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We discovered my grandfather is addicted to Viagra

No one is taking it harder than grandma

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I used to be addicted to masturbating

I overcame so much

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I’m addicted to viagra

Life has been pretty hard

I am addicted to brake fluid

But I can stop anytime

Did you hear about the cocaine addicted improv actor?

He was constantly thinking about his next line

I used to be addicted to soap...

But I'm clean now.

I think I'm addicted to water

I feel like I'll die if I don't have it

I was addicted to the hokey pokey,

but then I turned myself around.

How did I not know you can be addicted to cats??

It seems even the Pope is a cat-holic.

Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

I used to be addicted to not showering.

Luckily, I've been clean for five years

I was addicted to not defending myself against nuns.

But I finally kicked the habit.

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If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to say that my addiction got ot of hand?

My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

What does an Internet-addicted frog say?

Reddit reddit

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What do you call a drug for people addicted to anal sex?


I went out to dinner with a mathematician who was addicted to addition...

I have never seen so many positive signs on the first date.

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

What should you do if you are addicted to seaweed?


What sound does a duck addicted to drugs make?


My uncle got addicted to deli meat

But I heard he quit cold turkey.

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp.

As weird as it may sound, I think I’m addicted to religion

I’m a real Cathoholic

My friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself in the shower.

He has some serious selfie steam issues.

I’m addicted to thanksgiving leftovers

I can’t stop cold turkey

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What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming beards?

A clipptomaniac!

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If you are addicted to masturbation, talk to a priest.

He'll be happy to help you beat it.

I tried to help my friend, but he ended up addicted to marketing.

Guess you could say I gave him some ad-vice.


I went to see my psychiatrist last week.
I explained to him that I was getting depressed because of my addiction to crossword puzzles.
He said try not to get too down.

My mexican friend, Jesus, recently got addicted to methamphetamine

We now call him the Methiah.

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Therapist: You are addicted to using the cloning machine

Us: No we aren’t

I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.

I need Help.

Why did the toilet roll go to rehab?

Addicted to crack.

I'm addicted to placebos.

I could quit but it wouldn't matter.

My wife said she’s leaving me cause I’m addicted to drinking brake fluid

But I know I can stop any time I want

What do you call an alligator addicted to drugs?

A crackhead-ile

A lot of people think I’m addicted to drinking brake fluid

I always tell them, “don’t worry, I can stop whenever I want.”

What do you call someone who’s addicted to caffeine?


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My friend is addicted to having sex with inanimate objects, and we haven’t seen him in a long time.

He always has stuff to do.

I knew a nun once who was addicted to wearing clothes a third of her size.

I never could figure out how she got into the habit.

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

My bike needs new brakes.

I'm addicted to riding it though. I just can't stop.

I am concerned that I am getting addicted to making Nun’s clothing.

No one told me it was habit forming.

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A man was addicted to pills and was told he needed help

He decided to quit after one last pill, he took a viagra.

When asked why he would take a viagra as his last pill he responded:

“Old habits die hard”

Did you know air is a highly addictive slow acting poison?

100% of all people who breathe air have died, and if you try to stop breathing the poison you will die within minutes because of how addicted to air you are.

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