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Three men are on a river expedition in the Amazon

Three men are on a river expedition in the Amazon. One from England, one from France, and one from New York. A few days into the trip they encounter some rapids and wreck their boat. They wash up on shore and are immediately captured by a local tribe. The leader of the tribe steps forward and says ...

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Two men go on a long expedition into the mountains

Both of them happen to be smokers and while one was prepared and brought extra cartons, the other guy had only brought just one. Not long into their journey the second guy has ran out and starts pestering the first guy for a pack of cigarettes, but the first guy isn't budging, he brought just enough...

A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition

They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.

...

You hear the one about the blonde who went on a fishing expedition with three fishermen?

She came back with a red snapper.

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Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can...

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A jealous king was about to go on a long journey but was afraid that his queen would be unfaithful to him..

Therefore he summoned his best blacksmiths, in order to create a device that was going to provide protection from any penetration to his queen.

The most ingenious blacksmith came with an invention that could split in half anything that would dare to penetrate the queens genitals.

...

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A British explorer sets out for an expedition into Africa...

This is a time when Europeans know very, very little about the "cannibalistic African savages," and the African tribesmen know even less about the ways of the white man. So, our explorer comes to Africa, hoping to disperse the clouds of mist, and after having to resort to employing firearms a few ti...

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The Queen and the Metal Panties

One day the king had to go for a year-long expedition and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help. The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle. "Why doesn't that just defeat the w...

Did I tell you I am putting together an expedition to capture the legendary Sasquatch?

If we're successful, it'll be no small feat.

Talk about coincidence

BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....
Can't believe they all had the same name.

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe...

In the months leading up to their expedition,

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin trained in a remote moon like area in the Western United States. The area was home to several Native American tribes.
One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American. The man asked them what they were doing there. They replied that t...

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A Hunting Story

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awake...

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A father and son go on a nature expedition in Alaska.

On their first day, they meet their guide who gives them a rundown of everything they can expect during their trip. During the conversation, the son notices a very large caliber pistol strapped to the ranger's side. "Wow, that's a big pistol" he comments, "What do you use it for?" "Well son, this is...

Which Spanish Explorers took chips with them on their expeditions to Central America?

The Con-Qeuso-dors!

I go on expedition next week. My kids want to know what I’m going to do about the ferocious jungle cats.

Puma pants, probably.

A group of adventurers on Mount Everest have banded together to clean up the stuff left behind by past expeditions. It will likely take them at least 3 years.

More if there are any vegetarians. Less if they develop a taste for freezer burned meat.

Captain John McGrue was one of the most respected explorers

Born in England, he became known for his seafaring skills at a young age. At the age of 20, he heard the legends of the greatest drinks in the world, a quest many explorers had tried, but unfortunately none could complete the trip. McGrue was talked out of it by every friend, until at 28, already an...

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There's a little known legend about the Brothers Grimm: they wanted to write a story to rival The Ugly Duckling. For 'research' purposes, they bought a hundred ducks and released them into a cave..

..planning to return years later to document their behavior. Unfortunately both passed away before that, and the project was forgotten.


This information came to light hundreds of years later in 2>!XXX!<, during an investigation into strange quacking noises and numerous missing p...

What did Lewis and Clark only have one sack of on their expedition?

Jawea

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The resuce expedition

The rescue expedition have been sent to find a plane which crashed somewhere deep within the jungle.

There was no success, but members of the expedition haven't lost faith until the end. When they finally found the place of the disaster, they saw a horrific picture. Burnt-out trees, parts of ...

Three men are on an expedition to the Amazons

They get captured by local savages, tied and brought to the head of the tribe.

'White men are destroying our land' he says, showing a pile of garbage, with electronics, pots, forks, newspapers.
'You're gonna swallow your trash, and then i'm gonna let you leave, but if you fail, we'll skin ...

I was on a jungle expedition in Bangladesh with some colleauges of mine, when we all came across a tiger...

It was really messy, so out of courtesy we tried wiping it off while profusely apologising.

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Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

I dated a greek girl during my latest archeology expedition

Radioactivity measurements of her remains confirmed she lived around 700BC

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

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A Spaniard, a Frenchman, and an American are on a rain-forest expedition...

