Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

When I was a kid, I thought I had a Chinese friend

but turn out, it was nothing more than just my imagine asian.

An American and a Chinese man are stranded on a desert island

"We need to work together,", the american said.

"Ok,", he continued. "I will make shelter, while you get supplies."

"Ok", the chinese man answered before walking further in on the island.

Two days went by, and the american had built shelter. He was starting to starve, and as the...

What does the Chinese cowboy say?

Yeehao

How Long Is A Chinese Name

No, seriously, it is.

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.

What do you call a chinese dog that is running?

Fast food.

Why do Chinese people get good grades in maths?

Because their dogs don't eat their homework

The 3 step Chinese torture

A guy comes to a Chinese house in the middle of nowhere. Being late he ask to sleep in their house. The dad accepts but says: "If you sleep with my daughter I will use the 3 step Chinese torture on you!"

The guy accepts and enters the house. The daughter is stunning beautiful. Also she flirts...

Did you hear about the Chinese couple who were determined to have a Caucasian baby?

Obviously they couldn't because two Wongs don't make a white.

Things were going really well with this lovely Chinese girl I'd taken home when she asked if there was anything I'd like. I said "I'd love a 69"

She slapped my face, burst into tears and threw me out, screaming "You bloody men are all the same...!

"I'm not making beef and broccoli at this time of night!"

The Chinese Doctor & The Lawyer

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside
'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of tas...

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of..

tattoos.

I'm so stressed that I'm going to try that Chinese thing with the needles, what's it called?

Oh yeah, heroin

What do you call a Chinese VPN?

Ip Man

My new Asian Girlfriend asked me if I knew a little Chinese.

I said yeah he lives in number 221.

How Long is a Chinese name

......either you read that correct or you need to read it again to understand!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three Chinese Tortures

One day, a man was lost walking through a dense forest. When it was getting dark he came across a secluded cabin in a clearing on top of a hill. He knocked on the door, and an ancient looking Chinese man answered the door.
“Please sir”, the man plead. “It is getting dark, and I’m lost. Could you ...

What do you call a Chinese guy who has difficulty standing?

Li-Ning

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity.

She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung”.

Like I was supposed to know the name.

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,

we were having a drink and I said to him

"Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?


He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese man walks into a bar and sits right next to a Jewish man.

The Jewish man starts eyeing the Chinese man suspiciously, a dark expression covering his face. Suddenly, with no warning at all, he stands up, grabs the Chinese man by the neck, smashes his face against the bar and throws him to the floor.

The Chinese man, dazed and angry, stands up and con...

My chinese friend's grandfather got hit by a bus.

He was lying in his hospital bed when I came to visit him.
I had only entered the room when he began gasping and wheezing.
Worrying that he may be dying ,I quickly went near him and asked if he had any last words.
He then spoke in his native language, after a pause, in a very whispery tone...

How do you win in a Chinese food fight (racist joke srry)

Throw your dog

The American President, the Russian President and the Chinese President are all riding in a chopper.

Suddenly, the American President, overcome with pride for his country, takes out a stack of bills from his pocket, and throws it out of the chopper, yelling, "My country has a lot of money!"

Seeing this, the Russian President takes out a bottle of vodka and throws it out, shouting, "My countr...

The Chinese medic , opens a private clinic.

At the front dor , there was a huge banner saying : " The treatment costs $20 , if you don't get cured , we will give you $100 back"

A lawyer walking by saw the sign and thought it's a good opportunity for him to make an easy $100 , so he walks into the clinic .

- I have lost my tas...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when ...

A Chinese guy in the U.S. goes to exchange his currency.

He exchanges C¥10,000 and gets US$1,500.

The next day, he exchanges another C¥10,000, but gets only US$1,499. He asks why.

The exchange clerk says, “Fluctuations.”

The Chinese guy is shocked for a moment, and yells back, “Fluctuamelicans!”

An old bear is about to write in his journal... (Translated from Chinese)

And he finds that he has no more pages left, so he decides to go get a new one. It's already midnight but he goes out anyway. He gets on his bike and rides into the dark streets. After a long time, he finally finds a bookstore that's still open, so he goes inside. He finds a new journal that he real...

I ordered 2000 lbs of Chinese soup

It was, won ton

Why are there no Wongs in Chinese phonebooks?

Because you might wing a wong number.

Coming from a Chinese person, Trump's wall totally works.

