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Steve with 25 inch Long penis to God : I can’t live with this long penis.

God : Go to that Lake,
You will find a Female Frog. Ask her to marry you,
she’ll say No & you will Lose 5 inch.

Steve Went & asked the Frog : will you marry me?

Frog : No

He Lost 5 inches.

He thought 20 inch is still Long.

So he asked again : will you...

BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

I live with a basket case

It's quite helpful when you have a basket you don't want to break.

A guys mother in law comes to live with him

One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.

The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.

The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad new...

I'm cannot stand to live with my flatmate anymore

She doesnt clean the flat, she doesn't cook and she basically just uses me for free rides.

I'm want to move so badly but my boyfriend says "we can't abandon our daughter."

I got booed off of the stage at the start of my comedy act for saying that I still live with my parents...

That's the last time I do a gig at an orphanage.

Guess who's coming to live with us

Wife calls her mother: "Today I fought so much with my husband. I am coming to live with you again.”

Mother: “No, he should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”

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Two Vaginas were talking and the first one said: “Did you hear that asshole I live with—says we get more dick then her”

“They hate us cuz they anus,” said the other

A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister." The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The husband responds,

"No, I will also live with your sister."

How do you live with a terminal disease?

You don't.

The other day in a book store I saw one that was called “How to live with 5$”

It costed 8.50$

When I was a little kid I had a pet turtle. Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium. When i went to camp, the turtle died. When i got home, my dad lied to me. He said, "your turtle is live and well, it just went to go live with your mother." And i believed that til i was digging in the backyard

...found my mom's body.

Smh worst day of my life,
I loved that turtle

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe...

...and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science, mathematics, and formatting Reddit comments so they get the most upvotes. One day, the Chief's wife gives birth to... a white child!

The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professo...

Insomnia is horrendous to live with ...

But on the plus side, only two more sleeps until Christmas

"You know, I decided to go and live with a pig."

"Are you crazy??? And how will you do with the stench? "

"Ehhhh .... he will get used to it! "

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As a father of sons, one fact I have to live with

Is that other guys' dicks have been in my wife every day for months on end.

I live with my boyfriend and my brother

I live with my boyfriend and my brother, both of whom I love very much but in very different ways. The only thing they have in common is they’ve both shared a bath with me at some point in their lives. One was a very erotic experience and the other, he did a poo whilst we were still sat in. It ruine...

Judge: "How can you live with your guilt?"

Killer: "Better than my victims."

Today I told my parents that I needed a change in my life and couldn't live with them anymore

Although I have to say, it was sad making them leave the house

I live with my wife in a two story house...

"I'm too tired" and "I have a headache" are the only two stories I hear...

How do people live with Mesothelioma?

Asbestos they can

Women. Can't live with them.

Can't live with them.

Being hard of hearing can be quite challenging to live with

Got invited to a breeding circle but all everyone did was look at books.

How do you live with HIV?

You stay positive.

Some people think it's difficult to live with Erectile Dysfunction

But really, it's not that hard.

A middle-aged woman still lives with her parents

Her mother was walking by her room and heard from inside "buuzzzzzzzz zzzzz bzzzzz." She opened the door to see her daughter laying on the bed playing her "toy" and yelled "what is going on in here?!" Her daughter replied "mom, I'm 40 years old, still live with my parents, this is the closest thing...

My wife told me she was leaving me because she couldn’t live with me always making stupid Star Wars puns.

I said, “Divorce is strong with this one…”

I couldn't live with my mistakes anymore...

So I became a bomb disposal technician

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I used to live with a closet-gay roommate.

Then one day I unlocked his chains and he ran away.

To save money my girlfriend and I sold our house and now live with our horses in their barn area.

Ir was tough at first but it's been a stable relationship.

Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again,I'm coming to live with you."

Mom replied, no no my daughter, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you.

I took my sick dog to the vet, and they told me that the best option was for my dog to go live with some children in China.

Although, I'm surprised that he referred to them as the "youth in Asia".

My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.

Her kids don't help either.

I wonder how long our ancestors managed to live with no shelter...

before they caved

I'm 34 and live with my mom. Just kidding...

... I'm 33.

I used to live with a girl

...until she realized I was there

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[NSFW] [Long]A newly wed couple movies in with each other for the first time...

A newly wed couple moves in with each other for the first time and are going through the normal aches and pains of learning to live with someone new.

For the most part, everything is going well. No big disagreements, a couple of small annoying habits, but nothing major. Though, after several ...

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery...

...and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your moth...

I asked my wife, "when I die, will you remarry?"

She said, "not at all, I'm going to live with my sister." Then she asked me when she dies, would I remarry. I replied, "of course not, I'm going to live with your sister."

Three women die and end up at the entrance of heaven.

There, the three women meet the caretaker of heaven. He points out that there is only one rule in Heaven; do not step on the turtles. An odd rule but the women agree with a pinch of confusion. When they enter, the only thing they can see are turtles. Everywhere turtles. A croak croak here, a croak c...

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