When suddenly, out of nowhere, they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The chief of the tribe has the men brought before him.

"Our tribe has lasted for many, many seasons." he says, "Mainly due to our chiefs being able to make changes to benefit our tribe. I have decided that during **my**...

Ethnographic expedition lost in the Sub-Saharan Africa

An Ethnographic expedition lost in the Sub-Saharan Africa. The head of expedition, a prominent Russian scientist, Artem Pizdobolov, have bad news and good news to tell his comrades. First the bad news, he said. We run out of food and water. There left only camel's dung. Tell us a good news fellow ...

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A young guy from West Virginia moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in West Virginia ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and
figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you d...

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the great fishing expedition...

husband plans fishing trip with his family. the day of the trip comes and his wife yells from the kitchen "it's raining, i'm not going". he walks downstairs and says sternly, "listen lady, either you come on this fucking fishing trip, you're sucking my dick or I get to slip it in your backdoor... so...

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During a vicious storm a bride is blown overboard off the top deck of a cruise ship

The heartbroken groom has 3 search parties sent out to look and unfortunately find no trace of her.

He gets back to life, and 8 years later gets a call from the police.

They say we have some bad news, and some very good news.

We have located your wife’s body during a scuba divin...

Grandpa's Scariest day

A man was celebrating his 100th birthday with his grandchildren, when one of them asks him about the time he was most scared in his life.

"Well Timmy, it'll have to be back in 1943 when I was on Safari in Africa"

"What happenned Gramps?"

"Well, I was with my best friend John on...

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I told my teacher "what dat ass do?"

She sighed heavily and said,

Donkeys work as pack animals, in vineyards, agriculture, and petting zoos. They can carry equipment and supplies for day trips or overnight camping expeditions.

Furthermore, some pull carts or plow small fields for farmers. In many countries, donkeys are ...

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Take most Ford and most Dodge models...now put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta...

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“This is good!”

Once there was a king. His best friend was a commoner, a man who was the son of one of the royal housekeepers. They were of an age, and had grown up playing together in the palace gardens.

As they grew older, the king found himself more and more impressed with his friend’s ability to always ...

A man walks into a bookshop

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pa...

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Expidition of two scientists

Two scientists start an expedition to explore a deserted island.

On the second day of their expidition, they ran into a group of indigenous, the natives bound the two scientists and bring them to their village. The chief of the tribal approaches and says „**DEATH or BUMM BUMM?**“. The two sc...

Three Friends decide to take a vacation,

so they go to their vacation and go to a luxurious hotel ,but due to holidays almost all are booked except the one on the last floor(I.e 50th floor) so they take the room as there is elevator,they freshen up ,so they rent a car and start exploring .
After they return to their hotel ,they park the...

Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"

I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"



That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.

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There was a scientist

That claimed that all ants are constipated.
A tabloid sent a reporter to investigate his claims.
The reporter traveled miles and miles and reached his expedition in the Amazon, finding him surrounded by students looking in awe at him picking ants off a colony.

The journalist respectfull...

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McDoogle walks into a bar.

He starts ordering several shots to drown his sorrows. He says to the bar keep you know when someone builds houses does anyone say there goes McDoogle the house builder? No they don’t. McDoogle downs another shot and orders another. He takes the glass in his hand and says when someone rescues childr...

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Smithers' Story

In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,

"You mu...

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The Hunting accident

While out on a hunting expedition, a man is climbing over a fallen tree when his shotgun goes off, hitting him straight in the groin. Rushed to hospital , he awakes from the anaesthetic to find the surgeon has done a marvellous job repairing his damaged member. As he dresses to go home, the surgeon ...

An Arctic explorer gets frostbite

And looses the toes off both feet whilst on an expedition.

After he returns home he starts having relationship problems with his wife. He can't understand it as they had been happily married for years before his injuries.

She behaves really unreasonably and won't put up with anything t...

The Alpine Find

An archaeological dig team was on an expedition to the Alps when they discovered a mummified human buried in the ice. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a young male from the Neolithic period.

