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A man is looking for a job and sees that the local zoo is searching for a zookeeper.

He goes for it but the director has a negative answer: "I'm so sorry but we just hired someone for the job but if you want, I can offer you something else. Our gorilla died this morning and tomorrow is Saturday so I can't get another gorilla that fast. If you want, we have a gorilla costume and if y...

One day there were three grave robbers searching through a graveyard in Central America

They came across an Ancient Mayan temple which had three doors. the first grave robber walker up to the first door and looked inside, he saw a black pedestal with nothing on it, and in the back of the room there were piles of gold and riches, so he walked in and grabbed a handful of gold, but as he ...

Two sperm are swimming along, searching for an egg to fertilize

The first sperm says, “are we almost there? I don’t know how much longer I can do this!”

The second sperm responds, “keep going buddy, you can do it. We just passed the tonsils!”

I went to an adult website and searched for good Christian content.

Turns out it was all missionaries.

What search engine do Christians use?

Ask Jeevus

A crow was found dead by other crows and they began to search for the cause.

A murder investigation.

A thief broke into my house while I was sleeping, he started searching for money...

So I woke up and searched with him.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827."

Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the prev...

Cyclops is searching for vacation places.

Cyclops: how do you spell Hawaii?

Wife: well, you need 2 i's

Cyclops: my life is just a joke to you isn't it Linda?

[Long] [Kinda British] There was a man in search of the dumbest pun in the world.

He travelled the globe for months and finally stopped at a campsite with 26 tents. The man went into the first tent, tent A. Three men came in to talk with him and they told jokes for a while. Two of the men said they knew what the dumbest pun in the world was. "It's in tent A!" they said. The last ...

A man lost his tongue in an accident. He was most upset that he could no longer enjoy his food, so he searched for a surgeon that would do a transplant. Finally he found an organ doner and paid $25k for the procedure...

...later, he had to admit that the new tongue wasn't the same as before, but still it was an acquired taste.

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There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and Moishe. So he interviewed all three.

The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed.

The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate...

A ham searches how to become bacon

The answer they find is: just cook yourself lol

The ham: thanks im cured

Needless to say the search for the stolen lemon tree

Remained Fruitless

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


<...

A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs

"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"

"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.

Afte...

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A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

What is the worst thing to come across while searching the internet?

Your keyboard.

So a kid is talking to his dad and he says “hey Dad why i s my sister named make up tutorials” and the dad says “oh that’s what was in your mom‘s search history “. And the kids respond “OK a little weird but thanks”

And the dad says “no problem “

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, let me give you the tour so you can see for yourself"

He then proceeds to escort Ja...

Police arrested two men trespassing on grounds of the local town hall, after searching them the found battery acid and fire works.

They charged one, and let the other off.

The most searched phrase on Google from the Minneapolis area right now is “How to make your own weapons”

Guess the cops have run out of ammo

I've been searching for three years for my mother-in-law's killer...

...but apparently no one will do it!

During quarantine, Google saw a shift in the top 5 Google searches.

The no. 1 position went from “how to get laid” to “how to get laid off.”

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

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A reporter walks into a bar

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been th...

How do you search for Will Smith in the snow?

Look for the fresh prints.

Teacher arrested on airplane after bag was searched

A protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. He was charged with possessing implements of math instruction

People always tell blondes blonde jokes but I enjoyed this one

A blonde was speeding in a school zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, ...

A recent study has shown TSA random searches are in fact random

After hundreds of hours of observation at dozens of airports researchers were able to say with a high degree of confidence that TSA searches are applied randomly. The frequency of brown skinned men entering the line was highly variable and had no discernible pattern.

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How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye.

Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “...

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It must be a hard time for homosexuals searching for partners

Most of them are not coming out.

Searching for coffee? Just look down.

Chances are it'll be ground.

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A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens t...

Why are telescopes pointed away from earth?

Because they search for intelligent life

I searched a list of 10 puns to make me laugh.

No pun in ten did

A Jew, an Hindu and Karen survive a plane crash in the woods

They walk together trough the woods throughout the day and into the night looking for help.

