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Addicted Jokes

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If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex...

Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?

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If I was addicted to masturbation and then I got addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?

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We discovered my grandfather is addicted to Viagra

No one is taking it harder than grandma

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I'm an ass man. Addicted to ass.

It's like crack to me.

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
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I *SWEAR* I'm not addicted to brake fluid...

I can stop whenever I want
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There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Edit: Wow, thanks guys. This made me win a bet with my friend to see who could get frontpaged first :D

Edit #2: I just won $1, lol.

Edit #3: We made the...
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I’m addicted to seaweed.

I must seek kelp.
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Who is the second most porn-addicted person in the world?

My FBI-Agent.




Pls send help

I used to be addicted to soap....

I'm clean now.
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What's the hardest part of being addicted to money?

The withdrawals.
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I'm addicted to pistachios.

I know, that's nuts.
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.

He..really gets a kick out of it.
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What do you call someone who’s addicted to caffeine?

Caffiend.
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I used to be addicted to thanksgiving leftovers,

but then I quit cold turkey
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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.

But he says he can stop anytime
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I was once addicted to masturbation…

But I finally beat it.

My wife has been addicted to Netflix lately and has started to ignore me...

...So I went ahead and renewed the subscription for another 10 years.
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I am so addicted to junk food...

...it's heartbreaking!
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What do you call someone addicted to Pedicures?

A Clipped toe maniac
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My friend's worried he's addicted to playing guitar

I told him not to fret but he says he can't help it
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Did you hear about the nun who got addicted to knitting?

She said that needles were habit forming.
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I used to be addicted to Viagra…

… hardest time of my life!

I’m addicted to placebos.

I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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I got addicted to auctions after only going once.

Going twice...
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I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey

But then I turned myself around
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Addicted.

A man said to his wife, “I’m going to ask you a few questions, the answer to each of them is, ”Addicted” Ok.”

His wife says, “ok”

The man says, “if you smoke too much, you are.?”

She replies, “Addicted”.

He says, “if you drink too much you are.?”

She says, “Addicte...
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I recently got very addicted to skiing

My doctor told me I'm going down a slippery slope
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If you are addicted to masturbation, talk to a priest.

He'll be happy to help you beat it.

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...
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Did you hear about that new video game where you play a baker who's addicted to drugs?

It's called "Knead for Speed".
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I was addicted to not bathing for weeks at an end

I’ve been clean for 7 months now
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What drugs are IT Engineers addicted to?

Codeine.
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Man addicted to drinking brake fluid...

claims he can stop any time he wants.

Bonus

I was gonna tell a time travelling joke but you guys didn't like it.
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Even though my girlfriend is addicted to meth, I still love her.

She's so beautiful. Those lips, those eyes, that tooth.
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My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She’s always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction. "Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I’m addicted to them." It’s really annoying.

So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, "Do you see that, honey?... Why can’t you be that skinny?
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Addicted

Say "addicted" after everything I say.

What is someone who takes drugs?

What is someone who drinks?

What hit you in the face last night?
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A man goes to see his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
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What's it called when you can't stop doing cocaine? Addicted.

What's it like when you smoke every day? Addicted.

If you have a compulsion to bet your money on the horses, you are -- addicted.

Who invaded Ukraine? A dick did.

My dad was addicted to sandpaper

He always said it helped take the edge off
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My girlfriend is addicted to eating guano.

She’s bat shit crazy.

My friend decided to quit almost all social media, but suddenly got addicted to the latest one by Meta.

He is hanging on…by a Thread.
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I am addicted to smashing up ceramic bathrooms.

I have a wreck tile dysfunction.
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My ex was addicted to dick. just not mine

I guess micro-dosing just wasn't doing it for her after a while

I’m addicted to plagiarism…

So I’m starting a help group called Alcoholics Anonymous.
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Addicted

I went to see my psychiatrist last week.
I explained to him that I was getting depressed because of my addiction to crossword puzzles.
He said try not to get too down.
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When Bill and Hillary first got married

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked ins...

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I used to be addicted to masturbating

I overcame so much

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What do you call someone who is addicted to anal sex?

A crack addict.

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