Europeans have been testing aircraft engines against bird strikes for a long while, using a cannon which launched (deceased, obviously) chickens at the aeroplane.

Eventually, the Americans decided they needed to test their engines tbe same way. So they brought a device over and started testing. No matter how resilient they made the engines, they always failed. After months of testing, they gave up and sent for a European engineer to advise on what wad wrong.<...

A very nervous woman on her first Aeroplane flight, asked the stewardess, how often do planes crash?

Stewardess replies.

Only once..

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I masturbated on a aeroplane

I called it "highjacking"

[On an aeroplane] Pilot: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are 30,000 feet in the air.

Me: There’s no way there are 15,000 people on this plane.

Wife: You never take a break, do you?

I have the ability to jump out of an aeroplane, mid-air and without a parachute.

Once.

As an aeroplane is about to crash...

... a female passenger jumps up and down frantically and announced "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She strips off all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone in this place man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, tears off his shirt and says, "Here, iron...

Pope in the aeroplane

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.

“This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.”

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope ...

What do we want?! Low flying aeroplane noises! When do we want them?!

NNNNEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW

My wife just gave birth to our son on an aeroplane!

He was airborne

A man came up to me today and said "I've invented an aeroplane without wings"

I thought, that'll never take off

What noise does a aeroplane make when it bounces?

Boeing

My paper aeroplane won't fly.

It's completely stationery.

What do you call a rapper that’s also an aeroplane?

Spitfire.

A Dutchman and German man were sat next to one another on an aeroplane.

The German took off his shoes and then stood up to get a drink. He asked the Dutchman if he would like him to fetch him a cola too. The Dutchman said that would be very nice. While the German man was getting the drinks, the Dutchman spat into his shoes. Towards the end of the flight, the German put ...

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An atheist and little girl were sitting next to each other on an aeroplane.

'Flight goes quicker when two aeroplane buddies chat to each other,' said the atheist to the little girl.

'What would I want to talk to you about?' replied the little girl.

'I dunno, maybe about how why there is no God.'

Now the girl believed in God and was also very smart indee...

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A man was seated next to a kid on an aeroplane

The man turned to the kid and said, "Let's talk."

Kid: "OK, what shall we talk about?"

Man: "How about nuclear power?"

Kid: That's an interesting topic but first let me ask you a question. Horse, cow, and deer all eat grass yet the deer excretes pellets, the cow excretes a flat ...

An aeroplane was about to crash.

An aeroplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said "I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

...

What do you call a balding aeroplane?

A receding airline.

I thought my phone was broken as it keeps referring to me as Shirley.

Then I realised it was in Aeroplane mode

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A group of lunatics are on a plane

While in the air, a lot of noise is heard from the cabin and the plane begins to violently shake. The pilot asks the copilot to go into the cabin to see what's wrong. A few minutes later, the copilot comes back into the cockpit.

"The passengers are playing football."

The pilot says "Wh...

A man and his wife attends an air show

The man sees a small aeroplane with an open roof and beautiful aesthetics. On a sign beside the plane wrote "100 dollars for a flight per person"
The man asked his wife "can we take a flight? It is my dream to take a flight in this beautiful plane."
His wife said "No, 200 dollars is too much ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black man flying an aeroplane?...

... a pilot, you racist fuck

What is America's only weakness?

Aeroplanes.

The kids at middle school are studying WWII...

... and little Timmys grandpa, who was a fighter pilot in the war, is invited to class to tell about his experiences. He reminisces:

"Now, the worst situation I was ever in, was probably when I encountered a German air wing all by myself. I had one Fokker above me, one Fokker behind me and on...

It's strange isn't it

It's strange isn't it, you stand in a library and go "Aaaaaargh" and everyone stares at you. Do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.

Mick and Paddy on an airliner.

Mick and Paddy were on an aeroplane, and halfway through the flight, Mick spoke:

"Paddy, if this plane would turn upside down, do you think we'd fall out?"
And Paddy replied "Nah, we'd still be mates."

Make me feel like a woman one last time

The pilot of an aeroplane announces they're about to crash and there is no sign of hope. Upon hearing this a beautiful young woman stands up from her seat and yells "Is there anybody man enough to make me feel like a woman one last time?" To which a man stands up, rips off his shirt and yells "Here,...

The BBC interviews a former pilot of the Dutch Free Air Forces from WWII . . .

. . . So the Dutch guy starts telling a story:

"As we're flying over France, all of a sudden, 6 Fokkers come out of nowhere. I engage on a Fokker, and shoot him down. Then I line up behind another Fokker and shoot him down too. The other guys in my squadron shoot down the other four Fokkers....

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You know a girl is too young for you...

If you have to make the aeroplane noise to get your cock in her mouth

Credit: Jimmy Carr

An Irishman, a Mexican and an American are in an Plane...

The Irishman throws a potato out of the plane,
"Why did you throw a potato out of the plane?" asks the Mexican and the American.
"Because there is far to many in my country," replies the Irishman.

The Mexican then throws a Taco out of the aeroplane.
"Why did you throw that taco out...

Hypocritical People

People are so hypocritical these days! The other day I went into a library, started screaming and shouting and everyone told me to shut up.

Then, later on, when I did the same thing on an aeroplane, everyone joined in!

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