Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

I'm so stressed that I'm going to try that Chinese thing with the needles, what's it called?

Oh yeah, heroin

The Chinese Doctor & The Lawyer

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside
'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of tas...

How Long is a Chinese name

......either you read that correct or you need to read it again to understand!

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.

Trump should hire the Chinese to build the wall.

They had one for over 2000 years and they still don't have any Mexicans.

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,

we were having a drink and I said to him

"Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?


He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

I ordered 2000 lbs of Chinese soup

It was, won ton

A Chinese guy in the U.S. goes to exchange his currency.

He exchanges C¥10,000 and gets US$1,500.

The next day, he exchanges another C¥10,000, but gets only US$1,499. He asks why.

The exchange clerk says, “Fluctuations.”

The Chinese guy is shocked for a moment, and yells back, “Fluctuamelicans!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when ...

The Chinese medic , opens a private clinic.

At the front dor , there was a huge banner saying : " The treatment costs $20 , if you don't get cured , we will give you $100 back"

A lawyer walking by saw the sign and thought it's a good opportunity for him to make an easy $100 , so he walks into the clinic .

- I have lost my tas...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese man walks into a bar and sits right next to a Jewish man.

The Jewish man starts eyeing the Chinese man suspiciously, a dark expression covering his face. Suddenly, with no warning at all, he stands up, grabs the Chinese man by the neck, smashes his face against the bar and throws him to the floor.

The Chinese man, dazed and angry, stands up and con...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked a Chinese chick for her number

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

My chinese friend's grandfather got hit by a bus.

He was lying in his hospital bed when I came to visit him.
I had only entered the room when he began gasping and wheezing.
Worrying that he may be dying ,I quickly went near him and asked if he had any last words.
He then spoke in his native language, after a pause, in a very whispery tone...

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity.

She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung”.

Like I was supposed to know the name.

A young chinese boy has been having a tough time ever since he moved to America

A young chinese boy has been having a tough time ever since he moved to America. He could barely speak English, was socially awkward and was constantly bullied at school. His mother, his only family, was in the hospital with a rare illness. The nurse taking care of his mother was the most beautiful...

Have you heard the old Chinese proverb about the importance of teamwork when repairing lamps?

'Many hands make light work'

Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

My brother Seamus says 1 out of 5 people in the world are Chinese.

Well, there's five in our family... I know it's not me, it's not my mom, and it's not my dad. That leaves my two brothers: Seamus, and Xiaoping. And to be honest?

I think it's Seamus.

I called a Chinese friend of mine to ask how he was doing while he was visiting his family back in China.

He said he couldn’t complain.

The stranded Chinese, American and Dutch

So a Chinese, an American and a Dutch are stranded on an island. The American takes responsibility and says: "We need things to survive so I would say that go fish, you Chinese guy get some suplies and the Dutch should get firewood for the night."

Like the American said, it happend. In the ev...

How do southern Chinese people say hi?

Ni-Howdy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Why can't you play hide and seek in a Chinese restaurant?

Because of the Peking duck.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese woman goes to a local fast food restaurant.

The cashier: “What can I get you ma’am?”

The woman orders.

The cashier then jumps over the counter and begins groping and attempting to kiss the woman in public,

The woman freaks out and pushed him away screaming “Why you do dis??”

The cashier says: “You said you wanted ...

Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather?

He made him an offer he couldn’t understand.

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art. He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!” “No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!“

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I just started a Chinese Nazi party

It's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

I know a pair of Chinese-American Twins

One of them, Ving, is a childhood friend of mine. I'm not particularly close with his sister, Ling, but we get along.

One day, Ving tells me he wants to change his name to "Lee". He thinks it'll help him fit in more, as it's a more American name. Ling, who's proud of her heritage and traditio...

How long is a chinese man

that's a fact

Why don’t we have to worry about the Chinese invading

Because general tso is a chicken

How to speak Chinese

That's not right..................................Sum Ting Wong


Are you harbouring a fugitive?...............Hu Yu Hai Ding?


