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Biting Jokes

I caught my son biting the electrical cord

I was shocked and grounded him. He resisted but I told him to stay positive. It's been a week, he's currently doing better and conducting himself properly.

When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them

In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Biting Boobies

An old man is walking down the street when he sees a beautiful brunette walk by with a truly gigantic set of knockers. He turns around and catches up to the woman and says to her: "I'll give you $100 to let me bite your boobs" "Get away from me you perv!" she shouts back and continues walking. The o...

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

being shot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?

Having high voltage electrodes attached to your testicles and being flogged senseless with a knotted rope.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?”

“Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” – he asks again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife keeps trying to be sexy by biting her lip

I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s the bottom one

What do you do if your son keeps biting on wires?

Ground him till he conducts himself properly

Hear about the vampire who had trouble biting people properly?

He had dysnecksia.

I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him.

I should have known this would happen. He's pure bread...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man came up to a beautiful woman walking on the street and offered her a proposition.

"I would pay $100 to bite your beautiful breasts"

"Ew, what kind of a woman do you think I am?! I won't let you see them, let alone bit them!"

"Ok, make it $500"

"No! Get away from me!"

"How about $1000?"

"I said, no!"

"$10,000, cash."

"Okay, fine!"...

Want a surefire trick to break your nail-biting habit?

Take up plumbing

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question (Warning not suitable for people under the aged of 18 you have been warned)

Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny, cause the rest would fly away,
Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, but i like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny says i have a question for you. If t...

I cured a terrible case of nail biting.

I told him to become a plumber, he did and now he never bits his fingernails.

I find it hard to stop biting my fingernails

Because I always have them on hand.

You can't pronounce 'O' while biting your lower lip.

Again, louder baby

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For years I wondered why biting my lip all sexy-like never seemed to work on the ladies...

until my friend let me know you're supposed to bite your bottom lip

I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish

Almost everyone eats corn

A teacher asks her students a simple math question…

“There are 3 birds on a wire, one gets shot, how many are left?”

Little Johnny raises his hand, “there are none left, once the one bird was shot the other two flew away ”

Teacher tells Johnny he is wrong, but she likes the way he thinks.

Johnny then inquired, “may I ask you a qu...

What do you call a bug that hesitates before biting?

A nervous tick

Proventative measures for preventing disease from biting insects

Don't bite them.

After 40 years my grandma has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails.

She’s hidden his teeth.

A Man And A Woman Get Into An Argument About Infidelity

The man is suspicious of his wife so he starts interrogating her asking her question after question.

The wife answers every question truthfully and even calls her friends or coworkers so that they can confirm too.

But this wasn't enough for her husband so he keeps on arguing and askin...

Made the mistake of biting into some half frozen food

Realized that wasn't well thawed out.

My dog has to wear this cone till he heals from surgery. It helps with the biting, but the barking?

He sounds like a sub-whoofer.

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