Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

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I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

They arrested Bob the barber for selling cocaine!

I've been his faithful customer for 5 years and I don't even know he's a barber!

My friends keep calling me a cocaine addict, but that's a lie...

I just REALLY like the way it smells.

A 5-year-old brought a bag of cocaine to school; he said it made him feel like Spider-Man.

This may be the first time cocaine has been a gateway drug to Mary Jane.

For all Cocaine user

Only four sleeps to Christmas

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Need advice. My best friend started dealing cocaine today.

He came home tonight bragging about his first blow job.

The thing about cocaine is...

When you boil it down, it's not all its cracked up to be

The cocaine that I bought is so white..

..That the cops just let it go with a warning.

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

I've been doing Cocaine daily for the last 10 years...

And I'm still not addicted!

I don’t like cocaine

I just like the way it smells

What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

I don't do cocaine

I just like the smell

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

I have no problem with cocaine.

I've quit it 146 times.

What's the difference between a 4 year old and 4 kilos of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let 4 kilos of cocaine fall out of a 49th-story window.

I have a magic act where I make cocaine and marijuana disappear

It's all smoke and mirrors

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

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My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

I want to start an online donation website for my cocaine and hookers habit.

I'm going to call it GoBlowMe

A Chinese drug dealer just came up to me and asked “Have you seen my cocaine?”

I replied “Not since he was in the Italian job.”

I caught my INFOSEC engineer doing cocaine today

On the upside, he's an excellent packet sniffer.

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What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

How do whales do cocaine

In there blow holes

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My gf asked me if she could snort a line of cocaine on my erect dick,

I got so weirded out by this demand of hers that I had to dickline it.

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Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

Did you hear about the cocaine dealer who retired?

He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses.

They say just doing a little cocaine wont lead to addiction

So I just do a small line every 30-45min

Cocaine

I thought that might crack you up

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

What do a store on Black Friday and a cocaine addict have in common?

They both have long lines

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I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

I tried rock cocaine today.

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

What did the cocaine addict write in their meme they posted?

Thanks for snorting by new.

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

What do you get when you cross a white person and cocaine

A Cocasian

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

It's not selling cocaine...

If they only pay for delivery

How much cocaine and heroin Charlie Sheen does?

Enough to kill a two and half men.

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

My friends are always doing cocaine but I keep telling them I don't want any

I just like to smell it sometimes

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A lion waa doing the cocaine

Once upon a time, a bear was smoking the weed. The rat see this.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come with me. Jungle is so pretty.

So the bear and the rat start touring the jungle. They see a wolf doing the meth.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come wi...

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can’t seem to remember it.

I’m really upset—-I had it all lined up.

If you're having trouble starting conversations with girls on dating apps,

Try cocaine, it's usually a pretty reliable pick up line.

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

I don't like cocaine.

It blows away too easily.

I’m ok with cigarettes, alcohol, and even marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

Almost every Christopher Nolan movie have drugs in it, these drugs belong to Christopher Nolan

When Nolan Works on a movie he says "I want my cocaine in it".

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

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My neighbor was arrested yesterday when the cops found him hiding cocaine up his butt.

He was charged with possession of crack cocaine.

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What do you call cocaine laid across a stripper’s backside?

Butt crack.

I finally quit the job I hated and have decided to do what I love

Cocaine

What do you call it when the police shoot down your cocaine drone?

A crackdown

Don’t let your eye doctor give you cocaine

The first line will be big. But then they just get smaller and smaller.

A cop gets called out to a bar on suspicion of a man selling drugs in the bathroom

Upon arrival, the cop finds a man with a bag of cocaine in his hand about to flush it down the toilet. The cop stops him and asks him, “is this bag yours?”

The man replies “I’m sorry officer I swear someone handed me these and ran. I kept trying to flush them down the toilet but they keep app...

I just watched an awesome documentary on cocaine.

From now on, I'm watching all documentaries like this.

When I die, I want to have my ashes mixed with cocaine

That way, I’ll go out on a high.

A father was walking past his son's bedroom one day and happened to look in.

He was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up off the floor. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

Fearing the worst, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. It said:

*Dea...

A cocaine guy, weed guy and crack guy had one thing in common.....

They all take the “high” way to their destination.

I tried a few drugs here and there in my life. Weed, painkillers, alcohol etc.

But when it comes to cocaine I draw the line.

A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

Friend - 'hey you want any of this cocaine?'

me - 'i've never done it before, could i od?'

friend - 'off one line lol, no.'

me - 'no thanks then'

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, ...

As I shake the 8 ball I ask it, "Is the party tonight going to be amazing?"

8 Ball: "I'm a pile of cocaine what the hell do you think? "

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The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on quails’ sex drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

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Last night on live PD

My dad and I were watching two people in a car get an inspection from an officer who deduced that the female had stuck crack cocaine in her personal locker. The cop explains that if she doesn't come clean with it she'll face two charges. She bends over and starts digging in her rectum to try and ret...

I just heard a great joke about cocaine.

It was so funny I snorted a little.

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Walmart installed a medical kiosk

For $10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.
He mixed tap water with dog cr...

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

I offered cocaine to my friend recently

He started smoking weed a couple months ago after a lot of persuading, so I thought he might wanna try this out, too.
When I offered it to him, he told me,
“I dunno man, I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere.”

We decided the kitchen table would be good.

Got called in for a drug test at work...

They said I tested positive for opioids.

I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."

They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"

"It was an everything bagel."

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

I’m still shocked that my friend died when his cocaine suddenly exploded.

It was a devastating blow.

LPT: If you're trying cocaine for the first time, add a little Downy.

It'll soften the blow.

I was never a huge fan of cocaine...

but I did like the smell of it. A lot.

If you say my cocaine..

It's just Michael Caine saying his own name

Thought of it this morning

So you know why they had cocaine in Coca Cola. Guess the name was right under our noses this whole time

What do you call a bar that sells cocaine (oc)

Escobar. Came up with this sometime after watching narcos.

My cocaine dealer is a bit over inquisitive.

He’s always sticking his business in other people’s noses.

What drug was the duck addicted to?

Quack cocaine

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My friend was the head architect for a Cocaine heist. He code named it

The Big Blow Job

If you came across 10 kilos of cocaine in the back of a rental car, what would you do?

Cocaine

I’ve invented a new brand of cocaine that will literally blow your head off.

I call it Kurt Cocaine.

What Is The Hardest Thing for A Cocaine User To Do?

Nothing.

How much cocaine do cryptographers use on the daily?

A few anagrams.

Did y'all here about the Colombian Hank Hill?

He sells cocaine and cocaine accessories.

I'm trying to think of a good cocaine joke

It just needs to be one good line

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

I made a guy snort after telling him one of my jokes.

I'm quite bossy when it comes to cocaine.

A recent study concluded that oreos are as addictive as cocaine.

In a more recent study, I found out that cocaine doesn't actually taste better dipped in milk.

You know, I really like cocaine jokes.

They always crack me up.

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