See me asap......................................Kum Hia Nao


Stupid man........................................Dum Gai


Small horse....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese man enters a Jew's lingerie store...

-I want 20 black bras size 85 D.

The Jew:

-Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one.

-It does not matter,

said the Chinese,

-I'll pay.

He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again.

-I want 30 bl...

A Chinese kid begs her mother: "Mom I want a puppy!"

Mom checks the oven and replies: "It's not done yet."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar.

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar. The topic of WW2 comes up and the Frenchman says to the American, "Dropping two atomic bombs on Japan was a terrible mistake." The Chinese nods. "You should have dropped more than two."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Jewish men were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in China?’

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Chinese Jews?'<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mexican, a chinese guy and an american are all in a desert...

The mexican has a giant leaf, the chinese guy has a hat and the american has a car door.

The mexican says he likes to fan himself when it gets hot.

The chinese guy says he likes to wear his hat.

And the american finally says that he likes to roll down the window.

&#x...

Did you hear Aerosmith just wrote a Chinese cookbook?

Wok This Way!






>;]

I don't like these Chinese New Year celebrstions

They tend to Drag-on.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Chinese man goes on holiday in Paris, and goes to convert his yuan into euros.

He stops at a currency exchange near the hotel he's staying at, and gets 500 euros in exchange for 4000 yuan.

The next week, he goes back to the currency exchange and exchanges another 4000 yuan to euros, but only gets 495 euros this time.

"Why is it only 495 euros today? You gave me 5...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a chinese man's penis?

Caucasian

I had 2 chinese friend, who were twins.

One day, a bully came up to him and demanded their lunch money, but they quickly beat the bully up.

The bully really messed with the Wong kids.

A joke for our new Chinese overlords: I once asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69.

She said I'm not cooking Chicken Chow Mein at this time of night.

I ordered a Chinese takeaway...

I ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) just been to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving, - WTF??!!!

I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a wildlife park and all they had was one small Chinese dog

They said it was a shit zoo, so you have to admire their honesty, really.

What did the Chinese kid name his pet lion?

Ryan

My dog got into my leftover Chinese food

It’s a dog eat dog world out there

What do you call a rich Chinese person

Ka Ching!

I met a Chinese guy at a party and told him, “Do I know you? Are you Chris Chen?”

He said, “No. I’m Eric. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?”

Me: No, I meant do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

Did you hear about the guy with Pica who raided the Chinese restaurant?

He ate everything and dim sum.

What's the difference between the Game of Thrones books and a Chinese newspaper?

To understand everything in a Chinese newspaper you only need to know about 3,000 characters.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Chinese torture!

One day a fine young man got lost in the woods. He wandered around a lot and couldn't get his bearings. He finally wandered into a hill on which was the house of a Chinese man. The man begged the CN to give him shelter for the night. The CN took pity on the man and agreed to allow him to spend the n...

Music is the universal language

But one day soon it will be replaced by Chinese.

I think the Chinese employer liked jewellery...

He asked me what I could bling

An EU diplomat, a Chinese diplomat, and a Nigerian diplomat meet at an annual international summit.

They become friends while talking, and the EU diplomat suggests they go spend the summer at his holiday home. So after the summit they fly to Nice, and drive in his car down a gleaming new highway to the EU diplomat's home on the French Riviera. It has six bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a swimming p...

The Chinese have taken over our office block.

That's wong on so many levels.

I met my Chinese neighbour, Mr. Long, for the first time the other day. I said to him "I've been here months and still don't know your name"...

"Hau Long" he replied.
"Five months, I just said."
"No, Hau Long is my name."
"I don't know, you haven't told me"

The owner of a Chinese restaurant stumbled home drunk at 3 am after a bachelor party.

He crawled into bed and, feeling a little frisky, whispered into his wife’s ear, “Hey, honey, how about a little 69?”

His wife rolled over and looked at him. “It’s 3 am,” she replied, “and you want me to make chicken with broccoli?”

