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Helen Jokes

A flashbang would be completely ineffective against Helen Keller.

Because she's dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she can moan with the other.

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

How did Helen Keller burn her fingertips?

She was trying to read the waffle iron.

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Cordaroy

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My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Helen Keller call a hand job?

Oral sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook tha...

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

Helen Keller's Favorite Joke

What do you call two blind people playing tennis?

Eternal love.

milliHelen.

The amount of beauty required to launch a single ship.

What is the worst thing that you could say to Helen Keller?

Look at me while I’m talking to you!

How did Helen Keller lose her right arm?

She was trying to read the speed limit sign on the highway.

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a mountain?

Because she was wearing mittens

Our complaint department manager is Helen Waite.

So if you have a complaint go to Helen Waite.

A man on his death bed was speaking with his wife.

"Helen," he said, "We've been through so much together. Do you remember when the shop burned down, and we lost everything of value we had in this world? We had to start over from nothing, but you were by my side."

His wife solemnly replied, "I remember, dear."

"Helen," he continued, "w...

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?

They gave her a basketball and told her to read.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They left the plunger in the toilet.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set?

She didn't know either

Why did Helen of Troy never use painkillers?

Because paracetamol.

Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

After fighting off waves of attacks by the Spartans, Paris went to visit with Helen

But alas, she was not very happy.

“What is wrong, my love?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on, my love, I sacrificed so much for you, so you must divulge why you’re not happy.” He pleaded.

“It’s nothing.”

“I’m pleading with you! I will defeat the whole spartan army and Ach...

Helen Keller walks into a bar

Then into a chair

Then into a table

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?”

“My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was *your* mother.”

Why did Helen Keller not get the joke about the fishes ?

Because she didn't have aqueous humour

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zealand , is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut ...

The new book about Helen Keller is absolutely incredible!

The audio book is absolutely unintelligible though.

I Won't Allow Anyone to Insult Helen Keller's Accomplishments.

If you say she only became famous due to blind luck, your claim shall fall on deaf ears.

Guys please stop making jokes about Helen Keller.

They’re just plain senseless.

(OC) What do you call Helen Keller punching someone?

Senseless violence.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Put her in a circular room and tell her there’s a penny in the corner.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?

They're painful to look at.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?

You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity

Granny forgot to remove the plunger.

Why didn't Helen Keller go sky diving?

It scared the hell out of her Seeing Eye dog.

Helen Keller

I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."



(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house?

She didn't either.

What’s worse than raping Helen Keller

Breaking her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day?

The braille road

Why did Helen Keller have bruises on her belly?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

Stop the Helen Keller jokes

you have to be really blind not to see what's wrong with them.

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?

Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

You guys ever hear that joke about Helen Keller’s dad ?

Neither did she

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