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Epileptic Jokes

How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?

Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights

I took an epileptic girl to a rave

I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.

What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas?

A Wii fit

I asked my epileptic friend, “What do you want for your birthday?”

He said, “I hope it’s nothing too flashy.”

What do you call 500 epileptics at a disco?

A foam party!

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

I'm gonna open a shopping center for epileptics,

and call it the Grand Mall

What would be a bad gift for an epileptic teenage boy?

Clap on lights

What is an epileptic's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath...

...throw the washing in.” However, the bloke on the next table said, “My brother who is epileptic had a fit in the bath and died.” Fuck me. If the ground could have swallowed me up l’d of been happy. I said, “Sorry to hear that, mate. Did he drown?” He said, “No; he choked on a sock.”

My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree.

You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.

So I took ma epileptic buddy to Times Square.

He loved it so much, he started dancing on the ground.

Epileptic Santa!

"He seizures when you're sleeping."

What is an epileptic’s favorite appetizer?

Seizure salad!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an epileptic guy do if you flash him?

Seizure...

boobs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

broke up with my epileptic girlfriend

Now we're both jerking at night

What did the epileptic eat for dinner?

Seizure salad

(yes, I'll roast in hell for this one)

I dropped my epileptic meds in the washer earlier.

Now my clothes don’t fit anymore.

What do you call an epileptic in a bush?

Russel.

I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday

Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy.

what do you get when you throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptic kids?

a silent disco

What do epileptic ship captains deal with?

Sea-zures

(This is a bad joke; I'll sea myself out)

Why did the police chief assign the epileptic cop to K9 patrol?

They made a perfect team. The K9 did the searches and the cop did the seizures!

I took my epileptic cousin to his first laser show.

He was literally shaking with excitement.

Do you wanna know what my epileptic cousin's favourite dance is?

The Worm

What do you call an epileptic puppy?

Kibbles 'n Fits.

what's the difference between a epileptic clam and a hooker with diarrhea?

You gotta shuck the oyster between fits

My epileptic wife was bitten by a snake.

Now she's having a hissyfit.

What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub?

Throw your laundry in with them.

What’s purple and doesn’t fit anymore?

A dead epileptic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an epileptic cow?

Beef jerky

What do epileptics call ambulances?

Irony on wheels!

How do epileptics say farewell?

"Seizure later!"

How do you make the best Harlem Shake video?

You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

>!a seizure salad!<

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.


I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with...

I have an epileptic cousin.

His name? Julius Seizure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster schucker and a diahrettic prostitute?

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster schucker and a diahrettic prostitute?
- The epileptic oyster schucker shucks between fits.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?
- the pickpocket spends all day snatching watches.

What's the difference ...

I bought my epileptic friend a strobe light for his birthday......

He's gonna have a fit when he sees it

What do you call an epileptic person in a tree?

Russell.

Police arrested a man after he used a strobe light on a group of photosensitive epileptics during a game of "Hide-And-Seek"

He was charged with "Search and Seizure"

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

What job are rude epileptics well suited for?

Salt shakers.

Epileptic nymphomaniacs...

... shouldn't own clap on lights.

What do you call an epileptic on a merry-go-round?

A Fidget Spinner.

what do you called a epileptic at a auction

the highest bidder!





(i can say this seeing i have it)

What do you call an epileptic leper taking a bath?

Porridge.

Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?

Quickly add your laundry.

What do you call an epileptic dwarf?

Little Seizures

Where do epileptics love to eat?

Little Seizures

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

What do you call a support group for child epileptics?

Little Seizures

What's an epileptic man's least favorite element?

Cesium.

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