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Exterminator Jokes

The one with the Exterminator

A woman is in bed with his
Lover when her husband arrives home. The lover immediately hides inside the closet, while the woman covers with a sheet.
The husband changes clothes and opens the closet, finding the naked man.
“what are you doing in this closet?”, the husband asks.
- well,...

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The exterminator

A man comes home from work early while his wife's lover is visiting. When she hears his car pulling up, she tells her lover "quick, go hide in the bathroom!" When husband comes into the bedroom, he sees that his wife is in bed, naked. Before he can react, she says "I've been waiting for you..." The ...

I'm an exterminator

and I won't be back.

Exterminator

The husband rushed in and runs upstairs to the bedroom. Kicks the door in and sees his wife naked in bed. He demands to know who she is cheating with.
Just then he hears a noise from the closet. He opens the door and sees a naked man standing in it.
The husband demands to know who he is.
...

Snoop Dogg must have the call the exterminator pretty frequently

He's been dealing with a lot of roaches over the years.

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

Arnold Schwarzenegger no longer kills people and now only kills bugs.

He’s an exterminator

Police apprehended a shady exterminator who releases pests into client's homes

They caught him fleaing the scene

Why did the exterminator go to the Pothead's house?

Because there were roaches everywhere.

The Divorce Settlement

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come to collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background musi...

I heard Arnold Schwarzenegger retired from acting but he still keeps busy.

He's working as an exterminator.


(Hi u/govschwarzenegger!)

Arnold Schwarzenegger is retiring from doing films.

He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.

Terminator decided to stop killing and take up an honest job.

Now he's an exterminator

What do you call the terminator in his Retirement

The Exterminator

He couldn't hurt a fly

Honestly, you should choose a different exterminator.

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A woman was having an affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover, “into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom di...

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[Long] A man woke up one morning and found a gorilla sitting in a tree in his backyard.

A man woke up one morning and found a gorilla sitting in a tree in his backyard.
Not sure what to do about this he calls a local exterminator service.
The lady on the phone says, “Sure, we deal with gorilla removal all the time, I can have someone there in thirty minutes.
Thirty minutes la...

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3 drunk mice

3 mice are up late at night, drinking and bullshitting, as mice often do. Just eating cheese bits and chasing them down with copious amounts of alcohol.

They begin to brag about how tough they are relating various experiences evading the cat, the exterminator and other adventures, each one...

Robert Patrick, an actor best known for playing the T-1000, has left behind the Hollywood life to pursue his dream of owning a pest control business.

He is quoted as saying “I can’t wait to start my new life as an exterminator.”

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A man cheats with a married woman...

... and they are right in the middle of the act when suddenly they hear the front door opening.

"Quick hide in the bathroom", she says. Desperate but without a better idea he runs to bathroom naked.

The husband enters the bedroom and sees his wife naked in the bed.

"Honey, what...

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Me: Hello, Arnold? T-800, I need your help

Arnold: I’m not a terminator anymore, I’m retired

Me: But my house is filled with cockroaches & rats, please help!!!

Arnold: How‘s that my concern?

Me: If you’re retired doesn’t that make you an exterminator?

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger do now?

He's an exterminator.

(I just thought of this on my way to work. Probs been done before though}

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A man wakes up one day to a gorilla in a tree in his front yard

Alarmed, he immediately googles "gorilla exterminator" and calls the local expert.

"Hello? Yes I have a damn silverback in my tree, I need you here right now!"

"No problem man, except my partner is out of town, so I'll need you to help me"

"Fine whatever you need just get her...

What are terminators called when they retire?

Exterminators

Why do decommissioned terminators kill insects?

Because they are exterminators.

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3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

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A family of cockroaches has been traveling up and down the Vegas strip for several months.

Their time was spent visiting the many hotels and resorts that Vegas has to offer.

They only stayed at each hotel for a few weeks before moving on, because they didnt want to attract the attention of exterminators. However, by the third month of this nomadic lifestyle, the parent roaches sta...

Pest Control

There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them ...

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A synagogue is having a major rat problem

Every time the rabbi holds a sermon, people can't help but notice that there are rats running every which way. The rabbi tries setting out rat traps, hiring exterminators, doing everything he can, but each and every week, the rats are back.

Finally after one sermon, as the room is clearing ...

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Gorilla Catcher

One day a woman looks out her kitchen window and sees a gorilla in her backyard tree. She rushes to the yellow pages and finds "Gorilla Exterminators" and calls the first number she sees. A few minutes later a man drives up in a pick up truck with a ladder, a doberman, and a shotgun. He speaks wi...

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The Blue Pigeon.

There once was a medium sized city on the countryside. The villagers were happy, economy was thriving, education in top form, and few complaints could be made.

One day a pigeon arrived. The next day another. And the next day the pigeon population doubled again. This happened until the villag...

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