Why did the social awkward man never go to the second storey of his house ?

He couldn't handle the stairs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I had sex, it was in my parent’s bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, “This is a bit awkward.” I grunted...

“Just ignore them!”

What happens when you get a 100 socially awkward people together in a room?

Nothing.

What does a socially awkward and depressed frog say?

Reddit.!

Giving prostate exams is one of the more awkward parts of being a doctor.

I just hope my patients don't realize im a dentist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate shower sex.

It's slippery, awkward, and one of the worst things about prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watched 50 Shades of Grey with my parents and Christ if all the sex didn't make the whole thing awkward.

I could barely see the screen with my mom bent over like that.

(A tad NSFW) A friend got really mad at me for smelling his sister’s underwear.

I don’t know if it’s because she was still wearing them, or because the whole family was there. Either way, it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

Don't you just hate it when someone asks you to "do something funny" and you are just standing awkwardly trying to think of an appropriate joke while more and more people start to look at you? No? Just me? Okay.

Person 1: I just got 3 strikes in bowling!
Person 2: I got three strikes in baseball...

Person 1: I got "nothing but net" in basketball
Person 2: I got "nothing but net" in volleyball...

Person 1: I just hit someone in the stomach in dodgeball!
Person 2: I just hit someo...

I locked myself out of my car next to an abortion clinic...

It was really awkward asking them for a hanger

awkward moment in shop for 2 old ladies...

A pair of old ladies are waiting in line at the checkout, with a cucumber each.


When they reach the checkout the young man says to them they can have both cucumbers for 80c or a store special of 3 cucumbers for a $1.


One lady turns to the other & says:


'Wel...

What did the awkward quark say to the diuranium after it said "enjoy your meal"?

Thanks, U2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lady in the maternity ward is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth of her child.

“I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "Okay do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either".

"Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached to anyone. I'll be having my baby on my own".

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “...

That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

I wanna try asking out my school crush, but it might come off as awkward

Man being a teacher is hard

How do you make a Dinner party awkward?

Change the “i” into an “o.”

My girlfriend bought me the karma sutra

Which put me in a very awkward position

So, apple, lemon, and pea escape from the refrigerator..

Happy to be free from their prison, they go to a bar to celebrate. Many bars later, they're all tipsy at best when they come across a hill.

Pea, being a energetic drunk, gets super excited saying, "Hey! Let's roll down the hill! Come on!" And before the other two object he launches hims...

At the dance, Wood-Eye Pete stood awkwardly to the side

Deciding there wasn't much to lose he decided to ask Pudgie Peggy to dance.
"Would you care to dance?" He asked her, gamely.
With enthusiasm Pudgie Peggy eagerly expressed her delight almost yelling, “ Would I??!!“
Pete blushed with shame and quickly defended himself yelling “Well you're ...

Man in a movie theater

An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if...

I went on a date for the first time and it went very poorly.

My wife agreed it was very awkward and told me we shouldn't try it again any time soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That awkward moment when you're having sex with a German girl and she keeps yelling "Nine!"

Like, are you just yelling your age or are ten of us too many?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a smartly-dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".

The smartly-dressed man says "This is ...

When small talk with the neighbors gets awkward.

I live in the Bible Belt and took a stroll around the neighborhood earlier in the week. At the turnaround an old man with a walker was getting the mail. He asked me my name and we engaged in some small talk.

 

I was about to leave, but his wife came outside so I stayed and sai...

Awkward college reunions

At the 40th college reunion, Peter met his classmate he hadn't seen since graduation. "John," he said, "you look just like you did in college. You really haven't changed a bit."

"I know," said John. " It was terrible going through college looking like a 61- year old."

My first orgy was an experience to remember. I expected to it to be full of awkwardness and disappointment.

But thankfully all my cousins were really supportive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know that awkward moment when you're cumming and your mom starts calling you?

Me neither, when I masturbate I normally am the one who calls out her name.

A pair of twins walk into a bar...

A pair of twins walk into a bar.

A man walks up to them and asks:

"So is it true that twins can communicate telepathically"

They look at each other in silence for about 30 seconds when the man says:

"I'm sorry if that was an awkward question, it was stupid of me to ask"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching porn last night when my grandmother suddenly walked in.

⁠ It was an awkward way to find out what she did for a living

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy goes to a barber shop......

Half way through his haircut the barber suddenly walks to a corner in the shop, unzips his fly and takes a piss on the floor. He then nonchalantly returns and continues with the haircut. After a few awkward minutes, the customer couldn't help but ask the barber why he took a piss on the shop's flo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

My brother is illiterate

It was his 16th birthday party this past weekend, and boy was it awkward. He just couldn't read the room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

What's the difference between awkward and uncomfortable?

Underwear can be uncomfortable, but when you involve other people in the problem it gets awkward.

That awkward moment when at the end she wanted a handshake, but you went on for a full french kiss

That job interview wasn’t really going anywhere, anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gosh, hell must be really awkward.

I mean there's Hitler, and all the Jews.

A middle aged bachelor has an obsession with tractors.

