My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

An absolute 10, but also imaginary.

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

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My flaccid penis is square shaped...

When I get hard it becomes an erectangle.

Took down a Tiananmen Square Massacre photo yesterday...

“Censorship bad”

A square and a rectangle walk into a bar.

They both sit down, order a beer, and wait for the bartender to prepare their drinks.


They each take a sip; it's nice and cold. There's an abundance of bubbles in and on the beverage; perfect.


The square looks over next to him; the rectangle is looking down at his nearly empty ...

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Did you know that SpongeBob has a square dick?

If you think you're surprised, Sandy just shit a brick.

Every New Year's Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time's Square

...and year after year, they drop the ball

I put root beer in a square glass

Now I just have beer

How is the Tiananmen square massacre similar to the Mueller report?

[REDACTED]

It's 1976 and a man walks onto the Red Square and screams "Brezhnev is a idiot!" He is immediately arrested and given 15 years in prison

5 for sedition

10 for revealing a state secret

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I sexually identify as a 41 million square mile body of salt water

Im trans-atlantic

So I took ma epileptic buddy to Times Square.

He loved it so much, he started dancing on the ground.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. W...

My teacher was mad at me for making Tiananmen Square jokes in class.

So I denied it.

Few people know this, but the man in the famous Tiennaman Square photo was actually run over by a tank. While English-speaking people generally refer to him as the "Tank Man," in Chinese he's known as "Lobster"...

Because he was a crushed Asian.

I looked her square in the eyes and asked, "Squirting isn't real, right? It's just urine, right?"

"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

Why did the farmer lose the race with his cow through the town square?

Because you can't beat your meat in public.

At the beginning of Naruto, the three main characters existed in a 'love square'.

Naruto loves Sakura, Sakura loves Sasuke, Sasuke loves nobody, and nobody loves Naruto.

Girls are like square roots

If they’re under 13, do them in your head

In protest, my friends and I are gonna march down to the city square dressed in trash that we picked up around the city...

...like litter-rally.

A couple is walking in st. Peter'sburg Square on Christmas eve

They feel slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining" says the man.

"No its snowing" replies the woman.

"How about we ask this communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man.

"officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining" ...

Why do they say be there or be square?

Because if you don’t show up, you’re not a round

So we all know that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to have 3 squared meals a day

Ever notice that regular gouda is square, yet smoked gouda is circular?

Smoking really does take the edge off.

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Square testicles

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.


After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is alwa...

What's the square root of 69?

8 something....

Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

A couple roommates squabble over the only phone charger in the house. One punches the other square in the face. The cops show up.

He is charged with battery.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f...

How far does a car go with square wheels?

Four blocks.

If you pour Root Beer into a square glass...

Does it become, just, beer?

(Credit to my little sister)

Where do fast food places get those square fish for the filet-o-fish sandwiches?

From the asquarium.

A circle is circular, a triangle is triangular, a rectangle is rectangular, but a square is...

You. You're a square.

What do you called ginger cut into cubes??

a Square Root.



... I'll see myself out

Why is a Square's corner hot?

because it's 90 degrees

Where did the square go after killing the triangle?

To prism.

TIL that while little is known about the Tiananmen Square "Tank Man," many eyewitnesses claim that he was actually run over shortly after the famous footage was taken. Indeed, the Mandarin nickname for this folk hero is "The Lobster"...

...because he was a crushed Asian.

The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this year.

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

That rhombus is no square

Hes actually kinda cool.

Why did the student look underwater for square and cube numbers?

They’re indices

You're It!

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to be it, so he closes his eyes and starts counting, “Eins, zwei, drei…” Pascal runs off and hides under a big bush. Newton runs over to a nearby driveway, takes out some chalk, and draws a box around him that is one meter ...

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An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.

An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning. He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.

The old man slowly reached over and push...

My dad and I were walking towards a water fountain in our town’s square.

He pulled out two coins and handed me one saying that we should both make a wish.

We flipped our coins and, after a brief pause, he turned to me.

Dad: “Guess it didn’t work.”

Me: “Why?”

Dad: “You’re still here.”

Ever wonder why the cap on gallon of milk isn’t square?

Because the opening of the bottle is round.

I came up with this new idea where you split the square root into pieces.

It’s radical!

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

*Dang,* the officer thinks...

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What do you call a square chicken?

A cockblock

there once was a...

There once was a community in which there where the squares and the "jokes". the "jokes" were actually circles but were a minority and were often laughed at and segregated in the community, so they were called "jokes". One circle had enough of the ridicule from the squares and wanted to become a squ...

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the town's people punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “...

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

My mum told me she never really liked the angles in a square.

I said "ehh, they're alright"

Why did the square breakup with the circle?

She wasn't edgy enough!

Just like not all rectangles are squares but all squares are rectangles..

Not all alcoholics are Irishmen, but all Irishmen are alcoholics!

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

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