UPJOKE
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Unfit Jokes

I'm fast, but unfit...

my record for 100 meters is about 13 seconds and my record for 400 meters is about 250 meters.

What do you call two fat people raising a child?

Unfit parents.

Little Johnny was taken from his parents and they were deemed unfit to raise him.

He went to family court where a judge would decide his fate. Johnny had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. But johnny...

I'm not saying that I am unfit...

But I just tried mud wrestling and the mud won.

To all those people who said I would be an unfit parent, have you seen the little guy lately?

Cause that would be a big help, I seem to have misplaced him.

Richard Nixon and Leonid Brezhnev race around the White House

1972. In the spirit of Detente, Richard Nixon and Leonid Brezhnev decide to run a friendly footrace around the White House. The event is reported by every news outlet in the world.

The younger, fitter Nixon easily beats the old, unfit Brezhnev. It's a humiliation, so the Soviet press team are...

A school district superintendent, known for his fiery temper, visits a high school one day. He becomes so annoyed with the staff's incompetence that he yells without thinking, "Half of this school's staff is unfit to work in a high school!"

Naturally, everyone stops and stares as the superintendent. "I'm sorry," he says sheepishly. "What I meant to say was that half of this school's staff is *not* unfit to work in a high school!"

I've decided that COVID isn't going to stop me running the London marathon in 2022.

It'll be unfitness and apathy, same as usual.

Old Russian joke

A young guy is drafted into the army, he pleads to the Chief Enlistment Officer:

Conscript - I beg you, tell them I'm unfit for duty and I'l give you $1000!

Officer - You're not lying to me are you? Alright, meet me at the cemetery at 2AM with the money.

The conscript arrives th...

King George was only 11 inches tall...

...so he was unfit to be a ruler.

Pandas are to Bears what Vegans are to Humans

Adorably unfit to survive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Man with the Tiny Head

A man walks into a bar, seemingly normal sized body, but he has what can only be described as a head so tiny, it was unfit to be on top of his neck. He goes up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Drinks are on the house if you don't mind me asking what is wrong with your head."
...

*Spoiler* US Presidential Election Result Leaked

The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins.

[OC] A man wakes up one morning not feeling well.

He decides to go and see the doctor because he has some symptoms he’s heard are related to the virus all over the news. On the way to his appointment, his car breaks down and he has to walk the rest of the way. He’s exhausted by the time he finally arrives at the Doctor’s office, 15 minutes late....

An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the ...

Two friends are talking in a bar...

Their names are Fred and Michael. They've known each other for a while, 15 years roughly. So they feel pretty comfortable with each other talking about more...sensitive topics. On this occasion, Fred decided to ask Michael about his son as it was something that had been nagging him for a while but h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Uranus ( long )

Originally from Buck Buchanan 9 i just had to share) let the Uranus jokes come forth.............anyway....

“It's my understanding that the first six probes were recklessly plunged into Uranus at such excessively high speeds these early attempts only produced massively dense clouds of methane...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ms. Nugent, a retired widow went to the beach wearing a bra and thong.

Her husband had died a few years back and after years of mourning she decided it was time to get back in the game. And what better way than to go to the beach in a racy, sexy swimsuit to snag a man. In her youth, this plan never seemed to fail although in that time, they didn't have thongs.

A...

A muscular man walks into the bar with a tiny ragged doll

"What can I get you?" the bartender asks.
“A whiskey, neat, keep it coming” the muscular man orders.
Drink after drink, the bartender finally gathered the courage to ask;
"Why did you carry that tiny ragged doll around?
No offence sir, but one would normally assume it’s not your...

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