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Crippled Jokes

My crippled friend said he wanted hot wheels for his birthday

So I lit his wheelchair on fire

My crippled girlfriend broke up with me, so i stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back

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I'm starting to think my crippled neighbor is gay.

I am not sure if I should call him a fruit or a vegetable

Why are crippled people always picked on?

because they can’t stand up for themselves.

I got into a fight with a crippled guy.

He didn't stand a chance.

The crippled man covered his bald spot

He put on his handy cap

What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

So a crippled guy walks into a bar

Wait what?

What do you call a group of two crippled people?

A “pair of plegics”

What do you call a crippled pothead?

A baked potato

A man gets a phone call from the hospital...

He finds out his wife has been in a bad car accident and is in critical condition. So he immediately stops what he's doing and rushes to the hospital as fast as he can.

When he gets to the waiting room, he frantically asks the doctor, "Where is my wife? Is she okay? What happened?"

The...

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A guy with no arms and no legs is lying on a beach... (Warning: dark humor)

Then this beautiful, voluptuous blonde comes walking by, sees the crippled guy and starts pitying him. So she walks up to him and asks him: “Would you like a kiss?”

The guy looks up and says a bit hesitantly “Um… yes!”

So the woman bends down and the two of them make out for a long whi...

Why did the crippled kid get bullied at school?

Because he can't stand up for himself.

What's the difference between crippling depression and crippled depression?

One can't get out of bed because they're depressed, the other is depressed because they can't get out of bed.

A blind and a crippled man go to a bullfight

At the bullfight, the announcer says:

- Let's have a contest now. The brave man who dares to face the bull will receive $500.

When the cripple heard this, he said to his friend,

- 500$! That's a lot of money, shall we?

To which the blind responds:

- Are you a fool?...

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My Brother The Cripple.

My oldest brother was born with little use of his legs resulting in him using crutches. For his whole life we went through vigorous treatments and therapy. When he was about 14 we moved to a new town. The local kids made fun him daily calling him names and just being overall assholes. He was so fe...

How does life feel for somebody who is short and crippled?

A little lame.

are you sure I'm drunk?

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."

The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah buddy, I'...

I think the saddest part about all those crippled children getting picked on was that

I only did it because I knew they couldn't stand up for themselves

My friend is a crippled reprobate...

He stands for nothing.

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A crippled war veteran was walking down the street...

... and walking towards him was what seemed to be another grizzled man dragging one limp foot across the sidewalk.

As they approached closer, the crippled veteran gives the other man a nod of mutual respect and says, "Vietnam. 40 years back."

The other man replies, "Dog shit. 40 feet ...

What's a crippled perons favourite band?

Limp Bizkit

I once set a crippled kid on fire...

I call it “Hot Wheels”

I saw some crippled kid getting picked on the other day...

He got kinda upset with me when I told him to stand up for himself.

A group of seniors were sitting at a table together at Starbucks, discussing their ailments.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! W...

What is the name of Bruce Lee's crippled brother?

Broccoli

Little Jimmy goes to church.

Little Jimmy goes to church on Sunday. There, he runs into the priest.

The priest says, "Good morning Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Good morning, Father."

Priest: "Tell me Jimmy, how is your brother Timmy doing these days?"

Jimmy: "Well Father, Timmy is crippled you know? And just...

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The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”


“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.


“No problem,” the sales clerk answere...

Now that the US Supreme Court has crippled the EPA's ability to fight climate change, I'm going to buy myself some beachfront property ...

... in Utah.

The new suit

A man went to a tailor's shop to be fitted for a suit and a pair of shoes. The old tailor took all of the measurements and said to return in a week.

The man returned in a week and put on his new suit and new shoes.

As he stood in front of the mirror he complained that the left sleeve ...

What has a mouth but never speaks,

Has a bed but never sleeps,

And has legs but never walks?

 

A mute, crippled insomniac

Dark joke be warned

Why does the crippled kid always get picked on?





Cause he can't (stand up) for himself

Please don't get offended

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2 men and their thirst for extreme!

2 men are standing on the ledge of a cliff... One man has a Budgie on his shoulder and the other has a parrot on his shoulder and a gun attached to his hip.

The first man with the Budgie, jumps off the cliff and as he falls the Budgie immediately flies away. The man plunges to the ground, mir...

A man came to a tailor, and tried on a suit.

As he stood before the mirror, he noticed the vest was a little uneven at the bottom.

“Oh,” said the tailor, “don’t worry about that Just hold the shorter end down with your left hand and no one will ever notice.”

While the customer proceeded to do this, he noticed that the lapel of th...

My army of bugs is crippled. All my soldiers are much too short to be good fighters, and I require more bread to feed them.

I lack toast and taller ants.

Genghis Khan once had the hands of an entire village of superb bowmen maimed so their skills could never be used against him. Similarly, he crippled a conquered town of excellent sprinters

For the town, it was a crushing de feet

Went to a Pentecostal church recently

And was sitting there as the pastor approached and told me, “You will walk today.” I told him, “I’m not crippled.” He leaned in and insisted, You WILL walk today!” I simply nodded. But when I went to the parking lot, I saw someone had stolen my truck.

3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".

The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".

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