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Pimp Jokes

What's the difference between a farmer and a pimp?

The farmer makes an honest living with his hoe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came across a fellow pimp treating one of his girls poorly the other day. I tried to offer up some advice to which he replied...

"Mind your own fucking business."

What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?

Tally Hoes.

Gassy pimps don't fart.

They have prosti-toots.

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Donald Trump is like a pimp.

If he's making money, *somebody's* getting fucked.

Meditation is a lot like pimping...

You gotta get your thoughts under control.

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There's this Pimp and he's got 3 hos

This joke doesn't work when written, because there's elements of physical comedy involved. My intent is to teach you the joke and hope you use it well. Without further ado, here's the joke

There's this pimp and he's got 3 hos. He says to the first ho "Where's the 100 dollars you owe me" Sh...

What’s the difference between a pimp and a gardener?

You really shouldn’t ask a pimp for a vegetable.

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I had 3 bitches making me sandwich this morning. I felt like a pimp

That is why I like Subway

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What did the pimp say to the prostitute?

He sees someone coming through the door and he turns to the prostitute and says "get a load of this guy"

Why was the friendly pimp so successful?

Because he ensured all his customers that he would keep them in his thots.

What does a pimp gnome use to make his money?

The garden hoes.

What’s a pirate and a pimp’s worst nightmare?

Sunken chest, and no booty

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

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A real estate agent and a pimp are having drinks at a hotel bar

"Today was a great day. I made 100,000 dollars!" The real estate agent proclaims.

The pimp asks, "how the hell did you make so much money in a single day?"

"Well" replies the agent, "I had a couple who want to sell their house for 500,000 dollars and I sold it today."

"So what c...

A cheap man walks up to a pimp and says...

"A penny for your thots."

A pimp is on the streets trying to pimp out his ladies...

There is one of his ladies in particular who is worried she won't be able to pay her bills and the pimp is also worried for her. So he decides to fancy her up in this beautiful dress and personally take her onto the streets to try to get her a customer. After hours of spruiking to potential customer...

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A pimp is breaking in his new bitch.

Pimp: Listen. If you wanna be my woman, your gonna have to make me some money.

Hoe: But I've never done anything like this before.

Pimp: Don't worry. You go and put on your sexiest dress and stand under that lamppost. I'll be back here. Any problems. Just come back and tell me, and and...

What did the Catan shepherd say to the Pimp?

I have sheep for wood

Did you hear about the pimp who took up gardening?

He had a lot of hoes.

Why won't a pimp let his hookers use gas station bathrooms?

Because of the "no merchandise beyond this point" sign.

I stole some gardening equipment from a pimp.

He found me, grabbed me by my collar and shouted, "Where my hoes at?"

What does a pimp use to put out fires?

Hose.

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A bug pimp is a lot like Adolf Hitler

One brings holocausts and the other ho locusts.

Thanks I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitresses.

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A pimp has a meeting with a rich client

He’s waiting on the outside for his ladies to show up since they’re both running late. After about 20 minutes one of them shows up. The pimp says “What the fuck, where is the other one?” The girl responds “Sorry but she can’t make it.” Now the client is getting impatient. So, what does the pimp do?<...

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

What does a pimp exclaim while counting his money?

Tally-hoes!

How did the Pimp stash his drugs?

He used his Heidi hoe

Why did the pimp till the garden with his hands?

Cause he ain't got no faith in dem hoes.

Why do we call them pimps?

We COULD have called them hooker bookers.

Why do pimps make good gardeners

Because they are used to garden hose

Why'd the accused pimp take so long to answer the judge?

He wanted to gather his THOTs first.

So an astronaut, a pimp and a proctologist all walk into a bar....

"I drive a Saturn", says the astronaut.

"I drive a cheap escort", says the pimp

The proctologist says "I've got you all beat. I drive a brown probe"

My poor reading skills ruined my future as a pimp

But now I own a warehouse

I once heard about a pimp that offered discounts on fat chicks.

You know what they say, it's always cheaper to buy in bulk.

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Cedric decided to be a pimp.

Cedric and his wife were short on cash so he decided to pimp out his wife. He dressed her up and put her out at a street corner. Then he parked a block away.

Soon a John pulled up and asked her, “How much?”
The wife replied, “$20 for a blowie.”

The John pulled o...