Did you hear about the Pikachu who got in a debate over Chinese philosophy.

It hurt itself in its Confucian.

I asked my Chinese student what Roe vs. Wade is...

He said: two ways to get to America

Why was the Chinese CEO unable to leave Canada?

Because somewhere along the road she lost Huawei.

What did the black Chinese guy say to the Chinese black guy?

Hey Jim.

What do Chinese men do when they have an erection?

They vote.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

TIL that Viagra is provided without charge by the Chinese Government

They're the only free elections the citizens get

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Insatiable Chinese man

A Chinese man called a prostitute service and asked for their most talented and energetic girl.

The girl finally got to his home and they started having sex.

Once he was done, he jumped off the bed, ran to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed, came out the other side and ...

‪Why is Chinese soup the heaviest kind of soup?

Because it’s won-ton

What's the Chinese minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling

What's the Korean minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling-Pin.

There were three guys in Hell - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man.

They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is...

Chinese man’s dog dies. He takes the dog to a crematory service.

The administrator asks the man how he would like to receive the remains. The man replies “medium well.”

What did Rick say to the Chinese chef ?

More tea

I went to a Chinese restaurant and the waiter asked me if I enjoyed my meal.

I told him the chicken was rubbery and he said "thank you".

The Chinese Workman

An Australian man comes to Oregon during the great gold rush knowing of a location where tons of gold has yet to be discovered. Keeping it as secretive as possible, he comes alone and needs to hire help as he arrives. He heads to the local bar where many of the miners spend their evenings. He has ma...

Learn to speak Chinese

1) That’s not right ………………….. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?…………. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP………………………….. Kum Hia Nao
4) Small Horse ……………………. Tai Ni Po Ni
5) Did you go to the beach? ………… Wai Yu So Tan
6) I bumped into a coffee table …….. Ai Bang Mai ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

I'm having a hard time getting my German Chinese fusion restaurant going.

It's called Chow Mein Kampf.

I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.

I think it's maoware.

A Chinese couple have become the first of their kind to have an Albino Baby!!

Which goes to show two Wong's can make a white.

How much do Chinese noodles weigh?

Wonton.

A professor teaches his students about Chinese history

Professor: Allright class, let me start off today with a fun fact. During early industrial times, a lot of British engineers went to China to start up new businesses there, because of their low taxation rates. Because of this huge increase in migration, the Chinese government invested in the proper ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A chinese pilot and a jew copilot are flying together for the first time

Since the start of the flight, there was a strange feeling between them, so the chinese guy asks:

Chinese: Do you have a problem with me?

Jew: I sure do, i will never trust you chinese people after what you did to Pearl Harbor.

C: but those were the Japanese, not the chinese....

A Chinese chimpanzee walks into a bar..

...and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the chimpanzee, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just a...

An old Chinese couple turn in for the evening

While lying in bed, the husband turns to the wife and says "You give me 69!"

And the wife responds "What? You want Beef and Broccoli now!?!"

Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.

One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.

A Chinese kid asked his mom if he can have a dog for Christmas

His mom said no.

He gets turkey and stuffing like everyone else.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Chinese have developed a new pill that increases the average penis size by 3 inches.

Reports say they will use it to interfere with the upcoming U.S. erections.

What did the Chinese business man say to his opthalmologist when he was told that he had a cataract?

> No no no no no no.
I drive a Rexus.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After years of trying a Chinese couple, the Wong's, finally get pregnant. With much anticipation Mrs. Wong delivers a beautiful Hispanic baby boy..

Mr. Wong names him Sum Ting.

A Mexican goes into a Chinese restaurant

Looks at a bottle of soy sauce and says "yes, yes you are."

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

A wise Chinese man once wrote: he who is standing on toilet ...

is high on pot

Woman are like an open book

But it's written in chinese and about quantum mechanics.

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our buddy Ty is now the state boxing champion.

People from China refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

How does the Chinese chef go to work?

He woks.