A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

Who has two thumbs and isn't afraid of the Chinese Government? This guy.

Edit: 1 thumb

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

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India has decided to boycott Chinese products on all fronts to protest the latter's stand on disputed territories and their failure to inform India on the Coronavirus.

Meanwhile, Chinese textile mills are rolling out an all-new clothing line: "Boycott China" and are anticipating great demand from India.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

Chinese takeout, £15.00, petrol to get there, £1.50, getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

What do you call a bunch of chinese bears at an orgy?

A pandemonium.

Three chinese friends moved to America

Their names were Bu, Chu and Fu. When they arrived, they decided to take american names. Bu changed his name to Buck, Chu changed his name to Chuck but Fu decided to move back to China.

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant

Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “*Use the forks, Luke.*”

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A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar...

A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.

"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.

"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.

"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man....

Have you heard what happened with that Chinese lab in Wuhan?

**They ate him.**

A Chinese restaurant owner arrives home very drunk.

He crawls into bed next to his wife and shakes her awake, whispering, " Hey honey, how about a little 69?"

She jumps out of bed, livid, and yells at him, "You come home at 3am, stinking of whiskey, wake me up, and have the nerve to ask me for some pork fried rice, chicken chow mein, and an eg...

An Indian, a Pakistani and a Chinese are caught in a criminal act in Saudi Arabia and sentenced to flogging.

The Saudi flogger walks up to them and says : "Look, you all belong to some important countries so i gotta go easy on you. I'll let you pick how you want to get flogged"



The Chinese says: "Ok thanks habibi, please tie a mattress to my back and flog me then ok?"



Saudi du...

Why is it that chinese kids don’t believe in santa?

Because they’re the ones making the toys!

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A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour...

Someone asked me “who’s that’s Chinese knight looking for his belongings”

“He’s Sir Ching”

How do the Chinese eat cats?

With catchup.

The fortune cookie I got with my chinese food today was weird...

It said, ”FREE ME FROM THIS FACTORY
Lucky Numbers 23.5° N, 121.0° E”

Chinese takeout: $8. Tip :$2. Getting home

and finding out that they forgot part of your order: riceless.

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

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Two Chinese sewer workers meet in a foreign pub one night.

Whilst they’re talking, they realise that they work in the same county/state, they then realise that they work in the same city, shortly afterwards they realise that they worked incredibly close, in the same area!
Then, one of them, being completely inebriated says:
“All this time, we’ve been...

Ordered a Chinese earlier in the day. The Chinese driver pulls up and walks to the door. I walked out to meet him and he started shouting, "Isolate isolate!"

I said, "Calm down dude, you're not that late. I only ordered it half an hour ago!"

lf Adam & Eve were Chinese we would have been in paradise

Because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake

I can’t figure out my Chinese friend’s last name

I always take a guess at it, but he says “Nope, Yiu-Wong”

A nervous passenger decided to purchase flight insurance at the ticket counter. She had some time before the flights departure, so she stopped in a Chinese restaurant in the concourse.

She started to shake as she read her fortune cookie:

today’s investment will pay big dividends!”

I pushed a Chinese man down the stairs...

It was Wong on many levels

So... Dave the Panda walk into a chinese restaurant...

The dude at the door looks at the panda and asks "Table for one?"

The panda looks around, and noticing that he is alone, and thinking he's a comedian, he says "unless you're joining me, yes. Table for one please."

He gets seated and the waiter asks what he wants.

Dave the panda ...

If you think Chinese names are funny,

the joke is on Yu.

The mind that calls Covid-19 "the Chinese Virus" on live television is the same mind that called the CEO of Apple "Tim Apple" on live television.

The punchline: It's not racism, it's stupidity.

An American, a German, and a Chinese got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia

So for the terrible crime, they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:

“It is my first wife’s birthday today, and she would like to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The German was first in...

Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?

Because they would eat the bat!

What’s the difference between the Chinese Government and a Random Word Generator?

At least a random word generator sometimes tells the truth

Recently started dating a chinese girl but not sure if I want to keep going.

She’s been raising a lot of red flags.

Chinese Martial Arts!

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday when a little Chinese guy came in,stood next to me & started drinking a beer.

I asked him, "*Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, karate or Ju-Jitsu?"*

He replied, "*No! Why the heck you ask me that? Is it because I...

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"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China

He says he can't complain.

How much do Chinese dumplings weigh?

Wonton.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chinese and a jew were travelling in a train ..

A cockroach came through the window. At once the chinese caught and ate it. Jew was dumbstrucked.

After a while another cockroach came through. With lightning fast action the jew caught it , before the chinese and asked,"wanna buy it for a dime?"

Ever heard of the Chinese Godfather?

He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

My Chinese friend from Wuhan emailed us a joke about how Covid-19 began, but nobody understood.

I guess you had to be there to get it.

Chinese food....

Have you ever tried Chinese Meat balls?



....They are the dogs bollocks!

I just cannot get into reading chinese fiction

There are just too many characters...

A Chinese bureaucrat, an Indian bureaucrat and an African bureaucrat walk into a bar. They’ve known each other for years, having met every year at UN conferences, and they’ve become friends.

But, talking over drinks, they realise that they’ve only ever met at conferences. So the Chinese bureaucrat suggests that after the next one, in Beijing, they come to his house to relax for a few days.

They all agree, and when the next conference ends, they set off. They get a plane at Beijin...

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

What do you call a Chinese parent you understand?

Apparently.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Chinese neighbors had Waffles for breakfast

Bastards. I LOVED that cat

The Chinese President has decided to make a red book of quotes, like Mao Zedong did.

He's calling it "That's what Xi said"

Just ordered a Chinese takeaway

It was delivered by this little chinese guy,
I opened the door before he got there and he started yelling "ISOLATE! ISOLATE!"