The team was split into two sections: Section One was to climb the slope and retrieve the mum...

A Rabbi investigated an alien race

On the first expedition to Mars, humans find an alien race called Trids.

Wanting to observe this newfound race, each nation sends a human as their representative to Mars to join their society.

Israel decided to send a prominent Rabbi to the Trids. When he arrives he immediately starts ...

Nautilus

Two succesful marine biologists come back from their recent expedition, near the seas of Indonesia.

Biologist 1: You won't believe our results. We documented so many different types of fish, including a lot of nautiluses.

Biologist 2: It's not a lie.

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Death or Boola Boola

Three men are on an expedition in the Amazon when they are captured by a native tribe. They are bound and lined up in the central area surrounded by tents.

The chief comes up to the first guy and asks "Death or Boola Boola?" First guy says "well i don't know what Boola Boola is, but i don't w...

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Woman is awarded $180,000 after cops spend 11 minutes searching her vagina for drugs and find nothing.

It was the most expensive fishing expedition in recorded history.

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The Cod Captain and His Seamen's Semen

Several centuries ago, Irish fishermen sought fortune fishing cod off the coast of Newfoundland. During the long cross-Atlantic journey, many captains worried about their men after so much time away from their wives.

One devoutly Catholic captain was especially concerned that his men might re...

Men being Men

Once a group of men decided to take an expedition to the holy land.

Their guide explained to them that on the way they might see some women bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all.

When they see anything like that, they should just say “Praise the lord” and move on. ...

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Three explorers and a cannibalistic tribe

There were three explorers out on an expedition when they suddenly realized that they were lost. They walked around for hours when finally they saw smoke in the distance. They knew there must be a civilization there so they headed in that direction.

When they got there they were confronted by...

[Request] Drinking or medieval jokes. Super bonus if both. They can certainly be offensive. I'll start.

Going on a medieval pub crawl and offensive and/or drinking jokes get you to the head of the line at each bar. I'm hoping you can keep me in the front and my fellow crawlers entertained.

But this is r/jokes, so here's ~~one~~ two to get us started:

A king was preparing to ride off on ...

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Gurkhas

The Falklands War had begun. Britain was unprepared, and as she had done so many times in the past, Britain called up her toughest military unit, The Brigade Of Gurkhas. The Brigade commander was called in to Army Headquarters to be briefed on their mission.

"You will need to get your force...

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Law Of The Jungle

Three scientist friends go into the jungle on an expedition to research local tribes. After they are several days deep into the jungle they encounter a village, and are immediately captured. The three men are told by the village leader, who claimed to be the king of the amazon, that to avoid slaught...

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids...

The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group of Trids and their ministe...

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

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Rick and Jerry went hunting

Rick and Jerry, after 2 days of tracking a buck, made their way into a clearing. both men are exhausted, getting little sleep during their expedition, and Rick decides that after the last 9 straight hours in the bush, he deserves to take a much needed bathroom break. after Jerry had finished gutting...

A Comanche scout was leading the US Army through the plains

The army unit was traveling through hostile territory and needed this Comanche scout that knew the land better than anyone in the area, had the reputation to track anything for miles, and could tell what was headed towards them just from the signs of nature. The scout raised his right hand and halte...

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The Gorilla Hunter

An avid big game hunter decided to book a trip to the Congo in order to hunt Gorillas. He had never been to the Congo so upon arrival he asked several locals who the best guide for hunting Gorillas would be. Everyone told him to find a man named Joffe as he was an expert in hunting gorillas. Soon th...

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Two guys in a jungle

Warning: This is a long and very disgusting joke. And english is my second language, please forgive any mistakes.

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Two guys are walking through a jungle. They were both part of an expedition of scientists trying to study wildlife there, but their camp got attacked by natives some nig...

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A North Pole story of Christmas traditions

It was not shaping up to be a Merry Christmas at the North Pole. Mr. Claus was buttoning his suspenders when an angel popped in out of nowhere, yelling "HEY SANTA!". That caused his fingers to lose grip, and the whole thing snapped him in the eye.

When he got out to the elves, they were all g...

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Two Missionaries...

Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.

Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions. ...

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