Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zealand , is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut ...

Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, & he was the town drunk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she can moan with the other.

A man on his death bed was speaking with his wife.

"Helen," he said, "we've been through so much together. Do you remember when the shop burned down, and we lost everything of value we had in this world. We had to start over from nothing, but you were by my side."

His wife solemnly replied "I remember, dear."

"Helen," he continued, "wh...

The new book about Helen Keller is absolutely incredible!

The audio book is absolutely unintelligible though.

What is Helen Kellers favorite color?

Corduroy...

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.

I Won't Allow Anyone to Insult Helen Keller's Accomplishments.

If you say she only became famous due to blind luck, your claim shall fall on deaf ears.

Did you know Helen Keller went skydiving?

Neither did she.

Helen Keller walked into a bar...

Then, a table...
Then, a chair...

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

How do you tell Helen Keller a joke?

Not this way.

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was a kid?

Moved the furniture around.

TIL Helen Keller has a waterfall named after her, to celebrate her story of learning about water.

It's named Helen Keller Falls

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

What did Helen Keller's parents do when they caught her swearing?

They washed her hands with soap.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard?

Yea nether did she.

Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world?

The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.

What do you get when you cross Helen Keller and a Zebra?

A referee

Guys please stop making jokes about Helen Keller.

They’re just plain senseless.

Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day?

The braille road

One the plus side,

I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades.
- Helen Keller.

Seeing as how Mount St Helen's been all over social media...

I vote we change her name to Mount St Karen..as a warning for future generations

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity

Granny forgot to remove the plunger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.



"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Helen Keller’s belly button hurt?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

Why didn't Helen Keller go sky diving?

It scared the hell out of her Seeing Eye dog.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?

They're painful to look at.

What did Helen Keller call her kids?

Muuurrghhrrhurrg.

Old farmer Joe just uses all his savings to buy 51 sheep...

To pass the season he plans to reproduce the 50 female sheep he bought with one ram doing the work.


To his misfortune the ram dies suddenly just after he got it. He goes to complain to his neighbor Bob about his problems and Bob, who also was a farmer, told him he had to do the job him...

Helen Keller once farted during a lecture on genetic hearing loss..

The science in the room was deafening.

What’s worse than raping Helen Keller

Breaking her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.

Helen Keller

I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."



(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Put her in a circular room and tell her there’s a penny in the corner.

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?

Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

What was the last thing Helen Keller said before she died?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell of a cliff?

Because she was wearing her mittens.

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house?

She didn't either.

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train...

Because she was standing on the train tracks

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?

You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"

Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo

Than finding an original joke on this sub.

Can anyone give me a hand with some Helen Keller jokes?

I haven't heard or seen any in a while.

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