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What is a sexual offender that lurks on Reddit called?

A predditor

What do you call a redditor who only lurks?

Karma Chameleon

If my wife finds out that im still lurking on reddit instead of doing the dishes,

She’ll bang my head to the keybrkkakdibnsnshshhebbshshshbshshegbaldhhs rhsjaihswhwhwjwhahhsehhehwhahahehhehahjaheheuja

Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?

Pluto.

Peeping Tom decided to spend more time at home . . .

He was trying to maintain a proper lurk/wife balance.

What do you call the iron-stealing, oxygen-depleting metalloproteins that lurk in the red blood cells of all vertebrates?

Hemogoblins.

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Ever heard a joke with a moral?

A mosquito is flying above the surface of a lake. Beneath it, in the water, there is a salmon swimming. It sees the mosquito and thinks to itself: "If only it would fly a little lower, i could jump out of the water and catch it." On the shore, there is a bear standing quietly and thinks to itself: "...

What did Ryu and Ken find at Chuck-E-Cheese?

**HA TOKEN!**

**- - -**

(Street Fighter joke, but I know my fellow nerds lurk this sub)

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How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

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One day, all the parts of the body were talking about who was most important.

THE BRAIN SAID – “Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I am the most important therefore I should be boss.”

THE FEET SAID – “Since I carry him everywhere he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, I am the most important.”

THE EYES SAID – “Since I...

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Here’s a joke my little brother told me.

A man find out his wife of 3 years has been cheating on him so he hires an assassin to take her and her side piece out. The assassin agrees to the job no questions asked but let’s the man know that each bullet will cost him 5 grand but he never misses. The husband just wants his wife dead and agrees...

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

Santa spots a girl atop a tree...

He notices her ragged clothes and lack of undergarments.

Pitying the girl and in Christmas spirit, he asks her to come back down and gives her a crisp €5 bill. He implores her to splurge on a fresh set of underwear and have a great Christmas.

The girl, greatly delighted, heads back hom...

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

Leper Jokes

Why did they stop the leper football game? There was a hand off at the fifty yard-line.



Why did they stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.



Why did they stop the leper baseball game? Somebody dropped a ball in left field.



(I us...

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A dog went on a backpacking trip to Africa and decided he'd spend a few days in the safari

During one of the days he got lost when suddenly he saw a tiger lurking in the nearby woods. Knowing he had no chance escaping the tiger, he rushed over to a nearby pile of old bones. As the tiger approached ready to devour him for breakfast, the dog turned its back to the tiger, resiliently stuck a...

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[Long] 3 Vampire had a challenge...

They were so competitive that one of them decided that they should do a challenge. The challenge was they had to kill as many people they could in the shortest time. The first vampire flew and came back 5 minutes later. "Do you see that small village?" it asked, "Yes" the other 2 replied. "I killed ...

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the ...

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What is the opposite of shit posting?

Piss lurking.

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Three birds were eating fermented seeds from cow manure in a fenced in barn area.

After eating their fill they noticed three barn cats lurking about. They decided they needed to get out of there. Feeling inebriated the first decided to get a boost by starting from a quarter way up a rake. It tries, and fumbles. Cat gets it!

The second one hoping for a better chance goes up...

Dr Strange & Ironman

Not sure if this one has been posted here before. Been lurking around and first time posting!

Dr Strange : Yo mama so fat

Ironman : What does that have to do with Thanos?

Dr Strange : Thanos had to clap

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Moral of the story

There was a fly buzzing over a lake. In this lake was a fish. This fish was thinking to himself, "Man, if that fly would come down 6 inches, I could jump up and eat that fly."

Behind a bush near the lake sat a bear. The bear looked at the fish, then at the fly, then back at the fish, and then...

I gave a wanted criminal a sapling...

I guess you could say I was arboring a fugitive!

Clocks

A woman drives past a small store with various clocks in the window. She thinks to herself, "Oh a clock-repair shop! I should bring in my broken wall-clock."
So the next day she walks in with her clock and asks the man at the front desk to repair it.
"Oh no, I don't fixed clocks; I'm a Rabbi...

Husband: Hey baby, hold my jock strap.

Wife: That's disgusting why would I hold your jock strap?

Husband: Well I always hold your purse for you.

Wife: That's not remotely the same.

Husband: Why not, they both hold our junk.


Credit to /u/WhistleWhileYouLurk.

Help me?

Alright, this one isn't a joke, but this is one of my favorite boards to lurk, and I need help. I'm giving a wedding speech tomorrow. I'm the groom. I really only have enough space in the speech for one joke. I want to insert it early in the speech, and have it be a great ice breaker. Nothing overly...

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A young couple was down on their luck. Had lost everything,

nowhere to turn and out of options. The husband says to his wife, "Honey, I don't know what else to do to make some money. You are going to have to go work the streets"

Wife replies, "But I have never done that before I would not have any idea what to do."

Husband says, "Don't worry,...

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Story of the fly

In the dead of summer, a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot,dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh...if I go down three inches...I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inch...

One day Mr. Rabbit was hopping through the woods..

He was out hopping through the woods, enjoying nature. After hopping around for a while he came across Mr. Deer, who was sparking-up a joint. Mr. Rabbit approached him and said, "Mr. Deer, you don't need that stuff. We have all of this beautiful nature to enjoy. Put that out, and come frolic wit...

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A lot of SHIT

Out in the forest a fly is hovering above the river. In that river a fish is eyeing the fly thinking "If that fly comes a little bit lower I can jump up and grab that fly for a nice meal." On the rivers edge a bear is waiting and that bear is thinking "If that fly goes a little bit lower and that fi...

One day a devout, Christian man was walking through the forest...

...when he spotted a lion lurking towards him ready to pounce. So, he got on his knees and began to pray to God, "Please, Lord. Let this lion be a Christian lion, so that he will not eat me." The lion then got on his knees and prayed, "Thank you, God for providing me this dinner...

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