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Mess About Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve only been in prison for half an hour and have been fucked up the three times…

…my uncle doesn’t mess about playing monopoly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 operating systems walk into a bar

The first says "I'm Windows. The most popular, everyone likes me and I don't mess about. I'll have a pint of lager."

The second says "I'm Mac OS. I'm the favourite of artists and hipsters, and I could never settle for a boring lager like Windows. Give me your hoppiest artisanal IPA!"

T...

A mate of mine had just been hospitalised after taking an 'E'.

The security on Countdown don't mess about.

So a man goes to see his doctor...

A man goes to see his doctor, and says, "Doc, I want to live to be 100 years old. I'd like you to tell me what my chances are."
The doc says, "Alrighty. Let's start with some basic questions. Do you drink?"
"No," the man says, "never touched a drop in my life."
"Well," says the doctor, "do ...
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