UPJOKE
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How do crustaceans bulk up?

They crab load.

I just got done watching 3 movies about tiny crustaceans.

It was a krillogy.

What’s the difference between a dirty public transit terminal and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other’s a busty crustacean.

Where do crustaceans get their adult content?

PronHub

What did the young, privileged, and naive crustacean say to the other crustacean?

“I don’t sea shells”

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Did you see the video of a man masturbating into a crustacean?

That's him in a nutshell.

Why was the teenage crustacean upset?

He couldn't find a date for his high school prawn.

What do you call a crustacean that’s bad at pitching?

A lobster, but what it really boils down to is his claws being tied.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Today I watched a documentary about crustaceans and I saw a crab take another crab's food...

...crabs can be so shellfish right?

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4 Tiny Jokes

What do you call someone who empathizes and feels badly for the plight of small crustaceans?

A shrimpathizer.

What do you call someone who uses machines to emulate the sounds of small crustaceans?

A shrimpesizer.

What do you call someone who chases after the affection of ...

What's the difference between a Coral Reef and Tienenman Square?

One's full of crustaceans and one's full of crushed Asians.

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An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy nudes.

I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said dammit Loch Ness monster I ain't...

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The crab and the lobster

One there was a crab called David and a lobster called Lucy and they were very much in love.

One day, Lucy comes running to David, crying her eyes out.

“What’s the matter?” David asks.

“It’s my father, the King. He’s banned me from ever seeing you again!” cried Princess Lucy....

A father and son are watching a documentary about evolution...

...the boy had already watched this episode and was viewing it again carefully as he found it a bit confusing as to what the different prehistoric animals were evolving into. He recalled this episode ended with an ant-like insect becoming a crustacean-like animal. By the end he said 'Ep seen, did an...

Why was the animal unhappy?

**Why was the dog unhappy?**

He had a ruff week.

**Why was the cat unhappy?**

His life wasn't purrfect.

**Why was the turtle unhappy?**

His brother was a shellout.

**Why was the crustacean unhappy?**

His mother's been a real crab lately.

**Why ...

A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wond...

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What do you call a crab holding a basket of tampons?

A crustacean menstruation station.

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

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What's the difference between Korean women with large breasts and lobsters?

One group is Busty asians and the other is Crustaceans.

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What's the difference between a Japanese Restaurant and a Japanese car accident?

One has lots of crustaceans, the other has lots of crushed Asians.

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