I have a serious cocaine problem..

I can't find my cocaine.

Drugs are not that bad But when it comes to cocaine

We’ve got to draw a line somewhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.

Jokes about cocaine do not make me laugh

But a good one liner will make me snort

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

I was at a party and an old buddy of mine offered me cocaine. I said, "Buddy, I'm a father of three young kids..."



..."of course I'll do some."

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

I don't have a cocaine addiction.

I just like the way it smells.

My one friend does a ton of cocaine but says he won’t take the vaccine

Awfully scared of needles

I’m not addicted to cocaine, I swear!

I just like the smell of it, that’s all

I’ve only done cocaine two times in my life..

..once for 2 years, and once for 5 years.

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What do coffee and cocaine have in common?

After having some good, you're gonna need to shit.

I was so sad when I heard Whitney Houston overdosed on cocaine

AND DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIIIIIEED

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

I'm gonna start a cocaine delivery service

I'll call it instagram

The cocaine that I bought is so white..

..That the cops just let it go with a warning.

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and...

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

Why did the cocaine dealer retire?

He decided to stop putting his business into other peoples' noses.

A man was arrested for having 5 pounds of cocaine stashed in boxes of Lucky Charms.

The police found the whole ordeal as "magically suspicious".

Whats a ducks favorite drug?

Quack cocaine.

So Mike Myers was sent to jail for cocaine charges

Rumor has it his fellow inmates have started calling him Austin Powders

Cocaine

It always cracks me up

The thing about cocaine is...

When you boil it down, it's not all its cracked up to be

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

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A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.

His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposef...

What do you call bags of cocaine materials?

A crackoon.

Here's a joke my cocaine dealer used to tell:

"Is Pepsi ok?"

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What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

What do you call a guy who just left cocaine?

"OFF-White" ahem ahem.

I have no problem with cocaine.

I've quit it 146 times.

They arrested Bob the barber for selling cocaine!

I've been his faithful customer for 5 years and I don't even know he's a barber!

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Need advice. My best friend started dealing cocaine today.

He came home tonight bragging about his first blow job.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4yo kid?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall from a window.

Why can you find cocaine in every town and city?

It’s federally distributed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was fucking worried when my son overdosed on cocaine.

But thankfully he hadn't used any of my stuff.

A 5-year-old brought a bag of cocaine to school; he said it made him feel like Spider-Man.

This may be the first time cocaine has been a gateway drug to Mary Jane.

I don’t think I could ever do cocaine

I just think it smells weird

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

For all Cocaine user

Only four sleeps to Christmas

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

My friend’s life goal was to try cocaine from all the different countries in the world.

He finally stopped at the Finnish line.

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Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your pr...

I have a magic act where I make cocaine and marijuana disappear

It's all smoke and mirrors

My friends keep calling me a cocaine addict, but that's a lie...

I just REALLY like the way it smells.

I heard this great joke about cocaine

It was so funny that I snorted a little.

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

What do you call an unhealthy glow on your face after a week long cocaine bender?

Charlie Sheen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey was casually waking in the woods on a moonlit night.

He saw an elephant drinking vodka and decided to go talk to him.
"My friend!" the monkey said- "Alcohol is bad for your health. Why don't you stop drinking and join me to enjoy the beauty of nature?"

The elephant thought about it for a second and decided to join the monkey.
The two of t...

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort in 2015?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

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I thought my stash was looking a little light, so I asked my Japanese roommate "hey, have you seen my cocaine?"

And he said "Oh yeah, he was rearry good in Re Itarian Job!"

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

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My gf asked me if she could snort a line of cocaine on my erect dick,

I got so weirded out by this demand of hers that I had to dickline it.

A teacher asks her students what they do after school.

Teacher : "What do you do after school?"

Student #1 : "I always go buy cigarettes from Yakobo"

Student #2 : "I go to buy weed from Yakobo"

Student #3 : "I go to buy cocaine from Yakobo"

Student #4 : "I always stay at home and do my homework"

Teacher : \*points at...

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

Cocaine

I thought that might crack you up

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

I tried rock cocaine today.

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

It's not selling cocaine...

If they only pay for delivery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

I don't like cocaine.

It blows away too easily.

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

They say just doing a little cocaine wont lead to addiction

So I just do a small line every 30-45min

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

I want to start an online donation website for my cocaine and hookers habit.

I'm going to call it GoBlowMe

What do you get when you cross a white person and cocaine

A Cocasian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

A Chinese drug dealer just came up to me and asked “Have you seen my cocaine?”

I replied “Not since he was in the Italian job.”

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can’t seem to remember it.

I’m really upset—-I had it all lined up.

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

I caught my INFOSEC engineer doing cocaine today

On the upside, he's an excellent packet sniffer.

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers.

God says "Today all teenagers use drugs"

"You're right" replies Peter "I will now go on earth to see if really all teenagers use them"

After a bit Peter returns and tells God that the teens are coming. Few seconds later so...

A 17-Story building was discovered to be an enormous cocaine factory...

It was illegal on so many levels.

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

Never do cocaine with an optician...

The first line is quite big, but then the lines get smaller and smaller and smaller...

Friend - 'hey you want any of this cocaine?'

me - 'i've never done it before, could i od?'

friend - 'off one line lol, no.'

me - 'no thanks then'

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

My friends are always doing cocaine but I keep telling them I don't want any

I just like to smell it sometimes

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call cocaine laid across a stripper’s backside?

Butt crack.

Please stop making new flavors of Coca-Cola …..

Either put the cocaine back in it or leave it alone.

A duck does a crime

A duck was found guilty to the charges of carrying illegal drugs such cocaine, but the police questioned him to find out who he bought them from

The police bring in an officer to see if he can get him to confess: “hey, we will make sure you get off scott free if you tell us who sold you these...

I'm sick to death of cocaine dealers...

always sticking their business in other people's noses.

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

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