Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Because she was a woman

Helen Keller walks into a bar

And a chair, and a table.

How do you tell Helen Keller a joke?

Not this way.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.

You guys ever hear that joke about Helen Keller’s dad ?

Neither did she

Did you know Helen Keller had a pony?

Neither did she.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she could moan with the other.

How did they punish Helen Keller?

They left the plunger in the toilet

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

TIL Helen Keller has a waterfall named after her, to celebrate her story of learning about water.

It's named Helen Keller Falls

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard?

Yea nether did she.

Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day?

The braille road

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was a kid?

Moved the furniture around.

Seeing as how Mount St Helen's been all over social media...

I vote we change her name to Mount St Karen..as a warning for future generations

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity

Granny forgot to remove the plunger.

What's Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy.

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.



"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister...

What do you get when you cross Helen Keller and a Zebra?

A referee

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Helen Keller’s belly button hurt?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

What did Helen Keller call her kids?

Muuurrghhrrhurrg.

Guys please stop making jokes about Helen Keller.

They’re just plain senseless.

Why didn't Helen Keller go sky diving?

It scared the hell out of her Seeing Eye dog.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?

They're painful to look at.

Helen Keller

I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."



(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell of a cliff?

Because she was wearing her mittens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The S’wan (long)

A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, run by a few gruff sisters.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. T...

Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake

It was to Menilayas

What was the last thing Helen Keller said before she died?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

What’s worse than raping Helen Keller

Breaking her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.

You know, I've seen a large amount of Helen Keller jokes.

A lot of them are really offensive.

Oh, she would KILL us if she could hear them.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Put her in a circular room and tell her there’s a penny in the corner.

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train...

Because she was standing on the train tracks

My friend's just told me that he's dating twins. I asked him if he had any trouble telling them apart.

"Not at all." he said "It's really easy actually. Helen's got blonde hair and Brian's got a beard."

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?

Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook tha...

A joke I heard from Walter Matthau

Three old men are talking and the first old man goes “if I could do a good number 1 , just a number one for three seconds I’d be happy with myself”

The second goes “if I could do a solid number 2, just a quick, swift number 2 I’d be satisfied”

The third guy goes “well I do an awesome n...

Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo

Than finding an original joke on this sub.

How did Helen Keller break her arm?

She tried to read a Stop-sign going 50mph

Can anyone give me a hand with some Helen Keller jokes?

I haven't heard or seen any in a while.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?

You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"

Why does Helen Keller's husband always yells at her?

Because she doesn't listen.

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