Did you hear about the guy who tried to kill himself by jumping into a manhole?

The authorities called it attempted sewer-cide.

What is it called when you kill your best friends?

Homie-cide

Did you hear about the farmer that called his herd of pigs and ended up being trampled?

Was the first report of sooey-cide in the whole state.

My father was killed by a herd of pigs.

The coroner labeled his death a sooie-cide

I poisoned my wifes pita dip

The police charged me with hummus-cide

The ninja turtles and master splinter were found dead in their lair...

The police ruled the deaths as sewer-cides.

What do you call it when a pig is murdered?

A ham-i-cide

Some dude died in the gutter

It was ruled a sewer cide

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

  

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

  

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

  

"You see, that ott...

I killed my best friend last night

I’m in court right now facing charges of homie-cide

Why did the terrorist cross the road?

To get to the other cide.

Did you hear about the guy they found dead at the Mediterranean restaurant?

Yeah, police are calling it a hummus-cide.

What do you call a murder in the middle east?

A hummus-cide

Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman?

She committed soya-cide.

What's it called when a pig kills itself?

Soooey!-cide

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