What's the difference between a farmer and a pimp?

The farmer makes an honest living with his hoe

Why did the pimp call a meeting of his girls when he felt unsure about himself?

He had to gather his thots.

Why was the pimp livid?

He was offered a penny for his thots.

Did you hear about the pimp who took up gardening?

He had a lot of hoes.

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What did the pimp say to the prostitute?

He sees someone coming through the door and he turns to the prostitute and says "get a load of this guy"

What's another name for a Pimp?

Thot Control.

I stole some gardening equipment from a pimp.

He found me, grabbed me by my collar and shouted, "Where my hoes at?"

Why'd the accused pimp take so long to answer the judge?

He wanted to gather his THOTs first.

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A Deer, trying to hook up its Deer friend with a prostitute Deer, is found negotiating very hard with a Pimp Deer on price.

When asked why, it simply says:

I’m just trying to get a bang for my buck.

Dislixic pimp

He bought a warehouse

What does a pimp gnome use to make his money?

The garden hoes.

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Guy walks into a brothel...

...and says to the pimp,

"I've only got £10, what can I get for that?"

The pimp thinks for a second and says, "you can have this goat"

The guy agrees and goes into a back room with the goat. Next week he goes to the same brothel and speaks to the pimp again,

"I've only g...

What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?

Tally Hoes.

What do you call a Mexican-Canadian pimp business?

Hoes, eh?

Meditation is a lot like pimping...

You gotta get your thoughts under control.

There was once a dyslexic who decided to become a pimp

but ended up buying a warehouse

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business

So an astronaut, a pimp and a proctologist all walk into a bar....

"I drive a Saturn", says the astronaut.

"I drive a cheap escort", says the pimp

The proctologist says "I've got you all beat. I drive a brown probe"

What’s the difference between a pimp and a gardener?

You really shouldn’t ask a pimp for a vegetable.

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A pimp has a meeting with a rich client

He’s waiting on the outside for his ladies to show up since they’re both running late. After about 20 minutes one of them shows up. The pimp says “What the fuck, where is the other one?” The girl responds “Sorry but she can’t make it.” Now the client is getting impatient. So, what does the pimp do?<...

What do you call a player in a management profession? (NSFW)

A Pimp.

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I came across a fellow pimp treating one of his girls poorly the other day. I tried to offer up some advice to which he replied...

"Mind your own fucking business."

What does a pimp use to put out fires?


I once heard about a pimp that offered discounts on fat chicks.

You know what they say, it's always cheaper to buy in bulk.

What’s a pirate and a pimp’s worst nightmare?

Sunken chest, and no booty

Why do pimps make good gardeners

Because they are used to garden hose

Why couldn't the retired pimp water his lawn?

He no longer had any hose!

A poor philosopher walks up to a pimp and says...

"A penny for your thots."

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A pimp is breaking in his new bitch.

Pimp: Listen. If you wanna be my woman, your gonna have to make me some money.

Hoe: But I've never done anything like this before.

Pimp: Don't worry. You go and put on your sexiest dress and stand under that lamppost. I'll be back here. Any problems. Just come back and tell me, and and...

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What does a pimp with three hoes say to them on Christmas morning?

"BITCHES, get back to work!"

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Donald Trump is like a pimp.

If he's making money, *somebody's* getting fucked.

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A real estate agent and a pimp are having drinks at a hotel bar

"Today was a great day. I made 100,000 dollars!" The real estate agent proclaims.

The pimp asks, "how the hell did you make so much money in a single day?"

"Well" replies the agent, "I had a couple who want to sell their house for 500,000 dollars and I sold it today."

"So what c...

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A bug pimp is a lot like Adolf Hitler

One brings holocausts and the other ho locusts.

Thanks I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitresses.

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I'm proud to say I've never paid for sex.

Nevermind that I have several pimps and prostitutes looking for me.

Married couple during hard financial times....

A man and his wife are having hard financial times and decide that the husband will pimp the wife out.

The man parks and waits while his wife goes around the corner to stir up business.

At the end of the night, the wife comes back to the car, and her husband asks how mu...

What did the well-intended but lazy pimp tweet out after a hurricane?

“I’m sending my thots and prayers.”

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I used to be a pimp for a horse, but she only got paid for sex one time.

She was a real one trick pony.

What did the English pimp say to his accountant hooker?


Did you hear about the pimp who couldn’t turn a profit?

It was all over head.

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There's this Pimp and he's got 3 hos

This joke doesn't work when written, because there's elements of physical comedy involved. My intent is to teach you the joke and hope you use it well. Without further ado, here's the joke

There's this pimp and he's got 3 hos. He says to the first ho "Where's the 100 dollars you owe me" Sh...

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What do pimps say to their bitches before work?

Hey ho! Hey ho! It's of to work you go.

