A woman confronts her stalker.

The woman says, "I'm getting a restraining order so you'll legally have to stop following me!"
The man, outraged, yelled, "You can't do that! I haven't done anything wrong!"
"Watch me!", said the woman.
"Well, which is it?", replied the stalker.

Good stalkers are hard to find

^(>!And hard to lose!<)

To be a successful stalker

You must do the following :-)

What do stalkers and the letter V have in common?

They're always behind U

My last girlfriend called me a stalker.

Well, when I say girlfriend.........

Claire’s been telling all her friends about how I’m a stalker.

She’s texting- hang on, there’s some glare on the window...

My stalker ex-girlfriend just threatened to kill herself if I didn't take her back.

Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?

What’s a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?

They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and a creepy stalker

He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake

Why is Ash your stalker?

Because no matter where he goes he always takes a pikachu.

What the difference between your wife and your stalker?

Your stalker would likely put out regularly.

I once overheard my Ex tell her best friend that i was a stalker

It nearly made me mad enough to come out of the closet and give her a piece of my mind.

My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. I have to say I'm surprised.

In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker

At least that's what I think she wrote in her diary... binoculars are hard to read through


I've recently got a stalker. He's everywhere all the time. And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me. So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."

I'm pretty sure my next door neighbor thinks I'm a stalker.

She wrote it on Facebook,Twitter, and in both of her diaries.

I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.

I nearly fell out of my tree.

My ex told me she had a stalker

I stayed in the bushes for hundreds of hours and still haven't found one

There's a family with the last name Joke who have these creepy stalker impostors, when one day, the Joke family sees some shooting stars while on a road trip and disappear.

The news breaks that this family had disappeared while driving on the road. The search begins and they find a car similar to the one Mr. Joke was driving. They open and find who they believe to be the Jokes. They interview them but the story seems to be inconsistent with the actual event. They get D...

Do you have a fear of stalkers?

You are not alone.

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.

What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.

Sorry for all the corny jokes.

Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.

I think I have a stalker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The stalker

A woman had a stalker who always was bugging her to have sex with him. The woman eventually grew tired of his constant begging and thought of a way to get rid of him.

"Before I have sex with you, you must buy me a diamond necklace with matching diamond earrings"

To her surprise, the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Groupie and a Stalker?

A penis.

What is a stalkers favorite part of a hospital?

the I see you.


What's the difference between a hunter and a stalker?

ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it's in season!

What do you call bamboo clusters that follow you?


I prefer to think of myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair.

Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.

My crush is completely paranoid

She told me someone was stalking her yesterday when she was going home. I followed her all the way and didn't find any stalker.

My girlfriend is so paranoid.

She keeps calling the police and saying I'm some random stalker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,

Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.

See them gathered together, by calling divine

to fashion a vulva of peerless design.

The first man, a butcher of eminent skill

took a hold of his bla...

A man and the person who is stalking him visit the big city....

While the stalker is calm, the other person is panicking. "I think we're lost!" They yell.

The stalker sighs and says, "Don't worry. I know this place like the back of your hand."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who are you?!?

She is walking down a dark street on her way home when she hears footsteps. Believing she is being followed and not wanting to be mugged she hides behind a tree and, as the stalker passes, she jumps up and grabs him by the balls!

"WHO ARE YOU?" she shouts at the man as she twis...

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