UPJOKE

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If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS would assault the b...

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS would assault the b...

…entomology and etymology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

It’s hard..to differentiate between them.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

When it's funny as a motherfucker.

Ask them the opposite of 'dominant'

It depends on where the D is placed

Those were dark times.

Or not.

I could never tell.

Or not.

I could never tell.

The original one is not on the frontpage

Amazon Prime.

collar-blind

Because they're both roasted

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

ad homonym

The leader of the Autobots!

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Seriously, I think I fucked up my eyes.

A bunch of continuous functions were hanging out at a bar, having a few drinks and having fun. The door swings opened and the differential operator walked in. All the functions started scrambling and ran out the door except one lonely function.

The differential operator ran up to him and yel...

The differential operator ran up to him and yel...

Friend: So do you have any kids?

Woman: Yes, I have 5 boys.

Friend: Nice! What are their names?

Woman: Steve.

Friend: You mean... All of them are named Steve?

Woman: Exactly, it's so much easier that way! It's hard enough to supervise 5 boys playing together, it's ...

Woman: Yes, I have 5 boys.

Friend: Nice! What are their names?

Woman: Steve.

Friend: You mean... All of them are named Steve?

Woman: Exactly, it's so much easier that way! It's hard enough to supervise 5 boys playing together, it's ...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

No matter how you try to differentiate them or integrate them. They remain the same.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

That way, you can differentiate the people who are basic and the people who aren't.

Blessed are the meek.

Blessed are the poor in spirit.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are the peacemakers.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.

And Peter said: Will this be in the test?

And Philip said: Were we supposed...

Blessed are the poor in spirit.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are the peacemakers.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.

And Peter said: Will this be in the test?

And Philip said: Were we supposed...

"I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!"

So everybody gets scared and runs away.

Only one person stays.

The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!"

And the other guy says: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."

So everybody gets scared and runs away.

Only one person stays.

The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!"

And the other guy says: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."

When one says to the other

"Hey Jess, how will we be able to tell the horses apart?"

"Easy, I will cut its mane, so the one with the mane is yours, and the one without mane is mine"

But at night, the horse caretaker cut the other horse mane as a prank

So the next day, whe...

"Hey Jess, how will we be able to tell the horses apart?"

"Easy, I will cut its mane, so the one with the mane is yours, and the one without mane is mine"

But at night, the horse caretaker cut the other horse mane as a prank

So the next day, whe...

A customer asks the owner:

“How do you plan to differentiate from other burger restaurants?”

The owner replies and says:

“I integrate instead.”

“How do you plan to differentiate from other burger restaurants?”

The owner replies and says:

“I integrate instead.”

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The anal sphincter; it can differentiate solid, liquid, and gas.

(Warning: this is a math-y joke)

"There will be the coming of days. You believers will be integrated, you non-believers will be differentiated." He starts pointing at each passenger saying, "I integrate you! I differentiate you!" Everyone was scared but one man just sat there coolly with a grin...

"There will be the coming of days. You believers will be integrated, you non-believers will be differentiated." He starts pointing at each passenger saying, "I integrate you! I differentiate you!" Everyone was scared but one man just sat there coolly with a grin...

He's trying to integrate back into society, but you can still kinda differentiate him from others.

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

screaming "A differential is coming! A differential is coming! He'll differentiate me to nothing!" All of x^2's friends are frightened as well, except one. e^x.

e^x says "I'm not afraid of any differential - When you differentiate me, I don't change at all!" e^x then walks up to the different...

e^x says "I'm not afraid of any differential - When you differentiate me, I don't change at all!" e^x then walks up to the different...

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