This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?

So she could moan with the other.

Helen Keller

I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."

(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

Helen Keller walks into a bar

Then a chair, and then the wall

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

Did you know that Helen Keller had a parrot?

Yeah, neither did she.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman...

What was the most violent thing Helen Keller ever read?

The cheese grater.

Why would Helen Keller make a bad driver?

Because she’s dead.

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell of a cliff?

Because she was wearing her mittens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

Why didn't Helen Keller go sky diving?

It scared the hell out of her Seeing Eye dog.

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her as a kid?

*They left the plunger IN the toilet*

What was the last thing Helen Keller said before she died?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train...

Because she was standing on the train tracks

What’s worse than raping Helen Keller

Breaking her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.

Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake

It was to Menilayas

Who would win in a reading contest?

Helen Keller or Floyd Mayweather

Did you hear about Helen Keller's dog?

Neither did she

You know, I've seen a large amount of Helen Keller jokes.

A lot of them are really offensive.

Oh, she would KILL us if she could hear them.

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo

Than finding an original joke on this sub.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset...
She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reaso...

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her as a child?

They told her to sit in the corner of a circular room.

How did Helen Keller break her arm?

She tried to read a Stop-sign going 50mph

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?

Blind date

Can anyone give me a hand with some Helen Keller jokes?

I haven't heard or seen any in a while.

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

What was Helen Keller’s favorite color?


Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?

Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

Why does Helen Keller's husband always yells at her?

Because she doesn't listen.

It was believed that Helen Keller could see dead people and read people’s minds.

She had the fourth sense

How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?

Break her fingers.

Why did Helen Keller' s dog run away?

You would too if your name was Aagurgrgh

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