At last, they find a little wooden house with a lit window and a barn next to it.

The Jewish man says:

"Finally, someone who can help us! Let's ask the owner if we can stay the night and ...

I searched on google “how to start a forest fire.”

It cam up with around 48,500 matches.

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[Long] A person is searching for the best prostitute

One day, his friend comes to him and tells him: "I met this prostitute who can sing and suck your dick at the same time!"
He proceeds to give the guy her number, and the guy, fascinated, calls her.

The prostitute answers and the guy asks for a night together. The prostitute says: "ok but o...

A man accompanied by his big ugly daughter was traveling on a lonely road when they were held by bandits and looted of his belongings.

As the bandits disappeared in the distance, he moaned to his daughter, “I’m ruined. In years I saved those ninety thousand dollars. All my other worldly possessions were in that leather suitcase. I lost everything.”

“Not everything, dad” The girl said coyly. “I saved the money.”

“What...

Reposts...

r/Jokes has a search feature, input the title or punchline of your joke (before posting) and if it's been posted within the last month - please don't submit it.

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

Schrodinger gets pulled over by the cops and they do a search of his car.

Cop: Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?

Schrodinger: I do now.

The most famous French chef was found dead, victim of poisoning, and searching for answers they called Inspector Poirot...

The man had no enemies, he owed no one money, there was no motive at all... After a long and fruitless search, the Inspector noticed that a single bottle was missing from the kitchen. He took a quick inventory, then concluded that this was the result of a suicide.

How did he know? Of course, ...

Prostate exam

A man goes to his doctor for his prostate exam. The doctor gets his glove and starts doing his thing, when suddenly, he finds a £50 note! The doctor keeps searching and finds a large amount of notes and coins at different amounts. After he's sure he got everything out, he counts it all up.

...

A burglar had broken into a house...

... and as he was feeling his way through a darkened room, he heard a voice. "Jesus is watching you!"

The burglar was startled and stood still for a few moments. Then he decided to continue his search for valuables. Once again, he heard the voice, a little louder, "Jesus is still watching yo...

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Three criminals rob a bank and make their getaway,

They are pursued by the police all the way to the countryside. The three criminals speed into a farm where they split up to hide. The police are close behind them.

The first criminal hides in the pigpen. The police go inside the pen where they hear the sound of something moving. "Oink Oink." ...

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The interviewer asked Kevin if he had any special skills not mentioned on his resume...

Kevin thought for a second and replied, "Well I do know an usual number of people in the world. Even celebrities." The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. How about Tom Cruise?". Kevin chuckles and says, "Yep! Tom and I go way back actually". Figuring Kevin was just trying to look impressi...

The boss wondered why one of h...

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."
"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voic...

As soon as Don Cappelli and his thugs entered Mario’s restaurant

...all of the guests immediately stopped what they were doing and quietly left. Don Cappelli’s face was very well-known around the city, and while he was ‘saving’ business after business from going bankrupt and helping families at their time of need, nobody dared ask where his money came from, nor d...

Man, smartphones are great you can search up anything like:

1. How to make a pizza
2. How to put out a fire
3. Directions to the nearest pizzeria

The CEO of Reddit was bored

He decided to go on his own website to try to entertain himself. After hours of searching for a good subreddit he found one called r/jokes. He scrolled through a couple posts and he had one thing to say.

I Reddit

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Moses and Jesus are playing golf.

Moses steps up to the tee and hits a beautiful shot 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hooks the ball into the trees.

Jesus looks up into the heavens, raises his arms, and suddenly the sky darkens. A thunder clap rings out, rain pours dow...

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A Florida man was driving down a country road late one night

When out of nowhere a man came running down the top of a hill waving his arms and yelling to stop the car. The man quickly ran to the passenger side window, claiming there was a sex craved woman in the back of his car and he was unable to completely satisfy her sexual needs. The Florida man agrees t...

I searched Google images for examples of Rorschach tests...

But all I found were pictures of my dad hitting me.

A winter storm blew in from the east during the Revolution

General Washington decided he needed to find a place to stay for him and his 43 men. The first place they found was a farm. The farmer, seeing just how many men the General had knew he couldn’t keep almost most of them on the farm, but was wanted to help the cause so in compromise he agreed to let j...