My poor reading skills ruined my future as a pimp

But now I own a warehouse

Hear about the pimp who wanted to do his part to support the victims of a disaster?

He sent THOTs and prayers.

Why did the Pimp go broke?

He kept getting a penny for his thots.

The producers of Pimp My Ride were on trial...

Included in the evidence was a photo from the set. Exhibit A: Xzbit's Exhibit.

3 people from different professions meet in a bar, and start discussing cars.

The first person, an astronaut, says: "Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn".

The second person says, "Well I'm a pimp, so I'd drive a cheap Escort."

Not to be outdone the last person says, "I'm a doctor, so I drive a brown Probe."

Did you hear about the pimp who finally bought a house?

He’s a hoe moaner now.

Why couldn't the pimp wash his car?

He had kinky hose.

A pimp is on the streets trying to pimp out his ladies...

There is one of his ladies in particular who is worried she won't be able to pay her bills and the pimp is also worried for her. So he decides to fancy her up in this beautiful dress and personally take her onto the streets to try to get her a customer. After hours of spruiking to potential customer...

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Some hookers be like...

Don Pedro started his pimping business with two beautiful dames, Candy, a blonde and Lizza, a brunette.
Don Pedro, had chosen two corners opposite each other, so the girls could watch out for the other.
He took the girls to the busy intersection and told them they had best work hard or else. H...

So a man went up to a rather contemplative looking pimp...

... and asked "A penny for your thots?"

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So there was a mother of three boys, who wanted to grow up to be pimps........


.....They were always getting into trouble at school, cursing and swearing, and generally terrible boys. So the mother decided to spend some quality time with them one morning, by making them breakfast.

She calls the boys downstairs for breakfast and they sit at the table. Moth...

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I had 3 bitches making me sandwich this morning. I felt like a pimp

That is why I like Subway

What kind of math do pimps use?[OC]


I found out that Steve Jobs was a pimp...

...turns out he was the original Mac Daddy.

Whats the difference between Santa Claus and a pimp?

Santa stops at 3 HOs.

What's the job of a gentleman pimp?

To tally-hoes!

What did the young pimp say to the old pimp when he heard the old pimp was going to retire?

“Penny for your thots?”

Why wouldn't the pimp eat at the fast food restaurant?

He preferred his meals Ho-made.

Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains

Of all 7 continents why is Australia considered the biggest pimp?

Because it's surrounded by beaches.

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An exotically dressed prostitute is perusing the meat section of the supermarket, looking perplexed.

The butcher walks over to her and asks, “Can I help you find something?”

The prostitute explains that she while she was selecting some chicken to grill, she realized she wasn’t sure if the meat was from a hen or rooster.

Surprised, the butcher replies, “You know, I’d never considered...

What do pirates and pimps have in common?

They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp.

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What did the dwarf pimp say to the two prostitutes at the beginning of the night?

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go

What did the firemen turned pimp do to streamline his business?

Fire hoes.

If I sell coconuts, am I a pimp?

Only if the buyer is a Redditor.

No man should have to watch his woman work for a living.

That’s why, as her pimp, I have to stay outside while she does her tricks.

Why do pimps like shopping at Costco?

They can buy everything hoesale.

Why did snoop dogg swap his pimp cane for a umbrella?

Fo' drizzle

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KFC and pimps are similar.

They both sell breasts and thighs.

What did the pimp say to his friend who lost the business?

"Don't worry, it's gonna be alright. My thots are with you"

What does a pimp have in common with a used car salesman?

They both tricked me out of money with a passable tranny.

What did the firefighter pimp say when he walked into the club?

Where my hose at?

A pimp walks into a hardware store...

... and tells the clerk, "I need some more hose."

What do a pimp and a cowboy have in common?

They both know how to throw a hoedown.

Not my joke, just passing it on.

As an ornothologist and a pimp I structure payment based on the old saying:

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

For pimps, prostitution must be alot like using pawn pieces in chess...

They use them to do their dirty work, in promise that he'll one day make her into a queen.

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Little known fact: Michael Caine tried to make it as a pimp, providing prostitutes for rock stars.

It didn't work out, though. One girl was hired to perform oral sex on Jim Morrison and his band mates but she ended up at a festival shagging every musician. Caine reprimanded her severely, telling her "YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF!"

Why is the oil price falling to below zero?

Imagine the following...you pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days.
Cos your wife is traveling.
This is called a futures contract.

Unfortunately, lockdown came and your wife will be home for the next 60 days.

You do not want this woman to show...

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What did the Pimp say to the bashful Gamete Prostitute?

Hey, Sex-cells

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Where does a prostitute go to rat out her pimp?

To a hoe-tell.

What does a pimp and a redneck have on common?

They both like to throw a ho-down.

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