His entire house is decorated with them. He has tractor wallpaper, tractor memorabilia, many many model tractors, pictures of tractors, tractor bed sheets, even his car looks like a tractor (not a real tractor due to legal reasons).

As it is, his obsession with tractors had left him awkward, ...

It's awkward touching hands with a woman in a popcorn bag.

Especially if you don't know her and she doesn't know that you're eating her popcorn.

That Awkward moment when you pay $2 for Evian water

and notice if spelled backwards your Naive

My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes.

He’s now Dr.Awkward.

My sister Mary has an abusive husband. Their BBQs are awkward...

We watch him eat, drink and beat Mary.

A girl suggested I set up a double date to make our first time out less awkward

I really hope my parents like her

All my jokes are greeted with an awkward silence.

You could hear a pun drop.

A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.

Bartender: What's wrong?

Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

Bartender: That sounds painful.

Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My proctologist tried to ease the awkwardness after the unexpected orgasm by telling me it's perfectly natural,

I just wish he'd have aimed away from me.

A wife asks her husband, "If I died, do you think you would remarry?" (joke from my 79 year old great aunt)

The husband replies, "Remarry? No way! I'd be too devestated by your death, I could never replace you."

The wife insists that her husband take a new wife, "If I go before you, I would hate for you to be alone. Please tell me you'd find a new wife."

The husband promises to honor his wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wedding night with my wife was awkward...

When we undressed I told her she was beautiful and looked like a goddess in the moonlight. She told me it looked like my hard on was trying to ask my butt a question.

If you think buying condoms is awkward,

Try returning them. I haven't been laid in forever :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife reckons that recently I have become an awkward, arrogant cunt, and she just can't understand me.

Seems like my French classes are going really well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It‘s so awkward!

My sister and my new girlfriend have the same name. That‘s so awkward... now every time we have sex I gotta think about my new girlfriend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My window cleaner caught me masturbating today. It was awkward.

Maybe I shouldn't have been standing in his garden.

Homework

Teacher where's your homework?
Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

That awkward moment when

That awkward moment when the woman you’re dancing behind bends over so you can grind it. But it turns out she just dropped an earring, and no one else in Mcdonalds can hear the music on your iPod.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's going to be awkward as heck...

when all the people who were in hell for masturbating are transferred to heaven.

Russian joke about problem with time zones

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish these time zones.

\- Why, Putin asks him?

\- Ah, I can't find myself with these times:

\- I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep,

\- I last woke you up at 4 in the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That awkward moment when you're about to hug

That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's an awkward moment for a homosexual when they're trying to use Google Maps?

When it tells them to go straight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you remember how awkward it was

the talk your parents give you about sex.
Like so fucking awkward dude.
"Did you already cum".
Like yeah mom... Damn!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elephant is standing on a street corner with an erection.

His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.

At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"

Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ugly man is sitting alone in a bar when suddenly a beautiful woman approaches him.

The woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?"

The man is stunned as he never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees.

They both get into his car and drive out past the edge of town. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city.

Wit...

Why was it awkward to talk to the mountaineer?

He liked to tell everyone when he was climb-axing.

Why are Titanic themed parties so awkward?

They lack good icebreakers!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elevator Awkwardness

Elevators are a lot like urinals.

Everyone’s looking down, nobody’s making eye contact, and my penis is exposed.

Why is Thanksgiving so awkward in Hollywood?

So many of the producers want to sit at the kids table.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Harry’s bachelor party had to be pretty awkward.

He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.

Dates are expensive and complicated.

And the morning after is, all too often, very awkward.

Then there's the messiness. And each one's got a bloody stone in the middle. Honestly, dates are just honey that's stuck on Extra Hard mode.

What's the most awkward place to run into a homeless person?

On your way to the Coinstar... "ehh, no i don't have any spare change, I was just on my way to turn this into real money"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When the lockdown started, all I did was masturbate and watch TV all day.

After 3 weeks it got awkward and my coworkers decided to tell me how to turn my camera off on Zoom.

I was walking a girl home last night, and at some point, things got a little awkward.

She turned around, and saw me walking her home.

How does a tree handle an awkward situation?

It leaves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say after sex to make it awkward?

Do you have a washcloth? My dog usually cleans me up.

A new teacher trying to get to know his students.

He asked one of them "what do you do after school"
Student 1: I go home, watch TV then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher felt awkward and decided to ask another student.
Student 2 "me, I play football then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher was really disappointed but didn't want...

It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...

...ever lose their son Tim in a forest.

A man is sitting in a taxi in Newcastle on his way home to Sunderland. He realises he recognises the taxi driver- and with great enthusiasm mentions this. "I know you! You picked me and the missus up that time from the train station and took us to the airport! Remember?"...

The taxi driver, who sees hundreds of different people every day, smiles politely and replies "Maybe.", rather unconvincingly. A typical, though nevertheless unbearable awkwardness follows whereupon the driver says "Riddle me this...". The passenger sits up straight and prepares for thinking.
...

I was bullying and kicking this pregnant lady for quite some time

It was soooo awkward when she birthed me lol

Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?

I'm pretty sure he has Asp burgers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a deaf girl and it got awkward really fast.

Her sign language interpreter wouldn't leave the room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mind Reader

The weather was very hot and a man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming trunks, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, he got out of the water and noticed two old ladi...

