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Vincent Jokes

My name is Vincent

But you can call me Vin, you'll save a cent.

What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh??

You gonna eat that?

I asked Vincent van gogh to get me 6 eggs from the store, he came back with three...

Forgot he can only hear half of what I'm saying

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Claude Monet, and Leonardo De Vinci are all eating at a nice restaurant when the waitress comes around with the bill.

They’d all ordered the same item and had previously agreed to split the bill four ways.

When they looked at the check, however, they saw that the 10% gratuity would not split evenly, so one of them would end up paying an extra $0.01.

“We should have an art competition to decide,” Da Vi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Italian gentleman wanted to plant his annual tomato garden. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son:

"Dear Vincent, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa."...

Why didn't anyone talk to Vincent Van Gogh?

Because he only listened to half of what you said anyway.

What quality did Vincent Van Gogh have that would have made him a good counsellor?

He had the quality of lending an ear.

Vincent, did it hurt when you lost you ear?

No, I cut it off in One Gogh.

Vincent Price is taller than Alan Price, who is heavier than Katie Price

As I discovered on this Price comparison website

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: M...

Vincent Van Gogh and Evander Holyfield walk into a bar...

... and find it very difficult to have a conversation.

A Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen this weekend from a Dutch Museum.

Now it's Vincent Van Gone.

Vincent Van Gogh is having a pint…

His mate Gauguin walks in to the bar and says,
“ Hi Vinny, fancy a beer?”
Vincent says,
“ No thanks , I’ve got one ‘ere…”.

I wanted to buy the perfect Vincent Van Gogh costume for a Halloween party, but couldn't find one.

They were all ear-regular.

Everyone said to Vincent Van Gogh " You can't be a great painter, you've only got one ear" And you know what he said? "

“You’ll have to speak up, I’ve only got one ear”

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Strange Anatomy

These two Italian brothers own a garage. They hire this Korean guy as a mechanic. One morning the brothers go to open the garage and they find the Korean guy in the alley and he's dead. They call the police.

Cop: What was his full name?
Tony: I don't know. We called him Park.

Cop:...

Van Gogh hands a wrapped up box to his girlfriend.

"Vincent, please tell me this isn't another ear."

"What?"

My friends vehicle was stolen...

Where did Vincent's Van Go?

A man is having issues getting his van to start

So he googles mechanics in his area.

He stumbles upon this one called Vincent's Van Repair.

"Hmm, I've never heard of this one but they do on the spot repairs so it's probably my best bet"

He calls them the next morning and the mechanic comes to his house around 11am.

He ...

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An Italian man is looking wistfully out at his fields...

It's spring, and for decades and decades now, he's always planted tomatoes, a tradition he brought over all the way from the old country to his adopted home in the US.

Unfortunately, he's getting old, and the work of turning the soil over to prepare for planting the tomatoes is beyond his bod...

Did you hear about the Dutch painter that swapped a Hemi into his Chrysler Voyager?

Everyone in town said, "Look at Vincent's van go!"

what do you call an artist during a global pandemic?

Vincent Van Cough

Cynthia Wong is giving birth at her local hospital...

...that her and her husband Vincent helped to build with their generous donations over the past few years. After a brief hello with his new mom, the newborn boy is taken off to the maternity ward.

After a while, the dad takes a stroll over to the ward to see his new son through the glass, but...

Who was the most popular vampiric artist?

Vincent Fang Gogh!

My wife says I give preference to one of our two children.

I don't know if she means Vincent or that other kid.

Van Gogh Family

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:

* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his ma...

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epic meeting of world's top leaders

During a World Economic Summit, George W Bush, Mexican President Vincente Fox, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French Prime minister Jacques Chirac are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued. Ge...

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