What kind of exercise do lazy people do ?

Diddly-squats

Why did the lazy eyed teacher get fired?

because he couldn’t keep his pupils in check

My wife is leaving me because I'm too lazy. "Pack your bags and go," she said..

"You pack them." I replied.

Why are people so angry at lazy people?

We haven't done anything???

Yo momma is so lazy

She took 9 months to deliver the joke

My last girlfriend had a lazy eye.

We broke up because I caught her seeing someone on the side.

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Little girl lands position as construction boss.

**A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.**


**The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing ...

In 2019 if you were unemployed and stayed home all day playing video games, you were a lazy bum.

In 2020 this would make you a responsible adult.

Today we buried our lazy teacher.

We put him in an unmarked grave.

My lazy no good son said he's going to run away from home.

I said good that'll be the first physical workout you've had in three years.

Today my math teacher showed us how a lazy dog is the same as a sheet of paper.

A lazy dog is a slow pup.

A slope up is an inclined plane.

An ink lined plane is a sheet of paper.

Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless

Just like me

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

Please stop the hate on the lazy people

They didn’t do anything at all

What do lazy cannibals eat?

The vegetables.

What is the rapper name of Jay-Z's lazy brother?

Lay-Z

At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy

I loved that wheelchair.

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Before it starts

After dinner an old man sat down in front of the tv and yells to his wife "hey can you bring me a beer before it starts?"

The wife dutifully brings him a beer. In a short time the man has finished the drink and promptly yells "bring me another beer before it starts"

The wife brings hi...

The people who create math worksheets are so lazy.

They create a bunch of problems and expect other people to solve it for them.

I'm so lazy...

I don't even finish my

Why do my parents get mad at me when I'm being lazy in my room all day?

I mean come on, I didn't even do anything

Like a lazy tailor would say...

Suit yourself.

What did the lazy dog say when Shrek surprised him?

Oh, grr.

What did the well-intended but lazy pimp tweet out after a hurricane?

“I’m sending my thots and prayers.”

Say what you will about Americans being fat and lazy...

but active shooters are always determined, dedicated, and in shape.

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I wanted to shave my beard for so long, but my lazy ass just won't do it and now it's too late

I guess it grew on me

Just been shopping with the wife, and out of the nowhere she shouted "YOU ARE SO BLOODY LAZY"

I was so surprised I almost fell out of the trolley!

I figured out why lazy people are going to love self-driving cars.

It's because they have no drive.

My lazy neighbor is retiring and joining a nudist colony...

...he said he just wanted a place where he could hang out.

Lazy people

Statistics show that there are exactly 87345091

lazy people in the world who even didnt read the entire number.

Dont go back you're one of them now!

I don't hate lazy people anymore.

Found someone else who does it for me.

What did the lazy dentist say to his patient with crooked teeth?

Brace yourself.

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In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

My ophthalmologist told me I have a lazy eye

I am glad he didn’t discovered about the rest of my body.

I'm super lazy today....

Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.

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How do you stop a lazy useless piece of shit?

I'll let you know tomorrow.

What does a math wizard tell the lazy calculus student?

You! Shall! Not! Pass!

The lazy composer was a busy man

as he had several scores to settle

Why do lazy archaeologists love deep penetrating radar?

Because they can just LIDAR and take it.

It's my first cake day

;) i wanted to make a meme but got lazy

The laziest person award

There was an award ceremony for the laziest person in the world. Many lazy people came to the award show but nobody among them was awarded. Turns out the laziest person was too lazy to attend the award show.


So they went to the laziest persons house to give him the award in person. He wa...

Facts About Lazy People #389479305784

You were too lazy to read that number

If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 50 said my generation was lazy.

I could finally afford to pay someone for original jokes.

A couple had their first argument after their marriage - the husband, a paediatrician arguing that the chicken came first and the wife, an OBG taking a stand that it was the egg that came first.

They went to their neighbour, an old wise professor to prove the other wrong.

The professor being the lazy retired man he is, said
"It does not matter anyway as they are a new paradox talking about an age old paradox"

Many years ago, there was a very lazy fencing duellist

In one of his most notable bouts, against the Marquis of Mod, his opponent noticed a very glaring pattern.

Upon exploiting this weakness and winning the duel, the Marquis approached the lazy duellist and questioned his methods-

"Why, may I ask, do you always seem to attack upon compl...

I don't get why wife hates me for being a lazy bum.

It's not like I did anything.

What do you call a country full of lazy people?

A procrastination

There is one thing I hate about lazy and entitled cannibals

They're always looking for handouts.

I haven't showered since COVID-19 hit the US . . .

Not because I'm lazy, it really helps with the social distancing . . .

Mississippi Grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She respon...

Lazy asses!! Thug Life.

Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?  - Oh Harry, that would be lovely!  - Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?

Why was the mini golf champ lazy?

He has no drive

Why can’t people with a lazy eye be teachers?

They can’t control their pupils!

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Lazy is a very strong word!

I prefer to call it Selective Participation

Why are some rocks so lazy?

They live a sedimentary lifestyle.

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Learning from Construction workers *long*

So a boy is home from school one day, and he's driving his mother nuts. Finally she gets fed up and tells him to go across the street where they are doing construction on a house, and not to come home until he learns something.
A few hours pass, and the boy comes home. The mother asks "Did you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't have enough bandwidth to connect to PornHub

Now my Fitbit will think I'm lazy

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An old guy is not able to get his younger wife to cum

and therefor they decide to get some help from a sex therapist. So they sit in front of this therapist and the therapist says “the problem is obvious. I know how to help. You need to search at Craigslist for a specific kind of man. He needs to be tall, athletic and needs to have a dick that makes a ...

Lazy people find the most strangest reasons not to do something.

I would make a list but, it's Monday and I just fed the cats.

I'm so lazy.

I'm so lazy my mom gets onto me about sleeping all the time, she once asked me "Is sleeping all you're good at?"

I said "Yea, I could do it with my eyes closed."

I’ve heard that ‘obsessed’ is a word lazy people use to describe ‘dedication.’

But I would never call my wife lazy.

Somebody said today that I'm lazy.

I nearly answered him.

If I had a pound for every time someone called me lazy

I'd have enough money to not need a job

The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria.

One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.

What kind of award do you get for being really lazy?

Atrophy.

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German lorry driver sat in Liverpool bar mouthing off about how lazy the British are...

He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool, drops his load off and back to Hamburg in under 2 days.

Drunk old scouse man can't help but hear him and mutters 'Fuck off lad, I used to pick my load up in Liverpool, drop it off in Ha...

I'm not saying I'm lazy, but during a game of tennis...

The umpire said "break point" and I headed for my chair.

People from the neighborhood were complaining that their mailman was being super lazy.

He was making all the babies, but the doctor was doing all of the deliveries.

National stereotypes are lazy.

Just like the French.

I used to think I was the king of being lazy, until I met my brother in law...

I would try to get the title back from him, but honestly I just can't be bothered.

10 reasons why men are lazy

10 reasons why men are lazy:

1)

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

How lazy are you?

My favourite word is "lazy".

Don't ask me to explain why.

My wife and kids say I'm lazy because all I do is sit in my lounge chair all day.

I'm half inclined to agree with them.

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The Sun God Helios, feeling lazy, stuck his bare glowing buttocks over the horizon...

... it was the crack of dawn.

You know your kids are lazy

When they play "the furniture is lava"

Why are you guys getting so mad at lazy people?

Theyre doing nothing

My son said, "Thanks for giving me tips on how to be less lazy."

I said, "It's the least I could do."

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