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Serial Killer Jokes

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

Serial killer jokes are ok

As long as they are properly executed.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

What does a serial killer eat when he’s on a budget?

Raw men

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

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A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a serial killer are having a stroll in the park.

This merry band of weirdoes and deviants are getting a bit bored. Then the zoophile whispers: "Oooh, I know what we should do. Let's catch a cat!"

The sadist nods approvingly: "Yes! Let's catch a cat... and let's torture it!"

The serial killer licks the blade of his knife, and chimes i...

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

What does a serial killer do when he finds Waldo?

Wears Waldo.

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

If there is a Serial killer inside your house, What is the safest place to hide?

In the living room.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

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My wife said I put chapstick on like a serial killer. I asked her "How do you know?"

She said "I don't know. It's just weird, like, you're trying too hard to look like you're not putting on lipstick"

"Oh... Okay. I was worried you found something in the basement."

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

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A serial killer was on trial....

The prosecution began its case.

"We allege the accused rendered the victim unconscious and then using his saw .."

At which point a guy at the back shouts out "you rotten bastard"

The judge calls for order and asks the spectators to refrain from shouting out.

The prosecuti...

What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?

A second degree murderer.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him

If I was a serial killer my name would be "The suspense"

So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"

And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.

Serial Killer...

The police have caught a serial killer with a really bad stammer.

They said it'll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

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What do serial killers and ballsacks have in common? (nsfw)

They're both nutcases

Whats the last thing a serial killer hear before he kills his next victim?

Snap crackle pop

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There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.

The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.

Detective: What did you find in the serial killers home?

Police: Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

Did you hear about the Mexican Serial Killer?

He had loco-motives.

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

When a serial killer goes to a circus, who do they go to kill first?

They go for the Juggler

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A serial killer died and goes to hell…

A serial killer dies and goes to hell. He’s met by a devil.

“Welcome to hell. Do you like smoking?”

“Yeah” replies the killer.

“Oh boy you’re gonna love Mondays. All we do is smoke. Soon as you’re done smoking, another cigarette appears in your hand. Smoke smoke smoke, all day l...

What is worse than a serial killer

A parallel killer, who kills multiple people at once, instead of one at a time

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

What's the favorite drink of every British serial killer?

Casual tea

There was a serial killer who killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer and never got caught

His name was Jeffrey Smahter

On which day does a serial killer rest?

On the stabbath!

The serial killer who used his car to run over people has finally been arrested

According to lawsuit analysts, he musthang.

A famous serial killer made a music video of all of his killings but the drum track was lost and unable to be duplicated.

I can’t believe he killed all of those people without any re-percussion.

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Did you hear about the reformed serial killer that murdered prostitutes by stabbing them with car keys?

He did the ho key pokey then he turned himself around.

Last night I was chased by a serial killer…

We ran for my life

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s pitch dark.

Victim: I’m scared...
Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone

There is a new serial killer in town who strangles his victims using smaller and smaller T-shirts.

The cops are saying that he’s still at Large.

How do you jump start a serial killer robot with a dead battery?

Charge it with murder.

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A serial killer goes on a killing spree

He then skins all the faces off his victim and puts them in giant scrapbook.


The scrapbook is then tied to a post which he erects on his front lawn. It is quite a gruesome sight to behold.


Naturally the police find him pretty easily.


When he gets to court though his ...

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

What did the Redditor say to the serial killer with a garrote who spared him?

Thank you, kind strangler!

As a serial killer, I keep all of my trophies in a snack pack.

The proof is in the pudding.

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

What's a Serial Killer's favorite Vegetable?

Arti*chokes*

What pronouns do serial killers go by?

Man/slaughter

What did the serial killer say at the end of a successful first date?

Let me get them digits.

What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer?

The serial killer might listen if you plead with them

Did you hear about the serial killer who beat his victims to death with clocks?

He just wanted to kill some time.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

Did you hear about the big booty serial killer woman who bought too many drinks at the bar for her victim?

She had the drunk in the trunk!

Why did the serial killer make a public broadcast?

He wanted to e-stab-lish himself.

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

Did you hear about the serial killer train conductor?

I heard he had a loco-motive.

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

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So there's a serial killer on the loose...

There's a serial killer on the loose in a pretty big city in Southern California. This killer has been at large for some time and has a particularity sadistic method of murdering his victims, he kills them by making thousands of tiny cuts all over their bodies until they pass out from pain and die o...

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The indicted serial killer was asked to stand. "You are charged with murdering a young schoolteacher with a chain saw," the judge intoned. "Lying bastard!" a man shouted from the gallery.

The judge fixed the unruly fellow with a
Stern stare, but continued. "You are also
charged with murdering a housewife with a
shovel.
"Damn tightwad!" the man bellowed.
"Sir," the judge warned, "you cannot disrupt
ihe court like this. Explain these outbursts."
"I've lived next do...

Hear about the serial killer who was actually quite sensitive?

He wore other people's hearts on his sleeve.

I just watched a movie where a serial killer murders people then cooks their dead bodies...

It was a heartwarming story from start to finish

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

TIL there was once a serial killer that created his own language involving clicks and taps.

He called it “Remorse Code”.

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What does the hipster serial killer do?

Has sex with the bodies before they're cool.

A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg.

Authorities say something sinister is afoot.

Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim?

Be careful, they say he's still at large.

What’s one question that’s only asked of high-fashion celebrities and serial killers?

“Who are you wearing?”

A serial killer was celebrating his cake day when he was nabbed by the police.

As he was escorted, he heard a voice shouted, “I’ve told you karma will come to bite you!”

What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer?

Murdered.

(If you don't get it: "cross" can mean "betray")

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That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer...

Killer: "Turn down that dark road down there."

Rapist: "I was planning on it..."

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What do you call a Cannibal Serial Killer?

A serial eater........ ...

"Hey man, you want this body?" Asked the serial killer.

"Nah, you cadaver."

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A pedophile serial killer lures a child into a forest on a rainy night

The kid says, "I'm scared." The pedophile responds, "You're scared? I'm the one that has to walk out of here alone."

What is the only similarity between serial killers and gamer

**They collect skins**

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Serial killer trial

One day in a courthouse, a serial killer was on trial for murdering people.

Judge: "you are hereby guilty for murdering multiple people with a hammer for this past few years"

Random person: "you son of a bitch! "

The judge ignored the person calling out and attempted to continu...

How do you stop serial killers?

Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.

This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.

I just finished watching a murder biopic on Netflix and some of those cops were really, really dumb.

The serial killer was Dahmer though.

Did you know that British serial killers can't die?

They're immoral, but with tea.

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