Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

What's the difference between a 4 year old and 4 kilos of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let 4 kilos of cocaine fall out of a 49th-story window.

I’m okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

I don't like cocaine.

It blows away too easily.

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

I want to start an online donation website for my cocaine and hookers habit.

I'm going to call it GoBlowMe

How do whales do cocaine

In there blow holes

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Need advice. My best friend started dealing cocaine today.

He came home tonight bragging about his first blow job.

What did the cocaine addict write in their meme they posted?

Thanks for snorting by new.

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Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

I tried rock cocaine today.

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

A Chinese drug dealer just came up to me and asked “Have you seen my cocaine?”

I replied “Not since he was in the Italian job.”

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

How are diamond rings and cocaine similar?

Both are purchases you'll spend a whole month's paycheck on, and probably end feeling regret.

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What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

My friend lost his acting job in our local play because of his addiction to cocaine.

He kept blowing his lines.

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My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

The cocaine that I bought is so white..

..That the cops just let it go with a warning.

I caught my INFOSEC engineer doing cocaine today

On the upside, he's an excellent packet sniffer.

How much cocaine and heroin Charlie Sheen does?

Enough to kill a two and half men.

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can’t seem to remember it.

I’m really upset—-I had it all lined up.

My friends are always doing cocaine but I keep telling them I don't want any

I just like to smell it sometimes

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I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...


I thought that might crack you up

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

Did you hear about the cocaine dealer who retired?

He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses.

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

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What do you call cocaine laid across a stripper’s backside?

Butt crack.

What do you get when you cross a white person and cocaine

A Cocasian

Don’t let your eye doctor give you cocaine

The first line will be big. But then they just get smaller and smaller.

It's not selling cocaine...

If they only pay for delivery

Cocaine is such a terrible drug

But it does smell pretty good

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

Me: *shaking 8 ball* will tonight’s party be amazing?

8 ball: i’m a pile of cocaine, what the hell do you think?

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

I remember when I worked at the United Nations

And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

Of course, I called him immediately.

"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

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A lion waa doing the cocaine

Once upon a time, a bear was smoking the weed. The rat see this.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come with me. Jungle is so pretty.

So the bear and the rat start touring the jungle. They see a wolf doing the meth.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come wi...

What do you call it when the police shoot down your cocaine drone?

A crackdown

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

I just watched an awesome documentary on cocaine.

From now on, I'm watching all documentaries like this.

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.

I like my coffee how I like my cocaine

Made by Colombian slaves.

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

Friend - 'hey you want any of this cocaine?'

me - 'i've never done it before, could i od?'

friend - 'off one line lol, no.'

me - 'no thanks then'

Had to take a drug test at work today. They said they found Opiates. I told them it was probably the poppy seeds on my bagel.

But then they asked about the THC, meth amphetamines, cocaine, and hallucinogens. Told them it was an everything bagel.

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

When I die, I want to have my ashes mixed with cocaine

That way, I’ll go out on a high.

I offered cocaine to my friend recently

He started smoking weed a couple months ago after a lot of persuading, so I thought he might wanna try this out, too.
When I offered it to him, he told me,
“I dunno man, I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere.”

We decided the kitchen table would be good.

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A monkey is smoking a joint.. (NFSW)

A monkey is smoking a joint when rabbit arrives and says: “ Come on monkey leave the joint and go for run with me, its healthier...”

A monkey thinks about it and says: “You are right, lets go!”

They both start running and after a while they see a zebra preparing some hash.


My cocaine dealer is a bit over inquisitive.

He’s always sticking his business in other people’s noses.

I was never a huge fan of cocaine...

but I did like the smell of it. A lot.

With petrol prices now at £1.30 a litre's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead

Cocaine isn't addictive

I've been doing it for 5 years i would know

I phoned the Drugs Awareness helpline today.

"Can I speak to the Cocaine Councillor please" I asked. "You'll have to wait" he replied,"he's on another line."

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The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on quails’ sex drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

LPT: If you're trying cocaine for the first time, add a little Downy.

It'll soften the blow.

I just heard a great joke about cocaine.

It was so funny I snorted a little.

I’m still shocked that my friend died when his cocaine suddenly exploded.

It was a devastating blow.

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My friend was the head architect for a Cocaine heist. He code named it

The Big Blow Job

A recent study concluded that oreos are as addictive as cocaine.

In a more recent study, I found out that cocaine doesn't actually taste better dipped in milk.

If you say my cocaine..

It's just Michael Caine saying his own name

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

How much cocaine do cryptographers use on the daily?

A few anagrams.

If you came across 10 kilos of cocaine in the back of a rental car, what would you do?


What do you call a bar that sells cocaine (oc)

Escobar. Came up with this sometime after watching narcos.

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Did you hear about the new cocaine suppository?

They're calling it Butt Crack

What Is The Hardest Thing for A Cocaine User To Do?



So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with cocaine!".

I’ve invented a new brand of cocaine that will literally blow your head off.

I call it Kurt Cocaine.

I'm trying to think of a good cocaine joke

It just needs to be one good line

What do you call a dog that eats too much cocaine?


Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

You know, I really like cocaine jokes.

They always crack me up.

Cocaine in school

One of the teachers at my local school for obese children, was fired today. He was fired for doing cocaine before going to work. He was ratted out by his large pupils.

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

I went to the theme park the other day; they were giving out free cocaine!

The lines were ridiculous.

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Cocaine, Meth and Marijuana deciding to rob a bank.

Coke says

- here’s the plan we’re going in, shooting the hell out of that guard, pointing a gun on workers, taking our sweet money, finding a nice hotel, calling some bitches and partying hard!

Meth replies, chewing his lips

- that’s right and we doing that as quickly as we can....

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