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

Italian Computer Repair shop

Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"

I've been a dentist for ten years.

This is the first time I'm getting a cavity search at the airport.

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A redditor is searching for the funniest joke of all time, so he subscribes to r/jokes.

After a short while, and a few small chuckles, he realises he's reading the same shit over and over again, post after post.

"I'm never going to find a real joke", he thinks.

He sighs and tilts his head in dismay. Looking down he starts to read the thread and it hits him...

After my grandfather died, I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on...

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A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

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Three men have died and are at heaven's gate in front of Saint Peter

^((I only heard it in German, hope I translated it ok))

Saint Peter says "I'm sorry, we're a little short on space here, so we have a new policy. We only let people in who died in an interesting way." He then points to the first man and asks "so, how did you die?"

The first man starts,...

An employee hadn't showed up for work, and it was getting pretty late.

The boss had a meeting in some time, and this particular employee was supposed to present the pitch to the clients. Ten minutes go by, twenty minutes go by... and there's no sign of the employee.

The boss decided to call him. However, the employee did not answer so the boss tried his wife's ...

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A nun decides before she dies she wants to have sex

So she asks a woman for advice, the woman tells her she wants to find a man that has a big dick. The nun says how will I know if a man has a big dick just by looking at him? The woman tells the nun you can tell by the shoe size. The nun searches the city to find the man with the biggest shoes in tow...

A blond sits for a medical school entrance exam.

Needless to say, he failed.

These are his answers:

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of painting

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Caesarean section - a district in Rome

Cat scan - searching for a lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow
...

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An Italian man is looking wistfully out at his fields...

It's spring, and for decades and decades now, he's always planted tomatoes, a tradition he brought over all the way from the old country to his adopted home in the US.

Unfortunately, he's getting old, and the work of turning the soil over to prepare for planting the tomatoes is beyond his bod...

Windows loves to troll me

Windows: "the device wasn't able to connect to internet due to connection error"

Also windows:" would you like to go online to search for a solution".

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DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday. “We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.”

DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday. “We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.”

....I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there”

Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can ...

A kangaroo enters a bar in the middle of the outback

Everyone stares at him awkwardly, wondering how an animal could be lost to the point of entering a human home. The kangaroo jumps up to the bar and says :

"Hey, gimme a pint of beer."

The owner, confused by this sight, points at the beer taps :

"Er, which one ?"

"Gimme an...

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When 2 dogs meet each other

(This is a joke my dad told me when I was a kid)

Once a long time ago, there was a king who loved hunting. His favorite method was hunting with dogs. So over the course of his life he gathered as many dogs as he could find and used them to hunt his game.

One day he came up to his dogs...

Google Doodles

Four people are sitting at a bar. A native American, a trucker, a business woman, and a google employee walks up to these people, and asks them:

“Do any of you know of an important problem facing our society? If so, then we can make a doodle of it and put it on our search homepage to raise aw...

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An Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Japanese guy all apply for a job at an office.

The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies."


The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working,...

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Two prawns named Christian and Jason are swimming together on a reef

Being near the bottom of the food chain, both are in danger of being eaten and are constantly scared of any larger fish. Christian loves his life despite the odds, but Jason is unhappy. He wishes to no longer be scared. "Wouldn't it be great if we were the top of the food chain?" Jason says, "imagin...

A man is walking home one foggy night

When behind him he hears:

Thump...

Thump...

Thump...

He looks back, but the source of the sound is obscured by the fog. He continues walking.

Thump...

Thump...

Thump...

He begins to walk faster, and looks back over his shoulder as he hurries al...

Tinder is for rookies

Go to Facebook marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size

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Woman searching for a husband

A woman goes to the husband store. The store owner tells her each floor has better quality men, but once she leaves a floor she can not return. On the first floor are nice, cute men. "I can do better" she thinks to herself. She goes to the second floor. There she finds nice, cute men with high payin...

An antivaxxer mom comes home one day...

...to see (or not see, rather) her son, which would usually be playing video games in the living room.

