Mistake Jokes - 113 Hilarious Mistake Jokes

Whoever coined the term ‘delivery’ for childbirth made a big mistake.

It should have been called takeout instead.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage

I accidentally texted my wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”

My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice

Must be why I'm an only child

Common English Mistakes

Common English Mistakes

-mixing up there, their, and they're

-using the wrong too, to, or two

-putting commas in the wrong place

-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches

-using apostrophes for plurals

A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke sir, you should ...

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

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What a mistake to make

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So the new monk goes to the head abbot to question t...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.

On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, “I be...

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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blo...

Why do vampires make the same mistakes over and over again?

Because they lack reflection.

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.

.
Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke.
She said sure, so he went to the restroom.
The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the ...

I made a mistake at the grocery store.

I went to get 6 Sprites. Accidentally picked 7up

Don’t you hate it when you can’t sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

A man who recogizes his mistakes when wrong is wise. A man that recognizes his mistake when he is right is...

Married.

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

I hate making spelling mistakes.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

I don't ever make the same mistake twice

I make it 4-5 times just to be sure!

A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills

One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."

So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.

"Hey can you break a 1...

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

Woman mistakes Lee Trevino for a migrant worker

Lee Trevino is a Mexican-American who was one of the best golfers (and greatest characters) in the world. But when he was a young man, he would still mow his own lawn, and this is why.

He was a young golfer on the PGA Tour, and a married man, when one day he was out mowing the lawn in front ...

I learn a lot from my mistakes

I think it's time to make a few more.

An engineer dies, and by some mistake he is sent to hell.

Satan was unsure of why the engineer was sent down there, but he might as well be of use. He commissioned the engineer to install AC, plumbing, various water features, and many other amenities that really started to turn hell into a pretty decent place.

God, on the other hand, took notice of ...

What are the 3 worst mistakes in business

1. Over-promising
2. Under-delivering

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Monastery Spelling Mistake

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error i...

I referred to my dentist as an orthodontist by mistake.

It was acci*dental*.

I’ve always been taught to embrace my mistakes

It’s why I hug my kids each night before bed

When you call your teacher mom, it’s an embarrassing mistake.

When you call one daddy, the man is escorted from the building, and you are now the victim of a crime.

The U.S. Army invaded an oil factory by mistake during an exercise

I guess their oilfactory senses were tingling

A MATH PROFESSOR'S MISTAKE

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says My dear now that you are 60 years old there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up f...

By mistake his Phone rang in Church during prayers...

The Priest scolded him ...

After prayers, the congregation admonished him for interrupting the silence.

His wife lectured him on his carelessness until they got home.

One could see the shame, embarrassment n humiliation on his face !!

*He has never stepped into the Church...

What do you say when you realize you’ve made a basic mistake?

Some people call their mistakes "happy accidents"

But some people get more creative and give them cute little names like Nathan or Thomas, just like my parents did.

i told my girlfriend yesterday, she should learn to embrace her mistakes

she seemed very content, because she instantly hugged me.

I made a huge mistake

I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.”

The doctor paused and said, “There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.

But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.

When he encountered a bear, he still didn’t realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the...

Mistake

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

Quoting someone's mistakes...

Quoting someone's mistakes is a sic burn.

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I've made a huge mistake.

I've mixed up the words Jacuzzi and Yakuza.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia

Yesterday my manager said, "I'm off tomorrow, but if I come back and find that you've made one more mistake then you'll be fired."

So today, to save myself, I've made plenty of mistakes.

My friend made a mistake the other day and said "Making mistakes is how we learn in life"

I replied "Your mom must've learned a lot then!"

What did the doctor tell the nurse after he made a mistake on the blood type record

He made a type o

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Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled
up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on
his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I mau...

What Do You Call It When You Make a Seasoning Mistake?

An oregano-no

I joined a local scat group on Facebook recently who said they were having a meet up

Once I showed up and saw what they were doing to each other, I realized my mistake and skiddy-be-bop-a-do’d out of there as fast as I could.

I made a mistake shaving my privates today

Or "gross misconduct" as my court martial put it

I'm being attacked by Russian hackers!

Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.

How do you know a redditor is not a native english speaker?

They'll apologize for potential mistakes after 10 paragraphs of perfect english

Sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes

My first language is English.

A painter is employed to whitewash the local church. But he makes the mistake of thinning the paint down too much, so that it all washes away the first time it rains.

The minister rings the painter to complain. "What do you want me to do about it?" says the painter.

"Repaint," says the minister, "And thin no more."

My son is in hospital because of one little driving mistake.

He beat me at Mario Kart.

I took my daughter to my office for, "Bring your kid to work day". BIG MISTAKE!

After meeting everyone she started getting cranky and began to cry. As everyone gathered around to try to console her, she looked at me and in a loud voice complained, "Where are all the clowns you tell me & mommy you work with everyday?"

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

what do you call a math mistake?

algebruh moment

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A fucking mistake

Bob had broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick- "How you doin?"

Bob- "Fine. Hey do me a favor, go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are freezing."

Mick goes up and sees Bob's hot 19 year old twin sisters lying on the bed.

He says- your broth...

My dad said I was a mistake

I hope thats a joke

An engineer dies and goes up to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, St Peter says to the engineer "Sorry pal, you're not on the list. You can't get into heaven." The engineer says "Wait a minute, I always donated to charity, my wife and I raised two orphans we adopted, I attended church regularly, what do you mean I'm not on the list to get into...

A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

A king had 10 wild dogs.
He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all…
So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said,
"I served you loyall...

If we don't proofread and correct mistakes

The errorists win.