I can confirm there are no Mexicans in China.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was trying to get a number from a Chinese lady with a strong accent

The lady said sex sex sex for free tonight

Her friend overheard this and corrected her saying 6664329

Did you hear the one about the Chinese godfather?

He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

Trump should hire the Chinese to build the wall.

They had one for over 2000 years and they still don't have any Mexicans.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

An American Battleship spots a Chinese canoe

“What are you doing,” the Americans said.

“We are going to raid America,” the four Chinese men responded.

All of the Americans laughed at them.

Then the Chinese said, “The other 4 million are already there.”

The stranded Chinese, American and Dutch

So a Chinese, an American and a Dutch are stranded on an island. The American takes responsibility and says: "We need things to survive so I would say that go fish, you Chinese guy get some suplies and the Dutch should get firewood for the night."

Like the American said, it happend. In the ev...

A Chinese man fell down the stairs of his 10-story apartment building.

It was Wong on so many levels.

Have you heard the old Chinese proverb about the importance of teamwork when repairing lamps?

'Many hands make light work'

What do Chinese cowboys say to each other?

Nee haw partner

What did the Chinese, anti-imperialist cat say?

Mao

A young chinese boy has been having a tough time ever since he moved to America

A young chinese boy has been having a tough time ever since he moved to America. He could barely speak English, was socially awkward and was constantly bullied at school. His mother, his only family, was in the hospital with a rare illness. The nurse taking care of his mother was the most beautiful...

There was 5 Chinese immigrants. Their names were chu, lu, bu, fu, and su.

When they decided to go to America, they decided to change their names to something more western. They renamed themselves:
Chuck, luck, and buck. Fu and Su didn’t get a passport because they committed tax fraud.

I called a Chinese friend of mine to ask how he was doing while he was visiting his family back in China.

He said he couldn’t complain.

My brother Seamus says 1 out of 5 people in the world are Chinese.

Well, there's five in our family... I know it's not me, it's not my mom, and it's not my dad. That leaves my two brothers: Seamus, and Xiaoping. And to be honest?

I think it's Seamus.

How long is a chinese man

that's a fact

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese woman goes to a local fast food restaurant.

The cashier: “What can I get you ma’am?”

The woman orders.

The cashier then jumps over the counter and begins groping and attempting to kiss the woman in public,

The woman freaks out and pushed him away screaming “Why you do dis??”

The cashier says: “You said you wanted ...

I know a pair of Chinese-American Twins

One of them, Ving, is a childhood friend of mine. I'm not particularly close with his sister, Ling, but we get along.

One day, Ving tells me he wants to change his name to "Lee". He thinks it'll help him fit in more, as it's a more American name. Ling, who's proud of her heritage and traditio...

Why can't you play hide and seek in a Chinese restaurant?

Because of the Peking duck.

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art. He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!” “No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!“

How do southern Chinese people say hi?

Ni-Howdy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I just started a Chinese Nazi party

It's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

How to speak Chinese

That's not right..................................Sum Ting Wong


Are you harbouring a fugitive?...............Hu Yu Hai Ding?


See me asap......................................Kum Hia Nao


Stupid man........................................Dum Gai


Small horse....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese man enters a Jew's lingerie store...

-I want 20 black bras size 85 D.

The Jew:

-Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one.

-It does not matter,

said the Chinese,

-I'll pay.

He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again.

-I want 30 bl...

A Chinese kid begs her mother: "Mom I want a puppy!"

Mom checks the oven and replies: "It's not done yet."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Jewish men were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in China?’

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Chinese Jews?'<...

Why don’t we have to worry about the Chinese invading

Because general tso is a chicken

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar.

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar. The topic of WW2 comes up and the Frenchman says to the American, "Dropping two atomic bombs on Japan was a terrible mistake." The Chinese nods. "You should have dropped more than two."

I ordered a Chinese takeaway...

I ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) just been to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving, - WTF??!!!

I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mexican, a chinese guy and an american are all in a desert...

The mexican has a giant leaf, the chinese guy has a hat and the american has a car door.

The mexican says he likes to fan himself when it gets hot.

The chinese guy says he likes to wear his hat.

And the american finally says that he likes to roll down the window.

&#x...

Did you hear Aerosmith just wrote a Chinese cookbook?

Wok This Way!






>;]

I had 2 chinese friend, who were twins.

One day, a bully came up to him and demanded their lunch money, but they quickly beat the bully up.

