Did you hear about the boy who survived being run over by a monster truck?

When reporters interviewed him at the hospital he was alert and said that he just felt very tired.

Why was the Loch Ness monster so surprised when she got a love letter from her crush?

She thought he didn’t even know she existed!

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I have some news for you guys. My Monster is Gay.

He just came out of the closet.

Bed monsters

A guy had a fear that there was a monster living under his bed, and he decided to seek professional help. During the consultation, the shrink told him his situation was unusual but not unheard of. He can be cured, but it would take at minimum 6 session at $250 each.

The guy declined citing t...

What is a sea monsters favourite snack?

Ship n dip

Is the Demigorgon the weirdest Sci-Fi monster?

Could be; I haven’t seen stranger things

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...

But his brother Frank was a monster!

Frankenstein's monster was really worried one day

"Pull yourself together", said Frankenstein

What do you call a monster that blows?

A windigo

What is a superstitious monsters favorite daily read?

Its horrorscope

What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?

IT'S SALIVA!

What did the conspiracy theorist say when they saw frankensteins monster?

it’s aLIE!!

Y’all ever heard of the Steak Monster?

When it feels threatened, it erupts in a Medium Roar.

What did the monster say when he saw a full train during rush hour?

"Oh good! A chew, chew train!"

Credit to the attendant at Balaclava Train Station in Melbourne.

"Have a train-tastic Thursday night!"

Are monsters good at math?

Not unless you Count Dracula.

Kids look under the bed before going to sleep to check there is no monster.

Monsters check there's no Chuck Norris

The flying spaghetti monster never died...

He pastaway.

What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships!

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A little girl looks into her closet and talks to the monster that lives in there.....

She asks him "Closet Monster, when are you ever going to come out of the closet?"
The monster replies "How many times must I tell you? I'm not gay!"

Dr. Frankenstein is experimenting with a new monster made with a cheese body.

It's Frankenstein's Muenster.

Gabbie Hannah may be the monster

But I’m already tracer

What kind of monster pays attention the best?

An aWarewolf

Dad, I can't sleep.

dad: "Why not?"

kid: "Do you see that monster under my bed?"

dad: [looks under bed] "OMG yes!"

kid: "Well, I drank the whole can!"

What do you call a monster that eats memories

I forgot

Why does Frankenstein's monster have such a good sense of humor?

Because he's always in stitches!

What monster are miners scared of?

The canary wolf.

What do you call a monster that eats a lot?

A gobble-n
(Credit to my 7 y/o son)

What do You call a crowdfunding site for cannibalistic monsters?

Windigogo!

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A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?

Prankenstein!

My company recently hired Frankenstein’s monster to run our HR department. He’s surprisingly good at it.

Turns out he’s a real people person.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don’t know about his brother who did research in monster making...

His name was Frank

Why did the sea monster eat 6 ships full of potatoes?

Nobody can eat just one potato ship.

What did the Loch Ness monster call his baby?

The cute ness monster.

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

What do you call a milk monster that wants to take over the universe?

Galactose

What does a monster call his girlfriend?

What does a monster call his girlfriend?

Zom-bae

(... I'll leave now.)

What do you call monster made out of blood?

A hemogoblin

My mom told me that if I watched scary movies, the monster could come out of the TV and haunt the house..

So I only watched them at my friends' house.

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If you have sex on Halloween, is it a monster mash or a graveyard smash?

Well it’s only a graveyard smash if she’s had a abortion

There are three monsters that live in my house and steal all of my money,

I like to call them, “the accidents,” but my wife insists on calling them our children.

Where did Frankenstein go to get his tattoo done?

Monsters Ink

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing

when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Please help me!”

At once, the ferocious attack sc...

Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster

SparkNotes is knowing that Frankenstein *is* the monster.

When the girls sing "They did the mash" and then the guy chimes in with "They did the *monster* mash"

That's wolfmansplaining

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.

How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

Is it okay to eat a lake monster's vegetables?

Not Nessie's celery.

What's the best day to marry the Loch Ness Monster?