After a couple of minutes of searching far and wide, she had never thought to check his room.

When she opened the door, she saw him silently crying with his face buried in his pillow....

Car Keys

After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room… it wasn’t there. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is,...

A grandfather asks his grandchild to bring him the blue pill and he would put 50€ in his wallet

The grandchild after searching for that blue pill in the whole neighborhood, finally finds it and gives it to his grandfather

Next morning he wakes up and finds 350€ in his wallet instead of 50€

Being confused about that goes to his grandfather and explains him what happened

The...

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office.

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office. Changes identity and calls himself Ted. Trump throws out all the Mexicans but Ted (who was previously Juan), just graffitis "Still Mexican. Still here." at random places around the country. The cops can't find him but they do kno...

Larry, the clumsy carpenter, was using his tablesaw and leaned in close to check he was following the line he had marked on the plank.

ZANNGGG! His left ear gets neatly severed, tumbles through the air and lands in the pile of sawdust.

Screaming in pain and panic, Larry drops to the ground, one hand pressed against his head and the other sifting through the sawdust.

Joe, hearing the commotion, races over to help. When...

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific fetish of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

I’ve been searching for my ex wife’s killer for the past two years.

No one is willing to do it.

A philosopher asks a question to his student: "Who is smarter, the common cat or the loyal dog?"

The students looks confused and responds with another question: "Can you give me context, teacher?"
The wise philosopher nodded. "There once was an owner with a cat and a dog. He died. Because there was no more food given by the owner, the cat and the dog were left hungry and alone. The cat, havi...

A man goes to a doctor

A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like t...

One my dad taught me years ago, couldn't find it with a search so I thought I would share

So this girl is going on a ride with her good friend Louie who's known for being a pretty reckless driver, she has to hold on for dear life while he cruises through a red light and she chastises him for it. Louie isnt concerned though, he says "my brother Vinny does it all the time"

They co...

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

After a long search, I finally got a job with FedEx.

OP delivers.

So there are three brothers, one called “manners”, one called “trouble” and one called “shut up”

One day they were playing hide and seek and “shut up” was searching. He found manners very quickly so they searched for their brother.

They looked for hours and still couldn’t find him, so eventually they went to the police station.

“Manners” was shy so he stayed outside, but “shut up”...

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A bloke heads down to a pet shop in search of an animal to give him some company as he gets lonely at home.

He didn't have many friends and wanted a pet to give him purpose. The bloke walks into the pet shop and gets greeted by the cashier

"Good afternoon sir what can I help you with today?"

"I've come to look for a pet to keep me company" The bloke replies.

"Well then I've got jus...

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, 'I need to search your ranch for illegally grown drugs.' The rancher replies, 'Okay, but don't go into the field over there.'

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge, the officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

Few policemen were chasing a thief on the run. Thief ran into a deserted warehouse and police followed him there.

After searching the entire warehouse police could not find the thief and there were no other exits. In frustration, police officer kicked one of the boxes and cat started to meow from inside. Officer kicked another box and dog started to bark from inside. Officer kicked one more box but no sound cam...

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

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Russians search for My Little Pony porn 427% more than the worldwide average.

In Soviet Russia pony ride you.

A cop pulls someone over for doing 130 in a 50 zone

"Your drivers licence please" he asks. The man he just pulled over replies "Sorry I can't, it's in the glove box together with an unregistered firearm". "Really? You know that I have to search the vehicle now?"
"Oh please don't, I just shot my coworker and put his corpse in the boot"
The polic...

Two men from two separate States met at a restaurant and found that both have left homes in search of their missing wives.

First: How does your wife look, her identity?




Second: She is 5'9", slim, extremely beautiful and always smiling. What about yours?




First: Forget about mine. Come, let's search yours....

"Quick!" I yelled to the taxi driver. "My wife is giving birth!"

He said, "Ok, Ok. Let me just search for the hospital on my sat nav."

"Hospital?" I replied. "I need you to drive me to the airport."

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I like my porn just how I like my search history

Disabled.

