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Differentiate Jokes

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

How to differentiate between the branches of the US armed forces:

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS would assault the b...

How do you differentiate between a mathematician and a lumberjack?

By the way pronounce "axes".

Why is it so difficult to differentiate a decimal and whole number for you

Because you never get the point.

People who can't differentiate between …

…entomology and etymology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

A guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: “I’ll integrate you! I’ll differentiate you!”

Everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays.

The guy comes up to him and says: “Aren’t you scared, I’ll integrate you, I’ll differentiate you!” And the other guy says: “No, I am not scared, I am e^x .”

My professor made me write a 30 page essay on differentiates an integer from a decimal...

I said that there's no point

How can you differentiate between an original joke and a repost?

The original one is not on the frontpage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you differentiate between a dad joke and a bad joke?

When it's funny as a motherfucker.

When I was young I couldn’t differentiate between black and white.

Those were dark times.
Or not.
I could never tell.

Why cant i differentiate between White Collar workers and Blue Collar workers?

Its because i am Collarblind

OC joke: How to differentiate if a person is a genetics expert or a BDSM enthusiast?

Ask them the opposite of 'dominant'

What do you get when you differentiate Amazon with respect to x?

Amazon Prime.

What do you get when you differentiate Optimus?

The leader of the Autobots!

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

What happens to a constant when it’s differentiated?

it disintegrates

Ordinary Differential Humor

A bunch of continuous functions were hanging out at a bar, having a few drinks and having fun. The door swings opened and the differential operator walked in. All the functions started scrambling and ran out the door except one lonely function.

The differential operator ran up to him and yel...

what do you call a person who cant differentiate a t-shirt from a polo

collar-blind

What does the president have in common with someone who cant differentiate between a tangerine and a clementine?

They are both orange racists.

A bunch of functions are drinking in bar...

When someone yells "A differential is coming!" All the functions panic and try to hide, except e^x . One of the functions asked "e^x , why aren't you hiding from the differential?" To which it responded "I'm e^x , a differential can't do anything to me!" At that point, the differential walked in and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't see countries or borders, I don't see color or race or anything that differentiates people.

Seriously, I think I fucked up my eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

A woman is walking down the street when she bumps into an old friend she hasn't seen in a long time. They sit down on a bench and catch up on their lives.

Friend: So do you have any kids?

Woman: Yes, I have 5 boys.

Friend: Nice! What are their names?

Woman: Steve.

Friend: You mean... All of them are named Steve?

Woman: Exactly, it's so much easier that way! It's hard enough to supervise 5 boys playing together, it's ...

Religions are like e^x.

No matter how you try to differentiate them or integrate them. They remain the same.

They should say "it's litmus" instead of "it's lit."

That way, you can differentiate the people who are basic and the people who aren't.

A man was dating a woman who was a identical twin

the man and woman have been dating for a while, and recently the man met the woman’s twin and was shocked. from the hair to the size of their feet, the two were exactly identical.

one night, the woman came home to their apartment and saw her sister’s shoes in the entrance. she rushed to the ...

A mathematician opens a burger restaurant in a city already filled with burger restaurants...

A customer asks the owner:


“How do you plan to differentiate from other burger restaurants?”


The owner replies and says:


“I integrate instead.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the smartest muscle in the human body?

The anal sphincter; it can differentiate solid, liquid, and gas.

Did you hear about the mathematician who got out of jail?

He's trying to integrate back into society, but you can still kinda differentiate him from others.

A crazy man walks on to a bus and starts repeating,

(Warning: this is a math-y joke)
"There will be the coming of days. You believers will be integrated, you non-believers will be differentiated." He starts pointing at each passenger saying, "I integrate you! I differentiate you!" Everyone was scared but one man just sat there coolly with a grin...

Jesus went into the mountains with his disciples; and he began to teach them, saying:

Blessed are the meek.

Blessed are the poor in spirit.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are the peacemakers.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.

And Peter said: Will this be in the test?

And Philip said: Were we supposed...

Two blonds bought a horse each

When one says to the other

"Hey Jess, how will we be able to tell the horses apart?"

"Easy, I will cut its mane, so the one with the mane is yours, and the one without mane is mine"

But at night, the horse caretaker cut the other horse mane as a prank

So the next day, whe...

Calculus Joke

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

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