UPJOKE
awkwardunwieldyineptcumbersomefumblingstupidunskilledsillycarelessincompetentill-chosenidioticclevercomicalcynical

I heard Jesus was clumsy

He always found a way to break bread.

So a clumsy comedian walks into a music shop...

#BA DUM TSS

What country should the clumsy ambassador avoid handling?

China.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a county fair and a clumsy prostitute have in common?

A hoedown

What do you call a clumsy drug dealer?

Falter White

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It might be a repost and badly written but my dad just told this to me and I thought it was too good to not share

Patrick and Mick worked at a factory and one day Patrick cut his arm off in a sawmill so mick put the arm in a plastic bag and took him to the hospital.

The next day mick rings up the doctor to ask how Patrick's doing.

The doctor says "he's just exercising in rehab"

Shocked, mi...

I found a website for clumsy people.

I stumbled across it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lawyer : But mickey are you sure you want to get a divorce simply because of your wife's clumsiness.

Mickey : I didn't say she was clumsy doc, I said she was fucking goofy!

What did the fireman say to the clumsy baker?

Stop dropping rolls

A man, his sheep and his Vet girlfriend…

Farmer Sam is tending to his flock and notices one of his sheep is bumping into things in a clumsy manner.

He inspects the sheep and can’t find any reasonable explanation for the sudden lack of coordination.

Fortunately, Farmer Sam has recently started dating Veronica, who happens to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about clumsy window delivery guy who tripped and smashed into the homeowner from behind?

He was a real pane in the ass.

There are two categories of people in this world, graceful and clumsy...

I always seem to fall into the ladder

What are a clumsy person's favorite flowers?

Oopsie daisies.

Why do clumsy people get married?

They fall in love.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I overlayed some dubstep to my favorite video of a clumsy fisherman

I synced them up to when they drop the bass.

did you hear about the clumsy musician who tried gardening?

he dropped the beet

Why was the clumsy vegetable farmer a good dj?

Because he dropped the beet.

Larry, the clumsy carpenter, was using his tablesaw and leaned in close to check he was following the line he had marked on the plank.

ZANNGGG! His left ear gets neatly severed, tumbles through the air and lands in the pile of sawdust.

Screaming in pain and panic, Larry drops to the ground, one hand pressed against his head and the other sifting through the sawdust.

Joe, hearing the commotion, races over to help. When...

How about this for a joke?

There once was an innocent, but clumsy little girl.

One day, she was drinking a glass of water,

but she accidentally dropped the glass of water,

the glass breaks and the water spills all over,

so the little girl called out for help, and a man came to help her,

the ...

A man feels burnt out by his busy city life, and decides to vacation as far away as possible from the hustle and bustle.

He finds himself in a cozy cabin just outside of a small, remote Alaskan town. For a few days he marvels at the serenity of the forest. He fishes, he hikes, he naps blissfully while listening to the trees sway. But by the middle of the week, he begins to get bored, and goes to town.

Checking...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl that had uneven legs

She had shoes made special for her and everything so she could walk normally.

Her name was Eilean

Yo mamma so fat

Yo momma so fat, clumsy and stupid, on her way to Wal-Mart she tripped over kmart and fell on target.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wizard walked up to three men on the street.

The wizard said “I put a spell on you three. Whenever you run and jump while shouting something that you want, you will get what you shouted.”
The three men were very excited.
The first man ran and jumped while shouting “money!”. A big stack of money appeared in front of him.
The second ma...

What’s another name for an eye dropper ?

Clumsy ophthalmologist

A young married couple are walking down the street...

...suddenly the girl trips and stumbles against something and gets mud on her shoes. Her partner helps her clean up, hails a nearby taxi and they drive off.

An eyewitness retells the scene to another:
"I saw this couple walk down the street, the woman tripped and fell in the mud, the guy h...

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....

The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

East meets West

A guy pulls up to a bar and walks in to get a drink. Almost immediately, he is accosted by another guy who has obviously had one-to-many.
The drunk demonstrates a clumsy karate chop and says, "That was karate from China." The new arrival just nods noncommittally and attempts to sit at the bar. Un...

My friend has a job where he keeps seeing flying saucers

He’s a very clumsy waiter

Jack emigrates to a strange new country in search of a job.

When he arrives at the terminal, the customs officer gives him one piece of strange advice before he enters the country.

“Whatever you do, don’t step on a duck”

Jack thought this advice was strange, but as he walked out the airport he saw thousands of ducks flood his view, so much so t...

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on how clumsy you are.

*There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother and I were setting up a tent...

Well, he's a bit clumsy, always been. He slipped and fell back on the pile of metal poles. Got himself right in the arse. I had to take him to the hospital and everything.

It wasn't too bad, all in all, but he did have to get a tentanus shot.

I apologize for this terrible pun, but it w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two best friends named Jimmy and Freddy...

...who love to do woodworking together in Freddy's garage. One afternoon, Jimmy shows up at Freddy's house and discovers the butterfingers Freddy has cut his hand off with the circular saw. Jimmy remembers something he read once, puts the hand in a bag on ice, and rushes his friend and hands it of...

Once upon a time in Soviet Russia a comedy theater has invited Joseph Stalin to watch and review their new comedy show just before premier.

Main character of that comedy is a clumsy guy with large mustache that is constantly getting into different stupid situations. After the end of the show all actors, directors and other personal gather at the stage and tremulously wait for resolution of comrade Stalin.

Comrade Stalin who is th...

Credit: jayC137

Clumsy vegetarians make the best DJs. They’re always dropping beets.

A monkey sits in a tree when a lizard asks..

..."what are you doing?". "I'm rolling a joint" answered the monkey. "Wanna join?"

The lizard joins but after a while the lizard says "I have a strange feeling in my throat.. Imma go down to the river for some water."

On way to the river the lizard feels he smoked a little too much. A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The willing farmer girl

On a sunny Saturday afternoon, Jimmy, a young handsome farmer boy in his twenties, goes to the village a few minutes walking from the farm to get a bunch of supplies. He goes to the hardware shop, the DIY and the pet shop, and ends up with a bucket, a big can of red paint, a dozen of eggs, two chick...

A penguin is driving through the desert...

and all of a sudden his car breaks down. He takes it to a nearby shop. The penguin leaves the car at the shop and goes to get ice cream. The clumsy little penguin spills ice cream all over himself. Suddenly, he remembers his car at the shop. He quickly runs back without cleaning the ice cream off of...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.