Dear Microsoft:

If you had called your search engine Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google.
What would you rather say? "I just Googled Rihanna"or "I just Banged Rihanna."

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One Friday morning, Akshit Singh lost his dear pet cat.

He frantically searched around the neighborhood, looking for his precious Bala. He tried to search under dumpsters, he asked his neighbors if they'd seen Bala wandering around recently, and he set cat food and water outside in hopes of attracting Bala back to his house.



Much to his d...

Mother-in-law

We were vacationing on the east coast at a little seaside cottage and my mother-in-law went missing. I went to the police station and told the constable about the situation and he assured me they would search for her. A few days went by and the constable knocked on the cottage door.
We found you...

Are you searching for a remote job with no prior experience required, $120k base pay+commission and a high-end company car? PM me.

We'll search together.

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My girlfriend asked me what's my favourite sex position?

I said "WOW"

The whole day she searched for it and finally asked me what's WOW

That's when I said "It's where i flip your 'MOM' over"

Einstein was once travelling from Princeton on a train

When the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger.

When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it.

Then h...

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Two ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Lynne. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What a...

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I’ve been searching tirelessly for just ONE reason to prove that Bono isn’t a complete cunt.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

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The blowjob confession.

A Catholic man is waiting in a practically empty church to give confession when the priest jumps out of the booth and tells him he has to go to the bathroom and asks him if he can take over.

There is a cheat sheet on Hail Marys and Our Fathers for each of the sins and all he has to do is rea...

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods.

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods. The convent provided all of their basic needs: cows for milk, sheep for cheese, grain for bread, and even bees for honey. However, one day a deadly plague swept through the land, infecting all of the siste...

For years I was searching for...

For years I was searching for the music of a korean show called 'Rep'. I searched all my life for that music. A good part of my life was attached to thaf show. But I cant find it. I lost all my hopes in it.

Now when I am near my death bed, some months ago I get used to reddit. What a womderfu...

When in the Middle East, I found out that Google alters your search results depending on where you are.

I also found out how to make a bath bomb that will absolutely blow you away!

Cold War Era Joke: This Russian dude had a talking parrot. A very special parrot who loved cursing the regime, and the Communist party leaders. One day, hard knocks on the door, "KGB, open up!". The guy hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB searches the apartment and cannot find the parrot.

The KGB agents give the guy a warning. Once they leave, he runs to the freezer takes out the shivering bird and hugs it and tells the parrot to curse the revolution. The parrot is mum. "Com'on curse Brezhniev , curse the KGB. The parrot looks at the guy and says "I've just been to Siberia! I'm not t...

There was once a man who had 100 kids.

There was once a man who had 100 kids. He was not a creative man, so he named the kids after the number of their birth. One of his kids, 90, had a few kids when he grew older. One day, they found a dog on the road. They took him in, and named him This. This was a very good and well behaved dog. “Dad...

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

I searched dirty jokes in google to repost on r/jokes

My face popped up as the first result.

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

The FBI, the CIA and the LAPD have a bet to see which organization is best...

They decide to release a single rabbit into the forest, and whoever can find it in the least amount of time is the best.

The FBI goes first. The interrogate all the animals, search every hole and cave and after 24 hours reluctantly admit that they can’t find the rabbit.

The CIA then go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not sure if this joke is originally from my language or if it is an old joke which is stolen then translated to my language but thought I’d share it

Three man were lining up to heaven when st. peter explained that their death was not planned and that it has happened due to unforeseen and unknown circumstances. Because of this heaven wasn’t prepared for their coming and would need them to wait outside for a long time. However, pitying their early...

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke

But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways

My wife found “golden showers” in my search history and threatened to leave.

I let her go.

Gotta look out for number one.

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him...

The United States, China and Russia are attending a military exercise competition

To see which army is the strongest, the United Nations placed three rabbits in three forests.the one spent least time and sent least soldiers wins.
On day one, the U.S. Army go first. They spent half a day meeting to formulate a battle plan, strictly divide the labor, and then sent a hundred spe...

I’ve tried to search something on google for years

It keeps saying “Error. No matches”

Then I realised I wasn’t on google

I was on Tinder

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