How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?

Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights

What would be a bad gift for an epileptic teenage boy?

Clap on lights

What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas?

A Wii fit

I took an epileptic girl to a rave

I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.

My epileptic son loves our new Christmas Tree

You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.

What is an epileptic's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

I was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath....throw the washing in”

However, the guy on the next table said, “My brother is epileptic and had a fit in the bath, and died."

If the ground could have swallowed me up I'd of been happy. I said, “Sorry to hear that, mate. Did he drown?"

He said, "No, he choked on a sock"

So I took ma epileptic buddy to Times Square.

He loved it so much, he started dancing on the ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an epileptic cow?

Beef jerky

What do you call 500 epileptics at a disco?

A foam party!

Why did the epileptic throw himself into the lettuce patch?

He was making a seizure salad.

....I’ll see myself out.

I asked my epileptic friend, “What do you want for your birthday?”

He said, “I hope it’s nothing too flashy.”

What are epileptic ghosts made of?


What do you put in a bathtub with an epileptic?

Your dirty clothes

Epileptic Santa

He seizures when you're sleeping.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw in some of your laundry

I'm gonna open a shopping center for epileptics,

and call it the Grand Mall

An epileptic has started waking himself each morning with flashing lights...

He says it’s part of his new plan to seize the day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic chef at an oyster bar and a hooker with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

The other fucks between shits

what do you get when you throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptic kids?

a silent disco

What do you call a epileptic in a bush?


What do you call an epileptic on a merry-go-round?

A fidget spinner.

What did the epileptic kid say while watching the light show?

Bro I'm literally shaking right now

I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday

Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy.

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

I saw down a side alley a load of epileptics gathered in a circle, watching two others shaking in the middle together. I asked one of them, 'What the hell is going on?'

He said, 'First rule of fit club is, you do not talk about fit club'

What do you get when you put 2 epileptics in a bowl?


What do epileptics call ambulances?

Irony on wheels!

What’s purple and doesn’t fit anymore?

A dead epileptic

I took my epileptic cousin to his first laser show.

He was literally shaking with excitement.

I dropped my epileptic meds in the washer earlier.

Now my clothes don’t fit anymore.

What do epileptic ship captains deal with?


(This is a bad joke; I'll sea myself out)

Do you wanna know what my epileptic cousin's favourite dance is?

The Worm

What did the epileptic eat for dinner?

Seizure salad

(yes, I'll roast in hell for this one)

What is an epileptic person's favorite dish at Olive Garden?

A seizure salad

Sobriety self check

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?

The first shucks between fits....

If you can say that without screwing it up then you're not too drunk to drive.

Where to epileptics gamble?

Seizures palace

How do epileptics say farewell?

"Seizure later!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an epileptic guy do if you flash him?



Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?

Quickly add your laundry.

what do you called a epileptic at a auction

the highest bidder!

(i can say this seeing i have it)

I have a short friend who's epileptic and makes pizza for a living

I call him Little Seizures

What job are rude epileptics well suited for?

Salt shakers.

What do epileptic children have in common with cheap pizza?

Little Seizures

Today my uncle asked me (an epileptic) if there was anything that would make me stop talking.

I told him a strobe light usually does the trick.

What do you call a support group for child epileptics?

Little Seizures

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.

What do you call an epileptic leper taking a bath?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Shah and the Guard

Once upon a time, far away in the ancient land of Persia, the ruler of the country was called the Shah and his wife was known as the Shahnee.

And it came to pass, in the fullness of time, that the Shahnee gave birth to a son, and this son, being the heir to the Peacock Throne was given the ti...

What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in a bath?

Throw your washing in

What do you do when you see someone having an epileptic fit in a bath tub?

Throw your dirty laundry in.

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