I said "don't worry about it, i only ordered it 20 minutes ago"

A Chinese guy and an Englishman walk into a bar.

Over the next hour, the Englishman drinks a lot of alcohol and goes out of control. He begins to scream cuss words and annoy everyone in the bar.

Just as the bartender is planning to throw him out, the Chinese guy says,

"Hi, sorry for bad English"

A Chinese man fell down from his bike

He hurt his Chi-knees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chinese medicine

The Brit expat couple had great jobs in Hong Kong, but after at time the man noted a problem. His wife seemed less interested in having sex with him. He went to see an ancient Chinese man, a practitioner of Confucian holistic medicine.

"So simple," the sage said. "Rule of nine. Make move ...

Ordered Chinese food last night

When the delivery guy showed up to deliver it I went out to meet him saw it was a little Chinese man and he started shouting isolate isolate I looked at him and laughed and said you're not late it's only been 15 minutes since I ordered

When the Chinese spoke about the future colonisation of the world

they probably meant coronisation.

Why do 80% of Chinese people get cataracts?

Because the other 20% drive Rincoln’s

Two Interpol officers were taking a Chinese criminal back to China when they got stranded on an island

Officer 1, being the senior, came up with a plan for their survival.

Officer 1: Ok, so here's what we'll do. Officer 2, you'll go around the island and collect material for us to build a shelter. I will keep trying my phone to try and contact HQ to pick us up. Chinese guy you go into the wood...

Where do Chinese people go at night?

Tibet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

Why do cannibals avoid eating Chinese people?

Because they're hungry again in 20 minutes.

A wise Chinese man once said, "If a dog barks ..

... it's undercooked"

1 in every 5 people is Chinese

I know that I'm not Chinese, and my parents aren't Chinese.

So it's either my brother Li Xiu Ying, or my brother Kyle.

I think it's Kyle.

Have you heard of the latest Chinese car rip-off?

They're now producing the Toyota Corona

Why was the soup from the Chinese restaurant so heavy?

It was ONE TON soup!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black man and a Chinese man stuck in traffic?

Rush hour

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.

How do Chinese laugh?

L(MAO)!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Chinese music is called C-pop, Korean music is called K-pop, and Japanese music is called J-pop, what do you call Drake's music?

Crap.

I left my Chinese dumplings to cool on a third floor window ledge.

The police arrested me for wonton endangerment.

A chinese kid asks his father: "Dad, why do they say all Chinese people look alike?"

He replies: "I am not your dad"

Canadian and Chinese man get into a car crash

Chinese man knows very little English.

Chinese man: I am sorry

Canadian: I am sorry too

Chinese man: I am sorry three

Canadian: What are you sorry for?

Chinese man: I am sorry five

What sound does a Chinese cat make?

mao

My favorite Chinese food place is closed for COVID19.

The sign said they would wok from home.

I was getting trained as a cook in a chinese restaurant

Well, it was really more of a wok through

Stop saying "chinese coronavirus"

Start saying KUNG FLU

Have you heard of the chinese copy of Wu-tang Clan?

It's called Wu-han Clan

What is the difference between a Chinese person and a goldfish?

One is in a tank, the other is under a tank.

Why did China cancel Chinese New Years?

Everybody was kung-flu fighting.

Why don’t a lot of people talk about older Chinese martial arts?

Because it’s a tai-chi subject

I'm beginning to suspect my cat is secretly a Chinese communist.

All she ever talks about is Mao.

A Mexican and his Chinese friend are hosting a Super Bowl party

I wonder who’s bringing the Corona

I’m a Chinese goose

Hong Kong

a Chinese farmer...

a Chinese farmer spent all his money on seeds, but they didn't germinate--the seeds were fake.

Facing financial ruin, he decided to kill himself and his whole family, so he put rat poison into the family dinner, but they all survived--the rat poison was fake.

To celebrate the family's...

You have to give it to the Chinese.

They somehow managed to make an entire language out of bad tattoos.

My Chinese neighbor’s wife left him...

The poor guy had to go back to Wan-kin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a Chinese girl for her number

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went for a Chinese last night and got chatting to the waiter.

He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a Kamikaze pilot and his Code Name was 'Chow Mein'. I said "correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?"

To which he replied, "Yes but I was Chicken Chow Mein."....

Chinese doctors published their findings on the corona outbreak...

It’s gone viral

Chinese Exports

Everyone is always talking about how cheap and disposable Chinese exports are, and now that they’ve finally delivered something of substance everyone is already sick of it...

Chinese tells us to be patient with COVID-19

In the fall they will introduce to us COVID-20 and COVID-20 Pro.

I told a Coronavirus joke to a group of people

Everyone eventually got it, but the Chinese guy, he got it right off the bat.

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

I once told a joke...

... about Chinese people and the Corona Virus. An overly sensitive and overweight female co-worker said that just because I'm Asian, doesn't mean that the joke wasn't racist...

I asked her, "So if i tell a race joke, does it mean I'm a racist?"

She responded, "Yes, telling a joke based...

What do you call a group of 6 Chinese tourists in a small car?

A Six pack of Corona Extra.

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

The Chinese premier was spotted selling people a popular Linux terminal app on the beach.

Xi sells C shells by the seashore.

I don’t like when people write Chinese words using English letters.

But that’s just my pinyin.

What does an Italian chef make in a Chinese restaurant?

Ciao Mein.

What's a Chinese person's favourite drink?

Corona.
How often do they drink it?
E-viridae

Why can't two Chinese people have a caucasian child?

...Because two Wongs dont make a White

I am half Chinese and half Italian.

So my parents called me Lin Guini

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