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Heroin Addict Jokes

What do you call a heroin addict-turned Harvard student?

IV League

Two heroin addicts die and stand before Saint Peter at the pearly gates

They ask Saint Peter if they’re allowed in, and Peter reviews their records.

“Wow, I’m really not sure guys. It says here you’ve done a lot of bad things. Stealing, lying, generally bad addict behavior things. I can’t make this call, I have to go ask the big guy himself”, Peter says.

...

Apparently heroin addicts spend upwards of $500 on heroin a day

On an unrelated note, anyone want to lend me $500

What is a heroin addict's favorite website?

Instagram.

How did the maffioso get rid of his heroin addiction?

He met a Don

What do female heroin addicts and hockey players have in common?

They both finally change clothes after three periods.

Did you hear about the farmer who was a heroin addict?

He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack.

I’m finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I’ve had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

What’s the difference between a heroin overdose and a shotgun suicide?

Heroin addicts feel great after they shoot themselves.

My dad always said, "Do something you love and you'll never need to work a day in your life!"

He was a heroin addict...

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