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In college, I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW In honor of my Father, his favorite joke of all time. No one could tell it like he did.

Christmas was coming and Little Johnny’s Mom and Dad took him to the mall to a see Santa Claus.

Johnny walked up and sat on Santa’s lap and said “Santa, for Christmas I want a god damn new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my god damn bed. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I...

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The Hindenburg is the greatest feat of aeronautical engineering in all of human history

Edit: Holy shit this blew up

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The world's two worst golfers are playing golf. The first one hits it all the way to the left. The second one hits it all the way to the right. The first guy goes to pick up his ball and sees that it hit a buttercup. Suddenly, Mother Nature pops up out of the ground in all her glory...

Mother Nature says "You, you horrible golfer! You hit a buttercup! One of nature's most beautiful creations. As punishment, you can never have butter again!"

The golfer is obviously upset by this and he turns away so Mother Nature won't see. Suddenly, he starts laughing.

"What's so fu...

A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.

The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.

The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to ...

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so, the apostles hired the most beautiful escort in all the village…

Jesus had just come home after spending a long day out in the village miraculously healing the diseased and injured. the apostles decided that since he had been working so hard to help the village people, they would show their appreciate my hiring Jesus an escort. they went to the village and hired ...

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Mother Teresa lived to 87. Do you know how much sex she had in all those years?

Nun.

What’s the loneliest hand in all of poker?

Jack King off

My ex was perfect in all aspects except that her armpits smelled

Hands down the best girl I have known.

In all the blackouts, those unsure of the best place on Reddit for discussion and updates about the Titan right now?

Try the subreddit

What joke is the same in all european languages?

USA

My family says I look like a hobbit in all my pictures.

What can I say? I'm very frodogenic.

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

What’s the loneliest place in all of Louisiana ?

Bayou Self

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes....

Large, small, circle, square, thin crust, deep dish, extra toppings....

In all my years working at the Land Rover factory...

I made several discoveries

I'm really funny, people tell me my humour comes in all sorts of colors.

Someone suggested I should be a stand up chameleon.

I signed up for Binary 101 this semester and I’m failing in all the exams.

Turns out it is a level 5 course.

All in all...

...it was a good orgy...

Why did Vladimir Lenin write in all lowercase

Because he hates capitalism

I love Rock's acting in all his movies, I wonder where he got his acting skills from...

Oh he was in WWE.

I got a world map for my wall, I'm going to put pins in all the places I've traveled to ...

... but first, I have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

(credit to Mitch Hedberg, about 2003)

Did you hear about tandem camping being banned in all national parks?

Turned out it was two in tents to be allowed.

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