I named my eraser Confidence

Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make

What do you call it when you mistake a flashlight for a flesh light?

A flash bang

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Thought I’d be nice and let the kids watch a Christmas movie. Big mistake...

because now they keep saying to each other “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker”

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The hypnotists mistake.

I felt sorry for the hypnotist last night. He dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled "FUCK ME". What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

We never make mistakes.

There was an incident a few years ago where I was sure I had made a mistake, but it turned out I was wrong.

What is it called when a dentist makes a mistake?

Accidental

I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes

I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year

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If Biden unfucks any more of Trump's mistakes any faster...

There'll be no Ivanka and Jr. by Sunday.

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

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Nuclear power is like anal sex

If done cleanly and properly, it might be even better than conventional methods. But add a few messy mistakes and it's considered taboo.

Every dictionary has at least one mistake

It’s in the “m” section, after mist.

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One baaaaaaad mistake

One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won't call...

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I try to learn from my mistakes,

but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own ass.

What do you call a prince who made a mistake?

A heirror

An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome

An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks ...

How many people does it take to make a mistake?

In your case, two.

The Hungry Soldier

A hungry soldier is exploring the forest when he spots a
bacon tree up ahead. He excitedly runs towards it when he is shot.
His mistake was that it wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a hambush.

Its OK to make mistakes, everybody does!

My parents are a great example, they made me

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My son made me a shirt which spelled "Wrld's best dad!" which is a pretty cute mistake.

But he needs to get his shit together and understand that I have a sweatshop to run.

What does a tailor say when he makes a mistake?

Sew?

Tip your waitresses

I plotted a graph of my past mistakes

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

I made a lot of stupid mistakes as a kid.

Now that I'm an adult, I'm making far more advanced and complex mistakes.

My friend had an affair with a patient. Worked so hard to achieve his degree and one mistake means he lost everything.

A great loss to the veterinary profession.

Today i made a mistake while sewing.

Oops, wrong thread.

I think it was a mistake to go to that "swingers in the dark" party last night...

...I don't know what came over me.

How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?

It uses Heinz sight.

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Easy mistake!! Haha !

Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's hold...

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Today I made the mistake of masturbating without a tissue or a sock nearby

I should have known that would cum in handy

If God doesn't make mistakes...

Then how the heck did I end up here?

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Three nuns die in a car accident and arrive at the pearly gates.

St. Peter says to the first nun, "Sister, you've lead an exemplary life, performed many good deeds, feed the hungry, cared for the sick. Do you have anything to confess before I let you in to heaven?" The nun looks serious and answers him, "St. Peter, I have to confess something. Once, when I was a...

Spelling Mistakes

I accidentally made a spelling mistake on my work. I found this out when I get screamed at for it. It is a fairly small mistake, so I don't understand why she is so upset!

Jeez, I'm a tattoo artist, not an english teacher. Calm down, we all make mistakes.

A grave mistake....

I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the local cemetery. 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let then walk along with me. I told them "I understand - I used to get freaked out too when I was a...

I made the mistake of telling my wife that I like Space Invaders.

Now she won't give me any privacy.

If it's right that from each mistake you make you learn something

Then i must be Albert Einstein

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Why is Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

(Came up on my own :,))

Edit no. Unknown- Thank you for redditors who pointed out the mistakes in my post. Sadly, I can’t change the title. It is “Are” instead of “Is”.

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An Honest Mistake

A truck driver is pulled over for having an unsecure load of donkeys on his trailer.

When the cop asks him why he pulled him over, he replies:

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't realize it was illegal to haul ass."

I made a terrible mistake this morning.

I got out of bed.

Boss: "You've got to find a way to make fewer mistakes on the job"

Worker: "Ok, how about I come in later in the morning?"

Super bowl mistake

My good friend has 2 tickets for the 2018 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,000 for both tickets, but he didn't realize when he bought them, it was going to be the same day of his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at @ 3pm at the Renaissance . Her...

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An American and a Russian die and go to Hell... (Long)

They are met at the gates by Satan, who offers them a choice: They can either go to American Hell or Russian Hell.

Both new arrivals are curious as to what the difference is, so Satan explains that in American Hell you are free to do whatever you want; you'll find that we have all the finest...

I have trouble admitting my mistakes

It's not my fault.

What’s the biggest mistake you can make with a horse

Buying one

A scientist drops a bar of gold on his foot by mistake...

"Au!", he exclaimed.

Have you heard the one about the electrician making a mistake

I hear it's shocking

My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!

She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.

It was a good time.

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Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes and yes, this is a adaption to an old joke, i thought it was fitting regarding todays article about Alexa "laug...

Embrace you mistakes

My significant other and I were discussing mistakes we have made in our relationship.

I suggested she should embrace her mistakes.

She then hugged me.

Going to China was a huge mistake

There were huge red flags everywhere

We learn from our mistakes –

and never lack for study material.

I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat...

But two Hobbist just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others;

the rest of us have to be the others.

A man dies one day and finds himself in Hell, much to his surprise.

The man has never sinned, he has attended church somewhat regularly and often gives to charity.

He asks at the gate if there has been a mistake to which the ferryman gives no answer.

He figures there is little hope for him, but somehow he will make the best of his situation.

He ...

Any married man should forget his mistakes

there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

How do you cover a doctor's mistake?

With soil.

My Korean girlfriend makes some cute mistakes when speaking English. For example:

"Fishing stick" instead of "Fishing rod"

"Tropical tree" instead of "Palm tree"

"Ant-licker" instead of "Uncle"

My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding.

He's not happy about it either.

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