A kangaroo enters a bar in the middle of the outback

Everyone stares at him awkwardly, wondering how an animal could be lost to the point of entering a human home. The kangaroo jumps up to the bar and says :

"Hey, gimme a pint of beer."

The owner, confused by this sight, points at the beer taps :

"Er, which one ?"

"Gimme an...

Don’t believe everything you read in public toilets

Don’t believe everything you read in public toilets. Sharon is not up for a good time. What an awkward phone call that was...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris Johnson,Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing..

Boris Johnson, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing on the North Sea coast .

Boris Johnson starts to brag while looking at the Water : „We British have the best submarines in the World. Our subs can be submerged under water for over one month without refueling!“

Merkel is looking...

"May I sleep with your sister?" is such an awkward question to ask.

I have no idea how my dad is going to respond.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A princess wanted to get married...

Deep in the German forests, there was a huge castle. It housed the king, his beautiful daughter and some servants. One day, the princess decided that she wanted to get married to a man. When she confronted her father and told him about her decision, he got very displeased and denied her request. Aft...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to see if this old Finnish joke is still funny when translated.

A press reporter, a young and beautiful woman was making an article about living alone in the middle of nowhere for the majority for one's life.


The reporter stayed at the old man's house for a long time, just discussing about everyday stuff.

Well, how do you get food then?

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Many guys feel awkward having a small penis.....

But I manage to pull it off

"Do you know how awkward you are?"

"Good, you?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy was buying a pregnancy test. I looked at him and he looked back awkwardly.

"It's not for me," he said, embarrassed. "It's for my sister."

I said, "Sick bastard. Why are you having sex with her?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A communist spy and an American spy are camping out in opposite buildings on Moscow.

Each one knows the other is there but thinks the other does not know that they are there. After hours of spying each one decides they need to go out for some fresh air. However, since both would be easily recognized they decide to put on disguises. The Communist, a female, puts on an elaborate mal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bad joke

A guy finds a genie and says his wish is to fuck a goddess in a golden garden. He gets it, has some awkward sex in a lush garden with golden plants and teleports back to the genie. He then realised his mistake and asks the samething as a second wish. This time, before the goddess appears, he starts ...

I was with a group of friends when one of them suggested we play Twister. This person knows I'm not a fan of Twister.

I hate being put in an awkward position.

I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward...

...probably because I wasn't invited...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist says I'm socially awkward because I misinterpret what people say to me...

I'm pretty sure she wants me

What's the difference between awkward and awful?

Awkward is finding your mom on Tinder, awful is matching with her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend asked, "What's the most awkward thing you've said during orgasm?"

I thought for a second and said, "Probably...You're better than my girlfriend,"

"Wow," he laughed, "What did she say?"

I said, "Nothing, dead people don't talk."

I got into an awkward situation by having an erection at the office.

I was hard at work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman met with the hitman on the rooftop as planned

"Look at those bastards cheating on me, in my own bedroom!" The businessman picked up a monocular and looked into the house across the street. "Like I said on the phone,I want them to die slowly.Shoot the fucker on the dick or something."

"No problem." The hitman set up the sniper rifle and l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going home for the holidays is always awkward for me.

I arrived at my parents house where my mother was already hard at work in the kitchen baking and preparing for the meal tomorrow.

She came out to sit with me and we talked through our most recent Netflix obsessions, favorite foods, and caught up on each other's lives.

After our discuss...

A man feels burnt out by his busy city life, and decides to vacation as far away as possible from the hustle and bustle.

He finds himself in a cozy cabin just outside of a small, remote Alaskan town. For a few days he marvels at the serenity of the forest. He fishes, he hikes, he naps blissfully while listening to the trees sway. But by the middle of the week, he begins to get bored, and goes to town.

Checking...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was awkward silence for 8 hours straight,With an occasional sigh or heavy breath

Then she woke up and screamed: who the fuck are you?

Enter job interview . Interviewer asks infamous question "what is your greatest weakness in the workplace?" Pause for 10 to 15 seconds then say "I'm bad with awkward silences "

If the don't laugh then pause again and say "sometimes my jokes aren't well received " problem solved

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fonzie Jokes: Guaranteed to solicit awkward groans in any social gathering.

Do you often find yourself thinking "what this social gathering needs is some awkward silence!" Well, you have come to the right place. these jokes are 10,000% guaranteed to get you all the groans and derrisive stares you want, guaranteed or your karma back!

Here is collection of comedy gold ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men arrive to the Heaven's Gates...

...and are asked by St. Peter, how did they found their final fate.
The 1st man steps forward:
"Well,see, I long suspected that my wife been cheating on me, so today I "left for work", only to come back half an hour later. And what do I see -- my wife naked in bed, and some asshole below our w...

A socially awkward guy at a party...

...never knows what to say to women. So a friend suggests asking them if they're married, have any kids.

"Are you married?"

"No."

"um...have any kids...?" She gives him a disgusted look, walks away.

He thinks to himself, maybe I did that wrong, let me try it again.
...

This guy walks into a quiet bar.

He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand, and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced, and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.