UPJOKE
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Identifies Jokes

I don’t care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,

but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

My tinder match said she identifies as a matador

That's a red flag for me

I started dating a girl who identifies as a wheelie bin.

I can’t remember if I’m taking her out Wednesday or Thursday night.

Bud light has always been trans...

It's water that identifies as beer.

My friend Susan identifies as a man and changed his name yesterday.

Susan be Anthony.

What do you call a parasitic twin that identifies as female

Your cyster

My son identifies as a crescent moon.

I hope it's just a phase.

What do you call someone who identifies disease by reading about symptoms on Google?

Google Doc

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

My daughter says she now identifies as a small group of words that have a collective meaning

Should I be worried, or is it just a phrase?

What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot?

A transplant.

A guy I met told me he identifies as the brightest star in the night sky…

I said- “Are you Sirius?”

My Mother informed me today that she now identifies as my father.

I thanked her for being transparent.

What are the pronouns for someone who identifies as an attack helicopter?

Apache/Apachim

Did you hear Eminem identifies as a woman?

He's now going by Feminen.

So I have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny.

He’s trans slender

My grandson identifies as a waning moon.

I can’t see much of my sun in him.

What do you call a fat person who identifies as skinny?

A trans-slender.

My Dad has said he identifies as invisible

He's transparent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What pronouns does a person who sexualy identifies as Michael Jackson use?

He/heee

My son recently told me that he identifies as a woman

He’s planning on going through treatments to become a full blown woman.
I am 100% supportive of this and wish him the best with all of his decisions.

But, ever since he’s came out to me, I’ve noticed that people seem to not notice me.
It started small with people not seeing me and bu...

Date.

I've got a date with a Lady who self identifies as a trash can...

But I can't remember if I'm taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday

Johnny is at it again.

Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she
decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast.
To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G'
'Very good', says the tea...

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

Help! My son admitted to us that he identifies as a crescent. What do I do?

My wife says it’s just a phase...

What do you call a circuit board that identifies as a different electronic component?

A transistor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought a Pontiac that sexually identifies as a Ferrari

It's a Trans Am

I’m in Britain and I have a friend in America. He keeps telling me he identifies as a large body of water.

He’s transatlantic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a redhead who identifies as the opposite sex?

Transginger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blind guy at he lumber yard Long

A blind guy applies for a job at the lumber yard. Owner can't discriminate so he gives him an interview with the understanding that he has to get 100% on the interview to get hired.

1st task is to walk over to a skid of oak and tell what it is. Guy bends over and smells it, says that is easy...

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