Helen Keller walks into a bar.

And a table. And a chair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity

Granny forgot to remove the plunger.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was a kid?

Moved the furniture around.

Why did Helen Keller mastutbate with one hand?

So she could moan with the other.

Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house?

Neither did she.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Helen Keller’s belly button hurt?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

What's Helen Keller's favorite color?


What did Helen Keller call her kids?


What do you get when you cross Helen Keller and a Zebra?

A referee

Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?

She was a woman

what did Helen Keller‘s parents do when she was bad?

They made her read a cheese grater.

Guys please stop making jokes about Helen Keller.

They’re just plain senseless.

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?

They're painful to look at.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.


Why didn't Helen Keller go sky diving?

It scared the hell out of her Seeing Eye dog.

Helen Keller

I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."

(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

Answer: Felt Forum

Question: How did Helen Keller find her boyfriend's balls?

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell of a cliff?

Because she was wearing her mittens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook tha...

Sign in a store window...

Our credit manager is Helen Wait. If you want credit go to Helen Wait.

What was the last thing Helen Keller said before she died?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake

It was to Menilayas

Did you hear about Helen Keller's dog?

Neither did she

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train...

Because she was standing on the train tracks

You know, I've seen a large amount of Helen Keller jokes.

A lot of them are really offensive.

Oh, she would KILL us if she could hear them.

What’s worse than raping Helen Keller

Breaking her fingers so she can’t tell anybody.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Put her in a circular room and tell her there’s a penny in the corner.

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?

Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

How did Helen Keller break her arm?

She tried to read a Stop-sign going 50mph

Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo

Than finding an original joke on this sub.

A woman by the name of Helen Hunt has found a lady’s pocketbook.

So if you lost your pocketbook, go to Helen Hunt for it. Thank you.

Why does Helen Keller's husband always yells at her?

Because she doesn't listen.

Can anyone give me a hand with some Helen Keller jokes?

I haven't heard or seen any in a while.

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousan...

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?

You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"

How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?

Break her fingers.

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