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A flashbang would be completely ineffective against Helen Keller.

Because she's dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand?

Because she used the other one to moan

Why did Helen Keller not get the joke about the fishes ?

Because she didn't have aqueous humour

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Helen Keller call a hand job?

Oral sex.

Helen Keller walks into a bar

…and then a table, and then a chair…

Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

Who was the most frustrated ghost ever?

The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a cat?

Don’t worry, she didn’t know either.

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zealand , is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut ...

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.


Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, & he was the town drunk.

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

A man on his death bed was speaking with his wife.

"Helen," he said, "We've been through so much together. Do you remember when the shop burned down, and we lost everything of value we had in this world? We had to start over from nothing, but you were by my side."

His wife solemnly replied, "I remember, dear."

"Helen," he continued, "w...

Your mother has been with us for 20 years, said John.

Isn’t it time she got a place of her own? My mother? replied Helen. I thought she was your mother.

What is Helen Kellers favorite color?

Corduroy...

The new book about Helen Keller is absolutely incredible!

The audio book is absolutely unintelligible though.

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

I Won't Allow Anyone to Insult Helen Keller's Accomplishments.

If you say she only became famous due to blind luck, your claim shall fall on deaf ears.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t you grow a pear Dan?

That’s what my wife always says whenever our neighbour Bill comes home drunk at night and pisses on the pine tree in our front yard and I don’t say anything to him.
Finally I told her:
“What good will that do Helen?He’ll just probably piss on the pear too!”

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was a kid?

Moved the furniture around.

Guys please stop making jokes about Helen Keller.

They’re just plain senseless.

TIL Helen Keller has a waterfall named after her, to celebrate her story of learning about water.

It's named Helen Keller Falls

You guys ever hear that joke about Helen Keller’s dad ?

Neither did she

What did Helen Keller's parents do when they caught her swearing?

They washed her hands with soap.

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard?

Yea nether did she.

Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day?

The braille road

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity

Granny forgot to remove the plunger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.



"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister...

Why did Helen Keller have bruises on her belly?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?

Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house?

She didn't either.

Why didn't Helen Keller go sky diving?

It scared the hell out of her Seeing Eye dog.

Helen Keller

I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."



(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?

They're painful to look at.

What’s worse than raping Helen Keller

Breaking her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.

You know, I've seen a large amount of Helen Keller jokes.

A lot of them are really offensive.

Oh, she would KILL us if she could hear them.

Graham Williams

Graham Williams is in Hospital
Who the hell is GRAHAM WILLIAMS ? I hear you ask.
Well Graham is the bloke who got home late one night and Helen his wife, says.
"Where the hell have you been?"
Graham replies.
"I was in town,,,, getting a tattoo!"
"A tattoo?" She frowned. "What ki...

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her as a child?

They told her to sit in the corner of a circular room.

What was the last thing Helen Keller said before she died?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?

You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell of a cliff?

Because she was wearing her mittens.

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

Can anyone give me a hand with some Helen Keller jokes?

I haven't heard or seen any in a while.

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