My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

She's a 10 for sure, but completely imaginary.

I put root beer in a square glass

Now I just have beer

My girlfriend is like pi plus the square root of negative one.

Complex, irrational and barely more than a 3.

Why did the farmer lose the race with his cow through the town square?

Because you can't beat your meat in public.

A couple is walking in st. Peter'sburg Square on Christmas eve

They feel slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining" says the man.

"No its snowing" replies the woman.

"How about we ask this communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man.

"officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining" ...

Three shapes are in a bar. The square says, "So then I said, It's all RIGHT!"

The triangle joins in and says, "Hah, what a weird tangent!"

The circle walks in and says, "Hey triangle, you are looking ACUTE!"

Triangle responds "Hi circle! Good to see you AROUND!"

They all share in laughter.

Circle asks "Is this why we have no friends?"

A fu...

It's 1976 and a man walks onto the Red Square and screams "Brezhnev is a idiot!" He is immediately arrested and given 15 years in prison

5 for sedition

10 for revealing a state secret

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

Girls are like square roots

If they’re under 13, do them in your head

Why do they say be there or be square?

Because if you don’t show up, you’re not a round

Why were square roots, cubed roots, and other roots arrested during the Red Scare?

They were all radicals.

Are you the square root of 2?

Because you're an irrational radical.

I looked her square in the eyes and said, "Squirting isn't real, right? It's just urine, right?"

"I meant any questions about the *job."* the interviewer sighed.

At the beginning of Naruto, the three main characters existed in a 'love square'.

Naruto loves Sakura, Sakura loves Sasuke, Sasuke loves nobody, and nobody loves Naruto.

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

What's the square root of 69?

8 something....

A couple roommates squabble over the only phone charger in the house. One punches the other square in the face. The cops show up.

He is charged with battery.

Ever notice that regular gouda is square, yet smoked gouda is circular?

Smoking really does take the edge off.

When I was a kid, you could go to the store with $1 and leave with a can of pop, 2 candy bars, a bag of chips and some caramel squares....

Nowadays, they have cameras everywhere.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Square testicles

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.


After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is alwa...

So we all know that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to have 3 squared meals a day

Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

Where do fast food places get those square fish for the filet-o-fish sandwiches?

From the asquarium.

TIL that while little is known about the Tiananmen Square "Tank Man," many eyewitnesses claim that he was actually run over shortly after the famous footage was taken. Indeed, the Mandarin nickname for this folk hero is "The Lobster"...

...because he was a crushed Asian.

How far does a car go with square wheels?

Four blocks.

What do you called ginger cut into cubes??

a Square Root.

​

... I'll see myself out

Four Catholic Men and a Catholic Woman Were Having Coffee in St. Peter's Square.

Four Catholic Men and a Catholic Woman Were Having Coffee in St. Peter's Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'".
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people c...

A circle is circular, a triangle is triangular, a rectangle is rectangular, but a square is...

You. You're a square.

Why is a Square's corner hot?

because it's 90 degrees

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide-and-go-seek.

lt’s Einstein’s turn to count, so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein, then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exc...

The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this year.

Why did the student look underwater for square and cube numbers?

They’re indices

Where did the square go after killing the triangle?

To prism.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.

An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning. He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.

The old man slowly reached over and push...

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f...

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

My dad and I were walking towards a water fountain in our town’s square.

He pulled out two coins and handed me one saying that we should both make a wish.

We flipped our coins and, after a brief pause, he turned to me.

Dad: “Guess it didn’t work.”

Me: “Why?”

Dad: “You’re still here.”

You're It!

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to be it, so he closes his eyes and starts counting, “Eins, zwei, drei…” Pascal runs off and hides under a big bush. Newton runs over to a nearby driveway, takes out some chalk, and draws a box around him that is one meter ...

I came up with this new idea where you split the square root into pieces.

It’s radical!

Ever wonder why the cap on gallon of milk isn’t square?

Because the opening of the bottle is round.

there once was a...

There once was a community in which there where the squares and the "jokes". the "jokes" were actually circles but were a minority and were often laughed at and segregated in the community, so they were called "jokes". One circle had enough of the ridicule from the squares and wanted to become a squ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a square chicken?

A cockblock

My mum told me she never really liked the angles in a square.

I said "ehh, they're alright"

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

*Dang,* the officer thinks...

Why did the square breakup with the circle?

She wasn't edgy enough!

Just like not all rectangles are squares but all squares are rectangles..

Not all alcoholics are Irishmen, but all Irishmen are alcoholics!

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

Not many people know that Nelson was 5' 6" in real life. His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17'4"

That's a Horatio of around 3:1

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do blondes have square boobs?

They forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second.

"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the ...

An alien vessel landed on St Peter's square

An alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome.


A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared.


They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.


After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question m...

I actually heard this joke in a dream this morning

What do you call a little square that hasn't developed its new dimension yet?

Precubescent

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