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[NSFW] What did the forgetful prostitute say to her pimp?

I don't know what came over me!

Why did the pimp call a meeting of his hoes when he felt unsure about himself?

# He had to gather his thots.

Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

He couldn't trust his hose.

What do pimps and rednecks have in common?

They both like to throw a hoedown.

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What do you call a pimp who maintains the ideal number of prostitutes per customer?

Horatio

What did the young pimp say to the old pimp when he heard the old pimp was going to retire?

“Penny for your thots?”

What does Santa have in common with a stuttering pimp?

They both say Ho Ho Ho.

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What did the pimp say when he found out one of the girls in his prostitute choir couldn't sing?

Ho hum!

I found out that Steve Jobs was a pimp...

...turns out he was the original Mac Daddy.

Why did the Pimp go broke?

He kept getting a penny for his thots.

Did you hear about the pimp who couldn’t turn a profit?

It was all over head.

What did the well-intended but lazy pimp tweet out after a hurricane?

“I’m sending my thots and prayers.”

Did you hear about the pimp who finally bought a house?

He’s a hoe moaner now.

How did the pimp tell his account to get to work?

Tally Ho!

What’s a fairly common work duty that everyone seems to hate, but a pimp might enjoy having?

Doing Inventory.

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KFC and pimps are similar.

They both sell breasts and thighs.

Whats the difference between Santa Claus and a pimp?

Santa stops at 3 HOs.

What kind of math do pimps use?[OC]

Trickonometry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Deer, trying to hook up its Deer friend with a prostitute Deer, is found negotiating very hard with a Pimp Deer on price.

When asked why, it simply says:

I’m just trying to get a bang for my buck.

Why couldn't the pimp wash his car?

He had kinky hose.

Why wouldn't the pimp eat at the fast food restaurant?

He preferred his meals Ho-made.

A pimp walks into a hardware store...

... and tells the clerk, "I need some more hose."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy's mum gives him their last possession: a duck

She tells him "Don't you dare come back til you've gotten a good price for that duck."

Off he goes to the market. On the way there, he's stopped by a prostitute. She propositions him and he's unable to resist.

"But, ma'am, I've only got a duck."

"How much it worth?"

"My m...

Hear about the pimp who wanted to do his part to support the victims of a disaster?

He sent THOTs and prayers.

What did the English pimp say to his accountant hooker?

'TALLY, HO!'

I switched from being a teacher to being a pimp.

Now instead of homework I hand out hoework.

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

What did the German patron say to the pimp?

“Lead yer hoes in.”

What do pirates and pimps both have in common....

...they both say "yo ho" and plunder the bootie!

Compliments of my gf :)

Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains

If I sell coconuts, am I a pimp?

Only if the buyer is a Redditor.

Of all 7 continents why is Australia considered the biggest pimp?

Because it's surrounded by beaches.

What did the firemen turned pimp do to streamline his business?

Fire hoes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be a pimp for a horse, but she only got paid for sex one time.

She was a real one trick pony.

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So there was a mother of three boys, who wanted to grow up to be pimps........

NSFW.

.....They were always getting into trouble at school, cursing and swearing, and generally terrible boys. So the mother decided to spend some quality time with them one morning, by making them breakfast.

She calls the boys downstairs for breakfast and they sit at the table. Moth...

So a man went up to a rather contemplative looking pimp...

... and asked "A penny for your thots?"

Why do pimps like shopping at Costco?

They can buy everything hoesale.

What did the pimp say to his friend who lost the business?

"Don't worry, it's gonna be alright. My thots are with you"

Why did snoop dogg swap his pimp cane for a umbrella?

Fo' drizzle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where does a prostitute go to rat out her pimp?

To a hoe-tell.

What did the firefighter pimp say when he walked into the club?

Where my hose at?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Pimp say to the bashful Gamete Prostitute?

Hey, Sex-cells

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trick joke to bitch slap somebody [long joke]

For a friend you want to bitch slap or anybody for this matter. Front hand or backhand, it's your preference. You tell them if they want to hear a joke or if they have yet to hear it, the joke about a pimp and his THREE hoes. So it goes like this:

So their was a pimp walking down a block that...

What did the dwarf pimp say to his working girl?

Hi hoe, hi hoe. It's off to work you go!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I got a nickel for every time I had sex

My pimp would beat my ass

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