I have trained them personally to give the best cunnilingus in the world.”

The...

Sure, Aphrodite poses naked in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.

But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'.

Sure, when Aphrodite lounges naked on a clamshell she's "a goddess,"

But when I do it, I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium"!

Anyone have any more of these? Or the name of the type of joke they are so I can find any more?

The metamorphosis

One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"

Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transforme...

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The logician

First off i wanna say that english is not my first language, also i'm on my phone. I'm not even sure logician is the right way to say it, but you should be able to understand whats going on!


So a man was on his way home from a work trip. He was traveling by train, and it took a few hours....

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What's the difference...

What's the difference between a chef and a perverted aquarium owner?
One fixes dishes and the other dicks his fishes.

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Two men are talking at a job placement office

about how difficult it is to get a job when you have a criminal record. The first guy says, "Well, it's all about putting a positive spin on it. Take me for example, I was arrested for trying to rob the same convenience store 6 times. So I tell people that I'm persistent, tenacious, and refuse to gi...

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