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Iranian Jokes

An American walks into a bar. He finds an Iranian man sitting at a table.

He asks the Iranian man, "Are you one of those Ians?".

The Iranian replied, "What do you mean, Ians?"

"Indians, Iranians - all are the same."

The Iranian paused for a while. After that he asked the American, "Are you one of those keys?".

"What do you mean, keys?"

"...

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Here is one of my favourite Iranian jokes that I've translated to English for you all, hope you like it

One day there was a king who had the the most beautiful daughter anyone had ever seen.

Everyone wanted to sleep with his daughter so he thought he would make a game of this.

King: "Anyone who can wrestle my lion and kill it will be given permission fuck my daughter"

For days m...

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A Iranian, a Israeli, and a Nazi are walking through the desert...

....when they happen upon a magic lamp! Excited, they rub the lamp and a Genie appears. "Thank you for releasing me! In exchange, I will grant you each one wish".

The Iranian thinks for a minute, and says: "My people get pushed around by the rest of the world, but we would be fine if we ha...

A government agent is responsible for finding an architect to build a tower

So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Iranian. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.

He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my sal...

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An Iranian Joke: Tranlated

A man was laying on his death bed at home. His beautiful wife sat by his side, holding his hand.

He was dismayed about his wife being with another man. He knew that this was probably inevitable but he wanted to hear it from her. He asked, "wife, do you think that when I am gone you will marr...

Can I get a loan?

This one’s my absolute favorite because it’s so true (I know cause I’m Iranian):

An Iranian man walks into a bank New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind o...

Another Iranian wife at the husband's deathbed

H: At this last moment, I have a question, have you ever cheated on me?

W: Only 3 times and all for your own good.

H: How so?

W: Remember in our town you wanted to join the soccer team and the coach rejected you but then later admitted you? That was in return of a favor I did....

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What’s the difference between an American girl and an Iranian girl?

The American girl gets stoned before sex.

Two Iranian soldiers find a couple of American rockets while on patrol

One says: "they probably fell without blowing up, lets load them up and take them back to base"

The other says: "But what if one of them blows up on the way back?"

He replies: "We will tell them we only found one"

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I'm Iranian and was forced to work the border near a Viagra bomb field.

I was stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

What do you call an Iranian living in England?

A Ukrainian

After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter....

... from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:


370HSSV 0773H


All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets ang...

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

What's the difference between a terrorist recruitment center and an Iranian general?

I don't know, man, I'm just a pilot.

An Iranian on taking revenge on America ...

America has no hero that we can target... It's a huge country but no real heroes... Who are we going to assassinate there? Spiderman? SpongeBob?

An Iranian, Iraqi, Libyan, Somalian, Sudanese, Syrian and a Yemenite walk into a bar in america.

Just kidding, they can't.

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A man is having a costume party

A man is having a costume party where everyone is to come dressed as an emotion. After setting up everything for the party the doorbell rings.

The man goes to answer the door and sees to large Iranian men standing naked on his door step. One man has a pie over his genitals, while another see...

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Supposedly common Iranian joke my grandma told me

How do you piss off the French? Show them how to cook

I was watching an international soccer game, and suddenly an Iranian player ran into the stands to beat up a spectator.

Then the Shiite hit the fan.

An undercover Iranian soldier was captured by the US military and was under interrogation...

US soldier : - *smacks the captured soldier* - "who sent you?"

Iranian soldier : - "Madiq"

US soldier : - "Madiq who?"

Iranian soldier : - "Suq madiq!

So an Israeli and an Iranian are sitting under a tree...

A caterpillar falls on the Israeli, who looks at it in disgust and flicks it onto the Iranian. The Iranian pops it into his mouth and eats it without a second glance.

A few minutes later, another caterpillar lands on the Israeli. The Israeli turns to the Iranian and says, "Would you like to ...

What do Iranians and Americans have in similar?

They both hate the US government

I called the Iranian suicide hot line...

And they asked if I could fly a plane.

An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.

It's called *Prints of Persia*.

Want to know how to clear out an Iranian bingo parlor?

B... 52

What do an Iranian Submarine and an Iranian Camel have in common?

They're both full of Iranian seamen.

A week ago, most people didn’t know who the Iranian general was

Guess he really blew up overnight.

An Iranian goes to exchange some currency

He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.

"Now, or... now?"

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The Iranian Ambassador

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.

As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The General said, "Well, a...

2 Iranian Religious Leaders

...are discussing some of the finer points of sharia law. The first exclaims after a silent minute of intense googling, "Huh, I guess you were right!"

The second says "Ayatoldyah!"

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Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv...

... reading newspapers. One is reading a reputed newspaper published in Tel Aviv, but the other is reading an anti-Semitic propaganda paper published by Iranian subverts.

The first guy asks the second: "why in God's name are you reading that anti-Semitic rag?"

The second guy responded...

Nobody can argue that Trump is creating jobs.

A position as an Iranian general just opened up.

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A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport.

Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.

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Saw an Iranian joke and I want to share my favorite.

An ensemble of musicians is auditioning for a caliph's court. After the ensemble is ushered in, they perform a beautiful set lasting approximately an hour, complete with long improvisations. The caliph is very pleased and says, "Servants! I order you to fill these men's music instruments with pricel...

You know how you play Iranian bingo?

A-10, B-52, F-22, C-130

My dog's mother is from England and his father is from Iran

He's a pom-iranian

I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood...

The alarm system was of no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch.
Instead, I've Planted a Syrian, Afghanistan, Yemeni and Iranian flag in four corners of my front garden.
Now, The city police, The National Security Bureau, MI-5, MI-6, The CIA And...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

Not for you

A Christian Armenian man walking by the border of Armenia and Iran sees a few Iranian men pushing a car stuck in a ditch. Every time the Iranian men push they yell allah akbar! 1.. 2... 3... Allah akbarrr! As the Armenian man joins in pushing the car, the Iranians are surprised to hear the Christian...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...

Trump and McConnell are in a restaurant

They are discussing their plans to invade Iran. A man walks by their table, intrigued by their conversation and asks them what they are talking about.

Trump explains to the man, “We’re going to invade Iran and kill 10 million Iranians and one bicycle repairman.”

The man exclaims, “Why...

There were three guys in Hell - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man.

They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is...

What did the Iranians do after shoplifting?

They-ran

What kind of "key" are you?

An Iranian and an American sat on a plane next to each other, there was silence until the American asked the Iranian :

-What kind of ian are you?

-What?

-I meant Indian, Indonesian, or Iranian?

-Oh I'm Iranian

Two hours passed without a word

The Iranian aske...

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Three Scientists

Three scientists, a German, an Iranian, and an American, go to the Amazon rainforest to study plants. They parachute into middle of the rainforest and almost immediately get caught by a tribe of rainforest cannibals. The cannibals take the scientists to their leader and he tells them," we're going t...

The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."

"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."

Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."

"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian P...

A man and his wife go on a vacation

Days pass until unfortunately, the wife dies.


At the funeral parlor, the undertaker approaches the man and after offering his condolences, says

'We have a wide range of services. We can bury your wife in a coffin like Christians, we can have a cremation like indians, mummification ...

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Alerts to Threats in Europe

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 194...

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Two pilots are on a routine flight.

One is a Caucasian man with over 22 years of experience as a pilot. His co-pilot is a Iranian-American man who started the job just 2 months ago. This was the first time the two have flown together, so small talk is very little.

The white guy decides to break the ice. "So, you know anything a...

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