Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

My Cocaine Is So White

Police Let It Go With A Warning

I'm not addicted to cocaine

I just enjoy the smell of it.

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What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

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A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

Drugs are not that bad But when it comes to cocaine

We’ve got to draw a line somewhere.

What do you call bags of cocaine materials?

A crackoon.

So Mike Myers was sent to jail for cocaine charges

Rumor has it his fellow inmates have started calling him Austin Powders

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

Here's a joke my cocaine dealer used to tell:

"Is Pepsi ok?"

I'm gonna start a cocaine delivery service

I'll call it instagram

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I was fucking worried when my son overdosed on cocaine.

But thankfully he hadn't used any of my stuff.

Cocaine

It always cracks me up

I don't have a problem with cocaine

I have a problem without it.

What the difference between a dead baby and a bag of cocaine.

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out of a window

They arrested Bob the barber for selling cocaine!

I've been his faithful customer for 5 years and I don't even know he's a barber!

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Need advice. My best friend started dealing cocaine today.

He came home tonight bragging about his first blow job.

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

What do you call a guy who just left cocaine?

"OFF-White" ahem ahem.

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I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

The thing about cocaine is...

When you boil it down, it's not all its cracked up to be

I do a magic show where I make Marijuana and Cocaine disappear.

It’s all just a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

I ran 10 miles today.

Surprisingly hard when you're carrying 25 pounds of cocaine.

I have no problem with cocaine.

I've quit it 146 times.

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

For all Cocaine user

Only four sleeps to Christmas

What do you call an unhealthy glow on your face after a week long cocaine bender?

Charlie Sheen.

A 5-year-old brought a bag of cocaine to school; he said it made him feel like Spider-Man.

This may be the first time cocaine has been a gateway drug to Mary Jane.

My friends keep calling me a cocaine addict, but that's a lie...

I just REALLY like the way it smells.

If you're in the UK, you go poo in the loo. So what do you do in the bathroom in Miami?

Cocaine

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

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A man was stopped by the police for speeding...

A man was stopped by the police for speeding. He told the police, I have a dead body in the trunk. The policeman then proceeds to prepare to take him to the police station when he says, I also have a gram of cocaine in the glove compartment, a bloody knife from a murder under the carpet, and the car...

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I thought my stash was looking a little light, so I asked my Japanese roommate "hey, have you seen my cocaine?"

And he said "Oh yeah, he was rearry good in Re Itarian Job!"

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Asda installed a medical kiosk, for £10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition.

When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.


He mixed tap water with dog crap, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and t...

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My gf asked me if she could snort a line of cocaine on my erect dick,

I got so weirded out by this demand of hers that I had to dickline it.

Hey girl are you a cocaine addict...

...because you really look like you could use a pick up line

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

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Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

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What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

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My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

My father always said laughter was the best medicine...

Which is why I was so confused when I finally tried cocaine in the 80s

CostCo Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will...

A Chinese drug dealer just came up to me and asked “Have you seen my cocaine?”

I replied “Not since he was in the Italian job.”

I tried rock cocaine today.

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

They say just doing a little cocaine wont lead to addiction

So I just do a small line every 30-45min

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

Cocaine

I thought that might crack you up

I caught my INFOSEC engineer doing cocaine today

On the upside, he's an excellent packet sniffer.

How do whales do cocaine

In there blow holes

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

I want to start an online donation website for my cocaine and hookers habit.

I'm going to call it GoBlowMe

I don't like cocaine.

It blows away too easily.

What did the cocaine addict write in their meme they posted?

Thanks for snorting by new.

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen snort in 2015?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can’t seem to remember it.

I’m really upset—-I had it all lined up.

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

It's not selling cocaine...

If they only pay for delivery

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

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So a drug dealer is being raided..

The police storm in, securing all the rooms in the house. One kicks open the bathroom door and catches a guy standing next to the toilet with a baggie full of cocaine.

"Freeze, asshole!" The cop shouts, aiming his gun at the guy.

"Ok, ok. You got me" the guy says, "but you need to li...

What was David Bowies last hit?

Probably cocaine.

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I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

What do you get when you cross a white person and cocaine

A Cocasian

Did you hear about the cocaine dealer who retired?

He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses.

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

I am ok with alcohol, cigarettes, and even marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

My friends are always doing cocaine but I keep telling them I don't want any

I just like to smell it sometimes

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

Yesterday I went to the supermarket, had a stuffy nose when an old lady asked me:

“Are you sick?”

“No, it’s just cocaine”

She looked at me and replied:

“Thank god young men”

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What do you call cocaine laid across a stripper’s backside?

Butt crack.

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A lion waa doing the cocaine

Once upon a time, a bear was smoking the weed. The rat see this.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come with me. Jungle is so pretty.

So the bear and the rat start touring the jungle. They see a wolf doing the meth.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come wi...

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1st Joke here

Police Officer:\*pulls me over\*

Me:Sir,Is there a problem

Police:Do i smell cocaine in your car?

Me:The one who smelt it dealt it

Police:Holy shit

Me:You are under arrest

I heard this great joke about cocaine

It was so funny that I snorted a little.

A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.

Three dealers get arrested and sent to jail ...

One of them sells cocaine, an other one sells acid and the last one sells weed.

Once they're alone, the coke dealer says "Ok, I've got a plan. I managed to keep a little bit of coke with me, so we're gonna snort a little line and then we'll be strong enough to break the wall and run away from...

What do you call it when the police shoot down your cocaine drone?

A crackdown

What sort of drugs did Daffy Duck do during his career?

Quack cocaine.

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

Never do cocaine with an optician...

The first line is quite big, but then the lines get smaller and smaller and smaller...

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

I just watched an awesome documentary on cocaine.

From now on, I'm watching all documentaries like this.

When I die, I want to have my ashes mixed with cocaine

That way, I’ll go out on a high.

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

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The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on quails’ sex drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

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2020 one-ish liners

2020 so far:
-Welp, I guess somebody finally fracked their way through the wrong Native burial site.

-You think 7 years bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad? You should see what happens when you let polar ice caps melt.

-Nobody’s trying to keep the Jews as slaves again are they? ‘...

Have you ever tried snorting cocaine using Penne?

It gets to your blood stream pasta

Friend - 'hey you want any of this cocaine?'

me - 'i've never done it before, could i od?'

friend - 'off one line lol, no.'

me - 'no thanks then'

I was never a huge fan of cocaine...

but I did like the smell of it. A lot.

My cocaine dealer is a bit over inquisitive.

He’s always sticking his business in other people’s noses.

How did the duck ruin his life?

Quack-cocaine.

I offered cocaine to my friend recently

He started smoking weed a couple months ago after a lot of persuading, so I thought he might wanna try this out, too.
When I offered it to him, he told me,
“I dunno man, I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere.”

We decided the kitchen table would be good.

If you came across 10 kilos of cocaine in the back of a rental car, what would you do?

Cocaine

LPT: If you're trying cocaine for the first time, add a little Downy.

It'll soften the blow.

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

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