Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4yo kid?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall from a window.

My Cocaine Is So White

Police Let It Go With A Warning

I have a serious cocaine problem..

I can't find my cocaine.

Drugs are not that bad But when it comes to cocaine

We’ve got to draw a line somewhere.

"I'm not addicted to cocaine, I swear!"

I only like how it smells

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

Why can you find cocaine in every town and city?

It’s federally distributed.

I was at a party and an old buddy of mine offered me cocaine. I said, "Buddy, I'm a father of three young kids..."



..."of course I'll do some."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

So Mike Myers was sent to jail for cocaine charges

Rumor has it his fellow inmates have started calling him Austin Powders

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.

What do you call bags of cocaine materials?

A crackoon.

Here's a joke my cocaine dealer used to tell:

"Is Pepsi ok?"

I'm gonna start a cocaine delivery service

I'll call it instagram

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

A 5-year-old brought a bag of cocaine to school; he said it made him feel like Spider-Man.

This may be the first time cocaine has been a gateway drug to Mary Jane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need advice. My best friend started dealing cocaine today.

He came home tonight bragging about his first blow job.

My friend’s life goal was to try cocaine from all the different countries in the world.

He finally stopped at the Finnish line.

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was fucking worried when my son overdosed on cocaine.

But thankfully he hadn't used any of my stuff.

I do a magic show where I make Marijuana and Cocaine disappear.

It’s all just a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

What does a norwegian guy sounds like when snorting cocaine?

snjort

I don’t think I could ever do cocaine

I just think it smells weird

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is an old joke my cousin told me. It never fails to make me smile :-)

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagno...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to hell...

He is standing there terrified when the devil shows up.

“Don’t be so scared” says the devil. “Hell isnt all that bad. Here I’ll give you an example. Do you like gambling?”

“Sure” says the man.

“Well Monday is casino day in hell” says the devil. “We have all the games and you can...

They arrested Bob the barber for selling cocaine!

I've been his faithful customer for 5 years and I don't even know he's a barber!

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

Cocaine

It always cracks me up

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

What do you call a guy who just left cocaine?

"OFF-White" ahem ahem.

What's the best line to use when trying to pick up a woman?

Cocaine.

I have no problem with cocaine.

I've quit it 146 times.

For all Cocaine user

Only four sleeps to Christmas

My friends keep calling me a cocaine addict, but that's a lie...

I just REALLY like the way it smells.

What do you call an unhealthy glow on your face after a week long cocaine bender?

Charlie Sheen.

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

The thing about cocaine is...

When you boil it down, it's not all its cracked up to be

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My gf asked me if she could snort a line of cocaine on my erect dick,

I got so weirded out by this demand of hers that I had to dickline it.

If you're in the UK, you go poo in the loo. So what do you do in the bathroom in Miami?

Cocaine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

Hey girl are you a cocaine addict...

...because you really look like you could use a pick up line

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rabbit is running through the forest

He finds giraffe about to smoke a joint. He says,
“Giraffe, don’t do drugs! Come run through the forest with me!”
Giraffe throws away his weed and follows rabbit running through the forest. They come across lion about to do a rail of cocaine. Rabbit says,
“Lion, don’t do drugs! Come run thr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

Cocaine

I thought that might crack you up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

I want to start an online donation website for my cocaine and hookers habit.

I'm going to call it GoBlowMe

How do whales do cocaine

In there blow holes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

They say just doing a little cocaine wont lead to addiction

So I just do a small line every 30-45min

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring. She says she wants them all to show that they care by sharing something.

The Russian kid gives everyone a shot of vodka.

The Colombian kid hands out cocaine.

The American kid runs towards the window and attempts...

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort in 2015?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

I ran 10 miles today.

Surprisingly hard when you're carrying 25 pounds of cocaine.

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

I tried rock cocaine today.

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

I caught my INFOSEC engineer doing cocaine today

On the upside, he's an excellent packet sniffer.

What do you get when you cross a white person and cocaine

A Cocasian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

It's not selling cocaine...

If they only pay for delivery

A Chinese drug dealer just came up to me and asked “Have you seen my cocaine?”

I replied “Not since he was in the Italian job.”

I don't like cocaine.

It blows away too easily.

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can’t seem to remember it.

I’m really upset—-I had it all lined up.

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

A cocaine guy, weed guy and crack guy had one thing in common.....

They all take the “high” way to their destination.

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

My friends are always doing cocaine but I keep telling them I don't want any

I just like to smell it sometimes

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

I heard this great joke about cocaine

It was so funny that I snorted a little.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was stopped by the police for speeding...

A man was stopped by the police for speeding. He told the police, I have a dead body in the trunk. The policeman then proceeds to prepare to take him to the police station when he says, I also have a gram of cocaine in the glove compartment, a bloody knife from a murder under the carpet, and the car...

Never do cocaine with an optician...

The first line is quite big, but then the lines get smaller and smaller and smaller...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbor was arrested yesterday when the cops found him hiding cocaine up his butt.

He was charged with possession of crack cocaine.

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.

Did you hear about the cocaine dealer who retired?

He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses.

I just watched an awesome documentary on cocaine.

From now on, I'm watching all documentaries like this.

When I die, I want to have my ashes mixed with cocaine

That way, I’ll go out on a high.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call cocaine laid across a stripper’s backside?

Butt crack.

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

What do you call it when the police shoot down your cocaine drone?

A crackdown

Friend - 'hey you want any of this cocaine?'

me - 'i've never done it before, could i od?'

friend - 'off one line lol, no.'

me - 'no thanks then'

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

I offered cocaine to my friend recently

He started smoking weed a couple months ago after a lot of persuading, so I thought he might wanna try this out, too.
When I offered it to him, he told me,
“I dunno man, I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere.”

We decided the kitchen table would be good.

My cocaine dealer is a bit over inquisitive.

He’s always sticking his business in other people’s noses.

If you came across 10 kilos of cocaine in the back of a rental car, what would you do?

Cocaine

My father always said laughter was the best medicine...

Which is why I was so confused when I finally tried cocaine in the 80s

I was never a huge fan of cocaine...

but I did like the smell of it. A lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a drug dealer is being raided..

The police storm in, securing all the rooms in the house. One kicks open the bathroom door and catches a guy standing next to the toilet with a baggie full of cocaine.

"Freeze, asshole!" The cop shouts, aiming his gun at the guy.

"Ok, ok. You got me" the guy says, "but you need to li...

LPT: If you're trying cocaine for the first time, add a little Downy.

It'll soften the blow.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.