I have a serious cocaine problem..

I can't find my cocaine.

"I'm not addicted to cocaine, I swear!"

I only like how it smells

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

Drugs are not that bad But when it comes to cocaine

We’ve got to draw a line somewhere.

I was at a party and an old buddy of mine offered me cocaine. I said, "Buddy, I'm a father of three young kids..."



..."of course I'll do some."

A man tries to smuggle cocaine under his wig.

While he is walking through the airport, he trips and the wig falls of. He puts it back one quickly, but a guard notices the drugs and arrests him.

When he gets home that night, his wife asks him, "anything interesting happen today love"?. He says yeah we caught a cocaine bigwig today. He wa...

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I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

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What do coffee and cocaine have in common?

After having some good, you're gonna need to shit.

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A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and...

The cocaine that I bought is so white..

..That the cops just let it go with a warning.

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

What do you call bags of cocaine materials?

A crackoon.

I'm gonna start a cocaine delivery service

I'll call it instagram

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What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

So Mike Myers was sent to jail for cocaine charges

Rumor has it his fellow inmates have started calling him Austin Powders

A 5-year-old brought a bag of cocaine to school; he said it made him feel like Spider-Man.

This may be the first time cocaine has been a gateway drug to Mary Jane.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4yo kid?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall from a window.

A man was arrested for having 5 pounds of cocaine stashed in boxes of Lucky Charms.

The police found the whole ordeal as "magically suspicious".

Why can you find cocaine in every town and city?

It’s federally distributed.

My friend’s life goal was to try cocaine from all the different countries in the world.

He finally stopped at the Finnish line.

Here's a joke my cocaine dealer used to tell:

"Is Pepsi ok?"

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

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I was fucking worried when my son overdosed on cocaine.

But thankfully he hadn't used any of my stuff.

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

Cocaine

It always cracks me up

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

What do you call a guy who just left cocaine?

"OFF-White" ahem ahem.

The thing about cocaine is...

When you boil it down, it's not all its cracked up to be

I have no problem with cocaine.

I've quit it 146 times.

They arrested Bob the barber for selling cocaine!

I've been his faithful customer for 5 years and I don't even know he's a barber!

My friends keep calling me a cocaine addict, but that's a lie...

I just REALLY like the way it smells.

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Need advice. My best friend started dealing cocaine today.

He came home tonight bragging about his first blow job.

I do a magic show where I make Marijuana and Cocaine disappear.

It’s all just a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

What does a norwegian guy sounds like when snorting cocaine?

snjort

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers.

God says "Today all teenagers use drugs"

"You're right" replies Peter "I will now go on earth to see if really all teenagers use them"

After a bit Peter returns and tells God that the teens are coming. Few seconds later so...

I only tried cocaine once!

For 5 years...

For all Cocaine user

Only four sleeps to Christmas

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

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This is an old joke my cousin told me. It never fails to make me smile :-)

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagno...

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

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I thought my stash was looking a little light, so I asked my Japanese roommate "hey, have you seen my cocaine?"

And he said "Oh yeah, he was rearry good in Re Itarian Job!"

Please stop making new flavors of Coca-Cola …..

Either put the cocaine back in it or leave it alone.

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

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A man dies and goes to hell...

He is standing there terrified when the devil shows up.

“Don’t be so scared” says the devil. “Hell isnt all that bad. Here I’ll give you an example. Do you like gambling?”

“Sure” says the man.

“Well Monday is casino day in hell” says the devil. “We have all the games and you can...

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Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

What do you call an unhealthy glow on your face after a week long cocaine bender?

Charlie Sheen.

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

A duck does a crime

A duck was found guilty to the charges of carrying illegal drugs such cocaine, but the police questioned him to find out who he bought them from

The police bring in an officer to see if he can get him to confess: “hey, we will make sure you get off scott free if you tell us who sold you these...

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My gf asked me if she could snort a line of cocaine on my erect dick,

I got so weirded out by this demand of hers that I had to dickline it.

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My girlfriend’s been giving me a lot of blowjobs lately...

I don’t understand why she can’t get her own cocaine.

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

Cocaine

I thought that might crack you up

How do whales do cocaine

In there blow holes

I heard this great joke about cocaine

It was so funny that I snorted a little.

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

I don't like cocaine.

It blows away too easily.

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort in 2015?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can’t seem to remember it.

I’m really upset—-I had it all lined up.

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

What's a Duck's favourite drug of choice?

Quack Cocaine

They say just doing a little cocaine wont lead to addiction

So I just do a small line every 30-45min

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

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A friend of mine realized that he had to give up coke, drinking and fucking dirty hookers every day

During this time of abstinence, his physical health improved a lot. He put on some healthy weight and even some muscles. However, mentally he got really depressed, a total wreck. He was especially sad over his new sex life.

Long story short, now he's back at it again; drinking, taking cocaine...

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What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

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My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

I tried rock cocaine today.

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

I want to start an online donation website for my cocaine and hookers habit.

I'm going to call it GoBlowMe

What's the best line to use when trying to pick up a woman?

Cocaine.

It's not selling cocaine...

If they only pay for delivery

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I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

A Chinese drug dealer just came up to me and asked “Have you seen my cocaine?”

I replied “Not since he was in the Italian job.”

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

A 17-Story building was discovered to be an enormous cocaine factory...

It was illegal on so many levels.

I caught my INFOSEC engineer doing cocaine today

On the upside, he's an excellent packet sniffer.

What do you get when you cross a white person and cocaine

A Cocasian

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

If you're in the UK, you go poo in the loo. So what do you do in the bathroom in Miami?

Cocaine

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

A cocaine guy, weed guy and crack guy had one thing in common.....

They all take the “high” way to their destination.

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

Never do cocaine with an optician...

The first line is quite big, but then the lines get smaller and smaller and smaller...

Did you hear about the cocaine dealer who retired?

He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses.

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

When I die, I want to have my ashes mixed with cocaine

That way, I’ll go out on a high.

I offered cocaine to my friend recently

He started smoking weed a couple months ago after a lot of persuading, so I thought he might wanna try this out, too.
When I offered it to him, he told me,
“I dunno man, I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere.”

We decided the kitchen table would be good.

My friends are always doing cocaine but I keep telling them I don't want any

I just like to smell it sometimes

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.

I ran 10 miles today.

Surprisingly hard when you're carrying 25 pounds of cocaine.

I just watched an awesome documentary on cocaine.

From now on, I'm watching all documentaries like this.

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

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What do you call cocaine laid across a stripper’s backside?

Butt crack.

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

What do you call it when the police shoot down your cocaine drone?

A crackdown

My cocaine dealer is a bit over inquisitive.

He’s always sticking his business in other people’s noses.

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