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Yeah, I have a heroine addiction.

\*Pulls out young adult novel with a strong female figure\*

Last night I watched a documentary on heroin...

Which really is the best way to watch a documentary.

Never call your heroin Jesus.

You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vein.

What did the heroin addict say to the other heroin addict?

A fiend in need is a fiend indeed.

Did you hear about the hardworking heroin addict?

He was always up burning the midnight foil.

My son’s kindergarten teacher was arrested for heroin possession…

In hindsight, the small pupils were a dead giveaway…

Quitting heroin is easy.

I've already done it 10 times.

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

Where’s the best place to be at a Heroin Orgy?

Smack bang in the middle of all of it!

I am 25 years and counting sober from using heroine!

I am 25

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I heard that heroin works as a male enhancement.

But I think that's poppycock.

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I heard Marvel is introducing a new super heroine call Menstrual Girl. Guess what her super power is.

WHATEVER SHE FUCKING WANTS!

My uncle always said , "Do something you love, and you'll never work a day in your life."

He did heroin.

What do you call a knife that does heroin?

A sharp shooter

There's a new type of Heroin on the market that's called "Jesus Christ"

Finally a way for people to feel good after taking the lord's name in vein

What's the difference between heroin and Reddit?

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Why don't anti-vaxxers take heroin?

It could be good for something.

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My friend said he once injected heroin into his dick.

But that was just poppycock.

I had a tennis ball that was addicted to heroin

But he bounced back

I can't stop watching movies with strong female leads

I'm a heroine addict

I convinced my fellow pirate to try heroin.

Now he's hooked.

How did the maffioso get rid of his heroin addiction?

He met a Don

How much cocaine and heroin Charlie Sheen does?

Enough to kill a two and half men.

I'm ok with marijuana, smoking, and even heroin

But with cocaine I draw the line

My heroin-addicted friend

I used to have a great friend. As we grew older, he started doing heroin. Of course, this affected him pretty strongly. Eventually, he even started calling the injection his "God". Weird, I know, but that's just how he was.
Sadly, he passed away recently, although I guess that was to be expected....

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

What’s the difference between a heroin overdose and a shotgun suicide?

Heroin addicts feel great after they shoot themselves.

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Concerned about the rising drug problems on Earth

Jesus decides to send some of his disciples back to Earth to obtain some drugs so that they would better understand how to help mankind.

After 3 days they begin to return.

There is a soft knock on the side door at Jesus' pad. "Open up, man, it's Matthew."
The door opens just a cra...

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If alcoholics get whiskey dick, what do heroin users get?

Poppycock.

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Whats the difference between heroin and black people?

I'd think twice about shooting heroin

The war on drugs has started.

So if you see any heroin you should shoot it.

I tried quitting heroin.

But all my efforts were in vein.

Apparently heroin addicts spend upwards of $500 on heroin a day

On an unrelated note, anyone want to lend me $500

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of heroin?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of heroin fall out a 53rd-floor window.

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

What do female heroin addicts and hockey players have in common?

They both finally change clothes after three periods.

Why was the duck arrested?

Selling quack.

Why was the teacher arrested?
For doing math.

Why was the poet arrested?
For using heroines.

If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.

But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.

Heroin is like a baby..

..it feels so amazing to have in your arms.

So I've heard there's a heroin epidemic among white teens...

I guess they're used to shooting up to solve their problems

Just met up with my heroine dealer.

Got three Wonder Womans and a She-Ra.

I'm a heroin addict...

I'll only sleep with women who save my life.

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

What is a heroin addict's favorite website?

Instagram.

Heroin really messed up my household...

All the spoons are missing.

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

School is like Heroin

I shoot it up all the time.

I'm so stressed that I'm going to try that Chinese thing with the needles, what's it called?

Oh yeah, heroin

What does heroin do?

About 78% the work of a hero.

The rate of babies born with heroin addiction has skyrocketed

to a number almost as high as those babies.

Heroin use among horses have grown

But finding the evidence is like finding a needle in a haystack.

My family think I have a heroine addiction

I can't help it, I just really like female super heroes.

I've heard addicts claim that heroin became their "God" but...

...they're always taking his name in vein.

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Rabbits

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff...

Saw a sketchy looking man outside Walmart begging for money so he could buy the new life size Wonder Woman doll.

I swear, these heroine addicts looking worse every year.

My local police chief does a talk on heroin...

So you can't understand any of it.

A rabbit on a run through the forest.

So there's this rabbit running through the forest. After a few minutes he comes across a fox who's about to light up a joint. The rabbit kicks the joint from the fox's mouth, saying: "That's bad for your health, you're better off if you join me on my run!" So the fox says, "You're right!" and joins ...

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Holmes said to his brother, "Mycroft, all this heroin that Watson administers is making me terribly constipated."

And Mycroft responded, "No shit, Sherlock?"

What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.

I have a MASSIVE heroine problem...

I'm addicted to fat women who save my life.

What do you call it when you do heroin 13 times in a row?

Over-dozen

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A man gets hit by a bus, dies and goes to Hell..

Upon his arrival, he is greeted by Satan's secretary who begins to process his paperwork and give him the run down on what it's like for eternity.

Secretary: "Hell really isn't all that bad, buddy. We have themed daily activities to keep our residents occupied. Were you by any chance a drinke...

Women are a lot like heroin.

At first you're like, "Oh geez, this is fun" then eventually you die.

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Caught speeding

Cop pulls over a man for speeding, says "I clocked you doing 60 in a 25. Wanna tell me why you were speeding?"

Guy says, "Yeah, I was trying to get home real quick so I could shoot up this heroin from my glove compartment. But before that I gotta get rid of the gun in the back seat, and the d...

I'm a heroine addict

Wonder Woman, Super Woman, Batgirl--I just can't get enough of them!

Alan takes his wife fishing

On a usual trip he catches 10-15 fish. He's gobsmacked when the pair of them manage a haul of over 100! He decided to enter them both into the local fishing competition.

The day of the competition rolls around, and each of the Anglers take it in turns. The first man is a big beefy lad, and he...

I think that my kid’s teacher is a drug addict

All of my son’s classmates are 4’ at most and I’ve heard that having small pupils is sign of heroin abuse.

I have a heroine addiction...

...because I can only sleep with a girl if she has saved somebody's life.

Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon?

Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4.

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Deep into the woods there was bunny rabbit, hopping and prancing,

when he saw a monkey about to drop acid, so he yelled

"STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP, THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH COME JOIN ME HOP THRU THE FOREST".

So the monkey said fuck it, let's do it rabbit.

So the monkey and the bunny where prancing through the woods when all of a sudden, saw a giraff...

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

I’m worried I’ve become very obsessed with Wonder Woman, Black Widow and Captain Marvel lately.

I think I might be a heroine addict.

I've been clean for 30 days.

Having depression makes it difficult to take of myself, but I've managed to shower and brush my teeth for 30 days in a row. Thankfully I have all this heroin to get me through it.

Why was the heroin dealer arrested at the basketball game?

He was talking smack.

Did you hear about the farmer who was a heroin addict?

He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack.

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

Never Fall in love with a Heroin addict because even though they have a lot of love to give.

It's all in Vein

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One day a small rabbit was taking a run through the forest.

As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looked at the rab...

I’m finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I’ve had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

I've developed a craving for strong female characters that I can't seem to knock. That's right...

I'm addicted to heroine.

I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

My friend used to obsessed over Jeanne D'Arc, Tomoe Gozen and the Goddess Athena

It's a shame he died of a Heroine overdose.

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