The bully really messed with the Wong kids.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese man goes on holiday in Paris, and goes to convert his yuan into euros.

He stops at a currency exchange near the hotel he's staying at, and gets 500 euros in exchange for 4000 yuan.

The next week, he goes back to the currency exchange and exchanges another 4000 yuan to euros, but only gets 495 euros this time.

"Why is it only 495 euros today? You gave me 5...

What do you get after dining at a chinese brothel?

Fortune nookie

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a chinese man's penis?

Caucasian

What did the Chinese kid name his pet lion?

Ryan

What's the difference between the Game of Thrones books and a Chinese newspaper?

To understand everything in a Chinese newspaper you only need to know about 3,000 characters.

A joke for our new Chinese overlords: I once asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69.

She said I'm not cooking Chicken Chow Mein at this time of night.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a wildlife park and all they had was one small Chinese dog

They said it was a shit zoo, so you have to admire their honesty, really.

Music is the universal language

But one day soon it will be replaced by Chinese.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Chinese torture!

One day a fine young man got lost in the woods. He wandered around a lot and couldn't get his bearings. He finally wandered into a hill on which was the house of a Chinese man. The man begged the CN to give him shelter for the night. The CN took pity on the man and agreed to allow him to spend the n...

I don't like these Chinese New Year celebrstions

They tend to Drag-on.

I met a Chinese guy at a party and told him, “Do I know you? Are you Chris Chen?”

He said, “No. I’m Eric. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?”

Me: No, I meant do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

I met my Chinese neighbour, Mr. Long, for the first time the other day. I said to him "I've been here months and still don't know your name"...

"Hau Long" he replied.
"Five months, I just said."
"No, Hau Long is my name."
"I don't know, you haven't told me"

Did you hear about the guy with Pica who raided the Chinese restaurant?

He ate everything and dim sum.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

An EU diplomat, a Chinese diplomat, and a Nigerian diplomat meet at an annual international summit.

They become friends while talking, and the EU diplomat suggests they go spend the summer at his holiday home. So after the summit they fly to Nice, and drive in his car down a gleaming new highway to the EU diplomat's home on the French Riviera. It has six bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a swimming p...

The owner of a Chinese restaurant stumbled home drunk at 3 am after a bachelor party.

He crawled into bed and, feeling a little frisky, whispered into his wife’s ear, “Hey, honey, how about a little 69?”

His wife rolled over and looked at him. “It’s 3 am,” she replied, “and you want me to make chicken with broccoli?”

I think the Chinese employer liked jewellery...

He asked me what I could bling

What did the black Chinese guy say to the Chinese black guy?

Hey Jim.

What do Chinese men do when they have an erection?

They vote.

I asked my Chinese student what Roe vs. Wade is...

He said: two ways to get to America

I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.

I think it's maoware.

Why was the Chinese CEO unable to leave Canada?

Because somewhere along the road she lost Huawei.

What did Rick say to the Chinese chef ?

More tea

Did you hear about the Pikachu who got in a debate over Chinese philosophy.

It hurt itself in its Confucian.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

TIL that Viagra is provided without charge by the Chinese Government

They're the only free elections the citizens get

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like sex the way Chinese like their food.

Doggystyle.

‪Why is Chinese soup the heaviest kind of soup?

Because it’s won-ton

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Insatiable Chinese man

A Chinese man called a prostitute service and asked for their most talented and energetic girl.

The girl finally got to his home and they started having sex.

Once he was done, he jumped off the bed, ran to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed, came out the other side and ...

I went to a Chinese restaurant and the waiter asked me if I enjoyed my meal.

I told him the chicken was rubbery and he said "thank you".

There were three guys in Hell - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man.

They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is...

What's the Chinese minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling

What's the Korean minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling-Pin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A chinese pilot and a jew copilot are flying together for the first time

Since the start of the flight, there was a strange feeling between them, so the chinese guy asks:

Chinese: Do you have a problem with me?

Jew: I sure do, i will never trust you chinese people after what you did to Pearl Harbor.

C: but those were the Japanese, not the chinese....

The Chinese Workman

An Australian man comes to Oregon during the great gold rush knowing of a location where tons of gold has yet to be discovered. Keeping it as secretive as possible, he comes alone and needs to hire help as he arrives. He heads to the local bar where many of the miners spend their evenings. He has ma...

Chinese man’s dog dies. He takes the dog to a crematory service.

The administrator asks the man how he would like to receive the remains. The man replies “medium well.”