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Cephalopod Jokes

What trophy do octopuses win as the grand prize in the cephalopod racing tournament?

The Suction Cup

Did you hear about the cephalopod who tried wearing pants?

He got squid marks.

What do you call it when two cephalopods do favors for each other?

Squid Pro Quo.

What are Cephalopod Ghosts made of?

Octoplasm.

What do you call a deal brokered by a cephalopod?

Squid-pro-quo.

Cephalopod humour

How much does it cost to treat an ill octopus?

Six Quid....

What do you call a group of cephalopods trying to kill themselves?

Suicide Squid

What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?

Kraken down.

A Marine Biologist walks into a lab,

She shouts, “I think we found a way for cephalopods to discover fire!”
The other scientist asks, “how.”
She responds with a CD,
“By making them listen to my mixtape!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar carrying an octopus

When he sits down at the bar, the bartender ask, "Hey, what's the deal with the octopus?"

The man replies, "Oh this? This octopus is amazing. It can play any instrument!"

"Bullshit, " the bartender says. "I bet it can't play this piano!"

The man flops the octopus down onto the b...

What do you call it when a fisherman gives a cephalopod in exchange for information on his rival fishermen?

A Squid-Pro-Quo

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus

The bartender, upon seeing the octopus, says "hey hey hey I run a respectable establishment here, no cephalopods allowed!"

The owner of the octopus says "no, wait, this is the most amazing octopus in the world, it can play any musical instrument known to man."

As fate would have it, th...

Bob the Sailor & Ollie the Octopus walk into a bar...

Bob the sailor walks into a bar carrying a large octopus. He announces to the bar that this octopus can not only talk, but he has a very unique talent which he will share with the crowd for $50 a turn.

Bartender says "There's no way that octopus can talk."

"Sure he can. Ollie, tell the...

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