Helen Keller Walks Into A Bar

And then a table.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Rearranged the furniture

Guys please stop making jokes about Helen Keller.

They’re just plain senseless.

What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?

So she could moan with the other.

Did you know Helen Keller had a huge playhouse in her backyard?

Neither did she.

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

B̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶o̶m̶a̶n̶.̶

Because she is dead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook tha...

What was the most violent thing Helen Keller ever read?

The cheese grater.

Why didn't Helen Keller go sky diving?

It scared the hell out of her Seeing Eye dog.

Helen Keller

I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."

(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell of a cliff?

Because she was wearing her mittens.

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her as a kid?

*They left the plunger IN the toilet*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.


Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousan...

What was the last thing Helen Keller said before she died?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

Did you hear the one about Helen Keller?

Neither did she!
I bet you saw that coming, because she didn’t.

Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake

It was to Menilayas

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train...

Because she was standing on the train tracks

You know, I've seen a large amount of Helen Keller jokes.

A lot of them are really offensive.

Oh, she would KILL us if she could hear them.

What’s worse than raping Helen Keller

Breaking her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her as a child?

They told her to sit in the corner of a circular room.

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?

Blind date

How did Helen Keller break her arm?

She tried to read a Stop-sign going 50mph

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?

Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo

Than finding an original joke on this sub.

Why does Helen Keller's husband always yells at her?

Because she doesn't listen.

Can anyone give me a hand with some Helen Keller jokes?

I haven't heard or seen any in a while.

How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?

Break her fingers.

It was believed that Helen Keller could see dead people and read people’s minds.

She had the fourth sense

Why did Helen Keller' s dog run away?

You would too if your name was Aagurgrgh

Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain

One of the ladies reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom.

"Helen! What in the world is that for?!" says the other lady.

"Well, just watch this" Helen says before she cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette. "This way they don't get soggy!"

The second old lady is p...

What did Helen Keller get for Christmas?

Polio, she had everything else!

Have you ever seen Helen Kellers house?

Neither has she.

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