UPJOKE
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there was an assassin who charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?" "Yep." "What if you miss?" He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss." "Okay! Well, I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel tog...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa told his grandson “all you kids do nowadays is play video games”

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

What do you call it when a group of people survive a deadly plane crash?

Just plane scary.

A lady walks into a pharmacy.

She asks the pharmacist for cyanide.

Pharmacist: “I can’t sell you that. It’s a deadly poison.”
Lady: “I know. I want to kill my husband. He’s having an affair.”
Pharmacist: “I don’t care. I can’t sell you cyanide.”

Lady shows him a picture of her husband and the pharmacist’s wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first joke here.

A woman goes to an expensive carpet store in hopes of purchasing a new area rug.She spots a beautiful rug after a few minutes of searching and goes to check it out.As she bends down to touch the rug she accidentally rips a silent but deadly fart.
A salesman notices her from afar and comes to assi...

Most deadly joke in the world

My dog has no nose!
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How does he smell?
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Terrible!

One morning, a priest gives a sermon on the Seven Deadly Sins

After the sermon, a guy goes up to the priest and says, "Father, thank you so much for giving that sermon. It meant so much to me, and I'll tell you why. I lost my hat last week and I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally decided to steal a new one from the store, but now that I heard your sermon, I'...

Doctors have just discovered another deadly pathogen, they are calling the Peekaboo Virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.

7 deadly sins

Eating too much cake is a sin of gluttony, but eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.

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