An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, 'I need to search your ranch for illegally grown drugs.' The rancher replies, 'Okay, but don't go into the field over there.'

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge, the officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

If you search "pig" on Google Images, every image has the same file type.

They're all .jpigs.

eBay is great for finding rare items, but there is a lot of bad search results that come with it

For example, I did a search for "Vintage Zippo Lighters" and I got 10,000 matches.

Youtube was taken offline by the courts today for their search algorithm was facilitating paedophelia.

Their lawyers appealed the verdict immediately. But they only got an automated answer that told them to reapply in 30 days.

Police are currently on the search for a man who steals the ends of jokes.

He is described as being a tall, blond man with a very big

Don't confuse your Google search with my computer scienc--

-- actually, never mind. It amounts to the same thing.

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens. My grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on them.

After a few...

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Paris, 1940: A nazi squad enter into an apartment and begin to search for the hidden family.

The soldiers manage to find the dad, the mom and the son, but the daughter remains unfound.

The nazi officer suddenly hears a cough under the children's bed.

He looks under and find the little girl.

With a smile on his face, he tand his hand to help her come out the bedframe....

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

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One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration...

The man thought to himself, "I’m so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is; run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, ...

Why did the police search Santa's sleigh

They had probable Claus

A car breaks down in the desert. The driver goes in search of help, carrying the car door.

So that if it gets too hot he can open the window.

How do blind people start a word search?

Usually by getting a feel for it first.

Where can you hide so no one can ever find you?

Reddit's search function

I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her.

Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

Cardi B’s search on Spotify jumped by 750%

After Spotify introduced the ‘Don’t play this artist’ option.

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

eBay is so pointless

I tried to search up lighters and all they had was 18,063 matches

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I asked my girlfriend to roleplay as a doctor, and she said "Great idea! How about I start with a full cavity search?"

She opened my mouth and started to poke at my teeth with a metal dental scraper.

If you do a Google search for "lost mideivel servant boy"

It will tell you "this Page cannot be found."

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Did you know the most commonly used search term on Google is "butt plug"?

Well, it's not. I just pulled that out of my ass.

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I like my porn just how I like my search history

Disabled.

What's the difference between a quality microwave and someone who knows a quality search engine when they see it?

the microwave goes Bing.

A policeman said he wanted to search my car.

"You won't find any drugs," I told him.

He said, "You don't sound sure about that."

I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier."

A police officer goes to a farm with a search warrant...

He shows the farmer the search warrant and tells him that he has the order to search for something unusual on the farm.

The farmer is confused and asks him: "Why here on my farm? Did something happen?"

The police officer just answers: "I am not allowed to tell you but I am allowed to s...

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Easy way to search your wife.

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket."
"Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled.
"Why talk to me?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with t...

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I was subject to a full cavity search by the authorities yesterday.

I would say it was hands *down* the shittiest part of my life, but...

A blonde walks into a bank in search of a $5000 loan

A blonde walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5000 loan.

The banker asks "Okay miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman replies "Yes, of course. I would like to use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,0...

I couldn’t find a good joke on my first Google search.

It took me a second to get it.

Was doing an image search for Gary Oldman

Accidentally forgot the R. Results were hairy.

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One of my drill sergeants favorite stories

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he he...

A son goes up to his dad one morning

He says”I’m starting a search service!” His dad, impressed, goes “That’s a great idea! Just look how well companies like Google and Bing are doing!” The son replies “Oh no dad, not that type of search engine. I’ll find things around the house for you. For example, five dollars, I’ll find your readin...

A Russian spy enters the White House in search of intelligence.

He had to return home empty handed.

That's the 10th cavity search I've preformed on a minor just today!

Busy day for a dentist!

A Search Engine Optimization expert walks into a bar...

pub, tavern, inn, taproom, drinkery, public house, beer garden, beer, alcohol.

IamA Bing search engine AMA

Please. Just ask me something.

Lame search

Guy dies of heart attack and goes straight to the line that leads to the gates of heaven. When in there, the guy immediately behind him asks him: hey, what did you die of? He says: oh, I got earlier from work at home, saw some man’s clothes in my house, thought my wife was cheating on me and started...

I like my Reddit posts like I like my internet search history

[deleted]

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In search of perfection [NSFW]

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen...

What does the Reddit search bar and my father have in common?

They're both white and don't work!

What is the most commonly searched term on Internet Explorer?

Google Chrome.

Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it...

One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"

Random Drug search

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look m...

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every condom?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...

Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

I used Bing to search something the other day.

That's it. That's the whole joke.

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What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?

I'm willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Pornhub.

I used to think I was descended from the Irish but thanks to a search on Ancestry.com…

…it turns out I'm just a drunk…

What's the most searched word on Bing?

Google

One night, a thief came into my house to look for money while I was sleeping.

I woke up to search with him

What search engine is best for finding lewd pictures?

Yahooters

The search for the Pacific Ocean

9 years ago, a teacher asked a kid if he knew where the pacific ocean was. He replied, "No miss! I'm not aware of the location of the pacific ocean." The teacher furious, asked him to get out and not come back to his class till he knew the location of the pacific ocean.

The boy, distraught, y...

There's a new search engine being developed for infants

Google Ga Ga

I submitted a great joke about Reddit's search functionality a while back.

I can't find it now.

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A hunter sets out in search of a bear to shoot for its pelt. He comes across a clearing and spots a small black bear...

He levels his rifle and lines his sights up on the black bear and fires. He puts his rifle sling over his shoulder but before he can step out of the shadows into the clearing he is tapped upon the shoulder. He turns and sees a massive grizzly bear. The Grizzly in a stern tone says to the hunter "Tha...

Last time I asked for a cavity search....

My dentist got really angry and threw me out of his office

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I tried to google image search Rorschach tests...

but all I could find were pictures of boobs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A committee has narrowed the search for a name for the newly hypothesised 9th planet.

It's between Urpenis and Urvagina.

What is the scariest part of a cavity search?

When they put both their hands on your shoulders but keep searching

Three men died on Christmas Eve

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each present something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He fl...

What is Mario's favorite search browser?

YYYYAAAAHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I will leave now)

Ain't no party like a missing child search party

Cause a missing child search party don't stop.

I want to name my new band "In search of 72 virgins".

That way people will just automatically assume we are the bomb.

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Two ladies in heaven

1st woman: Hi Wanda!

2nd woman: Ohmigod, Sylvia! How did you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
...

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I can't believe the term "Overwatch" was searched more than "anal" last year on PornHub...

What is this world cumming to?