Did you hear about the guy that sat on a tack?

It made his whole week!

What is a tacks favorite song?

The hokey-pokey!

From my 7 year old, with love.

What did the soldier that was under a tack say?

I'm pinned down!

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What did the female tack say to the male tack after sex?

I love your tackdick

I thought this guy on the subway was yawning.

Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.

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A reporter walks into a bar...

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been th...

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp

Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge. But today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross.

“Something for this I have,” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular, dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He ta...

A commander is stationed at a military base

The commander told a soldier to check their position on the map.

Solder: "Sir! We're under a tack!"

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Rosy and Sunday school

Rosy goes to Sunday school every week, but falls asleep every class!

One day, to “inadvertently” call her out on it, the teacher calls on Rosy and asks this question:

“Who created the universe as we know it to be?”

At this point, to just have a laugh, Rosy’s friend, Adam, sittin...

I never use pushpins at work so my boss called the police. Now I’m going to jail.

They’re charging me with tacks evasion.

Did you hear about the kid who always kept a drawing pin in his pocket during self-defense class?

Apparently he had heard that a tack is the best form of defense.

99¢ condom

A young guy walks into a drugstore to buy a condom. He sees they are on sale for 99¢ each and luckily he has $1 on him. He gives the condom to the clerk.

Clerk: That'll be $1.04

Guy: I thought they were on sale for 99¢. What's the extra 5¢ for?

Clerk: Tax

Guy: Tacks!? I t...

The United States is under attack in American schools

The map of America had four tacks holding it to the wall in nearly every classroom I was in.

Big city teacher gets a job in rural Alabama. One room school, all grades...

Teacher can't get any of these kids to learn basic math so she tries a new tack..."If there are 3 crows on a telephone line and a farmer comes out and shoots one, how many are left?"
Troublesome kid says "none". She replies "3 minus 1 is 2...why don't you get that?". Kid says if you shoot one t...

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still go...

Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons

So now there's a tack on Titan.

Well dressed!

I made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp, but everyone thought it looked tacky.

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store. He walks up to the counter and mutters, "Uh... hi... I'd like to buy some... condoms."
Cashier replies, "sure thing! That'll be $9.75 including tax."
The young man starts to panic and says, "Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!!!"

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There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room.

There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room. She had been doing this, and doing it well, for 45 years. She was a good nurse, always sharp as a tack, but she was getting to the point in life where she was just starting to get endearingly scatter brained. She would frequently get...

A nun sits outside a pub in Ireland...

A man walks up to the pub and is about to go into it when the nun starts shouting. "BEFORE YOU ENTER THIS DEN OF SIN, THINK OF YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER!"

He said back to the nun. "They're dead, they're dead and in heaven"

The nun went for a different tack and said. "Think then! Th...

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A bad man arrives at hell...

He looks around and there's *grass* everywhere! He asks the demon gatekeeper about it and he's told, "the Mormons are irrigating again."

There are three doors at the entrance to hell, and he's told by the demon to choose one to spend eternity behind. "Can I look to see what's behind them," as...

Luke and Yoda are training on Dagobah

Luke and Yoda are training on Dagobah. Suddenly, part of the ledge in front of them falls off. "Oh no, what do we do, master?" asked Luke. "Worry not" replied Yoda. Yoda takes out a giant 6-foot fork, lays it across the gap in the ledge, and they use it as a bridge.

Soon enough, they come to ...

Why was the poster so upset?

Apparently his back was against the wall and he felt like he was under... a-tack...

The clock was bored of his tick-tock.

So it changed to a better tack-tick.

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Condoms

An old man goes in to a pharmacy to buy a box of condoms.Having never purchased condoms before he was a little nervous. The pharmacist hands him a box and say's, that will be 8.99$ and 9.70$ with tax.Tacks yells the old man,Don't these fucking things stay on by themselves??

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Mary Under had been teaching for a long time.

She taught 5th grade for 25 years all while enjoying a plain lifestyle. Having never married, she was not a complicated woman. She always brought the same leftovers in the same Tupperware for lunch. She had one fork, one spoon, one knife, and one bowl. Her classroom had little decoration, and her ho...

A Man was driving along the road when

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or ...

My dad told me this while we were changing out some brakes

A man walks into a gas station on his way home to his girlfriend. He grabs a soda, and a box of cheap condoms.

The lady at the counter says "that'll be 7.99 plus tax"

"Tacks? The damn things don't even hold themselves on?"

A nervous man walks into a pharmacy...

... and the pharmacist asks how she may be of service.
"Well, you see, I uhh... I got a hot date tonight... and I'd like some... uhhh... you know..."
"Protection?" says the pharmacist.
"Yes, uhh... that's right."
"Small, medium, or large?"
"Uhh... I guess... medium."
"All right the...

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