I asked Vincent van gogh to get me 6 eggs from the store, he came back with three...

Forgot he can only hear half of what I'm saying

Vincent, did it hurt when you lost you ear?

No, I cut it off in One Gogh.

What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh?

"You gonna eat that?"

Vincent Price is taller than Alan Price, who is heavier than Katie Price

As I discovered on this Price comparison website

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Italian gentleman wanted to plant his annual tomato garden. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son:

"Dear Vincent, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa."...

I wanted to buy the perfect Vincent Van Gogh costume for a Halloween party, but couldn't find one.

They were all ear-regular.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italian brothers garage

These two Italian brothers own a garage. They hire this Korean guy as a mechanic.
One morning the brothers go to open the garage and they find the Korean guy dead in the alley. They call the police.

Cop: What was his full name?

Tony: I don't know. We called him Park.

Cop: Jus...

A Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen this weekend from a Dutch Museum.

Now it's Vincent Van Gone.

My name is Vincent

But you can call me Vin, you'll save a cent.

Vincent Van Gogh and Evander Holyfield walk into a bar...

... and find it very difficult to have a conversation.

Jan Michael Vincent died a month ago.

Luckily there are 7 more.

My friends vehicle was stolen...

Where did Vincent's Van Go?

A man is having issues getting his van to start

So he googles mechanics in his area.

He stumbles upon this one called Vincent's Van Repair.

"Hmm, I've never heard of this one but they do on the spot repairs so it's probably my best bet"

He calls them the next morning and the mechanic comes to his house around 11am.

He ...

Everyone said to Vincent Van Gogh " You can't be a great painter, you've only got one ear" And you know what he said? "

“You’ll have to speak up, I’ve only got one ear”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it fun to be Vincent Van Gough?

When your wife's bitching at you, you won't get an earful.

Vincent Van Gogh is having a pint…

His mate Gauguin walks in to the bar and says,
“ Hi Vinny, fancy a beer?”
Vincent says,
“ No thanks , I’ve got one ‘ere…”.

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: M...

Did you hear about the Dutch painter that swapped a Hemi into his Chrysler Voyager?

Everyone in town said, "Look at Vincent's van go!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian man is looking wistfully out at his fields...

It's spring, and for decades and decades now, he's always planted tomatoes, a tradition he brought over all the way from the old country to his adopted home in the US.

Unfortunately, he's getting old, and the work of turning the soil over to prepare for planting the tomatoes is beyond his bod...

what do you call an artist during a global pandemic?

Vincent Van Cough

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher: You don’t know your arithmetic.
Vincent: You don’t know my father.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That scene in Pulp Fiction

where Vincent revives Mia by stabbing her in the chest with an adrenaline shot, except it’s me on a Saturday morning when my kid shoves his finger in my nostril to wake me up.

Cynthia Wong is giving birth at her local hospital...

...that her and her husband Vincent helped to build with their generous donations over the past few years. After a brief hello with his new mom, the newborn boy is taken off to the maternity ward.

After a while, the dad takes a stroll over to the ward to see his new son through the glass, but...

Van Gogh hands a wrapped up box to his girlfriend.

"Vincent, please tell me this isn't another ear."

"What?"

Van Gogh Family

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:

* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his ma...

Who was the most popular vampiric artist?

Vincent Fang Gogh!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

epic meeting of world's top leaders

During a World Economic Summit, George W Bush, Mexican President Vincente Fox, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French Prime minister Jacques Chirac are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued. Ge...

My wife says I give preference to one of our two children.

I don't know if she means Vincent or that other kid.

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