Wednessday

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sent to prison and as he enters his cell for the first time, a big burly tattooed monster of a man stares him down. As the gate closes behind him them the new cellmate gets up and says...

Cellmate: "So I just have one question for you. Do you want to be daddy or do you want to be mommy?"

The new prisoner thinks for a moment, and nervously musters up, "Uhhh... daddy?“

The cellmate smiles and tells him, "Good answer! Now, why don't you come on over here and suck mommy's d...

What’s the difference between a monster truck rally and the rockettes?

A monster truck rally has a CUNNING array of STUNTS

Have you heard the Scottish National Party’s proposal to reduce Loch Ness monster sightings?

Nick all the sturgeon

My friend told me that there is no other job site than monster.com now a days..

I said INDEED

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Bob was swimming when a sea monster grabbed him by the balls.

“Plus 2 or minus 2?” Said the monster

“Plus 2!” Said Bob, but when he got out of the water he discovered he now had 4 balls. Bob was pissed with having 4 balls, but he figured he’d find the monster and this time say “minus 2” and return to normal, so Bob goes for another swim. After swimming ...

While going to sleep, my roommate always says that there is a hideous monster under his bed.

We have a bunk bed.

Told my boss my idea for a game where the user would steal an idol from a cave monster.

He told me to run with it.

What's the difference between Frankenstein and The Cosby Show?

On the Cosby Show, he was both the doctor and the monster.

Roses are red, monsters are green

Look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean

The government has covered up the existence of monsters for centuries...

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

A Greek guy walks into a tavern and sees two sea monsters arguing

"What's up with them?" he asks.

"Oh, that's scylla and charybdis."

"Are they usually this angry?"

"Yeah, but they're not violent. Just don't get between them."

'Hotel Transylvania' missed an opportunity because monsters on a cruise are not on the Love Boat...

They're on a Love Craft.

What do you call a badass who kills monsters and knows lots of useless information?

Geralt of Trivia

Two sea monsters are chillin’ in the ocean.

A ship full of potatoes sails by and the first sea monster gobbles it up. A second ship full of potatoes sails by and the monster gobbles that one up as well. After seeing this happen several more times the second sea monster turns to the first and says “Dude, what’s with you and these ships?”
...

Did you hear about the monster with five legs?

His trousers fit him like a glove.

Why doesn't Cookie Monster have good internet privacy?

He always accepts the cookies.

Why do milk monsters walk weirdly?

Because they lactose.

How does a pirate greet a sea monster?

What's Kraken?

Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app...

called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a child I was told there's a monster under my bed.

As an adult I went to see a therapist.

"Doc I got issues, man I know it's ridiculous but I think there's a monster under my bed"

"Well young man, you have come to right place give me three months and you'll be right as new"

"What will it cost me doc?"

"Well we will have t...

I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster...

... I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.

What time did the Monster eat the prime minister?

8PM

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What do you call it when Frankenstein's Monster gets a boner?

A reserrection.

I think it's funny when dogs hide under the bed when they're scared.

I'm like "You idiot, that's the first place monsters go!"

On Einstein’s birthday, let us not forget about his brother.

Frank. He created a monster.

Why are monsters hipsters?

Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

He Made A Monster

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition and discovered he had seriously misunderstood the objective

Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools.

A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.

What did the Cookie Monster say after eating all the anesthia at the dentist's office?

"NUMB NUM NUMB NUM NUMB NUM"

Monsters under my bed

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night so I went to a shrink and told him... "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there is somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"in order to save the world from the giant eight-arsed monster, we have to send a big robot to lick one of its bum holes - in particular, the third one in from the left calf" "that's quite a...

...Specific Rim"

who do monsters buy their cookies from?

the ghoul scouts.

A Nun is very distraught...

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf w...

how did Cookie Monster decide who'd win the oscars?

he went through all the nom-nom-nominations.

Daughter: "Can i keep the night light on?"

Dad: "And provide the monsters with a beacon to your location? Use your head, sweetie."

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

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