This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hides her diary in the bra drawer.

She knows I'll never open it because it's full of booby traps.

"Your diary is really good," said my wife.

"My thoughts exactly," I replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Diary of an Englishman after he moves to South Africa....

**August 1**: Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Phalaborwa, Limpopo, South Africa. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally fo...

A captain and a sailor are on a ship.

One day the sailor drinks a bit. The captain notes this down that the sailor was drunk. The sailor pleads him to add that he was drunk but it was only once in eight years or else he may lose his job. The captain declines this saying whatever he has written is the truth.
Next day it is the turn of...

The person who stole my diary died recently

My thoughts are with his family

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who the fuck read my diary?

- Anne Frank

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Noah's diary: Day 39

Unicorn pie is fucking delicious!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of “ Anne Frank’s Diary” was so bad

That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".

What do you call the diary of a woman of the faith?

nun-fiction.

Dear Diary..

..today I ate Indian food and Taco bell.

Thus, I will call you "Dear Diarrea" for the next two days.

Diary Entries of a Married Couple

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I s...

A man writing in his diary:

I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

According to my neighbor's diary,

I have "boundary issues".

What was the last line in Anne Frank's diary?

Just a moment, someone's knocking on the door..

Jesus Christ wrote the same thing in his diary every day...

"I think I'm being followed"

My wife does'nt think I respect her privacy enough.

Atleast that's what it says in her diary.

Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)

A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".

He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".

He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Diary of a young wife

Monday:


Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.

It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately."
Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned ou...

Why was the astronaut's diary blank?

It was filled with space.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found my daughters diary and read it.

So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.

For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out...

I read in my girlfriend's diary......

that I have real trust issues!! What a bunch of BS...

Hey, want a book full of jokes?

Here's a copy of my diary!

A man's diary entry during rainy days... [crosspost from r/funny]

Dear diary,

It's been raining for two weeks straight now. My wife is looking through the window with great longing and sadness in her eyes. If it keeps raining for another two or three days, I'm afraid I'm going to have to let her get into the house.

My wife is mad at me.

Get this, her diary says I have boundary issues.

My Neighbor is purified of me

Wait, not purified. Petrified. She's petrified. It's hard to read a diary through these binoculars.

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the man character wasn't likeable...

So, yeah, now I have a new hiding place for my diary.

“Nothing important happened today”

- personal diary of King George III, 4 July 1776

Voldemort is like a teenage girl.

He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out that my roomate thinks that I am a nosy bastard...

The things she writes in her diary drives me nuts!

I was really surprised when my friend said I was nosey....

...because they never mentioned that in their diary

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker

At least that's what I think she wrote in her diary... binoculars are hard to read through

A man has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for over a year and a half

One day, however, one of his friends notices that he seems down.

"Are you okay buddy? You look like something's bugging you."

"Ah, yeah, well, it's this," he says shakily as he hands his friend a diary, which was opened to the latest page. The entry reads
"I'm going to marry her som...

My girlfriend says that I am snoopy.

But OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary.

I feel bad for Anne Frank

She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!

And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My roommate confronted me yesterday...

Do you think I'm a nosy bastard?

No! Of course not!

Then why did you write that in your diary!

I remember the old days...

When people would get mad if you read their diary. Now they post it online and get mad if you don't read it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You wont find a whole lot about beastiality in the bible.

But you will in my diary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?

Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.

My brother told me he thinks I invade his privacy

Well he didn't actually tell me. I read it in his diary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

joke time

jeff-hey john

john-yea,whats up jeff

jeff-did u see the directors cut of the diary of anne frank?

john-haha,no i did not know there was such a thing

jeff-well,it has this super hot shower scene

john-oh fuck

There was a pub quiz last week

And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.