Morphine Jokes - 13 Hilarious Morphine Jokes

What did Cocaine say when Morphine asked him out?

It sedate

What do you get if you put morphine on your toast?

Crumfortably Numb!

How do you prevent a morphine overdose?

Use lessphine.

What does Jared Leto say when he is on drugs?

It's Morphine time!

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's morphine time!

I live every day like it is my last.

Lying in bed consuming morphine while my family cries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now who's laughing?

A woman in labour is shouting and screaming.

She says it aloud ” … get this out of me, give me morphine !”

She turns to her man and says ” You did this to me you asshole…”

He replies , “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said 'No it’ll be too...

What do doctors say when they see a patient acting like a monster?

"It's morphine time!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After enduring it for over a week, a man goes to the doctor with intense, agonizing, shooting pains from his balls to his kidneys.

"Doc," he says "you just gotta help, the pain literally takes me to the floor, and I can't breath because of it either"

The doctor checks him over, and orders a series of tests, finally prescribing strong painkillers until their next appointment the following week.

"Im sorry," says the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have an idea for a knockoff brand of headphones.

Beats, by Chris Brown

In available colors

* Blood red

* Teardrop blue

* Loose tooth white

* Bruise purple

* Open wound pink

* Unconcious black

* Pissed myself yellow

* Morphine clear

* Chris BROWN

Prices so low you will be ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor to me - we're going to have to amputate your foot

Me (high AF in morphine) - ok. Cool.

Doctor to nurse - mark him to so he has nine inches below his knee.

Me - You said you were going to amputate my foot.

Doctor (sounding annoyed) -we're about to amputate your foot and you're making dick jokes?

Me - will crying bring it...

A nun was brought to the hospital in agony

Her sisters said they had found her writhing in pain on the floor clutching her crotch naked. She was supposedly getting dressed. The young nun was sedated and given morphine but refused to talk about what happened. Finally the mother superior was brought in and given privacy with the girl to ext...

Dyslexic

Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her. She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy...

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